Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
RYDER
J ayson carries Elizabeth off, and I’m powerless to do anything. Why can’t I move on from her? Why am I still so obsessed? I sit by and pine away, waiting for her to notice how I continue to hold out my heart to her, pleading for her to take it.
She’s still my best friend. She still loves me. I know she does. Shouldn’t that be enough?
Thoughts of what they’re doing right now cut me like a thousand jagged shards of glass. Have they had sex yet? Are they having sex now? Has she given her body and her innocence to him, like she’s given him her kisses?
Jacinda slides her hand across my stomach.
“You’re not here with anyone tonight, and I’m not with Fallon.”
My eyebrows raise in question. She smiles and slips her hand lower.
“Want to get out of here?”
Part of me is desperate to move on, to try and find a semblance of happiness with someone else, even if it’s not with Elizabeth. She’s with Jayson. She’s happy. Me? I want one goddamn minute to not live in my pathetic self-imposed seclusion. I want to feel alive like I do when I’m with her . Feel the rush like I do when I race. Just one minute to forget.
Fuck it.
I take Jacinda’s hand and lead her toward the warehouse.
She giggles. I don’t want to hear her voice. It’s not the voice I crave. I just want to forget. I know that I’m being a bastard. I’m about to use a girl who I couldn’t care less about just so I can escape my need for the girl I want but can’t have.
I justify what I’m about to do by telling myself that Jacinda freely offered. She was the one to approach me, to come on to me, to make the first move.
I pull her around the side of the building, out of sight of the bonfire where darkness can shroud us. She tries to kiss me, but I turn my head and maneuver my lips to her neck. Jacinda moans loudly. I close my eyes and imagine a different scene playing out, a different girl. I’m an asshole.
Getting disgusted with myself, I pull away from her, but she spins me around and pushes me up against the cold steel metal of the warehouse.
Jacinda drops to her knees in front of me and hastily unzips my jeans. I squeeze my eyes shut and give in, let it happen.
Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth , I chant, as Jacinda pulls my cock out and immediately takes me in her mouth.
I don’t remember much of what happens next, but I know it doesn’t take long for me to come down her throat. I should feel sated, but all I feel is dirty. Hollow. Empty.
And then my worst nightmare happens. A gasp. A voice I would know anywhere because it haunts my dreams.
“Ryder?”
Jacinda stands up and licks her lips, a smirk spreading across her face when she sees Elizabeth.
I can’t tuck myself in fast enough. I zip up my pants, humiliation dousing me like gasoline and Elizabeth is the match ready to burn me to the ground.
A strained silence full of regret and remorse hangs over me as the crickets chirp, and the voices of partiers drift over from the bonfire.
Before I can say anything or beg Elizabeth to forgive me, Jayson vomits all over her shoes.