Chapter 18
Eighteen
“Kiara!” Ella’s cry is full of child-like delight and the patter of her running footsteps immediately raises my spirits; despite the fact I cannot yet see her. Clearly her desire for us to see each other is as strong as my own.
A flash of movement appears in the doorway and a small girl bounds toward me.
Breath catching in my throat I stumble toward her and fall to my knees as she reaches me.
My heart soars and I catch her as she throws herself into my arms, knocking the air from my lungs, but I do not care, and momentarily I forget that we are being watched.
Arms wrapping around her of their own will, I hold her close and inhale her familiar scent, squeezing my eyes shut and absorbing this moment.
I have missed her so much, a feeling that goes far deeper than simply worrying for someone I promised to protect.
Even though we have only been apart for a short time, the relief at having her here in my arms, safe, is more than I can put into words.
When I was taken away, I thought I would never see her again, but here she is.
As close to me as a little sister, she is the closest thing I have to family.
While she might have been through the underworld and back, she has always been so sweet and naive that she would never survive on her own.
Ella is far too gentle for this world and deserves so much better.
“I missed you,” she mutters into the crook of my neck, a slight waver to her voice.
This. This is why I am doing all of this, for her safety and happiness.
My throat goes tight and my eyes sting, emotions rising quickly now we are back together, but I won’t let myself cry, at least, not in front of her.
“I missed you too, El.”
Easing back so I can look over her, I cannot help but smile slightly at what she is wearing.
She is clean, hair brushed and braided, and dressed in a ridiculously puffy pink dress.
While I never knew Ella before she was redesignated, this is something I could imagine her choosing for herself.
Somehow, she never lost her spark in those hard years, and I will do everything in my power to keep it that way.
“Are you okay?” Studying her studiously for any signs of injuries or neglect, I am quickly reminded that we are not alone and drop my voice. “Did they hurt you?”
“No! Can you believe this? It is like a fairytale! Look!” She gushes with a huge smile and thrusts her arm into my face, showing me her brand-new sparkling silver band. The skin looks sore and puckered beneath the metal, but certainly no worse than what she has experienced before.
I wish I had been there to support her when they redesignated her, and I don’t really understand why mine was so different with the dramatic ceremony in the temple. However, looking at her beaming face and seeing her full of energy, it cannot have been too traumatising for her.
“They have given me a whole room to myself. I have a huge bed, and my own bathroom!”
I envy her excitement and wish I could enjoy this moment with the same innocence.
Smiling, I reach up and brush my hand through her hair, still not quite believing that this is happening.
After everything that has happened to her, she’s still managed to maintain her child-like innocence and sense of joy.
How must she have felt when I was taken away, leaving her on her own once again.
Did she feel like I abandoned her? Guilt tears through me, ripping apart my happiness at seeing her.
I had no choice and I would never leave her voluntarily, she has to know that, right?
I try to speak but all that comes out is a strangled noise. Coughing to clear my throat, I cup her cheeks and look into those deeply expressive eyes. “What happened after I was taken?”
“I went to Jules like you told me, and he was helping me when the Gutter were raided. Someone tipped them off so they knew to look in the abandoned buildings by the wall. The guards found us and took me away.”
Horrified, I listen to her explanation. There was only a handful of ways Ella would have been brought here, so while it is not a surprise, hearing it aloud somehow makes it seem so much worse.
“What happened to Jules?”
The old man and I were never friends, but I always helped him out when we had extra food.
There was something about living next to another Sullied that made us feel safer, even though he would be useless in a fight.
He had a soft spot for Ella though, and that fact he helped her during all of this makes me grateful beyond words. If he was hurt because of this…
Ella’s expression shifts, her excitement dimming and she thinks of her friend. “I’m not sure. He was trying to get to me when the guards knocked me out. When I woke up, I was here and they explained everything.”
My gut clenches painfully. Is there a way I can find out if he is okay, or get a message to him? Perhaps I can speak to Caleb and see if he will check in on my sullied neighbour. I’m glad that Ella didn’t have to witness anything happening to him though, I am not sure she would recover from that.
What I need to know now is how much the palace staff have told her. “What did they tell you about all of this?” Gesturing around the room vaguely, I try to speak with an air of nonchalance, as though I am not concerned about her response.
“That you have magic and you’re going to save the kingdom!” She smiles up at me, cupping my cheek with her hand. “I always knew you were special.”
She’s immediately accepted this explanation despite never having seen me use magic before.
Not to mention that magic is portrayed as evil, yet she is beaming from ear to ear.
Nauseous, I chuckle awkwardly. There is nothing special about me and my chest aches, knowing I have to lie to her too.
“Who knows about my… magic?” I stumble on the word but she doesn’t seem to notice my slip up.
“Only me.” Shrugging, she shakes out her hair, oblivious to my tension. “They told me to keep it a secret.”
Relief makes my knees week and I’m glad that I’m kneeling. Why am I so glad about this? I suppose the less people who know, the less people I have to lie to. I might have been sullied, but the truth has always been something I have tried my hardest at holding on to.
