Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Midas
I’m acting like a pathetic junkie jonesing for his next fix. I spend my days at Au and most nights outside Legs’s apartment. Only now, it’s not enough anymore.
I take a deep drag of my cigarette before tossing it to the ground and grinding it out with my boot. I blow out a plume of smoke, knowing Legs would have something to say if she saw me. Then again, maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe she’s past caring about me altogether.
I scrub my hands over my face as I look around. It’s pitch black. The two closest streetlights to where I’m parked are out, leaving me in total darkness. I take it as a sign that this is the best spot for hiding because I’m a fucked-up idiot who thinks about crazy shit like that.
“What the fuck am I doing here?” I grumble as I feel my cell phone vibrate in my pocket. Not wanting to give myself away, I turn my back on the apartment and answer when I see it’s Capone.
“What’s up?”
“Where the fuck are you?”
“Out. What’s wrong?”
“Havoc’s back, and whatever went down was fucking bad. He trashed his office, and the only person who get near him is Tink. You need to come back.”
“Fuck. I’m on my way.”
I hang up and slide my phone back in my pocket. Turning, I take one last look at the apartment before walking back to my bike. I climb on and head back to the clubhouse. It takes me forty minutes to get there, but when I walk into the saloon, it’s like a damn funeral. Everyone’s quiet and somber.
“Who the fuck died?”
“Havoc’s baby.” I whirl around at the sound of Nevaeh’s voice and find her right behind me, her eyes rimmed with red.
“Shit. Are you okay?” I reach for her, but she waves me off.
“I’m fine. I wasn’t the one who was pregnant.”
I frown, not sure what the fuck she’s talking about. My mind goes to Legs for a minute, but before I can erupt, I realize who she means.
“Lola?”
She nods, wrapping her arms around herself.
“Did she really lose—”
She glares at me before I can finish, her anger throwing me for a second.
“Don’t even finish that sentence, Midas.
You have no freaking clue what’s going on, which is why Havoc’s calling church once everyone’s back.
Every time anyone mentions her name, it’s with such hatred.
I can’t even imagine what it’s been like to be her. ”
I almost say she’s ten times the woman Lola will ever be, so she doesn’t need to worry—but don’t. I’ve screwed up enough lately.
“Anyway, Havoc wants to know if you can round everyone up. He’ll be out in a minute.”
“You got it.”
“Thanks. Can you tell him I’ll be out back with Amity and Lil so I can fill them in?”
She walks away as I nod, lost in her own world.
I look around the room and head over to Probe, who’s sitting on one of the sofas, looking uncomfortable as fuck.
“Aren’t you supposed to be resting?”
He’s still recovering from Driller’s attack. It was so bad that we were worried we were going to lose him.
“I look like I’m dirty fucking dancing to you?” he snaps.
I huff out a laugh and signal to Hoop’s behind the bar to bring me over a beer. “You want one?”
“With these painkillers? I’d be flat on my back in a fucking heartbeat. I’ve turned into a lightweight, Midas.” He sighs.
I fight back a grin as I grab a chair from the nearest table and spin it so I can sit on it backward. “You survived, man. Few people walk away from that shit.”
“Didn’t stop that fucker from hurting Tink, though, did I?”
“As shitty as it sounds, if things had gone differently, Tink would never have found her sister. The only thing she’d change about that day was you getting hurt.”
He looks at me like he never thought about it like that before, and I get it. Knowing someone was hurt when you’re the one guarding them fucks with your head.
“Where’ve you been disappearing—”
Havoc’s voice cuts Probe off and saves me from answering. “I’m calling church. You have five minutes.”
I look over at him and frown. Jesus, the guy looks wrecked. I start to get up, but Probe stops me. “Just give him a minute, Midas. He’ll explain everything in church.”
“You know what’s going on? Tink said something about Lola.” I don’t say anything more, just in case it was supposed to be kept between us.
“He wasn’t exactly quiet when he tore the place apart. So those of us here got the gist. Everyone else showed up after, like you. Now, back to the question. Where’ve you been?”
His expression dares me to lie. “Lil had some trouble with someone following her, you know that. We talked about it in church. I’ve just been making sure Legs hasn’t been having any issues.”
He shakes his head. “And is she? Having issues, I mean?”
“No, that I can tell. But I don’t like where she’s living. That side of town’s crawling with dealers. The apartments walls are paper-thin, the elevator’s busted, and a few of the streetlights are out. It’s not a safe place for a woman living on her own.”
