19. Delia
Nineteen
Delia
I t’s a full moon on a rotten night. Langdon’s lack of words are more than sticks and stones. His silence hits like a bullet and lodges deep in my bones. Langdon acts like I don’t exist and I suddenly have an overwhelming urge to go home, even though I am at home.
It’s torture.
I could lose myself in his eyes if he’d just look at me. The way he ignores me cuts my skin to the bone. Just being in the same room with him lights a fire within me that threatens to burn me down. But at this point, I’d fucking light a fire to break the ice between us.
“You guys are awfully quiet,” Mom says at the table. “Did you have fun last night at the back-to-school party?” She winks as if she knows what those parties are about but none of the other adults do. I almost laugh out loud.
“Yes.” Comes out of my mouth at the same time Langdon says, “It was okay.”
Langdon’s parents chuckle.
Anna takes a sip of iced tea, then says. “Life with a teenage boy. Communication is subpar.”
Langdon turns five shades of pink and pushes his chair back. “Bathroom.”
“I’m glad you had a good time,” Anna says to me.
I give her a polite smile. “It was nice to meet some of my classmates before school started.
“And Langdon behaved? Got you home safe?” Langdon’s dad asks.
I squirm in my chair and look at mom, hesitating.
“Of course. He was a perfect gentleman. Had her home just when I asked him to,” she says. Lord have mercy. Mom for the win.
“Yeah. It was nice of him to think of inviting me and driving me.”
Langdon’s hovering in the doorway with a deer in the headlights kinda look.
James glances at Langdon with a very paternal beam of pride. “We’ve done our damnedest to raise him right.”
Mom places her hand on Anna’s forearm. “You’re doing great.” She raises a brow at Langdon as he reseats himself across from me.
I stare at Langdon while he’s distracted. Please let me fall into your arms again. Last night was… in tense.
Wild. Completely bizarre.
If I’m honest with myself, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since. The memory of his hot breath between my legs has me crossing one leg over the other and squeezing my thighs to stave off the inevitable wetness beginning to pool.
Langdon finally looks my way. I fold my arms, chin tilting as I fall back in my chair. Hit me with your best shot. But when he does, metaphorically speaking, of course, I begin to melt. I can’t tolerate the heat in his gaze.
He gives me a fake smile. An obviously super fake smile and heat creeps up my neck. Did I misread the situation? Is he still pissed about last night? I don’t understand—he came on to me. I didn’t even get to touch him.
Gramps announces it’s time for dessert but I’m pinned to my chair. Langdon gets up to clear plates and when he gets to me, his eyes seem to be glowing to the beat of my hammering pulse as his hand slides up my arm discreetly.
“Can I take that for you?”
If I had my virginity to give, I’d immediately say yes. But he means my plate. My forking dinner plate.
I nod, biting my bottom lip. It’s a bad habit I do when I’m nervous. Langdon gives me a dimpled smirk. Can he hear my thoughts when it’s quiet like this between us? His fingers graze from my wrist, down my fingers until he’s clutching my plate in his hand. His knuckles are white with his grip .
I needed air; all the cool, late summer air I could get and so I’m on the porch, rocking in Gramps chair. Langdon doesn’t come to join me. No one does. I can hear the murmurs of Mom and Anna from the open windows. How tough it must be to start a new school. Probably just nerves. She’ll fit right in.
Except it’s none of those things. I couldn’t care less about starting school tomorrow. I’ve done it a hundred times. Of course, Mom doesn’t tell Anna any of that. All Mom knows is that I came home high just after midnight.
Lyra and Miles were trying to be quiet but in reality, were loud as shit with their giggles. Mom was still at the fire, sitting alone, staring at the three of us as they walked me from the car.
“You live in a camper?” Miles had asked.
“Yeah.”
They’d broken out into another fit of giggles.
Mom stood up. Looked us over and asked if there was any left. Lyra had blanched but Miles, he’d yanked the last of the joint from his pocket and offered it to her.
“Good kid. Sharing is caring,” she’d said and I had literally in that moment died of embarrassment.
“You’re mom’s rad,” Miles had whispered.
“Where’s Langdon?” Mom had asked as she blew out smoke. Without coughing. She was a pro.
Miles and Lyra looked to me. I shrugged. “Probably still at the party.”
“Why didn’t he give you a ride home when you wanted to go?” she pushed.
“Mom,” I said.
She waved her hand around and said, “Fine, fine, I remember being a teenager.”
She took one more long drag on the joint, stubbed it out, and handed what was left back to Miles.
