Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
ELIZABETH
Y ep, it’s official. I still hate parties.
My nerves are frayed, and there’s this raw, buzzing tension coiling tighter inside my chest with each passing second. The heavy thrum of bass vibrates the windows, while shouted conversations become a relentless pounding inside my head. I watch everyone around me with suspicion, half-expecting someone to try to drop a roofie into our drinks or for Marshall to suddenly materialize out of nowhere with his three friends.
I can tell that Jayson is getting irritated with me because I keep nagging him about how much he’s drinking. I need to get a grip, but it’s hard to do when the edges of the room feel like they’re closing in.
Curtis’s party is nothing like Fallon’s. It’s quieter, less chaotic. But it doesn’t matter. The same overwhelming urge to escape gnaws at me, clawing up my spine like a phantom hand. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to handle crowded rooms again without this panic chipping away at my sanity. I thought I was over the events of Fallon’s party. I was wrong. At least Jacinda isn’t here.
“Jayson, can you take me home?”
“Hold up, man,” he tells Curtis and peers down at me. “Why do you want to leave? We haven’t been here that long.”
“I’ve got a headache.”
Someone bumps into me from behind. A girl stumbles by, her giggle slurring out an unsteady “sorry” as she weaves across the room.
“I don’t want to ditch Jules. Ryder should be here soon.”
I glance toward the living room, where Julien is celebrating way too hard. He went from buzzed to completely trashed about half an hour ago. With Elijah out of town, Ryder has the distinct pleasure of babysitting him tonight. Normally, I’d step in and help out, but Jayson’s already on his fifth beer.
“I need some fresh air. Come find me when he gets here.”
Another person rams into me, and I stumble forward. For fuck’s sake. I locate the nearest door that leads outside and burst through it. Finding myself on the front porch, I breathe in the humid night air, hoping to clear my head.
Spotting the porch swing, I take a seat, lean my head back, and close my eyes…only to open them again when I hear, “Hey, kitten.”
Speak of the devil and he shall appear.
Fallon emerges from the darkness, a joint hanging from his mouth. He pinches the end off and tosses it into a nearby bush, then pockets the remaining piece.
“You here alone?”
He climbs over the porch railing, and I’m immediately on alert. I don’t know why he has that effect on me. It’s like a fight-or-flight reaction that always skews toward flight. Fallon has an air of recklessness and danger about him that attracts girls like moths to a flame. I seem to be the outlier. He scares the shit out of me.
“Jayson and Julien are inside.”
He makes a humming noise and stares at me with those unnerving, glacial-blue eyes.
Since I’m always running in the other direction whenever he’s around, I’ve never really spoken to him.
“Fallon, can I ask you a question?”
He cocks his head in an almost predatory manner. “Depends on the question.”
I might not get another chance to talk to him like this, so I need to get it all out now, before I lose my nerve.
“Did you do anything to Marshall or the other guys to keep them quiet about Jayson? Did you tell Jacinda and Samantha to back off?”
He chuckles and swipes a hand through his artfully tousled blond hair. “That’s two questions, not one.”
“Would you mind answering both?”
His eyes gleam as he slides off the porch railing with catlike grace and settles beside me on the swing. The bench creaks under our combined weight, and the sharp, acrid stench of marijuana clings to him, burning my nose and making my eyes sting. I try to create space between us, but he closes the gap effortlessly, his smirk growing.
“What’s in it for me?” he asks, a challenge hidden beneath the question.
“Absolutely nothing,” I reply, taking offense.
I tense as he nudges the swing into motion with the toe of his shoe, the gentle sway doing nothing to ease the tension coiling between my shoulder blades.
He leans in closer, his breath warm against my skin, and murmurs, “Secret for a secret.”
“What does that even mean?”
His lips curl into a slow, dangerous smile. “I’ll answer one of your questions for every secret you tell me.”
Is he serious?
“This isn’t a game. Besides, I have no secrets to tell.”
“First of all,” he says, his voice dripping with amusement, “everyone has secrets. Second, everything is a game. It just depends on how you play. And tonight…” He pauses, eyes locking with mine, his tone darkening. “I want to play with you.”
Before I can react, he reaches out and curls a strand of my hair around his finger. His touch is too intimate, too invasive. I smack his hand away, and he laughs—a deep, unbothered sound that makes me angry.
“Kitten has claws.”
“Stop calling me kitten, Fallon.”
“Make me, Elizabeth.”
I only wanted some answers to my questions—questions that none of the boys would answer. But something tells me this is not a game I want to play with him because I would lose.
And why is he even here at a high school party? He graduated in May.
Fed up, I abruptly stand. “Fuck you, Fallon.”
He’s faster than I give him credit for, especially in the doped-up state he’s in. His hands snake out and grab me by my hips.
“Oh, Elizabeth, those are dangerous words.”
