EPILOGUE | AMY
AMY
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Six months later...
I stand outside Ross and Mel’s farmhouse, hands deep in the pockets of my jacket, working up the courage to go in. When I found out that the name of their sanctuary was Hope Animal Rescue, I laughed. And then I cried. Hope is exactly what I don’t have. I feel utterly bereft.
The front door opens, and Ross and Mel step outside. My throat tightens at the sight of them.
“Amy,” Mel greets me, blinking back tears. “It’s been a while.”
Six months. Six months of darkness and learning to breathe again.
“We missed you,” Ross says simply.
I swallow. “I missed you both too.”
A month after Kane disappeared, Mel texted me, wanting to know if I was okay.
It was so good to hear from her. She had no idea where Kane was; he’d cut himself off from everyone, but over the next few months she kept me updated on the animals at the sanctuary, especially the antics of Carrot-top and Nugget.
This is my first visit back to the sanctuary. Mel invited me numerous times before, only I wasn’t strong enough to accept. I still don’t know if I’m strong enough to get through this lunch without breaking down, but I couldn’t refuse Mel’s pleading invitation this time.
“You want to come in?” Ross asks.
“Would you mind if I spend some time outside first?”
“Not at all,” Mel replies. “Do you want me to come with you?”
“I’d prefer to be alone.”
They shoot each other a worried look. At last, Ross says, “Sure. Take your time.”
The two of them retreat into the house and I wander around to the back, memories unspooling with every step. I spot Trojan and Copenhagen in their paddock, the two horses looking happy and healthy. Ross worked a small miracle there.
At the sound of hooves, I turn and there’s Carrot-top, braying in excitement, so thrilled to see me. He eagerly gobbles up the mints I brought especially for him and I spend the next couple of minutes kicking a ball around while he excitedly chases it.
After I finish playing with Carrot-top, I seek out Nugget and brush the old blind horse until his coat shines. The moment I finish brushing him, he snorts and walks away to roll in the hay. My half-smile widens into a full grin.
I’m fine, I tell myself as I stand in the pale sun and watch Nugget dirty his coat. I’m holding myself together.
And then Saba comes up behind me and licks my hand, and I’m undone. Undone by a furtive, commiserating lick from a German Shepherd who doesn’t like me much, but who no doubt misses Kane as much as I do.
Dropping to my knees, I wrap my arms around Saba’s thick furry neck and cry. I cry because I want impossible things. I want Kane at my side. I want a body without a ticking time bomb inside it.
A picture of Kane laps at the shore of my mind. It’s always my last image of him: his tired profile, gray eyes dark with regret, lines of self-condemnation etched on his handsome face.
In the bleak aftermath of that night, after Kane disappeared and after the police carted Marius away, I received only one message from Kane:
We need to let things settle down. Give me time.
Pain slices through my chest whenever I think of that message. How much time does he need? A year? Two years? Five? If I can forgive him for kidnapping me, why can’t he forgive himself? What is really keeping him away—his remorse or my damaged gene?
What did he say to me? Your genetic risk factor doesn’t scare me.
Well, it sure as heck scares me. It’s been a long, rough journey as I’ve tried to come to terms with the fact that I have a higher-than-average chance of contracting a spinal degenerative disease.
At first, I wallowed in self-pity. It took me a while to realize it’s pointless to dread something I might never get, particularly since I’m already thirty-three years old.
After the wallowing, I jumped to the other extreme, filling my days with exhausting activities so my lonely evenings wouldn’t be filled with thoughts of Kane and the future.
Now I’ve reached a place where I’m learning to live for the moment, not taking a single minute for granted. Immersing myself in starting a finishing school for underprivileged young girls has also helped me heal. When you’re focused on others, it doesn’t leave much room to obsess about yourself.
Saba whines and a pair of scuffed, dusty boots enters my field of vision.
“Ross and I are worried,” Mel says. “You’ve been outside for a long time.” When she sees my tear-stained face, her eyes widen. “Oh, Amy, are you okay?”
I stand, rubbing my eyes. “I don’t know. Some days I am. Other days, not so much.”
Other days I can barely breathe for the pain.
Mel places a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Come inside.”
“Can I see the cats first?” I ask. “The ones my dad donated to the sanctuary.”
Just mentioning my father stirs up a confusing jumble of emotions. Love. Disappointment. Anger. Sadness. Gone is the closeness we always shared. Our relationship is bruised and taking a long time to recover. Maybe it will never fully recover.
A week after Kane disappeared, I insisted my father show me his lab.
Walking around the place, I couldn’t tear my gaze away from cage after cage of crippled cats.
Staring at these poor creatures, whose spines were surgically severed and who could only get around by dragging their hind legs behind them, it was easy to see why Kane’s anger had been so provoked.
Weeks of arguments with my father followed that visit.
I insisted that I wouldn’t be the excuse he used to continue with this kind of research.
He seemed to finally comprehend that any healthy future relationship with his daughter hinged on him surrendering the cats to a sanctuary so they could live out the rest of their days surrounded by love.
“Of course you can see the cats,” Mel says with a smile. “They’re doing well.”
I follow Mel to their enclosure. Right away, I see that Mel’s assessment is accurate. They look so much better, fatter and friskier, than when I last saw them.