“Go home. Sleep. Hope to see you again.”
Miles made a high-pitched squeal. “Your mom is dope, Delia. D.O.P.E.”
“My mom is…” I glanced at her. “Something. Thanks for tonight and the ride,” I said. Miles and Lyra giggled their way back to the car and left.
The fire was down to coals, red burning coals with the occasional tiny flame finding its footing before dying out.
“You okay?” Mom asked. I nodded. “You’re friends seem nice.”
“They are.”
Mom sucked in a big breath followed by a deep exhale and stood up. “I’m going to bed. Glad you had a good time.”
She squeezed my shoulder on her way by. I stayed by the fire another half hour lost in daydreams of Langdon’s lips searing my skin. Of his mouth between my legs. Of the most intense, hottest sexual experience to date for me. Which was weirdly also the least sexual in terms of you know, hitting any bases, as they say.
The screen door slaps and I snap my eyes to it. Langdon, his brother, and parents are filing out the door and down the steps.
“Yo! D!” Anderson yells and hurtles himself toward me.
“What’s up, lil man?” I ask.
“I know you’re nervous about school tomorrow, but don’t be. You’re cool. People will like you.”
A laugh bubbles out of me. “Thanks, buddy.” We fist bump and he heads back to the rest of his family.
“Good luck tomorrow,” Anna says.
James waves and Langdon doesn’t even look at me. What the actual eff? Did I do something wrong? Langdon is confusing. I thought whatever happened in the closet was hot. I thought we were getting to know each other and then he storms out and won’t even talk to me.
But dinner…the way he deliberately ran his fingers across mine to get my plate. The fire in his eyes as he did it. I don’t understand.
***
“Mom! I can’t find my skirt!” I’m frantic. Running around the camper, tossing things around haphazardly. The bus comes in forty minutes and I haven’t even showered yet.
Mom appears at the door holding my skirt. “This one?”
I snatch it from her hands and fly out the door past her toward the house. “Yup. Thanks!”
I have five minutes to kill by the time I’m showered, dressed and have all my things together. Gramps hands me a fresh blueberry muffin as I whiz past him .
“Good luck today,” he says. I smile and take a big bite of the muffin.
At the end of the driveway, Mom waits with me. I don’t even fight it, or care. Honestly, she’s basically walked me up to the door the first day of school every year and at this point, why not make it a perfect record?
The yellow bus bumps down the road.
She tucks my hair behind one ear.
“Only take part in a little gossip and make sure it doesn’t make any divots in anyone,” Mom says. “Love you, always.”
It’s the same thing she says every first day of school since I can remember. I think she means to have fun but not at other people’s expense. I don’t really know though. I just smile and get on with it the same way I always have.
The bus stops, I hop on.
Mom waves. I wave back, along with four other kids on the bus seated near me, sarcastically cooing awww .
Whatever, losers. Don’t care. Mom embarrasses me plenty but this tradition isn’t one of those times. I finish the muffin on the ride.
Stepping off the bus I take in the entrance to the school. It’s a sea of bodies undulating in little clicks and groups. Everyone knows everyone. Smiles, squeals, and laughter fill the air. Backpacks shuffle and sneakers drag on the pavement.
I inhale a deep breath and push through the throng of people. Being the new girl means the populars swoop in to be friends because I’m new and shiny but I reject them every time. And this school is no different. Hailie is a jerk and I have zero desire to be pulled into that crap.
Maybe Langdon and I could have been close if I had fallen in line but I shun myself to steer clear of the brainless girls who do everything for show. The one thing I can’t stand is a try-hard, a pick-me girl. There is no faster way to my bad side than a look-at-me girl and that’s exactly what Hailie and Hannah are. And that’s exactly the sort Langdon surrounds himself with.
I spent all night trying to fall asleep but the conundrum of Langdon and the excitement of the last first day of school kept me up.
As I head for the doors, each of my elbows are scooped up. I glance left, then right, and find Lyra and Miles flanking me. They’re wearing matching tee shirts that read Team D . They did this not simply to please me, but to thrust joy on me with a ridiculous surprise.
They’re watching me to see if I enjoy the surprise and I do. So much so that I undergo a little dance party inside myself. They may be brand new friends, but I love them in a massive way. I feel downright ecstatic.
“You guys are ridiculous. Does the D stand for Dick or Delia?”
“Oh my God! Miles, I told you people would think it was dicks,” Lyra squeals embarrassed.