“No worse than living with a bunch of horny bikers,” he says. My hands ball into fists just as Hoops walks over with my beer. I take it from him and nod my thanks.
“Nobody here would lay a finger on her.”
“That’s not always true, though, is it? Besides, there’s more than one way to hurt a woman.”
My mouth snaps shut as I recall the ugly scene that went down here with us. I know I hurt her. I wanted to. I wanted her to feel a fraction of what I was feeling.
“I’m not blowing smoke up your ass here, Midas.
You get to feel however the fuck you want, but you can’t have it both ways.
You wouldn’t make her an old lady because she came in as a club girl.
You acted possessive as fuck with her, then punished her when she was with one of the other guys by fucking someone else, making a statement so she always knew where she stood. ”
“You saying I should have stayed celibate while she fucked everyone with a cut?” I snarl.
He snarls right back. “The only person who could have changed the dynamic was you. If you had given her your patch, you could have stopped every other brother from touching her. She had zero power here. You had it all, yet you made her pay for your choices again and again. Bet it’s awfully lonely in that glasshouse right now, huh? ”
I drink the beer in one, slamming it down on the table in front of us. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
“No, Midas. It’s you who has no fucking clue. That girl loved you. She’d have done anything for you, did do anything for you, and what did you do for her?”
“I gave her a job—”
“You gave her a leash so she couldn’t stray too far.
You pulled her close just to push her away.
I’m honestly surprised she stayed here as long as she did.
I’ve watched you slowly grind that woman’s heart to dust, and you’ve shown zero remorse for it.
It’s all about you, you, you. Personally, I’m glad she’s gone.
She was always too good to be a club girl.
In another life, she’d have had the husband, the kids, and a white picket fence to keep those dreams safe. ”
I lean forward and snarl in his face. “Did you forget I can’t have kids? Not that it fucking matters now that she’s carrying someone else’s kid.”
“She’ll be an amazing mother. She has that maternal instinct thing women talk about, but she’d have walked away from the idea of kids for you.
She wouldn’t have even had to think about it.
She would have chosen you every single day of the week and twice on Sundays.
All you had to do was choose her right back.
But you never did.” He eases himself to his feet with a wince, his words flaying me alive because I can’t deny their truth.
“Leave her alone, Midas. You made it clear where she stands with you. Let someone else take their shot, someone who will make her their whole fucking world.” He ambles toward church, which is where everyone else is heading.
I’m frozen on the spot, thinking about Legs moving on with someone else.
I picture her giving my smile away to another man, my musical laugh, my throaty moans.
I imagine her with some fucker like the one in the park that day, and something like fear grips my chest.
“Midas, you okay?”
I turn my head mechanically and see Capone looking at me with a frown. “I’m fine.”
“Yeah? So what’s with the growling?”
I swallow and stand, walking past him toward church. He grabs my arm, and it takes everything I have not to turn around and swing at him, needing an outlet for all this anger festering inside me.
“Whatever it is, put it on pause while you’re in there. Havoc needs us today. You gotta get your head in the game.”
“My head is in the game.” I yank my arm free and keep walking. My head’s always in the game. It’s the only fucking thing I know how to do, how to be. Raven Souls are in my blood. The fact that Capone thinks he needs to remind me fuels my anger further.
I walk into the room and take my usual seat, not bothering to make conversation as everybody takes their seats. Instead of sitting at the head of the table, Havoc paces. G is sitting in the VP chair with his jaw clenched tight.
Once everyone has settled down, Havoc turns to address us all. “As most of you know, I went down to Hannibal’s chapter with Nevaeh, Circus, and Kruger.”
I look around and spot Kruger at the foot of the table, his face looking even more fucked-up than usual.
“What the hell happened to you?” I blurt out. Kruger looks at me and clenches his teeth, but he doesn’t speak. He nods to Havoc. I turn to look at the man, who is now glaring at me.
“If you give me a fucking minute, I’ll tell you.”
I bite my tongue as he looks around, daring someone else to interrupt. When they don’t, he continues. “When Driller attacked Nevaeh, he admitted to her that he raped Lola.”
He holds up his hand before anyone says anything, but I think none of us are surprised. Disgusted, sure, but not surprised. We’d already figured out he was hitting her. It was all about control for the asshole.