“Miss Ella, it is time to return to your classes.”
My head snaps up at the sharp tone and I see a stern looking woman standing in the doorway. I was so absorbed with having Ella in front of me that I did not even hear her enter the room.
Feeling suddenly defensive, I get to my feet and address the woman, keeping a hand on Ella’s shoulder the entire time. “Wait, classes?”
“They are tutoring me!” Ella beams, clearly excited about the prospect. “Can I not stay with Kiara a little longer?”
She clearly trusts and holds some respect for this woman and I don’t know if that makes me proud or concerned.
Tutoring Ella was not a part of the deal we made, this is not something they had to do, yet here they are, providing a teacher and lessons.
Ella will thrive under tutorage, so I am happy about this, yet my natural instincts not to trust anyone are sounding the alarm.
The stern older woman turns her attention to me, her assessment is brisk but lacks the look of disgust that I was expecting. Looking back to Ella, she shakes her head firmly and gestures for her to leave the room. “You can see your sister later, once you have finished your work.”
Ella sighs but smiles up at me, moving toward the matron. “Will you come and see me later?”
“Of course,” I mutter through a forced smile.
The last thing I want is to be separated from her again, but she seems to be safe and well cared for.
Perhaps the best thing for me to do is just to follow the King’s orders after all, if it guarantees Ella a better life.
My head is filled with so many contradicting thoughts that I just don’t know what is right or wrong any longer.
She is led away and my heart aches as I watch her go, desperately wanting to follow. Blowing out a long breath, I slowly turn to Abbie who has stay silent at the back of the room during the entire interaction. “What happens now?”
Her smile is sympathetic as she closes the large gap between us. “Your time is your own for the rest of the day to give you time to rest before the ball tomorrow.”
I must not be hiding my emotions well if she is looking at me like- wait. There is a ball tomorrow. Groaning and tipping my head back dramatically I squeeze my eyes shut and pray it all goes away. Opening my eyes, I see her still watching me with an amused expression.
“A ball? Do I have to attend?” My pulse rockets, and I am pretty sure I already know the answer to this but one can hope.
Abbie chuckles, although that expression quickly shifts as she realises that I am being serious. “Of course you do, it is in your honour!”
Crap. There are many situations that I have had to work my way out of before, and for some reason this feels like the most dangerous.
It is dancing, I know it is safer than running from gangs is the Gutter seedy streets, but I do not trust these people.
At least I knew what the gangs wanted from me and what would happen if I was caught.
“Please do not make me go, I’m just going to trip over the gown,” I beg, almost stumbling over my words in my panic. “I don’t even know how to dance!”
This seems to change matters as her smile shifts to a frown. “Oh dear, now that might be a problem.” Her lips purse as she thinks, tapping a finger against her bottom lip. “We shall have to arrange dance lessons for you.”
My very brief hope that I might not have to attend is quickly snatched away. Somehow, the situation has become so much worse. Not only am I going to be forced to attend a ball where everyone is going to be staring at me, but I have to have dance lessons.
“What? No, wait-”
Abbie cuts me off as though I was never speaking and continues, her expression thoughtful. “There won’t be time to teach you anything complicated but we can probably get a few of the more basic dances in there.”
“Abbie, I can’t.” My genuine alarm and dismay seem to reach her, snapping her from the planning focus she had slipped into.
“Of course you can,” she smiles gently and places a hand on my wrist. “Trust me, I won’t allow you to look a fool tomorrow.”
I’m surprised to realise that in this, I do trust her. There is no getting out of this, so I just have to accept that it is happening, whether I like it or not. Suddenly I am feeling tense and on edge, the restrictiveness of my new role already chafing.
“I think I am going to take a walk around the gardens.” I smile weakly at Abbie, hoping that she doesn’t think I am trying to escape her. In all honesty, I am in desperate need of some fresh air and spending time alone, away from everyone.
“Do you want a companion?” She asks brightly, walking toward the doors that will lead us outside, clearly wanting to come with me.
“No, but thank you.” Instantly I feel bad, her face falling at my quick dismissal.
She quickly smiles again to cover it, but I saw the flash of hurt in her eyes.
Somehow, this woman has worked her way into my consciousness and made me care for her.
Not like how I care for Ella, yet I am uncomfortable knowing that I might have hurt her feelings.
“I just need to be alone. A lot has happened very quickly,” I attempt to explain, trying to lessen the blow of my rejection. If anything, I think it is making things worse, my awkwardness shifting the atmosphere.
Abbie shakes her head and gives me a warm smile. “Of course. I understand. I am here if you need someone to talk to.”
She seems genuine, so perhaps I did imagine the hurt I saw in her expression? Either way, she leaves the room without another word. I watch her go, new and uncomfortable feelings in my chest that I cannot decipher.
Tracing my steps back through the palace, I manage to make my way outside, the warm morning sun washing over me.
As I don’t have a particular destination in mind, I simply enjoy the feeling of the breeze against my skin and wander across the paved patio to the steps leading down to the gardens, desperately in search of some peace.