“Again, who cares? Either way, it’s accurate for us both.” Miles’ grin stretches from ear to ear and I can’t help but laugh.
“You guys, this might be the most memorable first day of school ever. Never had Team D shirts prepared for me before.”
“Lemme see your schedule,” Lyra asks. I fish it out of my bag and hand it to her. She scours it, followed by Miles.
“We have two classes together.”
Miles frowns. “Only one. And no lunch either.”
“It’s okay guys. That’s three classes where I’ll know someone.” I nudge each of their shoulders.
Hailie, Hannah, Campbell and Niko pass us.
“Nice shirts,” Campbell laughs out and grabs at his crotch. Besides that, not a single one of them says anything or acknowledges us in any way.
“Really?” I ask. “Not even a wave?”
“Get used to it. Parties are basically the only time they hang with anyone outside of their group,” Miles says and rolls his eyes.
“Well, at least it’s only once a year?” I offer.
Lyra lets out a laugh. “More like monthly. Hailie throws a party nearly every month.”
“And we all go?” I ask, shocked. Miles and Lyra nod.
“Generally speaking, yes. Most people go. What the hell else is there to do?” Miles says.
“That’s you,” Lyra says stopping outside a classroom door.
“Oh, thanks.” I adjust my backpack.
“Ok, see you in a bit! ”
“Bye guys,” I call out as they walk away.
I take a seat in the back of the classroom. I always have. I’m not shy and I always participate but for some reason, I feel too seen in the front row. I pull out a notebook and a pen from my bag and wait for the students to sit. I glance around, recognizing a few of the party-goers from Saturday night. A few even wave at me. Mr. Dwyer gets up to close the door and Langdon comes flying through the door.
“I know. I’m late. Sorry.”
Dwyer glances around the room and points to the back, to the empty desk just behind me. Langdon follows his finger until his eyes land on me. The easy-going expression on his face twists to discomfort as he makes his way toward me.
“Hi,” I say quietly as he passes.
He barely lifts his hand in reply before he drops his bag on the floor and sits heavy into his seat. I urgently want to whip around and ask him what the hell his problem is but I stifle it and keep my eyes trained on the teacher. It’s torture, an hour and twenty minutes of torture.
I can hear every sigh. Feel his breath on the back of my neck. I can feel his eyes boring into the back of my head. Urging, willing me to take the bait, to turn and say something but I don’t. At one point, I swear he leans forward and is about to touch me.
It’s like that game kids used to play, where you told someone to close their eyes and then they hovered two fingers between your eyes getting closer and closer until you could feel their fingers and opened your eyes only to find they weren’t touching you at all. I can feel his almost touch.
At lunch, I know no one and I’m surprised to see the cafeteria packed. All the other high schools I attended had open lunch to upper classmen. They could, and did, leave campus for lunch. But here, everyone seems to be accounted for.
I snag a table along the far back wall—alone. Hailie and crew saunter in and sit three tables away. Talk about awkward. Langdon strolls in late—apparently his M.O. at school, and joins them. I sit up a little straighter and jut my chin out. Finishing my slice of pizza, I wipe my mouth and glance around the cafeteria. Everyone’s chatting, huddled close at their various tables.
My eyes land on Langdon.
He’s laughing, head thrown back, neck exposed, mouth open. And for the second time, I wonder how weird it is that I want to touch, to lick that throat. His dimples make my belly ache with want. I want to cause them to appear. When he stops laughing his eyes lock on mine. My first instinct is to look away. Hell, it’s my only instinct. But I don’t. If he wants to be crazy awkward so be it. I hold his gaze. I can experience every single feeling I need to without having to overpower someone or gain something. It’s my superpower. Calm and collected.
I suck my bottom lip between my teeth and keep staring unabashedly. I’ve held on so long that he’s beginning to blush. I smirk and lick my lips, practically tasting my minor and very petty victory and then…
“Hey, Delia, right?”
Before I snap my gaze from Langdon’s I notice his fists clench and his eyes cloud.
“Um, yeah. Sorry, who are you?” I ask the cute guy standing next to me.
He waves shyly. “Right. Danny.” He has a cute, timid smile.
“Is this your seat or something? Sorry. I just grabbed the first empty table I saw.”
Danny shakes his head and shuffles his feet. “No, I mean, sometimes I sit here. I was actually just wondering if you wanted company. You looked kinda lonely and I was new here too Freshman year. It can be hard to…” his voice trails off.
“Fit in?” I finish for him. He nods. “Have a seat. I’d love some company.”