23. Chapter 23
twenty-three
W illow walked from the office to the brewery, trying to process Max’s shift in tone that had thrown her off balance. She hadn’t expected him to give a shit about her going back home, but he’d seemed downright annoyed when she’d mentioned going back for Nikki’s wedding.
Maybe it was because he’d been there comforting her after Shane had left. Or maybe it was because he had actual feelings for her.
God, she hoped that was the case.
Didn’t she?
Ugh . . . maybe not. If Max had feelings for her, beyond just friend/business partner/pain in the ass/hookup feelings, then things would be even more complicated than they already were .
She walked through the taproom and into the brewery, where Jer was busy moving bags of grain to the grinder.
“Hey, I’m glad you’re here—”
Jer stopped midsentence as he took her in from head to toe. “What happened to your heart chakra?”
“My what what?” she asked, mostly ignoring him and flipping open her notebook.
Maybe trying to smooth things over with Max had been a bad idea. She should have just left things unsaid, treated him as a one-night stand, and avoided all talk of the future. That would certainly have made things less complicated.
Jer came close, held his hands up a few inches from her face, and swirled them around with his eyes closed. “Your energy is slow and several vibrations lower than it usually is.”
“What does that mean?”
He opened his eyes and stared at her for a long moment, his gaze flitting between her two eyeballs before his face transformed as if he’d had an epiphany. “You had sex with Max.”
Her eyes flew open, and she could feel her flush taking over her face. She took a cautionary step back.
“Uh, how did you do that? ”
Jer’s face split in two. “I knew as soon as I saw the office this morning. But your vibration is way off. I expected you to skip on in here, feeling like a million bucks. Wasn’t he good?”
Good? She could almost still feel his giant hand splayed across her back and his soft, full lips sucking on her neck.
She sighed. “He was perfect.”
Jer laid his hand gently on hers. “Are you feeling off because of Shane? Because you didn’t technically do anything wrong.”
“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “I know I didn’t— Wait. How did you know about Shane?”
“Cara told me,” he said. “Her energy was off this morning, too.”
Willow’s brows rose. She hadn’t realized Jer and Cara had become friends. It was kind of nice that they were getting close. Cara had lost a lot of her friend group when Cooper had broken up with her, but now that they were back together, maybe she was okay. She could just imagine what Max would say if he found out that Cara was back with Cooper because of her.
She shook her head, trying to stay on track. “I know I didn’t technically do anything wrong, but it still feels like I did. I climbed into Max’s lap literally minutes after Shane left. And the worse part is, I’ve been wanting to do that since I met him.”
Jer snorted. “ Everyone wants to climb into Max’s lap when they meet him.”
Willow cocked a brow. “Even you?”
Jer gave a solemn nod. “Yes, even me.”
Willow sighed. He was probably right. Max exuded this energy that just made you want to rip off your clothes. It wasn’t her fault she thought those thoughts.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“So what’s the problem?” he asked. “You’re both single and consenting.”
She looked down at her feet. “He sort of shut down when I mentioned going back to Churchill.”
Jer’s eyebrows knitted. “He wants you to stay.”
“I can’t really tell.”
“Well . . . what do you want?”
That was the question, wasn’t it? Unfortunately, she had no clue. What she’d wanted—to open her brewery and marry Shane—wasn’t really on the table anymore. Everything was moving too fast.
“I just want to feel normal again. Between the lying and the travelling and the tension with Max and the guilt about Shane and the duty I feel to Nikki, I’m so . . .” She trailed off, not sure how to articulate it.
“Uncomfy?” Jer asked.
“Exactly. I’m very uncomfy,” she said, turning her attention to the recipe section of her notebook. “I need to focus on something else. We’re brewing Fuzzy Milkshake today, so we need to get the mash going.”
She closed the book and turned toward the mash tun, but Jer’s hands came to her shoulders, stopping her.
“I know you’re my boss, but can I give you some advice?” he asked, staring deep into her eyes.
She wanted to say no, but he seemed incredibly adamant. “Okay.”
“Honour your inner light, and allow it to guide your soul’s purpose.”
She stared at him. “My soul’s purpose?”
He smiled and nodded.
She didn’t know what the fuck her soul’s purpose was or what that even meant. But she also didn’t have the heart to tell him he was confusing her, so she just smiled.
He smiled back, and a wash of calm suddenly soothed its way over her. She’d never really bought into all the new age stuff, but something about him made her incredibly calm. Maybe it was his voice, or the serene look on his face, or his unflappable positivity .
She was pretty sure hiring him was one of the best decisions she’d ever made.
“Thank you, Jer.”
He grinned and gave a nod before grabbing his bag of grain and continuing with his task.
Willow turned toward the mash tun, feeling better than she had all morning. She made it two steps before her phone started ringing in her pocket. She pulled it out, and just like that, all the calm energy Jer had somehow transferred to her vanished.
Nikki.
She sucked in a deep breath, then accepted the call. “Hi Ra—”
“Oh my God, Willow. Is everything okay?”
Nothing was okay, but the last thing she wanted to do was talk to Nikki about it. “Yeah, I’m okay.”
“Shane just got back home. He said you guys broke up.”
The sting of guilt pierced her as she remembered the anger and betrayal in his eyes. “Yeah, he told me not to bother coming back home.”
Nikki let out a long breath. “I don’t think he’s angry anymore.”
“What?”
“He was just here with me and Kyle,” she said. “And he was devastated.”
Willow’s jaw dropped. Devastated ? “Oh. ”
“He said that he made a mistake and that he shouldn’t have been so angry with you. He’s really beating himself up over this.”
Willow didn’t know what to say, so she just stood there, silently confused.
“He wants to get back together, Willow,” Nikki said. “So don’t worry about the lying and everything. It’s going to be fine.”
She almost laughed.
Fine? No. Absolutely nothing was fine.
She didn’t even know where to start.
Part of her wanted Nikki to be right so she could go back to her home and be with Shane. That would be easy. Comfortable, even. But the thought of Shane touching her made her want to vomit. And the guilt that followed that thought was really weighing on her. She’d told Shane she’d marry him, and she didn’t take her promises lightly.
If he would forgive her for lying to him about the whole thing, what kind of person would she be to not take him back?
What a fucking mess.
She wanted to scream. Wanted to cry. Wanted a fucking time machine.
She also wanted desperately to get off the phone and think about work instead of talking about her fucked-up personal life .
“Sorry, Nik,” she said, not touching on the whole devastated–ex-fiancé thing. “I gotta go.”
“Wait! You’re still coming back for my wedding, right?”
Willow nodded. “Yes, of course,” she said. “I’ll be there in a couple of weeks.”
“Okay,” she said, hesitating. “I hope it won’t be too awkward between you guys.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“No, I know. I mean, I don’t want to feel awkward on my wedding day.”
Willow sighed at the selfishness, then shook her head. Maybe she was being selfish for thinking Nikki was being selfish. It was her wedding day, after all.
“Your wedding is going to be great,” she said. “I have to go.”
“Okay, bye.”
Willow couldn’t match Nikki’s energetic send-off, so she silently hung up the phone and forced her mind off the shitty mess she’d created and onto something she could control: the delicious beer she was going to make for her grand opening.