Chapter Six
“You okay, Col?” Tommy had his arm wrapped around his sister as he walked her out to the car. She was still crying, despite the reassurances from everyone they talked to that she hadn’t done anything wrong. The witnesses backed up her story, and eventually the guy they had in lockup came clean about it all. It was self-defense, plain and simple. Even the cop who hauled her in had told her there was no such thing as excessive force when outnumbered like she had been.
She nodded her head against his shoulder. “Wyatt’s mom came to get him. I think I freaked him out.”
“He’ll get over it. If he’d been knifed or beaten up by those guys, it would’ve freaked him out more.”
Colleen seemed to agree, but she didn’t say anything else for a long minute. Tommy wondered if she was waiting until they were out of earshot of the people coming and going as they headed for the parking lot. He was right. As soon as they were alone, Colleen stopped and threw her arms around Tommy’s shoulders. “They touched me,” she whispered. It was a simple statement, but Tommy knew exactly what she meant and could only guess what that must have been like for her. “They came outta nowhere and one of ’em jumped on Wyatt and was punching him and digging through his pockets, and the other two….”
Tommy couldn’t help shushing her, holding her like she was a little girl, like she was Carrie or Zoe. “You wanna talk about it?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know.” Her voice sounded muffled against his shoulder, and he ran his hand through her hair, wanting to soothe away the hurt and make her feel safe again. “What good does talking about it do?” she asked as she pulled back enough to see his face.
Tommy didn’t have much of an answer for her. “Maybe it’s better than keeping it to yourself?”
Her eyes were swollen and shimmering, nose running all over him when he hugged her again. Colleen’s exhale shuddered out of her before she continued. “They just…. They grabbed me, and I think at first they were just checking my pockets, ya know?” Tommy nodded, holding her tight as she went on. “Then they started to feel me up, and I just… lost it.” She paused, taking another shaky breath. “When it happened before, I was so young, ya know? I didn’t know how to stop it or what the guy was doing or anything. I just knew it made me feel gross. But this time… I knew what they were gonna do if they got the chance, and then… I just didn’t think anymore. I barely even remember it.”
“You did good,” he whispered, wishing he’d been there, wishing he could get five minutes alone with the guys.
When she pulled back, her chin was quivering, putting him in mind of her when she was a baby. She said softly, “Thanks, Tommy.”
What could he say to that? Tommy nodded and steered her over to Bobby’s car, hitting the button twice to unlock both doors. “Wanna run away to Mexico?” He was hoping to get a smile from her. “It’s got a full tank of gas and I’m willing to bet he’s got some cash stashed in there.”
Her laugh was more wounded than cheerful. “Canada’s closer.”
“Too cold. I want a warm beach and margaritas.”
Despite the jokes about running away from home, Tommy drove carefully back to the house and parked Bobby’s car out front, making sure to lock it and set the alarm before he and Colleen started up the walkway.
The closer they got to the front door, the more obvious it became that something wasn’t right. A riot of noise greeted them and the windows were shaking as things slammed around in the house. He could hear Max and Zoe crying from somewhere inside.
“Jesus, I’m gone one hour…,” Tommy grumbled as he went up the stairs. Colleen trailed behind him, looking ready for whatever awaited them.
When they got the door open, the house looked like a tornado had hit it. Furniture was tipped over, one of the curtains was down, books and toys were strewn from one side of the house to the other. When he saw Bobby standing in the middle of the living room with his arms crossed over his chest and a look of barely restrained anger on his face, Tommy knew without asking what had happened. No way had his kids done this. “Where is she now?”
Bobby looked at him and nodded his head toward the kitchen door. A loud bang sounded on the other side. To Bobby’s credit, he didn’t even flinch. “Kitchen,” he said flatly. “I usually have a gun on me when I have to deal with people like this.”
Tommy almost laughed. “Where’s the kids?”
“I sent them upstairs and haven’t let her go up there.”
Tommy could tell he was trying to remain calm, but it looked like Bobby was about to lose his cool any second.
“I thought about getting them all out of here, but I didn’t wanna leave Cheryl here unattended, and I didn’t want you coming back and finding me and the kids gone.”
Tommy nodded in understanding, thankful Bobby knew better than to take off with the kids without warning. Just as he was about to say so, he heard a loud shriek from the kitchen and then Cheryl yelled, “Goddamn it, Tommy! Where did you put it?”
