Chapter 23
Gabriel
Chicago was a different world from Orion, Michigan.
Gabriel liked it, though it was taking him a while to feel at home there.
Life moved at an entirely different pace, and community looked different in the city.
It was big and it was crowded, and he felt like he never saw the same people twice, unless he was at work or in his neighborhood.
It would take him some time to find his friends, he knew, but by the time Halloween was approaching, he had begun to form some friendly connections.
It was good to reconnect with his college friends.
They all had changed since they graduated, but not enough that they couldn’t fall back together.
They had all grown up a little bit, but they still loved each other and took care of each other.
His roommate was named Josie. They had been good friends in college, and he was glad he was living with her now.
She worked in marketing for a large bank, and introduced him to many of the friends she had made in the city since moving there.
She had a large social circle and was looking to set him up with one of her friends, which he didn’t want, but she was starting to wear him down.
They were hosting a Halloween party in their apartment, and she had invited the friend, and she said that Gabriel would have to meet him.
He didn’t have to go out with the friend, but she at least wanted him to be open to meeting the guy.
He agreed, but said that she better not be weird about it. She made no promises.
He still had his car, but he sometimes took the train to work because he didn’t like finding parking by his apartment, and he enjoyed that on the train, he could read or be alone with his thoughts, though it was hard to be alone on the crowded L.
He took the train to work on the Friday of the Halloween party, and when he was on the way home, the train was crowded, and he had to stand.
He held one of the poles and went into his own mental world.
He had been in Chicago for a month, and it didn’t feel like home, but he knew that eventually it would.
He still missed Drew. The ache of Drew’s absence hadn’t lessened, as much as he hoped it would.
He had maintained his discipline and hadn’t contacted Drew, and hadn’t looked Drew up online.
That wouldn’t be helpful. A clean break would be better in the long run.
Summer felt distant, but he knew it would always be with him.
He had no idea how he would ever move on.
What he and Drew had found felt special, once-in-a-lifetime.
He knew he was very young to think he had found a love that true, but he was convinced he had, and the thought of finding something that could measure up scared him and made him sad.
He got off the train at the Belmont station and walked the rest of the way to his apartment, which was on a side street with tall apartments and duplexes that had brick and stone facades.
It was a beautiful neighborhood and very active.
There were a lot of people his age, and he knew that someday he would think it was a great place to live.
The apartment he shared with Josie was on the third floor of a brick building that had marble steps leading up to the entrance.
There was a little wrought-iron gate next to the sidewalk, which he pushed open.
It was casual day at the office, and he wore a pair of dark jeans, loafers, a sweater, and a light jacket, with a leather backpack on his shoulders.
He had earbuds in his ears, but he wasn’t listening to anything.
He buzzed into the building. It didn’t have an elevator, because it was very old, so he took the stairs up to the third floor. The stairwell and hallways smelled like old carpet, and he was beginning to associate that smell with home.
It was a little after 6:00 p.m., and he would have about two hours to get ready and help Josie finish decorating for the party, though they had gotten most of the decorating out of the way last night.
He was dressing as a pirate for the party, and wanted to shower before he changed into his costume.
He unlocked the apartment door and stepped inside.
It was chilly outside, and their apartment was always drafty, but he didn’t mind.
It was big for a Chicago apartment, and they had a good deal on the rent.
It had two full bedrooms and a decent bathroom, which they had to share, but didn’t mind sharing.
The kitchen was old but serviceable, and their living room doubled as their dining room.
The apartment was currently decorated with streamers and fake cobwebs.
Later, they would turn off the lights and turn on lamps covered in orange paper to give it all a haunted look.
He had thoughts about the mishmash of “witchy” decorations Josie had chosen, but it was technically her name on the lease, and he wasn’t going to argue with her about accuracy.
If anyone had actual questions about the occult, he’d be more than happy to answer.
“Decorations look good!” he called, hanging up his backpack on a hook by the door. He didn’t see Josie, but heard her moving around in the kitchen. “Did you finish? Everything looks done.”
“Thanks!” she called from within the apartment. “I had some help.”
Gabriel shrugged off his jacket. “From who?” he asked.
Josie emerged from the kitchen. She had already changed partially into her costume (it was supposed to be ironic, she said she was going as the scariest thing she could think of, an Autocracy, and he wasn’t quite sure how the cardboard box she’d constructed represented that, but he wasn’t going to ask).
She had short blonde hair and large brown eyes. There was a giddy smile on her face.
Gabriel laughed when he saw her. “You look happy. Glad to be done with the decorating?”
She just nodded, still beaming.
“You’re acting weird,” Gabriel said. “Did you remember to get the wine?”
Another aggressive nod.
Gabriel raised his eyebrows. “Okay, you’re scaring me. What…”
He stopped speaking because he’d suddenly lost all ability to speak. Josie stepped to the side as someone else emerged from the kitchen, joining them in the joint living room/dining room.
Gabriel’s mouth moved like a fish’s, but no words came out.
Drew had lost his summer tan, and his hair was shorter than the last time Gabriel had seen him. He wore a cream colored sweater and light blue jeans, and looked very handsome. His eyes were soft, and there was a small, hopeful smile on his face. He looked like he was about to cry.
