Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Ben
I pulled up in front of Reese Flint’s house and turned the keys of my truck, giving myself just a minute to get my head on straight before going inside. Between Flint and Erin, I’d end up spilling my guts about Whit. I was also probably in for an inquisition about my future with the Army.
It was time. I’d been dreading facing Flint on this and letting it be final, dreading what he as a friend and mentor would think about me abandoning the life I thought I’d live. Abandoning him and everyone who’d gotten me through the last year and a half.
“Hey, stranger,” Erin said as she opened the door.
“Hi, lovely. How’s my favorite redhead?” I leaned in to hug her just as I heard Flint grumble.
“Paws off my woman, Holder,” he said, but took me roughly by the shoulders and clapped me loudly on the back.
He wasn’t delicate, wasn’t smooth, and wasn’t particularly touchy-feely, but we’d never shied away from our friendship once it had been forged.
“I have no designs on Erin.” I shook my head as he ushered me in.
The woman in question moved into the kitchen where the delicious scent I’d smelled upon entering the home intensified.
“Nothing fancy today. Just some beef stew and homemade bread.” She took a large ladle and stirred a pot on the stove.
“It smells amazing. Based on everything I’ve ever eaten that you’ve made, I’m sure it’ll be great.”
Flint handed me a beer, and I took it, even though I wasn’t sure I wanted one. What I wanted most was to get the grilling over with and move on to talk about them.
“All right. Let me have it,” I said, leaning my backside against the counter and crossing my arms.
Flint took up the same post across the kitchen from me, to Erin’s left.
“Go ahead, then. You tell us,” he said, that stern face no less intimidating than it ever was.
“I went on tour. It was a great experience. We got pretty close. I like her a lot.” I studied the edge of my bottle, then took a swig.
“Okay. And now tell me about how you were fake-dating her, but now, you’re really dating her. Let’s start there.”
Flint folded his arms, and Erin shot me a look like you better buckle up for this .
“I didn’t realize you knew about, uh, the agreement.” I shifted, widening my feet to get a better grip on the floor.
I willed the heat that threatened to rise to my cheeks away, not wanting to show him anything more than he’d already seen with his eagle eye.
“I called Whit after Thanksgiving,” he said, like that wasn’t news.
He grabbed his bottle and nodded toward the living room. I followed after him and sat on the couch. He and Erin sat together on the loveseat, as usual disgustingly cute and endearing.
“Why would you do that?” I asked, kicking my feet up.
“Because I wanted to make sure she wasn’t messing with you.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “And then, she confirmed what I’d feared—that she was.”
“She asked me, I agreed to it. She wasn’t messing with me.” I did my best to keep the defensive edge to my voice smoothed out.
“But that’s just it. You weren’t paid, and you got nothing but time with her. I know why, too. She’s magnetic, she’s charismatic, she’s basically walking, singing, guitar-strumming catnip for any red-blooded person with eyes who likes women.” He was sitting straight up now, his jaw firm.
“So in your mind, your famous Country-singing cousin was preying on poor little old soldier Ben and his masculine urges?”
Erin bit her lip to hide a smile, which earned her a glare from me. She was staying out of this, but clearly enjoying the volleys.
“Not quite that simplistic, but basically? Yes. ”
“I’m fine.”
“I see that you are. I also heard you say you’re really together. Tell me what that means.”
He had his executive officer voice on, the one that had bossed the entire battalion around for a year. He’d moved out of that position, but God help him, he couldn’t resist using it when he was demanding information from me. And like a good underling, I responded to it.
“We realized we liked each other as more than friends. We decided we’d bag the agreement and just enjoy dating.”
It was simple enough, and if he’d been so concerned that I was getting used, he should be happy about his.
He scowled and clenched his jaw. “That easy, huh?”
“Just tell me what your problem is, all right? I can’t read your mind, and I don’t know why you’re pissed at me other than for dating your cousin, but you’re not really the type to get all falsely protective of a woman who makes her own choices, so I’m not sure where this is going.”
Flint stood, so I did too. We faced each other, nearly eye to eye except for the four inches he had on me. It was as close to eye-to-eye as we got.
“I’m not worried about Whit.”
That crashing humiliation I’d been lucky enough to avoid lately came rushing in. “Don’t.”
Flint shook his head, and Erin ducked back into the kitchen silently. “I’m not implying anything here. I’m just worried about you. Dating someone like Whit isn’t simple. It’s a huge deal, and it’s particularly big for someone who’s been single and celibate for over a year.”
I swallowed and folded my arms across my chest. “I get that it’s a big deal. I never would have thought I had a chance if it hadn’t happened the way it did—her, like you said, basically using me, though I was a willing participant. It was a chance to say yes to something that seemed a little like an adventure. I haven’t had much of that in a long time.”
We watched each other, those kind eyes staring back at me and making me wonder what I was missing.