He knew exactly what she was talking about as soon as she said it. The last time Cheryl and Cal had made an appearance, Tommy found a small baggie of what looked like meth. He didn’t bother to investigate it further. He flushed it down the toilet as soon as they’d left.
Growling as he started to stalk toward the kitchen, Tommy paused when he heard Bobby say, “Colleen, go get three of the kids and put them in my car, pack up the rest in yours. We’re going out.”
She was already starting up the stairs to gather the kids. Tommy turned to Bobby and said, “Gotta hit the gas station first, we’re on fumes.” He pulled out his wallet and passed Bobby a twenty and the keys to Bobby’s car. “Give the cash to Colleen for some gas. I’ll catch up with you guys in a bit.” He added, “Lemme know where you’re headed.”
Cheryl was still making all kinds of noise from the other side of the door. Pots and pans were falling to the ground—or being thrown against walls, Tommy wasn’t sure.
“I’m taking them to dinner.” Bobby worked his jaw again, looking like he was waiting for Tommy’s argument.
“We can’t afford that.”
“I can. That psychopath in there decided to look for her stash in the spaghetti sauce me and Carrie made. The kids need to eat, Tom.”
Tommy swore under his breath, rubbing his fingertips over his forehead, trying to chase away his headache. “It’s not like this is anything new to them, Bobby. Getting away from it for one night isn’t gonna change their lives.”
“Probably not, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna sit around and listen to that while they’re upstairs crying and hungry.”
“Nobody asked you to!” Tommy roared.
He was so goddamn tired of his life, so tired of all the people who stumbled in and fucked it up for him when they were managing. Total strangers, Cal, Cheryl, and now Bobby. He knew it was unfair, knew Bobby was more help than Tommy liked to admit, but Jesus. The last thing he needed was to be standing there listening to Cheryl tear the house apart while he argued with someone about what was right and wrong for the kids and where their next meal was coming from. He fed them. He kept them safe. Having someone swoop in—yes, swoop—and tell him they’d handle things for him pissed Tommy off. He didn’t need help from anyone.
Bobby stared at him for a long minute, stone-faced and unyielding. “Nobody said you did.” His voice was just loud enough to be heard over the cacophony coming from the kitchen. “God forbid you should ever ask someone for anything, Tom.”
Too much noise, too much to deal with, and too many goddamn catastrophes for one day made Tommy irritable. “You’re fucking right I didn’t ask for anything! I didn’t ask for this,” he yelled, waving his arms around the destroyed living room. “I didn’t ask for that,” Tommy punctuated his comment with a finger pointed at the kitchen door. “And I didn’t ask for you.”
That last comment was too far, not even entirely true, and he knew it, but he couldn’t take it back either. He was still fuming and not ready to back down yet. Instead he stepped closer to Bobby, nearly in his face, and hissed, “I don’t ask for anything for a reason.”
Bobby didn’t pull back. Colleen trudged down the stairs with Zoe in her arms and the rest of the kids in tow. Bobby tossed her the keys to his car and then looked at Tommy again. “There comes a point, Tom, where martyrdom for its own sake is ill-advised.” He did step back then, but only to take Max from Carrie as they made it to the bottom of the stairs. With the baby calming down, Bobby looked at Tommy again. “When you’re ready to un-nail yourself from that cross you carry around, let me know.”
It took Tommy less than a minute to pull himself together and realize the noise in the kitchen had stopped. He needed to talk to Bobby, probably apologize for what he’d said, but as usual, there wasn’t time for any of that. There was never time for anything he needed or wanted, and this day, as shitty as it was, had been good for one thing. It illustrated for Bobby exactly what Tommy meant when he said he couldn’t. He couldn’t run off with Bobby for a night. He couldn’t take his eyes off his family for one second. And he couldn’t give in and let someone else take care of things even for one hour. He’d tried that, hadn’t he? And look at the ruin waiting for him when he got home. “Martyr, my ass,” he muttered as he kicked the kitchen door open.
Cheryl sat in the middle of the floor covered in red sauce, looking like she’d worn herself out. He’d seen the same thing happen with the twins when they were overtired and fighting sleep and kicking up a fit. Eventually they wound down on their own because their little bodies could only take it for so long. He didn’t like thinking of Cheryl in the same light, so he tried to push the idea away.
He watched where he stepped as he walked into the kitchen. “Where’s Pop?” Food and broken glass were scattered all over the floor. It would take hours to clean up, and Christ only knew how he was going to replace the food he couldn’t salvage.
