Thirty-Eight
thirty-eight
THINKING OUT LOUD - ED SHEERAN
OWEN - JULY 26, 2014
T he morning unfolds in a blur of movement and anticipation. Barrett, having climbed in bed early with me, drifts back to sleep for a bit. I sneak out of bed to shower. The sound of voices drifts from the kitchen as I get dressed, and by the time I join them, Luke and Will are already in full swing, raiding the stash of donuts Callie left for us and pouring coffee like they own the place.
“About time you showed up,” Luke says, smirking over his mug. “I was starting to think the groom got cold feet.”
“Not a chance,” I reply, grabbing a donut and biting into it as I pour my own coffee. The caffeine hits instantly, waking me up enough to tolerate their banter. “Just trying to enjoy the last quiet moments before you two idiots showed up.”
“Quiet moments?” Will says, leaning back against the counter. “You’ve got three kids under your roof, man. Pretty sure quiet moments are extinct. Controlled chaos is your life now.”
I grin. “Fair point. But you’ll see when it’s your turn.”
Luke snorts. “Oh, here we go. The ‘just wait until you’re married with kids’ speech. Spare me, Klein. Some of us are still enjoying our freedom.”
I glance at him, noticing the edge in his voice. Luke’s always been good at hiding how he really feels, but something about the way he says it makes me pause. “Freedom, huh?” I say, keeping my tone light. “How’s that going for you?”
Will arches an eyebrow. “Yeah, because freedom looks so glamorous when you’re sitting alone in your apartment eating frozen burritos. How’s the single life treating you, Luke?”
Luke shrugs, grabbing another donut and tearing into it. “Thriving,” he says, a little too quickly. “Heather and I were holding each other back. Now she’s free to pursue her dreams, and I’m free to pursue mine.”
I don’t buy it. The way he’s deflecting, the way he keeps avoiding eye contact, he’s obviously more upset about the breakup than he’s letting on. Heather was good for him, even if they weren’t perfect. Now that she’s gone, he’s not as fine as he wants us to believe.
“Dreams like what?” Will asks, ever the instigator. “Watching reruns of Cops and avoiding laundry?”
Luke glares at him, tossing a napkin his way. “Rude. I’ll have you know I reorganized my sock drawer last night. Big accomplishment.”
I smirk, shaking my head. “Luke, I mean this in the nicest way possible: don’t try to hook up with anyone in Callie’s family today.”
His eyes widen, and he puts a hand over his heart. “You wound me, Klein. You think I’d stoop that low?”
“Yes,” Will and I say in unison.
Luke laughs, but it’s a little forced. I make a mental note to check in with him later, but for now I let it slide. “Fine, fine,” he says, holding up his hands. “I’ll behave. Scout’s honor.”
“You were never a Scout,” I remind him.
“Details,” he says with a grin, popping the rest of the donut into his mouth.
The front door opens and Vince walks in, looking far too polished for this early in the morning. His suit pants are perfectly pressed, and his white shirt is rolled neatly at the sleeves, his tie draped around his neck like he’s too cool to actually wear it yet.
“Morning, boys,” he says, grabbing a donut from the box. “Owen, you ready to become a married man?”
“Been ready,” I say, shaking his hand before pulling him into a quick hug. “Glad you’re here, Vince.”
“Wouldn’t miss it,” he replies, leaning against the counter. “You nervous?”
“Not even a little,” I say honestly. “Just ready to see Callie walk down that aisle.”
Vince grins, leaning back. “Good answer. But just so you know, if you mess up your vows or trip walking down the aisle, I’m putting it on social media.”
“Absolutely,” Luke chimes in. “We’ve got to document these things. For posterity.”
Will nods. “It’d be a shame if we didn’t preserve the moment for future generations to mock.”
“Why am I friends with any of you?” I ask, shaking my head.
“Because we keep your life interesting,” Vince says, stealing another donut.
Barrett shuffles into the kitchen a few minutes later, his pajamas rumpled and his hair sticking up in every direction. Vince crouches down to greet him, ruffling his hair. “Hey, big guy. You ready for the big day?”
Barrett yawns, leaning against my leg. “Dad’s getting married.”
“That’s right,” I say, scooping him up and holding him close. “You ready to help me out today?”
He nods, his head resting against my shoulder. “Yeah. I’m gonna carry the rings.”
Luke leans forward, pretending to whisper conspiratorially. “Big responsibility, buddy. You think you’re up for it?”
Barrett sits up, his little chest puffed out with pride. “I’m ready.”
“Of course you are,” Will says, giving Barrett a high five. “You’re gonna do great.”
I press a kiss to Barrett’s temple, my chest tightening with a mix of pride and love. He’s so small, and he’s going to play a big role in something that means everything to me.
The living room turns into a makeshift dressing area, and it’s pure chaos. Luke’s trying to figure out a pocket square, Will’s trying to tie his tie while eating another donut, and Vince is the only one who looks like he knows what he’s doing.
“Stop choking me!” Luke yells as Will attempts to help him with his tie. “I’m not trying to die before the wedding.”