He pulled in a slow breath, let it out. “I get it. I do. And I love my cousin—maybe more than anyone else in my family but my mother. But I’m concerned this tour created a false sense of intimacy. I’m worried you’re going through a lot—yes, still—and it’s a bad bet to date someone whose life is constantly the subject of gossip. I don’t want you sucked in, and I don’t want you hurt.”
Part of me loved him for being my big brother, my mentor, my dear friend. Another part of me wanted to kick his shins and run out the back door without a word.
“I’m not breakable.”
Flint scoffed. “Of course you are. Everyone is.”
“I mean about this. I like her, she likes me, we’re dating. I know tabloids are going to talk. I’m not worried she’s going to cheat on me, and I’m not going to get the news about our relationship from the Internet. If I get confused, I’ll talk to her.”
“You seem to have it all worked out.” He pressed his lips together.
“Whit’s great. I’d be an idiot not to see where this goes.”
That was true, but his concern, his pushing about this, made me pause. I wouldn’t think about it now, wouldn’t question myself or her now, but he was someone I listened to, and I’d have to let myself listen later, by myself, when I could hear.
“She is great. As are you. I hope you don’t lose sight of that,” he said, those gray-green eyes looking at me, impressing me with the thoughts.
“Thanks. ”
“And the other thing…” he said as he walked to the kitchen.
“Go on, get it out.”
He turned and shot me a look, one eyebrow raised. “Okay. Where’re you going?”
He walked right up behind Erin, pulled the hair from one side of her neck, and kissed her just behind the ear. He must have said something low enough I couldn’t hear, because she turned and kissed him, a light blush on her cheeks.
I formulated my thoughts like I’d been doing for weeks, months, and took a seat at the small table in the breakfast nook where we’d eat. We never ate in the formal dining room.
“I don’t know where I’m going,” I admitted.
Flint carried two plates with bowls settled on them, steam rising from inside, to the table. He set one in front of me, one in front of Erin’s spot, then returned to the kitchen and grabbed the third. He returned with the last bowl, and Erin carried a steaming loaf of bread and a crock of butter.
“That’s not the worst place to be,” he said as he sat down.
“It’s not easy. I know that feeling, as you know,” Erin said, giving me a look because I had indeed been aware that she wasn’t sure what she wanted, even months ago, or at least hadn’t known how to get it. “But I think Reese is right. It’s not the worst place.”
“I’ll agree to that. I’m fairly certain I’ve been in the worst place,” I said, then cleared my throat.
Erin patted the back of one hand, and we all mumbled agreement to my statement.
She blessed the food, and then we dug in, Flint groaning so loud, I might have been concerned for him if I hadn’t seen him eat Erin’s food countless times before and have the same response.
Frankly, it was indecent.
“This is great, Erin, as always,” I said, taking another bite of the piping hot stew.
She was an amazing cook, and I’d never had anything less than delicious made by her. It was all the more satisfying that she’d been able to pursue her dream of cooking for people. She’d been building a small clientele around the area for a year or more, but had only just started working on a website and some branding.
“I’m glad you like it.” She smiled.
“Ben, not to beat a dead horse, but your time is running out. If you’re going to drop your packet, it’s going to have to be soon. I bet you get an RFO in the next sixty days,” Flint said between spoonfuls of stew.
The knot in my shoulders tensed, the small semblance of pleasure I’d had with my friends and the meal vanishing. He was right. I’d get a Request For Orders to my next duty station, most likely the schooling for the next promotion I’d get in the army to captain, any day. If I was going to get out, I had to drop my packet—officially notify the Army—before moving and going to that school, or I’d be obligated for more time.
“I know.”
“I hope you know that I support you, whatever you want to do,” he said, his voice gentle, but not pitying, thank God.
“Thank you. I appreciate that. I think I’ve known what I want to do for a while now, but actually making the call and ending something I thought would be my life for twenty years or more… it’s terrifying. ”
My throat felt dry, my eyes itchy. I took a long drink of my water.
“We’ll be here. You’ll land on your feet. You’ve got training and skills, you’ve got a degree?—”
“A useless degree, yeah?—”
“It doesn’t always have to be dead-on. A lot of jobs only need you to have something , and then you can get in the door and get going.”
I snorted back a laugh. “That’s based on all your experience out in the civilian world?”
He put his palm to my forehead and pushed my head back as I laughed.
“I don’t have to have a job in the civilian world to know how it works. I’ll admit my primary frame of reference is the Army, but I do know people in other industries. And on that note, if I can help in any way…”
“Thank you. I know. The problem now is I have no idea what I want to do. I know pretty clearly I don’t want to stay in, even if saying that makes me want to cringe at the thought of betraying the people I’ve served with.” I folded the napkin and set it on the table.
“That’s a myth. You can’t stay in for other people. That burns off faster than gasoline. It’s not a reason to stay,” Flint said, catching my eye.
“I think I’ve realized that. I just… I don’t know what’s next.”