Chapter Six
THAT KISS SHOULD never have happened, Rachel knew. On so many levels, it should never have taken place.
For it had awoken her to him all over again.
The constant smouldering burn that had never quite died out had been reignited.
She didn’t like him now, though, Rachel insisted to herself. This new, arrogant Dominic did not appeal.
And it was starting to show.
* * *
‘Is your ex the redhead down in Emergency?’ Richard asked Dominic after a particularly tense afternoon in Resus. ‘Rachel?’
‘How did you know it was her?’ he asked.
‘Because the two of you barely speak.’
‘I told you,’ Dominic said. ‘We’ve agreed to be professional and polite.’
‘With extra ice added?’
‘Well, how are we supposed to be?’ Dominic snapped. He was doing rather a lot of that of late. ‘We’re hardly going to be friends.’
But he knew it couldn’t go on like this.
He sighed and headed back to the department, for he had to sort things out.
Dominic did not want to be in lust with his ex-wife. And certainly he did not want a relationship with her. He was well aware of how badly it had worked out the first time.
Despite Rachel’s protests to the contrary, he was still silently panicked that she’d broken off her engagement because of him.
And there she was, with a long-sleeved top on under her scrubs. Because Rachel was always cold.
‘We need to speak,’ Dominic said. ‘Alone.’
‘This is becoming a habit, Dominic. Won’t it look odd?’ Rachel said. ‘Us hiding in the drug room or the linen cupboard?’
‘Can’t you go for a break?’
‘I’m not due for one. Just say what you have to here,’ Rachel insisted.
But when he stood there silently, refusing to back down, with a sigh she led them to an empty cubicle, where she pulled the curtain to give them some privacy.
‘I’m sorry about what I said the other night,’ he started. ‘I was shocked that you and Gordon had broken up and concerned—’
‘I don’t need your concern.’
‘Let me finish,’ Dominic said. ‘I was concerned that my being here might have factored into your decision to end things with him.’
‘Well, it didn’t.’
‘Good—because it’s very clear that we want different things.
I like the single life. The only thing I want to be married to is my career, and the last thing I want is a family.
In fact...’ He took a deep breath and knew the time had come to tell her what he had done.
‘I’ve made sure it can never happen. I had a vasectomy some years ago. ’
‘Dominic,’ Rachel said coolly. ‘We were divorced thirteen years ago. You don’t have to run your contraceptive methods by me.’
* * *
Ha! she thought, laughing in her head at her cool response. Beat that.
He did.
‘I might have had to the other night,’ Dominic said, his eyes never leaving her face as he moved one dangerous step closer, nudging into her personal space.
He took her hand and for a moment she honestly thought he was going to place it on his crotch.
‘Because if I hadn’t stopped things when I did we might have ended up doing it against the wall.’
‘You really think so?’
‘I know so.’
Rachel thought she deserved a cape, tiara and a wand—because she didn’t even blush, despite picturing him doing just that.
The scent of their arousal was in the air she breathed, and his mouth—that mouth—was a mere arch of her neck away. But she didn’t step back, determined to hold both her position and his eyes.
‘Dominic, it was a kiss for old times’ sake. Please don’t go reading more into it than that.’
The audacity of him!
She shook his hand off hers. ‘I’m certainly not rushing around looking for a replacement fiancé.’
‘Good.’
‘And while we’re sharing,’ Rachel said, ‘the reason Gordon and I broke up is because I didn’t want what happened to me to happen to him. He’s a good person.’
She watched Dominic’s eyebrows draw together in confusion at that.
‘And I know, better than most, how it feels to be married to someone who doesn’t really want to be married to you.’
‘What are you talking about?’ His eyes widened incredulously at her words. ‘I went and told your dad the day I found out about the baby. I asked him for his permission to marry you the same night. I deferred university. I worked two jobs. I even offered to move in with your dad...’
He shook his head, clearly furious at her take on their marriage.
‘You didn’t love me, Dominic.’
‘No.’
He seemed hurt, angry, but the one thing she knew was that they could not go back down the path of them again.
‘And do you know why?’ he asked.
She rather felt that she didn’t want to know, but he let her have it.
‘Because apart from in bed, Rachel, I found you to be cold.’
* * *
Dominic knew that was below the belt. But this woman brought out the worst in him, as well as the best in him, and her return had made him relive every last hurt again.
Trying to reach out to someone who constantly pushed you away. Crying alone in the shower for your baby, then walking into a bedroom where your wife had already turned to face the wall. Knowing the pain you had caused her...knowing what you had both lost.
And even now, when he’d hurt her again, she barely blinked.
‘It must be catching, then,’ Rachel said, and walked off.
* * *
Rachel knew it now for a fact. Dominic Hadley had never loved her—which meant she had been right to guard her heart.
Luckily there were only ten minutes or so left of her shift, and within the hour she had let herself into her flat. Without even taking off her coat, she went into the bedroom, opened up a drawer and took out a faded cream folder.
The first thing to fall out was her wedding ring, which she’d once so proudly worn.
And then she took out an exercise book she’d kept from school—one that Dominic had written his phone number on.
There were lots of little messages he’d written to her in class too, but she could read the true intent behind them now.
What time will your dad be back?
So they could have sex.
I got them!
Condoms—so they could have sex.
Has it finished yet?
Her period—so they could have sex.
Teenaged Dominic Hadley really had had sex on his mind—and fool that she was, she’d confused it with love.
Well, no more.