A deep voice booms behind me, and I jump. “Get your hands off my girl, Fallon.”
My girl . And it’s not Jayson.
Fallon releases me and gets to his feet, the squeaking of the chains as loud as the thrashing of my heart.
“Kitten and I were just talking.”
He takes out the half joint, lights it, and walks back around the side of the house into the darkness.
“What the hell was that about?”
I really don’t know.
“Nothing. You know how he is,” I reply, hoping Ryder will drop it, but of course, I’m not that lucky.
“Be careful around him, Elizabeth.”
After that encounter, I completely agree. However, my curiosity is piqued. As strangely bizarre as I think Fallon is, he intrigues me.
“But he’s your friend.”
“It’s complicated.”
Okay .
Changing subjects, I ask, “What was it you said you wanted to tell me? Oh! Julien has good news, but I won’t spoil it and will let him tell you. Would you mind driving him home, so Jayson and I can leave?”
“Yeah, I can do that. Why are you leaving? I just got here.”
“I’m not up to partying tonight.”
Ryder nudges me back over to the porch swing, and we both sit down.
Ever perceptive, he says, “I feel like there’s more to that than you’re letting on.”
“Too many bad memories,” I reply, knowing he’ll understand. “So, what’s up?”
By his stiff posture and morose expression, I can sense something is weighing on his mind.
“I broke up with Maria.”
Well, that came out of left field. Maria hasn’t said a word to me about it. Actually, Maria hasn’t responded to any of my texts, and now I know why.
Knowing it’s none of my business, I ask anyway. “What happened?”
He exhales with a shrug. “She needs to be free to find someone who will be able to give her what she needs. I’m not that person. And it’s not fair of me to keep leading her on when I know things are going nowhere between us.”
I feel like it’s my fault.
Ryder and I have this push-pull between us, like we’re stuck on opposite ends of a bungee cord, and the farther we try to run away from each other, the stronger the snap-back is. Jayson has planned this grand future for us. How can I truly commit to that future when part of me is still in love with Ryder? It’s not fair to either of them. Why can’t I just let him go?
Suddenly exhausted, I slump back on the bench swing and look at him. “What are we doing, Ryder?”
Those warm, copper eyes meet mine. “I wish I knew, Elizabeth.”
The front door bangs open, and the music blaring from inside the house blasts outside when Jayson and Julien emerge.
“There you are.” Jayson notices Ryder next to me. “We’ve been waiting on you. When’d you get here?”
“Just now. Saw Elizabeth. Heard you had some good news, Jules.”
“Such good news. CU”—he hiccups—“offered me a full ride.”
Jayson stops him from toppling over. “Dude, you’re so drunk.”
“I know. Isn’t it awesome?”
“Whatever you say, brother. No more, okay. Mom and Dad will flip their shit if Ryder brings you home like this.”
“Same could be said about you,” I tell him.
Jayson’s mouth curves in a wobbly, tipsy smile. “Yeah, but I don’t plan to go home because I’ll be sleeping in your bed.”
Ryder rakes a hand down his face before getting up and taking Julien’s arm.
“I’ve got him. He won’t drink anymore tonight. Congratulations, Jules. You deserve it.”
“Damn straight, I do.” He burps and makes a disgusted face. “That tastes awful.”
“Let’s see if we can’t get you some coffee. I’m sure Curtis has some somewhere.”
“You ready to go, baby girl?” Jayson asks me.
Hell, yes.
“I’m driving. Give me your keys.”
I hug Julien bye, but when I go to hug Ryder, he presses his cheek against mine.
“Good night, Elizabeth.”
“Good night, Ryder.”
He helps Julien back inside, and we watch until they disappear into the house.
Jayson only trips a few times on the way to the truck.
“I’m starving.”
I check to make sure he’s buckled before I start the engine. “I’ll stop by the Dog House on the way. Chili dogs. My treat.”
“No onions.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m having you for dessert.”
I’m suddenly woken from a deep sleep. Cracking my eyes open, I look over at my alarm clock. Three in the morning.
I listen intently for a few minutes and swear I hear someone crying. Pushing off the covers, I sit up, but Jayson hooks his arms around my waist and pulls me back down.
“Go back to sleep, Liz,” he murmurs into his pillow.
“I think Hailey is crying. I’m going to take a quick peek into her room.”
Jayson lifts his head. “I don’t hear anything.”
His hand moves down my bare stomach.
“I swear I heard crying.”
I cock my head to the side, trying to locate the sound but all I hear are the sheets rustling as Jayson moves lower, inching my tank top up and taking a nipple into his mouth.
“I thought you said I had to go back to sleep.”
He bites down gently and everything inside me clenches, desire pooling between my legs.
“Not sleepy anymore.”
He rolls over on top of me. Pulling my hands above my head, he thrusts into me with ease. The only sounds now are the hushed tones of our quiet moans as Jayson fucks me.