“You’d be fine if you’d just stand still,” Will argues, shaking his head. “How do you not know how to tie a tie at your age?”
“Because I usually don’t wear one!” Luke retorts. “My style is ‘casual cool.’ You should try it sometime.”
Vince steps in, shaking his head. “Alright, children, let the grown-up handle this. Luke, stop flailing before I actually choke you with this tie.”
Luke freezes, mock glaring. “You’re supposed to be the calm cousin. What happened to that vibe?”
“Went out the window when you started acting like a fish out of water,” Vince deadpans, tying the knot in thirty seconds flat. “There. You’re welcome.”
I laugh as I adjust my own tie in the bedroom mirror. Barrett sits on the bed behind me, swinging his legs and watching me intently. “Do I look okay, buddy?” I ask, turning to face him.
He tilts his head, his little face serious. “You look like a prince.”
The comment catches me off guard, and I crouch down, grinning at him. “Thanks, kiddo. You’re gonna steal the show out there, you know.”
Barrett grins, his cheeks dimpling. “You think Callie’s gonna like my bow tie?”
“She’s gonna love it,” I say, straightening it for him. “You’re gonna be the best Best Man ever.”
“Better than Luke would be,” Will adds, earning a mock glare from Luke.
When we’re finally ready, we pile into two cars. The banter continues all the way to the Van Damme Hawkridge Estate. The significance of the day weighs on me as the house fades in the rearview mirror, and the estate comes into view. Today isn’t just about me and Callie—it’s about our family, our future, and the life we’re about to build together. It is about to start.
The sun is high in the sky, casting a warm, golden glow over the Van Damme Hawkridge Estate. The setup is everything Callie dreamed it would be—rustic and elegant, simple and beautiful. White chairs line the lawn in perfect rows, each one tied with burlap bows and adorned with small bunches of wildflowers. The barn looms in the distance, weathered and proud, standing witness to generations of family milestones. Today, it will witness ours.
I stand at the altar, my hands clasped in front of me, trying to keep them from shaking. The air is alive with the quiet hum of anticipation, the whispers of guests mingling with the soft rustle of the breeze. Every detail of this day feels larger than life, and I can’t seem to stop the pounding in my chest. I glance at Barrett, who’s beside me, proudly holding the small pillow with the rings tied carefully to it. He looks up at me, his little face beaming, and I can’t help but smile back.
“You doing okay, buddy?” I ask quietly.
“Yeah,” he says, nodding with enthusiasm. “You nervous, Dad?”
I crouch slightly, letting our heads align. “A little,” I admit, smiling. “But the good kind. Like when you’re about to open presents on Christmas.”
Barrett giggles, and the sound calms me. His hand brushes the edge of my suit jacket, and I’m reminded of how far we’ve come. This boy, my boy, is part of a family I never expected to have. In just moments, we’ll make it official. Callie and me. Barrett, Sara, Ruby. Us.
Vince leans in from my left, grinning. “Don’t cry yet, Klein. Save it for when you see her, or you’ll run out of tears before the vows.”
I huff out a laugh, shaking my head. “Not gonna happen. You, on the other hand, better keep it together. I don’t need your sniffles ruining the vibe.”
Luke leans in from the other side, whispering loudly enough for Vince and Will to hear. “If you faint, don’t worry, I’ll step in and take over. Callie deserves someone who can stand upright.”
Will snorts, and Vince elbows Luke. “You’re not her type, buddy.”
“Good thing I’m not fainting,” I mutter, though their teasing helps loosen the tension in my chest.
The music shifts, and the opening notes of A Thousand Years by Christina Perri float through the air, soft and sweet. Everyone turns, their heads swiveling toward the house. My pulse quickens as the first of the procession steps out—Sara, clutching a small basket of petals in her tiny hands. She takes careful, deliberate steps, her little face scrunched in concentration as she tosses petals with more force than necessary, some of them landing on her own feet.
Beside her, Taylor carries Ruby, the baby’s chubby arms wrapped around her aunt’s neck. Ruby kicks her feet happily, babbling in a way that makes Taylor laugh softly as she adjusts her grip.
Sara reaches the front, looking up at me with a beaming, gap-toothed grin before plopping down beside my mom. Taylor follows, pressing a quick kiss to Ruby’s temple before handing her off to my mom. Ruby lets out a delighted squeal, her tiny hands clapping together as my mom settles her on her lap.
Barrett nudges me, his voice a stage whisper. “Dad, they did so good!”
“They did, bud,” I reply, my voice catching. “They were perfect.”
And then the music swells. The familiar lyrics weave into the moment, and time slows.
Heart beats fast, colors and promises…
I turn back toward the house, and then I see her.
Callie steps out, her arm looped through Edward’s, and the world shifts. It’s like everything fades, the noise around me blurring into the music. She’s radiant, her dress flowing around her like something out of a dream. The lace clings to her in all the right ways, delicate and intricate, catching the sunlight as if it were woven with magic. Her hair is pulled back, soft tendrils framing her face, and the smile she gives me—it’s like the sun just got brighter.