“Huh?” Cheryl looked confused, blinking up at Tommy like she didn’t know he was there. “Oh, he’s in the can.”
Tommy nodded and stepped farther away from her and the mess. He went back out the door and up the stairs to the bathroom. Cal had passed out on the tile floor, using the bathmat as a blanket. At least he was out of the way.
Going back into the kitchen, Tommy found Cheryl in the same spot. She was sitting up, but she looked like a ragdoll, limp and slumped over. She was crying, and Tommy tried not to care.
“Ya know”—Cheryl wiped her hair back off her face, smearing sauce with it—“I was pretty once, Tommy.” She let out a broken little laugh through her tears.
Tommy was trying to figure out if she had a point or if she was too high or too drunk and couldn’t stop herself from rambling. In the end, he decided it didn’t matter.
“A real looker. Back in high school, I was the prettiest thing you ever saw.”
Tilting his head and trying to picture it, Tommy was surprised when he could almost see it. Her skin was pockmarked and wrinkled from too much sun and too much booze and probably from all the meth and heroin. Her hair was so bleached it looked like straw, dark roots showing, and she only had about half her teeth, but he could imagine it. Cheryl back before the life she lived had eaten away at her, before she was covered in track marks, before she was wrecked. Tommy could imagine it. He almost asked her what had happened, but he already knew.
He was starting to clean up the mess on the table and the countertops when Cheryl spoke again. This time it sounded as if she’d forgotten he was there.
“One of the cutest boys asked me out. God, he was so handsome. And his folks were rich. He asked me to the movies, and then after our date, he took me out to the beach and we went for a long walk by the railroad tracks.”
Tommy stopped cold and turned to look at her again. He knew where this was going, and he didn’t want to hear it, but he couldn’t tell her to shut up either.
Cheryl’s voice was soft, almost a whisper. “There were four of them. His friends. He must have planned it. I had a reputation, ya see. I never gave it up for anyone. I was savin’ it, ya know? For someone special, maybe even till I got married.” She looked up at Tommy then, laughing again, snot running down her face. “Stupid, huh? People don’t do that anymore, do they?” He didn’t know what to say, so he just stood there. “They told me I was a prick-tease and I had it coming. They left me there after they were done. I was freezing. They ripped my dress up. That was all I could think, ya know? My pretty dress was ruined, and I knew my mother was gonna lay into me for it.”
Part of him had never hated Cheryl more. He couldn’t believe she’d found a way to make him want to take care of her and help her. Jesus. All he could think about was Colleen and those three guys that afternoon. What if it had gone down differently? What if she hadn’t been holding a baseball bat and they hadn’t been too stupid to live? What if—
“The police found me the next day.” Cheryl broke his train of thought with another wounded laugh. “My father told me I probably asked for it, and my mother didn’t want to press charges because she was too embarrassed.” More tears spilled down her face, making clear streaks in the mess on her cheeks as she sighed. “After that I never said no again. They’re gonna take what they want anyway, right? Might as well get something for it.”
Frozen. Tommy felt frozen all the way down to his blood. He didn’t know what to say to her. It wasn’t a new story. A girl gets raped or abused and tries to numb the pain with booze and drugs, and then her life slides down a rabbit hole there’s no coming out of. It happened all the time. Every day, if he had to guess. It could have happened to Colleen after that guy in foster care. Hell, it could still happen to her. Or Carrie. Or Zoe. Any of them, really. But what was getting to Tommy in that moment, what was holding him there like he was a statue, was his own mother. He’d never wondered about what started her on the drinking and the dope. It was simply part of who she was, part of who his father was too. He always figured it was predetermined genetic coding, that it hit them like a key turning in a lock. They tried it, they liked it, and then they couldn’t stop. For the first time in his life, though, he was wondering what his mother’s real story was. Too bad she couldn’t tell him.
In some strange way, Tommy was glad Cheryl had told him. He was glad she wasn’t going to take that to her grave. Eventually some guy would cut her throat on the side of the road, or she would OD, or… something. But at least now, he could look at her and know what happened and why. He had to remind himself that it didn’t excuse her from anything. A dog that’s been beaten and abused and bites everyone who crosses its path is still a danger to society. Cheryl was the same way. He could let himself pity her, though.
“Why don’t we get you cleaned up?” Finally able to move, he stepped over to her. “Hot shower will make things better.”
“Yeah.” She took his hand when he offered it. When he had her up on her feet, supporting her with an arm around her waist, Cheryl asked, “What’d you do with my stash, Tommy?”