Gabriel choked out a laugh, which quickly became a sob. “Drew?” he finally managed to gasp. He could hardly believe his eyes.
He crossed their apartment faster than ever before, and Drew met him halfway, and they threw their arms around each other while Josie squealed.
“Drew,” Gabriel said again, and then just kept repeating Drew’s name, like by saying it, it would make Drew real, and would make him stay. He was crying, weeping into Drew’s shoulder as he clung to him. It felt surreal and impossible, and like the best thing that had ever happened.
Drew pulled away from the hug just long enough to look into Gabriel’s eyes. “Gabriel,” he whispered, and that was all he managed to say before Gabriel kissed him.
Kissing Drew was like coming home. Never before had Gabriel been so sure of the rightness of something as he was now. He loved Drew. He had never stopped loving him. The absence of Drew from his life had only made Gabriel’s longing for him stronger.
“What are you doing here?” he said when they stopped kissing. Josie had disappeared to her bedroom, giving them as much privacy as she could.
“Let’s sit,” Drew said. He held Gabriel’s hand like a lifeline and guided him to the couch in the living room. They sat very close together and held hands. Drew looked at Gabriel very seriously, and Gabriel thought he might burst with love.
Drew took a deep breath and then began to speak.
“This past summer was the best summer of my life. It was the best time of my life. I’ve done a lot with my life, and gone some pretty cool places with my summers, and I will admit I didn’t expect Orion to be at the top of the list. I only went there because my manager thought it might be good for me to see the camp I’d donated to.
I never thought that I would find myself while I was there, or that I would fall in love. ”
He squeezed Gabriel’s hands. There were tears on both of their cheeks.
“But I did,” Drew whispered. “I did fall in love. Gabriel, I know we’ve said it before, but I love you.
Telling you that I love you is the truest thing I can say, and loving you is the most natural thing I can do.
Our love took me completely by surprise.
You took me completely by surprise. You are the love of my life, Gabriel Ackermann, and leaving you and going back to Boston was the worst choice I’ve ever made, and I’ve made some bad choices.
It was like cutting off my own arm, and I’ve ached for you ever since I left.
I knew I had made a mistake, and I tried to convince myself it was for the best, and that we had made the right choice to not be together. ”
Drew shook his head, almost aggressively. “It wasn’t the right choice, not for me. Any choice that takes me away from you is the wrong choice. You are my right choice. You are my only choice. I should’ve known that then, but I know it now.”
He brushed gently at the tears on Gabriel’s cheeks. Gabriel shivered beneath Drew’s touch. He had missed that touch, and he finally felt like he was home.
Drew took another breath. “I want to be with you,” he said softly. “What we had wasn’t just a summer romance, not for me at least, and—”
Gabriel kissed Drew. It was the only thing that was right. Loving Drew was the only thing he knew how to do right now. Drew was here, and Gabriel was home.
“I love you,” he whispered. “Drew Moreau, I love you.” He wrapped his arms around Drew and rested his head on Drew’s chest. “Don’t leave.
Please don’t leave. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you to stay before.
I’m asking you to stay now.” It was the only thing he wanted.
“Or,” he said, “if that’s not possible, ask me to go with you, and I will.
I’ll go wherever you go, because this place only felt like home when you appeared. You’re my home, Drew. You’re my home.”
Drew kissed the top of Gabriel’s head very tenderly. “I’m staying,” he whispered.
Gabriel sat up quickly. “You are? Really? For how long?”
Drew shrugged. “For as long as I can. How closely do you follow hockey news?”
Gabriel raised his eyebrows. “I’ve been studiously avoiding it because any mention of your name made my heart ache.”
“I’ll take that as a sign of love. The Chicago Architects, your NHL team here, has a new winger.”
Gabriel blinked. “You?”
“Me.”
“What? How?”
“Estelle, my manager, negotiated a trade. I play for the Architects now.”
“Holy shit. Since when?”
“My first game is the next game. I moved here this morning. I have an apartment in River North, and the rest of my stuff arrives tomorrow.” He laughed ruefully.
“I guess it was a big gamble, moving out here without telling you, but it was the right thing to do. I had to get out of Boston, and I had to find you.”
“How did you know I was here?”
“Evan DeVries. We’ve kept in contact. Did you know that he and Aubrey are already talking about getting engaged, by the way?”
Gabriel smiled. “Aubrey told me. We did that. We should be proud.” He shook his head. “I can hardly believe this. You’re really here. And you’re staying.”
“I’m staying.” Drew suddenly looked serious. “And I want you to understand that I’m not asking you to be a secret boyfriend. I came out the night I got back to Boston.”
Gabriel kissed Drew again. “I’m so proud of you. How did I miss that?”
“Well, if you’re avoiding hockey news, it wouldn’t be hard to miss. I’m out and I’m proud and I want the whole world to know that I’m in love.”
Gabriel couldn’t stop smiling. “Want to come to my Halloween party tonight?”
“I wouldn’t miss it. Josie’s already demanded I get a costume.”
“What are you going to dress up as?”
Drew grinned. “An NHL player.”