My chest tightens, my breath catching as an overwhelming rush of emotion surges through me. I feel the weight of everything that’s brought us here: the nights we stayed up talking about our fears, the laughter we shared over spilled juice boxes and bedtime chaos, the way she’s made me believe in a love I didn’t think was possible.
I have died every day waiting for you…
“Wow,” I whisper under my breath, unable to stop myself.
“Breathe, Klein,” Vince murmurs beside me, grinning. “You look like you’re about to keel over.”
I manage a laugh, but my focus never wavers from Callie. As she gets closer, her eyes lock on mine, and in that moment it’s just us. The world could fall away, and it wouldn’t matter. She’s all I see.
Edward’s expression is a mix of pride and emotion as he stops in front of me. His voice is rough as he places Callie’s hand in mine. “Take care of her,” he says simply.
“Always,” I promise, my voice steady despite the lump in my throat.
Callie looks up at me, her green eyes shining with unshed tears. “Hi,” she whispers, her voice trembling.
“Hello, beautiful,” I whisper back, my thumb brushing over her knuckles.
Her lips curve into a soft smile. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
The lyrics of the song swirl around us, filling the space with a kind of magic that feels bigger than anything I’ve ever known.
And all along, I believed I would find you…
Our officiant, Callie’s cousin Olivia, welcomes our guests to the ceremony, but I barely hear the words. All my attention is on Callie—the way her hand feels in mine, the way her smile reaches her eyes, the way she makes me feel like the luckiest man alive.
“Today marks the beginning of their new life and new family, one they have made together,” she continues. “Callie and Owen are here today because they are certain that a life together in this world and a promise between their spirits for eternity is the path they choose to go down together. Both come to the other with beautiful children, and this ceremony blends these two loving families into one.
When Callie first asked me to officiate this ceremony for her, I was just as nervous as I was excited. What could I, an unmarried, childless college student have to offer by way of spiritual guidance or advice for this wonderful couple?
As I talked to Callie, and I watched her and Owen’s relationship from the outside, I realized all I needed to offer was a mirror and a light.
Patience, compassion, and dedication already abound in their relationship. I need only to mirror it back to them, a reminder that they are capable of these traits even on their worst days; they are brimming with these traits on their best days, and to be generous with these traits in the years ahead, with each other, with their children, but also with themselves.”
Olivia continues on, explaining to our guests what Callie has already taught me about handfastings. As instructed, we criss-cross our hands while Olivia begins to wrap the braided cord Callie made around our wrists, symbolically tying is together as she reads about the rite of the handfasting ritual:
These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as a promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever.
These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future.
These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind.
These are the hands that will countless times wipe tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and tears of joy.
These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children.
These are the hands that will help you hold your family as one.
These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.
These are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.
With this cord, I bind Owen and Callie to the vows they make to each other.
The knots of this binding are not formed by this cord, but by your vows. You hold in your hands and hearts the making or breaking of this union. May your marriage be blessed with patience and dedication, forgiveness and respect, love and understanding.
Olivia unties the cord and drapes it around my neck. I realize then, tears have fallen from my eyes. Once unbound, Callie reaches her hand to wipe the tear from my cheek, as tears fall from her eyes as well.
“Love, trust, a sense of humor, and an unfailing passion for life–Callie and Owen have it all. These traits and these two people will always be a light to the other in the dark, the sunshine in every day. Callie and Owen will now read each other the vows they’ve prepared as they commit to each other in this life and the next.”
When it’s time for the vows, my hands tremble as I unfold the paper I’ve been carrying for weeks. Tears cloud my vision, making it difficult to read my chicken-scratch handwriting, but I’ve read them so many times aloud in preparation for today, I almost don’t need my notes at all.
Callie Marie Madden,
Where do I begin? We both have been walked all over and disappointed by love. I am grateful for the people who have destroyed us. Without them, our broken pieces would have never fit together.
I am so grateful for my two wonderful daughters that you have brought into my life. I don’t know what I would do or where I would be without you three ladies.
You are an amazing mother to our three children.
You are my light on dark days. You are my life. You are my world. You are my universe. And most importantly, you are my best friend.
John Legend said it best when he says ‘I love your curves and all your edges and all your perfect imperfections.’
I love everything about you.
Callie Madden, from this day forward, I offer myself to you as your partner in crime. I vow to love you in sickness and in health. I commit myself to encourage you in good times and in bad. I will cherish and respect you all the days of our life together. Starting anew again.
I give thanks that I have found you.
I promise to be worth it–worth the time, worth the trip, worth the energy, worth your love, and sometimes worth the embarrassment.
I promise that you will always come first. From the moment you entered my world, you have filled it with life, color, and energy like never before… like Kool-aid in a mud puddle… or a cupcake in a salad… or a rose garden in a junk yard.
You are my rose, Callie Madden.
And I promise to devote my life to being your dirt.
May our marriage be a gift to the world and our families, as your love is a gift to me.