“I think you used it up, Cher.”
“Maybe. Maybe I should lay off for a while anyway.”
He knew that wouldn’t last. Detox hadn’t set in yet. When it did, when she couldn’t see straight from the pain and she couldn’t do anything but puke and shit and cry, she’d change her mind. He couldn’t really blame her. He didn’t know if he’d be able to stand it either. “After we get ya clean, you want me to take you down to the hospital? See if they got a bed in rehab?” He had nothing better to offer her.
She looked at him and smiled her jagged, brown-toothed, grin. They were standing in the doorway to the bathroom, trying not to trip over his father. “Nah, that’s all right, Tommy. I can do it on my own. I don’t need any help from anyone.”
Her words washed over him like ice water.
It took nearly two hours to get the kitchen in order again. Tommy had put Cheryl to bed after her shower and then dragged his father into their room. What a fucking day. He was working on the living room when the phone rang. It was Colleen. She let him know where they were and asked if he was going to join them. He told her he had to finish cleaning up and keep an eye on Cheryl and Cal. She understood but sounded disappointed.
“How’s the kids?” He wasn’t really worried about them, but he was used to checking on them.
Colleen laughed. “They’re fine. I don’t think Bobby knew how much they could eat. Davey and Mike put away six chili dogs between them.”
“That’ll teach him.” Tommy laughed softly as he continued to pick things up around the room. “How, uh, how’s Bobby doing? He looked a little rattled when you guys left.”
“You mean is he still pissed at you?”
“Yeah, that.”
“Probably, but he’s not letting on to the kids. When he caught Davey getting free games from the pinball machine, he stood him in the corner and told him he should’ve just asked for some quarters. When Davey told him he didn’t beg for money or ask anyone for anything, God, you should’ve seen Bobby’s face.” Colleen was giggling as she told him the story. “He stood there in front of Davey so he couldn’t get away, arms crossed, all cop-like, saying, ‘I keep forgetting it would kill you guys to ask for anything. I’m not gonna die in the line of duty. No. It’s gonna be O’Shea stubbornness that does me in.’” Colleen paused for another laugh before she added, “Then he goes: ‘I swear to God, if I can get just one of you to ask for a hand just once, it’ll be a righteous death.’ I about wet myself laughing. I told him we’d personally petition for his sainthood.”
Given the way they’d left things, Tommy shouldn’t have laughed, but he did. “Tell him Carrie can design his medal.”
“I’m sure she’d jump at the chance.” He could hear Colleen’s smile in her tone on the other end of the line. “You want us to bring anything home for ya?”
“Nah, I’m good.” Cheryl’s words about not needing help and Bobby’s comment about him never asking for anything ran through his head and forced him to reconsider. “Ya know, on second thought, I just got the kitchen clean, and I don’t wanna make another mess in there. Could you grab me a burger and some fries?”
Colleen was so quiet, he wondered if her call had dropped until she said, “Sure, Tommy.”
After they got off the phone, Tommy went back to work.
By the time the kids were coming in, the house was almost put back together. It wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t look like a war zone at least.
Colleen carried Max, and Mike had Zoe in his arms. Davey passed Tommy a greasy bag and a cup with what appeared to be a butterscotch shake in it. Collin and Carrie filed in behind them, but not Bobby.
“They still here?” Colleen looked around the quiet house.
“Upstairs. They’re sleeping off whatever they were on. My bet is they’ll be gone before noon.” Tommy glanced out the window. Bobby was leaning against his car, his arms crossed over his chest like they had been several times that day. “You got this for a few? I need to talk to Bobby.”
Colleen gave him a half smile. “Better run. I don’t think he’s gonna wait long for you.”
Tommy was barefoot as he started down the steps. Bobby had parked in front of the house. He seemed surprised to see Tommy, and that hurt on some level Tommy couldn’t look at.
His first urge was to lean in and kiss Bobby, right there, in front of all the neighbors. But he decided against it, mostly because he wasn’t sure if Bobby would take a swing at him for it. He still looked pissed.
Tommy leaned in, putting one hand by Bobby on the side of the car, not quite trapping him there, but hoping to keep him in place long enough to say what he needed to say.
“Look.” Tommy glanced down at the ground before meeting Bobby’s eye and going on. “I’m gonna say two words to you that I’ve only ever said to the kids, okay?”
“Okay.” Bobby was stoic, but he listened.
“I’m sorry.”
Not the easiest thing he’d ever done, but not as bad as he’d thought it would be.
