1. Ella
ELLA
I t’s all white. Everything in the bridal suite is white.
I suppose that’s the way weddings should be. Not that I would know. It’s not my wedding.
The sound of zippers being zipped up and hairspray being sprayed mixes with the chatter spilling from smiling, red lips.
“The red is perfect,” Sara says, but the bride doesn’t hear. “It matches everything.” That catches the bride’s attention.
“Nothing is done.” Her eyes are wide and nearly spilling tears. “There’s not a thing set up upstairs.”
The bridal suite is on the first floor and the wedding will be on the second floor of this reclaimed farmhouse.
I down the champagne still in my flute that I’ve been sipping to calm my nerves. Aiden’s going to be here, standing only a few feet from me. With pictures being taken every minute, videographers and photographers too, there’s no way I’ll be able to deny what I feel for him when the pictures are printed. Aiden’s always said he can read the truth in my eyes.
What’s the saying? Wearing your emotions on your sleeve? I absolutely do that, and even if this dress doesn’t have sleeves, my emotions will be there, ready to show every one of the guests at the wedding exactly how I feel for a long-lost ex. They know he was my everything and they think him going to war is what broke us apart.
But they don’t know the truth.
“I’m sure they’re getting everything set up. There are still five hours before the guests come, and they can set everything in half that amount of time,” I quickly say to Viv, the bride, and my best friend. Her pale blue eyes whip to mine, pleading with me to tell her that’s the absolute truth.
“Seriously, it doesn’t take long and everything will be perfect.”
“I don’t think the cake is here yet,” one of the other bridesmaids says as she walks into the suite. The phone in her hand has her attention as the door clicks shut and everyone stays silent, waiting for the bride to go off at one more setback, that’s not at all a setback.
“I need to call her, right now.” Viv storms off and away from me, her silk white robe clutched at her chest. So, I settle back in the corner, nestle in my chair, and pretend not to think of Aiden, the counterpart to me, and a groomsman in the wedding.
He came back a different man, but the man I love was still there. I’ve been desperate for the love we once had, but we can’t show love for one another with our kinds of secrets.
“Hey.” I hear Lauren before I see her, and then hear the champagne as she pours it into my empty flute. “You okay?”
Her makeup is flawless, a perfectly plucked brow raised as she waits for me to answer her, pulling a chair closer to me.
I have to clear my throat and take a sip of the sweet bubbly before I can look her in the eye.
“Just nerves,” I answer her with a faint shrug and forced smile. “I swear I’m more nervous than Viv is,” I joke.
Lauren’s gaze wanders across my face, judging me for honesty, and I’m sure I fail her test. Her words are softly spoken, “You haven’t been the same since the party last week.”
A thump and a flutter compete in my heart and my throat closes as she asks, “Is it because of Aiden? I know you guys have been together on and off, right?”
She’s pushing for answers; answers I won’t give. I’m not ready to, not today of all days.
I won’t do or say anything at all to make a scene at Viv’s wedding. I would feel fucking awful if I did. She and Jason have been together since high school and this day is far overdue.
Lauren’s right, though. I haven’t been the same since the party. The joint bachelor and bachelorette party.
That night changed everything. I knew it would never be the same when I walked into the crowded room, but I only felt the presence of one man. Aiden’s eyes were on me before I’d even slipped my pea coat off. As the thin wool slipped down my bare shoulders, I watched his gaze turn into that of a predator, sizing me up as his prey.
The music was loud, the laughter louder, but I swear I could hear how his breathing hitched. His crisp dress shirt pulled tighter across his broad shoulders and with his shirt sleeves rolled up, I could see how the muscles in his forearms tightened as he gripped the armrest when I walked past him to go to Lauren and Viv, in the far corner of the room.
They were focused on their martinis. I was focused on how Aiden’s gray eyes pierced through me and how his tight grip turned his knuckles white.
I have to remind myself where I am and who I’m with before I let my thoughts get away from me. Slipping my hand to the dip in my throat and then lower, I let my fingers trace what’s hanging on the end of my necklace, tucked just beneath the thin silk of the robe.
“I’m fine,” I tell her shaking out my hands and plastering a wide smile onto my face. “Her being tense and anxious is just working me up.”
“Okay, keep your secrets. I have a bet with Amy that you’re fucking him, just so you know.”
“She thinks you two fucked that night,” Lauren’s gaze stays glued to my face, waiting for a confirmation.
Although my heart races, I play along with Lauren’s goading.
No one knows what happened the night of the party. And I don’t know if I can keep this secret, one of many, for that long. Not when I know I’m going to see him.
“You two make the stupidest bets,” I tell her with an evil grin and then lean in to confess to her in a hushed whisper, “And don’t you know I’m a virgin?”
She outright laughs at my joke, even though it makes my heart pound harder.
“Nothing, absolutely nothing, is ready,” Viv shrieks with a cracked voice before dropping her phone to the ground and falling onto the sofa across the bridal suite.
I take that as my cue, grateful for the distraction. Standing up abruptly, I’m quick to talk over everyone else, trying to comfort her.
“I’ll go find the event coordinator right now.” I can feel Lauren’s eyes on me, but I ignore her and wrap the tie of my robe tighter so I can leave the room and feel somewhat decently covered. We all have matching scarlet robes, other than the bride’s white one of course.
“What’s her name again?” I ask.
“Sheryl,” Viv’s voice is weak but hopeful. She’s not a bridezilla per say, but she’s certainly emotional today.
“I’m sure everything is fine,” I tell her and give her a small smile as I head to the door, “But I'll get a timeline and a checklist.” With a firm nod, I exit and nearly collapse against the door. With my own emotions running wild, I lean against the hardwood and breathe for a moment, the faint chatter of voices muffled behind me, and the clanging of folding tables being set up echoing through the wooden ceiling above me.
Aiden is somewhere close. Somewhere smoking cigars and laughing with Jason, joking about how he’s ending his bachelor days. I can do this I remind myself. I have to. After tonight, things will be different. No more hiding, no more secrets.
I don’t know how they can’t read it on my face.
I’ve kept secrets before, but not like this. But we all do foolish things for the ones we love.