38. Langdon
Thirty Eight
Langdon
F or the first time in years, there is no Sunday night dinner and it makes me feel panicky. Mom says Gramps thought perhaps they needed a weekend alone and the whole no friends over issue, and since we’re friends that includes Sunday night dinner.
I’m going to sneak in through her window. I can’t take not seeing her. Everything’s better when she’s around. She’s a rollercoaster ride. A drug. Intoxicating. I want her so badly. But then we’d both be in trouble. And that would suck. I’d probably be banned from seeing her for even longer. It’s been just over twenty-four hours and I’m thinking and behaving like a crackhead. Jonesing for my next fix of Delia. I’m pathetic. She’s probably not even thinking of me.
At ten, I sneak out of the house which is no easy feat with my mother in the house. I cut through the path with a headlamp on and when I hit Heath’s back field I turn it off. Can’t risk getting caught. I’m amped up. Full of adrenaline. I know Heath’s bedroom window is on the back side of the house and that Delia’s faces the front yard so I’m extra careful and try to sneak around the side yard.
I stand in the grass—that could use some mowing—and stare up at her window. It’s silent outside and black. Her light is still on. I grab an acorn and toss it at her window but miss. I fumble around for another one and try again—this time hitting it.
I wait for what feels like an eternity and when nothing happens I pelt another one at it. This time I see a shadow move and then, her face appears in the glass. She peers out, squinting. Grinning, I flap my arms around so she can see me. She jumps back, clutching her chest, and then yanks the window open.
“What the fuck, Langdon?” she whisper yells.
“Hi,” I say.
“Seriously?” she whispers down to me.
“Seriously. Whatcha doing?” I ask.
Delia laughs quietly. “What are you doing?”
I shrug. “I missed you.”
She’s got a shit-eating grin on her face now and my whole body turns to mush.
“Gramps will kill you. You shouldn’t be here.”
“Really? You’re going to ignore me?”
She leans her elbows on the window sill and stares at me. “Don’t move,” she says .
She disappears from the window. Shuffling my feet I wait silently. What is she doing? My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out to see the notification is from her.
Go left
My brow furrows but I head left around the house. Delia is waiting under one of the apple trees. A smile tips up the corners of my lips.
“Hey,” I say quietly.
“Hey. Now, will you tell me why the heck you’re here, risking my freedom?”
I stare at the ground. “I missed you.”
“I still don’t think I heard you. Could you say it again? One more time?”
“Now you’re just being cruel.”
She fakes a yawn. “Man, I’m so tired. I should go to bed. You know, school and all tomorrow.”
“I missed you,” I repeat.
Delia blushes and takes a step closer.
“That’s sweet. Wanna take a walk? I can’t be out too long but I have time for a quick visit.”
“I’ll take what I can get,” I say.
Delia leads me to a spot where the rocks poke up from the ground but not pointy sharp rocks, smooth rocks flattened over time. She sits and shivers a little. I strip off my hoodie and offer it to her.
“You sure? Won’t you be cold?” she asks as I sit next to her.
“I’m fine. Promise. ”
She smiles shyly and pulls it on. My sweatshirt never looked so good. From under the hoodie she pulls out a small pipe and a lighter. She looks to me.
“You want some? It helps me sleep.”
I’m caught off guard. I didn’t think she was the type to smoke weed. And now that I know she does, I don’t want to admit that I’ve never tried it. Sure, most of my friends partake but I’ve never really had any interest.
I stare at her as she lights the tiny nugget, wraps her lips around the pipe, and pulls. The red glow of the burning bundle of weed makes her face look soft. She holds it out to me.
“I… uh…”
Delia cocks her head, narrows her eyes. “You’ve never?”
“Does that make me lame?”
“Not at all. I’m just surprised,” she says and nudges my shoulder with hers. I knock mine against hers, back.
“Why are you surprised?”
Delia drops the pipe to her lap. Flicks the lighter a couple of times sending little sparks of flame into the night air.
She shrugs. “I feel like everyone’s tried it once even if it’s not for them.”
“My parents would kill me. And my diving coach too.”
“Well, I don’t suggest that you get caught doing it. I mean, my mom shared with me. But obviously, I’m aware that’s not necessarily normal. I get it.”
“My friends aren’t exactly trustworthy in that regard. I mean, this one kid, Conner, tried it and coughed so hard he puked and then was so squinty and blinky afterward that now the only thing anyone calls him is Blinky. Wasn’t worth risking being made fun of.”
