Epilogue #2
That made an agent weak. If you wanted something, you fought hard, and dirty.
Ethan didn’t have it in him.
He was nervous and crumbling.
That told him one thing.
Sasha hadn’t lied.
They were a couple, and he’d managed to catch the infallible Ethan Blackhawk off of his game. Had they been on their game, they would have had a backup plan.
Clearly, they didn’t.
“We know that, Agent, but you made it more difficult on yourself. You’re in San Juan until further notice.”
Ethan stood up.
“You can’t punish me like this. I’m a good agent. Gene is a great agent. We solve everything we get our hands on. This isn’t cool, Director.”
Oh, he saw him get a little fire back, and Gabe expected quite the battle.
“Rules are rules. Are you going to deny it?” he asked. “Are you going to say you’re not a couple?”
Ethan was giving him nothing to use as ammo for when he called Gene in. He would be next, and Blackhawk would protect his partner.
His lover.
Only, in the back of his head, he wasn’t sure they could do long distance.
No.
They couldn’t.
The demons he’d thought he’d buried were back, and they were messing with his head. In his mind, he heard one thing.
He’s better off without you.
Like the director had meant.
“Well?”
Ethan went there.
“Frankly, Director, I don’t know what sick little thrill you get with digging into personal lives, but I’m not answering that.
Your home life must be incredibly boring that you think sitting in your powerful office, bored as you play chess with our lives like they are a game.
It’s not. Grow the fuck up, and to be frank, you’re just as bad as that POS above you. ”
Oh, and there it was.
He loved a battle, and Ethan was always good for one. It was clear that he was a damn good agent. It was his job to make sure they could hold up if he let them be partners.
Their lives mattered, and as of late, they’d had some faux pas.
DANGEROUS ONES.
“As two people who play chess daily, Agent Blackhawk, it’s not something you can stop playing, and you know that.
So, I need you to be away from Cantrell so you can do your job effectively and be a good agent.
This clouded your judgment, and now, I have to question you.
Pack your bags, and head down. We’ve arranged your rental on the island,” he said, expecting him to fight more.
Only, Blackhawk didn’t move.
Ethan looked paralyzed.
“I can’t believe this,” Ethan finally said.
This couldn’t be happening. In his chest, his heart was racing.
When he got no response, and no movement, Gabe went there.
“It’s that or termination,” he said, seeing how far the man would go to protect his partner, and their team. If he quit, he knew that there was more than just sex between them. There was something more.
Like when he’d tested Christopher Leonard, there had to be more than just attraction.
At his words, Ethan went pale.
That was all he had to hear.
Ethan swallowed.
He wouldn’t be bullied, especially by this man. He played more dirty games than anyone in the FBI.
Look at Sasha.
Look at what happened with the bikers who were transporting Snow and victims.
Gabe stared at him, waiting, and that’s when he saw the man make up his mind.
And Ethan backed down.
Because he wouldn’t burn Gene, or grovel to this man, Ethan took off his badge and gun, and placed them on Gabe’s desk.
“Then, I guess I’m terminated,” he said, and it was the hardest words he’d ever said in his whole life. All he’d ever wanted to be since he was eighteen, was to be a Fed.
In that split second, he had to make a choice.
Now, his dreams were crushed.
His heart was broken.
“I’m not playing games with you. This is exactly that.
You want to see if I’ll bow to you, but I never will.
I’m not going to be forced into compliance when I have an excellent closure record.
I do my job, and I work damn hard to bring honor to that badge,” he said, pointing at his once-prized possession.
“I’m not your pawn, and I’m not going to let you break me.
I’ll walk first. I’ll give up my ambition for what I believe in. ”
From where he sat, Gabe was shocked as shit.
He knew the man was ambitious.
“So you’ll quit? Over losing a simple partner?” he asked, seeing it wasn’t so cut-and-dry.
Ethan already had.
Now, he needed to get out of there before he started puking up his coffee.
Because that was next.
“You gave me the ultimatum. I chose, but I’m betting that wasn’t what you wanted—but what you just got. Director, with all due respect, fuck off, Gabe. Fuck off. You’re a disgrace to the badge, and while you might not be dirty, like the director, you’re just as foul.”
Gabe actually stared.
And with that, he knew it was over.
Heading out of the man’s office, he slammed the door behind him. Then, he made the walk downstairs to the lobby, out the door, and no longer a part of the one thing that saved him five years ago.
Gabe watched from his window as the man walked across the lot, and got into his rental car.
And he was legitimately shocked.
Yeah, he didn’t expect it.
He knew this was Ethan’s dream job. His ambition was his strength, and now, he’d given it up. There had been no contingency plan, and that was bad for agents.
Gabe knew one thing.
He was disappointed.
Ethan Blackhawk had given up too easily.
And now, the FBI had just lost a good Fed.
Outside, Ethan pulled out his phone.
He couldn’t breathe.
He couldn’t think.
He was scattered and scared.
All he knew was that everything that he’d worked for in the last five years was gone, and he needed to regroup.
FAST.
But how?
Pulling out his phone, he stared at it and knew that his lover would still be in the air, heading home.
So, he rattled off a text.
To Gene.
The whole time, that overwhelming need to run for it, was trying to overtake him, and he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t doing just that.
He’d lost his badge.
For Ethan, he needed a place to hide and regroup. Gene being out of reach was going to bite him in the ass. He couldn’t talk him down.
So, he left him a message. Hopefully, he wouldn’t hate him.
‘He asked if we were a couple, and I wouldn’t tell him, so I’m terminated.
He knows about us, and he is separating us.
He put me back in Puerto Rico, and you’re being reassigned a new partner when you’re back.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I could have handled that better.
He told me you’re better off without me, and maybe you are.
I’m sorry I let you get hurt. I’m jobless, and I’m getting on a flight.
I’m scared. I just lost who I am, Gene. He’s breaking us apart, and I don’t know who I am anymore.
I have to get out of DC. Don’t forget that I’ll love you forever.
I’m sorry I dropped the ball. I couldn’t protect us. I’m just not strong enough.’
Honestly, Ethan wasn’t sure it even made any sense. Truthfully, he felt like he was just babbling in the text.
What he needed to do was escape.
That overwhelming voice in his head, the demon that had been pushed back for months, was back in control.
He was a failure.
He caused this.
All the things he’d learned by being with Gene were gone, and he was back to square one.
Alone.
Broken.
Afraid.
Putting his phone away, Blackhawk drove to the airport, and instead of going back to Philly or even DC, he did something he knew would happen.
Home called him.
The voice was whispering the truth. He was a failure, and this was always going to happen. He had no right to believe a half-breed could pull this off.
He was nothing.
And this proved it.
Blackhawk was going to go back to poverty and the rez with his tail between his legs.
It was his destiny.
So, he bought the ticket to Damascus.
Ethan Blackhawk was going home because he didn’t know who he was without the FBI. There was no way he could be an agent without his partner.
Gene had been the only thing that gave him stability, and the freefall began.
AGAIN.
This was his worst nightmare.
And it had come true.
Ethan Blackhawk didn’t know who he was anymore, but he did know one thing.
He’d lost more than his career.
He was going to lose himself.