Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
Legs
The banging on the door makes me jump out of my skin. I bolt upright in bed, panic clawing at me until I remember where I am and who I’m with.
Midas jumps out of bed, grabbing his gun from the dresser before he storms over to the door, buck naked. I wrap the sheet around myself and climb from the bed, hurrying to the bedroom door so I can hear without putting myself in a position that will have Midas losing his mind.
When I recognize Powers’s voice, I hover for a second, but figuring it’s club business, I close the door and move over to the closet.
I pull out one of the dresses we picked up and some clean underwear before hurrying to the bathroom.
I take the world’s fastest shower before quickly getting dressed, happy that my stomach seems relatively settled.
I walk back into the bedroom just as Midas storms back in. He stops dead when he sees me, his eyes moving over my dress, his cock going from soft to hard in a second. I lick my lips, hating that he has this effect on me while secretly taking pleasure from his body’s reaction to mine.
“There’s been an incident. We need to head to the clubhouse.”
“What happened? Is everyone okay?”
“I don’t know all the details yet, but Kiki got run off the road. She’s fine, just shaken up,” he reassures me when he sees my face. Kiki might not be my favorite person, but I don’t want to see anyone hurt.
He gets dressed as he continues talking, so I quickly pull my hair up into a ponytail, find a pair of ballet pumps, and slip them on.
“She and Tina went to do the food run this morning. Only Tina got sick, so Kiki called a prospect to collect her.”
“Which left Kiki alone.” Shit.
He slips his cut on after lacing up his boots and tucks his gun away before walking over to me. He cups my face with his hands, staring at me. “I know we’re in a weird place, and you’ve made me no promises, but I need you to remember something while we’re at the clubhouse.”
I brace, waiting for him to tell me to keep things about us quiet or to lie about something. I think about sitting in the corner while he makes out with Kiki so nobody thinks we’re in a relationship, and I feel myself getting nauseous.
“I need you to remember that just because you’re not sure about things, doesn’t mean I’m not. If someone puts a single finger on you, I’ll break it. I’m not kidding. The only thing stopping me from walking in there and declaring you my old lady, is that I know you’re not ready for that.”
My mouth drops open in shock. What the fuck?
“You’re mine, Legs. You always have been.
It just took me a hot minute to get my head out of my ass.
” He leans over me, his frame dwarfing mine as he presses his forehead to mine.
“And I don’t fucking share,” he growls, daring me to say otherwise.
But I’m still dealing with the rest of it.
It is everything I wished for, but the blinding happiness I would have felt before is instead a hollow melancholy filled with what-ifs.
What if he said it sooner? What if I say yes now, and he uses this to humiliate me later down the line?
I flinch at that line of thought, hating myself for going there, but it wouldn’t be the first time now, would it?
“I hate that look on your face because I know you’re reliving the pain I caused. Just don’t give up on me yet, Legs.”
I swallow, trying to find my voice, but it’s stuck in my throat, and I’m half worried it will come out in a sob.
I take a moment to get my shit under control before I look up at him.
When he flinches, I know he can see the heartbreak in my eyes.
My vision blurs as they flood with tears, but I refuse to let them fall.
“I should feel like I’m going home. Instead, I feel like I’m returning to a crime scene.”
“Because that’s where I hurt you,” he whispers.
“Because that’s where you killed me. I still have nightmares about it. And if you have any idea what my life has been like, you’d realize how fucking laughable it is that out of all the demons I faced, you’re the monster that I’m afraid of.”
When he opens his mouth to speak, I cover it with my lips, needing him not to just listen to me but fucking hear me for once.
“Most days, I feel like I’m still there, bleeding out on the ground as you carved into me with your hate-filled words.
Here’s what you need to understand, Midas—it doesn’t matter what happens from here on out.
It doesn’t matter if I forgive you today, tomorrow, a year from now, or never at all.
I will never forget those words, or that pain, that your words caused,” I admit.
He jerks hard, as if I ran him through with a knife, proving just how much power words have.
“Legs,” he chokes out.
I grip his wrists. “You need to understand that because you can’t fix everything you break. I’m not saying we can’t make something different out of the remains. I’m saying that there is nothing you can say or do that will reframe what happened.”
“I wish I could make you forget. No, that’s a cop-out.
I wish I could make you forget, but I had to remember every second of it because as much as my words hurt you, they haunt me.
They chase at my heels like hellhounds, wanting to devour me whole.
And even if you forgive me, I’ll never forgive myself.
I know it will never be enough. I’ll carry the knowledge that I tainted what could have been. And that’s my penance.”
He bends down and skims his lips over mine in a barely-there kiss. “I wish you fell in love with a better man, someone worthy and whole. And in my twisted way, that’s what I was trying to do—save you from—me.
“But it’s too late now for both of us. I’d rather burn in hell than go a day without you.”
“Then may god have mercy on both our souls because somedays I want to set you on fire, but others I want to burn right along with you.”
We’re both lost in thought on the ride over.
He keeps his hand locked in mine while he drives, as if he worries he’ll let go for a second and I’ll simply float away.
If only it were that easy. We pull through the gates and park just outside the warehouse.
Midas shuts off the truck, leaving the cab thick with silence.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it every single day until you don’t just hear it, but you feel it too.”
I let my eyes slip closed for a minute, digging deep.
I hate how this whole thing is poisoning us.
“Don’t you ever wonder if fate got it wrong?
That you were destined for me, and I was destined for you, but in every other lifetime but ours.