She fed the exercise book into the shredder, page after page, and cried bitter tears as she did it. Then she took out their wedding photo, but could not bring herself to shred that.
There were also certificates—marriage, birth, death and divorce—and those papers were such a neat summing up of their relationship that she could not bear to look at them properly.
And then she got to the photos Dominic wanted. It twisted like a knife in her gut to look at them, but they also made her smile.
There was one photo of the three of them, sitting on the bed, with Rachel holding Christopher and Dominic’s arm around her.
And there were several of just Christopher.
She touched his pinched little face and open mouth, his long slender fingers, the fine fuzz of hair on his head.
She would get these reprinted and give them to Dominic, and then all would finally be said and done between them.
No, there had been no need to take off her coat, because in minutes she was out of the door again.
Always be kind.
It was a saying often bandied about, but that evening, when someone tutted as she knocked into them while lining up to print off the photos for Dominic, the snap of a stranger’s temper nearly had Rachel giving in and turning to run for home.
That single terse ‘tut’ just about had her heading for King’s Cross Station and the first train back to Sheffield, but instead she got the photos copied and was soon back at her flat.
Job done.
When she’d given them to Dominic there would be nothing more to discuss, no more conversations to be had, and the subject of their past would be entirely closed.
Rachel sealed the envelope and labelled it Photos, and then put it in her bag. Now she just had to give them to him when the chance arose.
* * *
Except it never arose.
For the first time in her career, Rachel started to put her hand up to work in Minor Injuries rather than the main section of Emergency or Resus.
There was less chance of seeing Dominic there.
‘How did you do this?’ Rachel asked as she pulled on gloves and peeled back the tea towel wrapped around the hand of a delightful elderly woman who had brought herself to The Primary on a bus.
‘Peeling and cutting up pumpkins,’ said Miss Tate. ‘I make soup for the homeless, and pumpkin soup is supposed to be easy. But, Nurse, they’re really hard to cut.’
‘I bet they are.’
‘But it’s a flexible soup.’
‘Flexible?’ Rachel checked as she examined the deep cut and saw the exposed tendons.
‘Vegan, gluten-free, nut-free...’ Miss Tate reeled them all off.
‘And don’t get me started on the health and safety regulations.
It’s wearing gloves that caused this to happen—I couldn’t get a grip of the knife.
In my day you just put a bone in a pot, but it’s a complicated affair now, making soup. ’
As well as hazardous, Rachel thought, picturing these shaky arthritic hands wrestling with a large knife and a pumpkin.
She looked at her patient, and saw that Miss Tate was a little bit grey and was sweating. ‘It’s rather a long wait,’ Rachel said, ‘but I can get you on a gurney and lying down...’
‘I don’t mind waiting.’
‘Well, let’s make you as comfortable as we can. Is there anyone I can call?’
‘No need to trouble anyone.’
Rachel looked up as the curtain swished open and saw May.
‘I just need a word, Rachel,’ she said.
She paused when she saw what Rachel was dealing with and, instead of insisting on having a conversation, gave Rachel a hand with Miss Tate, chatting away about the pumpkin disaster as they got her up onto a trolley and into a gown.
‘Chilli flakes are the secret ingredient to a good soup,’ Miss Tate said.
‘Ah, but I don’t like it too spicy.’ May shook her head.
‘No, just a little pinch—it brings out all the flavours.’
‘Could you not roast the pumpkin first and then cut it up?’ May suggested.
‘Oh!’ Miss Tate dwelled on that suggestion for a moment. ‘I think that might work. Roast pumpkin soup...that sounds very nice.’
With the soup and the patient sorted for now, May pulled Rachel aside. ‘We’ll miss you tomorrow night,’ she said.
Rachel had taken her name off the list for the ED night out. She had come up with loads of excuses to justify it, but mainly it was because she did not want to see Dominic socially.
‘I’ve got your deposit for you,’ May said, handing her an envelope.
‘I thought it was non-refundable.’
‘I always say that,’ May admitted, ‘but we’ve got plenty going, so the numbers are fine. It’s a shame, though. I was looking forward to meeting your man... What’s his name?’
‘Gordon.’ Rachel smiled, because if she’d told May once, then she’d told her fifty times. Still, there was something she hadn’t yet told her and there was no time like the present. ‘May, Gordon and I have broken up.’
‘Oh, my dear! When did that happen?’
‘A little while ago. I didn’t say anything at the time, because, well...’
‘Of course not. You needed time to process it.’ May was serious now. ‘Does it change anything? I mean, I know you moved to London because of his job. Are we going to lose you, Rachel?’
‘I don’t honestly know, May.’ Rachel told her the truth she was coming to know. ‘The flat’s too expensive for only me. If I stay then I’m going to have to find somewhere else.’
And, while she liked London, with Dominic so near it was hell. If she was going to have to find somewhere else to live, why not in Sheffield, where her family and friends were?
Well away from Dominic.
She couldn’t hide in Minor Injuries for ever. And Rachel knew she was hiding.
‘You’re still on a trial, Rachel, so you only have to give a week’s notice, but for what it’s worth, I’d be very sorry to lose you.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Listen,’ May said. ‘Do you want a shift tomorrow night? I’m having trouble covering the department, what with everyone coming for this night out, and I’ve had someone ring in sick.’
‘I’d love to,’ Rachel said. She’d been about to ask May if there were any extra shifts, but the overtime for a Saturday night would certainly help.
For now.
Rachel knew she would have to make a decision soon about staying.
And, despite May’s kind words, it was starting to look very unlikely.