“You know,” Mel tells me casually, “we received quite a large financial donation following their arrival.”
“My father making amends the only way he knows how.”
“That was my guess.” She hesitates, appearing to choose her words with care. “What’s happening with your father’s research?”
“We’ve had quite a few...conversations about ethical research. He’s looking at new ways of restoring complex motor behavior, without using animals.”
“That’s good news,” Mel says encouragingly. “You should be proud of the part you played in making that happen.”
I don’t know if it’s pride I feel. Mostly shame that I was part of the reason my father conducted those experiments in the first place.
I also can’t deny an overwhelming sense of relief I was able to protect Ross and Mel, as well as Kane, from any charges laid against them.
The only person who will see the inside of a jail cell is Marius.
Mel gestures to the house. “Well, lunch is ready and I know Ross is hungry. Then again, he’s always hungry.”
I accompany Mel into the house. After washing my hands in the bathroom, I head to the dining room, my eyes widening at the spread of colorful dishes on the table. “This looks amazing.”
“We prepared some of your favorite dishes,” Ross says. “We also prepared a surprise for you.”
Everything in me stills. I sense his presence even before he says anything.
“Amy.”
I haven’t heard his voice in six months, but I would recognize that deep baritone anywhere. Slowly, I turn around.
Kane is standing at the entrance to the dining room.
My shock is so great I can’t speak. My eyes, however, eat up the sight of him.
His tall frame seems thinner, his skin paler, his dark hair a little longer than the shorter cut he favors.
But those gray eyes are the same. They still cut straight into my soul.
I tear my gaze away from Kane and glare at Ross and Mel. Written on both their faces is a mix of delight and apology.
“Uh, surprise,” Mel announces.
“Hopefully a good surprise,” Ross adds. When I stare at him without saying anything, he clears his throat and says hastily, “Yeah, we’ll, uh, leave you two alone for a bit.”
They edge their way out of the room, and I hear Ross mutter to Kane, “Try not to take too long, will you. I’m really hungry.”
Kane barely acknowledges him, his gaze fixed on me. “You’re blonde again,” he says finally.
My initial shock passes and resentment simmers up. No, we’re not doing small talk. “Six months,” is all I say to him.
He closes the distance between us, stopping only inches away. “Six months of hell without you,” he says in a low, rough voice. “Every day felt wrong without you in it.”
I press my palms to my thighs to stop from touching him. Or hitting him. I’m so close to doing both. “Why?” I whisper, my throat tight and raw.
“I had to make sure you were safe. And that meant staying away from you. At least until things died down.”
“So what does that communicate to me?” I demand, my voice cracking. “That we’re not there for one another when our lives are messy and complicated? You disappeared when I needed you the most!”
“You think I haven’t kept tabs on you?” he asks quietly, fiercely. “You had to work through things too. As much as it nearly broke me to stay away, I needed you to be sure your feelings for me were real and not some psychological hang-up as a result of the kidnapping.”
I grasp the one thing he said that puzzles me. “You kept tabs on me? How?”
“I’ve been watching you.” He pauses. “And I’ve been in contact with your father.”
My mouth drops open in astonishment. “What?”
“I paid him a visit after he released all his lab animals. We had a bit of a rocky start. Your dad has an impressively solid right hook”—he rubs his jaw and I let out a disbelieving gasp—“but over time we’ve come to a wary truce.”
Anger rushes through me. “You refused to pick up the phone to contact me and yet you got in touch with my father.”
Kane rests his palm tenderly against my cheek. “I knew that if I wanted any kind of relationship with you I had to build a relationship with your father. I doubt we’ll ever be friends, but at least we’re on speaking terms.”
I want to slap his hand away, slap him for all the grief he’s caused me these past months. Instead, I lean into his touch. “I can’t believe my dad didn’t say anything.”
“I think he was hoping I’d disappear and get as far away from you as possible,” Kane says ruefully. “But I’m not going anywhere. Not without you beside me. Not ever again.”
My throat burns with the effort of holding back my tears. Kane is making an effort with the man he once called a monster. He’s doing it for me.
“Amy, I want to be a part of your life,” he says steadily. “I want forever with you. Every ordinary day. Every hard one. All of it.” He swallows. “That is, if you’ll have a reformed activist who’s learned exactly where his heart belongs.”
My heart swells at his words. “Reformed activist?” I echo. “What does that mean exactly?”
“It means I’ll continue my work as a vet and I’ll help Ross and Mel out at the sanctuary whenever I can, but I won’t be involved in any illegal activities. You mean too much to me to risk losing you.”
I fling myself into his arms. “I missed you so much.”
He envelops me in a firm embrace. “I missed you too, my love,” he confesses hoarsely. “More than you’ll ever know.” His arms tighten around me. “And I am so in love with you it physically hurts. You’re home to me, sweetheart.”
Warmth engulfs me. “I love you too.” I lift my head and look him in the eye. “With what you know about me, why aren’t you running for the hills?”
He touches his forehead to mine. “Hey, in sickness and in health. Those are vows I look forward to saying one day.”
With my heart thudding in my chest, I manage a watery laugh. “When you ask, I should let you wait six months for my answer.”
“Minx,” he says affectionately, and then he kisses me as if we have all the time in the world.
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THE END