Chapter VII
vii
fast, going too fast and I can barely see through the tears still falling, but I don’t care, I don’t care.
How could he do that to me? Has been doing it, clearly, for a while now, but I’m the one left broken, left having to pick up the pieces.
Fucker. Fuck him. God, how many times have Jordan or Rachel told me to think the relationship through and I just laughed them off because sure, we had our problems, but what couple doesn’t?
A bend appears in the road and I yank on the steering wheel, another hiccupping sob leaving me when the tyres screech on the tarmac. Fuck all of this. All of them. God, I bet some of our friends knew. I bet they’ve known for ages and they’ve all been taking me for a fool and—
I scream. Rough and angry, the sound tearing the inside of my throat, but it’s not enough, none of it is enough.
My foot presses down on the accelerator until it’s flat to the floor.
Maybe I’ll be pulled over. What-fucking-ever.
I’m done. I’m so done. I can’t even think beyond the next minute, the next few seconds, because my life is fucking ruined now, over, just like that.
I take another corner too fast. My mind is screaming at me, torn between hurt and anger and fear, but apathy is rising and I fall willingly into its gentle embrace.
I don’t want to die—it’s not that. I’m just…
I’m done. Four years out the window just because he couldn’t keep it in his fucking trousers, except that’s not the truth either because if he’d been fucking some random nobody, it wouldn’t have hurt quite like this.
Empty fields spread out on either side of me, fences and the occasional tree marking the boundary of the road. No one else is out this late. Why would they be?
Why would he do this to me? Why did he want to hurt me? My heart hurts, pounding erratically against my ribs. Why didn’t he just tell me he wasn’t happy? Why didn’t he just break up with me? Why didn’t—
A figure looms out of the darkness. A deer? Only it’s