“Your friends are jerks. I wouldn’t make fun of you.”
Her eyes twinkle in the moonlight. A breeze blows and my skin breaks out in goosebumps. Delia rubs her free hand over my forearm.
“You’re cold.”
I wrap an arm around her and pull her against me. “I’m fine now.”
“Smooth, Langdon,” she giggles.
I hold her closer. “Does it really help you sleep?”
She nods. “Yeah. It does.”
“And you swear you won’t make fun of me?”
She lifts her head from my shoulder until our eyes lock. “Of course.”
“Ok and I’ll be able to get home through the woods? I won’t be like… stupid right?”
Delia laughs lightly. “I won’t let you do that much. Just a hit. A small one is all you need. No need to overdo it.”
“Ok.”
“Okay?” she asks, surprised.
I nod. She sits up and I miss the body heat she gave off. The feel of her pressed against me. She puts the pipe in my hand and explains what to do. I wrap my lips around the pipe and she lights the other end. Hesitantly I inhale until it just starts to irritate my throat. I hold it and then blow it out slowly. I cough.
I cough like a motherfucker. She pats my back and doesn’t make fun of me.
“You ok?” she asks.
I nod. “Yeah. Fine.”
“Good. Now lie back and look up. It takes a couple minutes before you feel anything. If you do. Some people don’t. Did you know that?”
I chuckle. “Nope. Didn’t know that.”
Delia pulls the hood of my sweatshirt up and lays back. Her eyes are wide as she stares at millions of stars twinkling in the clear sky. I lay back next to her. It’s not quite cold enough to see your breath yet but it’s close. She snuggles closer to me. I want to kiss her. Who cares about the stars when there’s a gorgeous girl pressed against you? We don’t talk. We just watch the night sky quietly and then… my mouth gets dry… like I’m not making enough saliva and I feel lighter.
“My mouth’s dry.”
“You’re high,” she says with a little laugh.
“I think I just need some water.”
She props up on one elbow and hovers her face right over mine, inspecting my face, and then bursts out laughing.
“What?”
“You’re high. Dry mouth, huge pupils. How do you feel?” she asks, smiling.
“I mean, lighter. I feel lighter. And, my mouth is dry and the air inside my lungs is cooler than the air outside my lungs.”
Delia presses her lips tightly together, suppressing a grin and stifling laughter.
“Am I okay?” I ask, genuinely concerned now. There’s a lump in my throat that feels like hot blood.
She nods emphatically. “Just relax. Don’t start overthinking everything.”
Don’t think. Yeah right. I nod at her seriously.
“Relax, Langdon. I mean it. Let everything go.”
She lays back down, snuggles into my side and twines her fingers through mine. And I do. Maybe for the first time since Olivia died, I let everything go. I watch the stars, listen to the sound of Delia’s steady breaths, see two shooting stars and then she’s nudging me.
“Hey,” she says and shakes me. My eyelids are heavy. So heavy. “It’s late, you should go. You gotta wake up.”
I groan. “Shhh sleep, baby.” My arm snakes out and I pull her to my chest. A gasp registers in my ears.
“Um, Langdon…”
“Huh?” I say while working hard to get my eyes open. Delia’s face is over mine, smiling.
She leans down slowly, closing the gap between our lips and then her mouth softly meets mine. She feels like silk or satin or some super soft fabric—like a blankey I had as a kid. And I’m kissing her back, eyes open. When she takes a breath I pull back. Shit, was I asleep?
I sit up. Rub my face with my palms. Delia snorts. “You fell asleep. I tried to wake you up. But you um, you were really out.”
“What time is it?” I ask. Oh shit, did I call her baby?
“Eleven thirty. You should really go.”
“Were we talking?” I ask .
Her lips curve upward and she shakes her head. “Nope. You didn’t say a thing.”
“Why don’t I believe you?”
Her grin grows and she shrugs. I stand, feeling heady and light. She starts to remove my hoodie but I stop her.
“No, keep it.”
“You sure? You have to walk home farther.”
“I’m sure,” I say. She rushes me, nearly causing me to lose my balance and wraps me in a tight hug.
“Night Langdon. See you tomorrow.”
I smile so hard my cheeks hurt. “Night.”
I watch her disappear into the inky darkness before I turn on my headlamp and head back to the trail home.