Bobby didn’t look impressed, though. “Okay.”
“Okay, what?”
“Okay, you’re sorry.”
Narrowing his eyes, Tommy huffed out a breath and shook his head. “Jesus. You don’t even try to make it easy on a guy.”
“And you do?”
Tommy considered that. “Fair point.”
That got a small laugh out of both of them and the pressure between them eased.
“I’m not saying I’m the easiest person to deal with, and I’m not saying I’m just gonna roll over and let you take over, but….”
This was the part that would hurt to say out loud and even Bobby seemed to know it. He reached a hand for Tommy and brushed his fingers against Tommy’s chest. A simple touch, unobtrusive, and hopefully hard to see by anyone watching.
“You were right. I don’t ask for help and I don’t like it and I don’t… respond well when it’s offered.” He got a snorted laugh for that, but Tommy continued. “I’m a mess, my family is a mess, my life is a mess, and if I weren’t a selfish bastard, I’d tell you to run. I’d tell you to forget we ever knew each other, but Jesus, I don’t wanna do that. I’m not easy, and I’m a pain in the ass, but if you’re willing to stick around, I’m willing to try, and I’m willing to trust you, and I’m willing to—”
Bobby cut him off by putting both hands on his face and pulling him into a kiss so strong and so hard it sucked the air out of Tommy’s lungs.
After a moment, Bobby let him go, his expression intent as he pulled back.
Tommy asked, “Was that good-bye, thanks for last night, asshole? Or was that you sticking around?”
Bobby’s lips curved into a smile. “Guess.”
“All right, smartass.” Tommy laughed. “You coming in, or…?”
“Did your folks leave?”
“Nah, they’re passed out.”
“I think I’ll head home, then.” Bobby looked regretful for a beat and then added, “How about I swing by early and we take the kids down to the lake or something?”
“You haven’t had your fill of us yet?”
“Not even close.” Bobby smiled before he glanced up at the house and then laughed.
Tommy turned and saw all the kids upstairs, their faces pressed to the windows. Bobby waved at them, and all but Carrie and Colleen jumped and ran away. Carrie smiled and waved back, and Colleen gave him a thumbs-up.
“I bet you loved the circus when you were a kid.” Amused, Tommy turned his attention back to Bobby.
Bobby arched a brow in response. “How’d you know?”
“If you’re not comin’ in, go home.” Tommy pulled back, but he didn’t go far. “My feet are cold.”
Bobby glanced down and then back up to catch Tommy’s eye. “One of these days I’m gonna get you alone for more than three hours.”
“That a promise, copper?”
“Yes.” Heat was rising between them, but there was no way they could do anything about it tonight. “Now go inside and eat your food before it gets cold.”
“That’s what the microwave is for.” Tommy thought about opening the car door and pushing Bobby in, taking him right there in front of the house, but he decided against it. Instead he leaned in and brushed their lips together. It was a tender kiss, and it warmed Tommy up inside. “Thanks for dinner.”
“Anytime, Tom.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Bobby echoed Tommy’s words from weeks earlier. “Not if I see you first.”
“Ass.”
“Takes one to know one.” With that, Bobby pushed him back with a boyish shove, laughing. “I’ll call you later.”
Tommy settled down on the couch with his cold burger and melted milk shake. He was hungry enough it still tasted like the best thing he’d ever eaten.
Colleen plopped down next to him, looking exhausted. “Kids are all tucked away.” She reached for the television remote and clicked it on.
“I can’t believe you’re still up.”
She turned to him with a tired smile on her face. “Just need to unwind a little.”
Tommy understood. He was ragged around the edges, but he wasn’t ready to go to bed yet either. “Bobby wants us all to go down to the lake tomorrow with him.”
“Sounds nice. Weather should be warm enough….”
“Wanna see if Wyatt wants to come along?” he asked, nudging her shoulder.
“I don’t know.” She chewed her lip and glanced at Tommy. “I thought maybe I should give him some space after what happened.”
“None of that was your fault. If he’s got a problem with it, he’s not worth your time, Col.”
She sighed. “I know. I just…. He was really nice.”
Tommy kissed the top of her head. “He still is. Give him a chance, see what he says.”
Nodding, Colleen asked, “You taking your own advice for once?”
He took the last sip from his shake and looked at her for a minute before answering. “We’re going to the lake tomorrow with my new cop boyfriend. I think that answers your question, don’t it?”
Colleen laughed, resting her head on his shoulder. “Guess so.”