Sometimes I wonder if all we feel is just an echo of what could have been. ”
“No. No, I know that’s not true. Because I know I’d love every version of you in every lifetime.”
I turn to look at him. He reaches over and swipes a tear from my cheek with his thumb before he sucks his thumb into his mouth.
I huff out a watery laugh. “Weirdo.”
“I want every part of you, Legs. The good, the bad, and the broken.”
“Then your cup runneth over, Midas. Because I have enough broken pieces to keep you busy for a lifetime.”
I undo my seatbelt and open my door. He jumps out and runs around to help me out before my feet touch the ground. He waits until I’m steady before he grabs his cut from the backseat and slips it on.
I wait for him, my arms hanging limply at my side until he reaches for my hand. “Baby steps,” he says softly, slipping his fingers through mine.
I stare up into eyes that always hold me captive before curling my fingers around his. “Baby steps,” I agree.
He leads me up the path to the saloon before pushing the door open and ushering me inside. A cheer goes up when I walk in, making me flush. Midas lets go of my hand, making me freeze, before he slips his arm around me and pulls me in close. “Breathe, Legs,” he tells me softly.
I suck in a deep breath as people walk over and greet me as if they haven’t seen me in forever. Honestly, for some, that’s true. I manage to keep the tears at bay this time, thanks to Midas lending me strength.
“Alright, give the woman some room. Jesus,” G orders before ignoring his own order, stepping up to tug me free from Midas and pulling me in for a hug.
“How you doing, Legs?” He pulls back to look me over, rolling his eyes when Midas yanks me back into his arms.
“I’m okay.”
“The baby okay?”
Midas is tense, but I don’t care. I’m happy that someone is acknowledging the elephant in the room.
“Yeah, they’re good. I have a checkup next week, but we’ve been okay.” I press my hand to my bump and relax when he smiles.
“I’m happy for you, Legs,” he tells me softly, knowing how much I wanted a family, though this was not the way I thought it would play out.
“Thanks,” I whisper as Midas’s hand moves to my bump, covering my hand with his, making me tense once more.
I stay quiet as they stare silently at each other. G chuckles. “Like that, is it?”
“You know it is.”
“Glad to see you got your head out of your ass.”
Midas sighs and kisses my temple. “Me too.”
G’s eyes come back to mine. “Amity and Nevaeh are at the hospital with Kiki. They wanted to get her checked out, just in case. Lil’s over at the clinic with Tina. The rest of the girls are in the kitchen, I believe.”
“Okay, I’ll head over and see Lil, if that’s okay.” I look at them both because I know I have fewer rights than anyone here. Ouch. That hurts like hell when I think about it.
“Of course, it’s okay.” G frowns before Midas turns me in his arms.
“You know you don’t have to ask.”
I offer him a sad smile. “I’m not a club girl, Midas, but I’m not an old lady either. I have to follow a different set of rules. You know that.”
“You are not an outsider we don’t trust.” He squeezes my shoulder until I nod. “Want me to come with you?” He frowns like he doesn’t want to let me out of his sight.
“No, I just want to check up on Tina. I know I’m not exactly best buds with the other club girls, but Tina’s always been nice enough to me.”
“Alright, don’t be long,” he reluctantly agrees. I salute him as he smirks. “Brat.”
It feels a little too comfortable between us, so I get the hell out of there and walk over to the clinic at the back of the lot. I push the door open and head inside, spotting Lil carrying a bunch of towels in her arms.
“Hey,” I greet her.
She whirls around when she spots me and hurries over. “Hey, are you okay?” She scans me over like G did, making me sigh.
“I’m good. I just came to say hey and see how Tina is doing.”
She snags her lip with her teeth and looks toward the room I’m guessing Tina’s in. “I don’t think it’s wise getting too close. She’s still throwing up like crazy, and as you’ve just got a handle on your morning sickness. The last thing I want is you catching whatever Tina has.”
“Shit, yeah. Good point. She—”
My words are cut off when we both hear a loud thump. Both of us run toward the room. I don’t know what the hell I was expecting, but it sure as shit wasn’t Tina having a seizure on the floor, vomiting all over the place.
Lil doesn’t miss a beat, dropping to her knees near Tina’s head, gently supporting it as she thrashes around. I look on in horror until Lil barks my name. “Get help. Tell them we need an ambulance.”
I do as she asks, running out of the clinic back to the saloon. I shove the door open and practically throw myself inside. Midas takes one look at me and leaps over the table to get to me.
“What’s wrong? Is it the baby?” he snaps, but I hear the fear in his voice.
“Tina. She’s having a seizure. Lil said to call an ambulance.”
G pulls his cell from his cut and jogs out of the building with Circus and Probe hot on his heels.
Midas walks me over to the sofa and makes me sit down so I can catch my breath. “You gave me a fucking heart attack, woman.”
“Sorry, but that was terrifying. Poor Tina. I didn’t know she had seizures.”
“As far as I know, she doesn’t.” I look up at the sound of Kruger’s voice.
“Hey,” I say softly, not realizing he was here today.
“Hey, beautiful,” he grins when Midas growls territorially.
“Pee on my leg, Midas, and I’ll kick you in the balls.”
He huffs out a laugh as the door opens, and Probe walks back in. “Ambulance is on route. I called Havoc, as he’s at the hospital anyway with Tink and Amity. He’s gonna wait and see what they find out.”
“I hope she’s gonna be okay.”
Midas runs his hands up and down my arms, but he doesn’t tell me she’ll be fine. We both know there are no guarantees in this world, no matter how differently we wish they were.