Chapter Eight
Gavin
Of all the ways Gavin thought this day might turn out, he never would have bet on this one. When Ben had told him his sister Tina was there, Gavin had almost called him a liar. But, no, there she was. On their couch. With a backpack sitting next to her. He hadn’t seen her since she was twelve years old.
“Can I get ya something? Water or…” Falling into the role of host came naturally to Gavin under normal circumstances, but his brain was swimming with every memory he had of Tina. She’d worshiped him when she was little. He was nearly five years older than her. Tina loved being in the kitchen with him when it was his turn to cook or even wash dishes. But every card or letter he’d tried to send Tina and the other kids had come back to him in the mail marked Return to Sender, and he’d never managed to get one of the kids on the phone. His parents always hung up on him when he tried to call. After a few years of that, Gavin had given up.
When Tina shook her head in response, Gavin asked, “How did you find me?” Why are you here might have been a better question, but his brain hadn’t quite caught up with everything.
Tina ran her hands down her leggings like she was trying to wipe sweat off her palms. She bunched the fabric of her hoodie in her small, frail-looking fists before she answered. “I went to the library and did a couple of searches and I found you on Facebook and then I saw Ben’s name on your profile, then I did a directory search… You didn’t pop up, but a few different Ben Cartwrights did, so… This was the third Ben on my list, so that was kind of embarrassing, but…” She took a breath as if she were working up her courage, but instead of confessing something or giving him a reason for landing on their doorstep on the worst possible day, she said, “I tried to send you a message on Facebook, but it wouldn’t let me.”
Awesome. His security was such that only friends of friends could send him a message, but a few clicks of a mouse and anyone on the planet could track him down right to his door. He’d need to deal with that little issue soon. For now, though, he simply waited for Tina to give him some more information.
She cast a wary glance toward Ben. Gavin couldn’t blame her for looking frightened. Ben stood in the middle of the living room with his bulky arms crossed over his bulky chest and a scowl on his face. He looked like the best bodyguard a guy could hope for. “Are you guys… Is he…?”
Gavin took pity on her. “Yeah, sorry, Tina, this is my boyfriend, Ben.”
Tina’s face flushed brightly at the word boyfriend, and Gavin had to remind himself that she probably had some serious bullshit drilled into her by the same parents who kicked him out for being gay. But what really caught his attention was the look on Ben’s face. Pure, unadulterated relief. Joy, even. Gavin resisted the urge to roll his eyes. They weren’t okay. Maybe they wouldn’t ever be okay. But no way in the world was he going to let his little sister see that.
“I never would have guessed.” Tina looked from Ben to Gavin and then back again. “He’s so… I mean, you just don’t seem…” She looked mortified suddenly, as if she knew she had said the wrong thing but had no idea how to fix it.
Ben didn’t look amused. He didn’t say anything, but Gavin could tell it was a near thing.
Tina seemed to sense she was in dangerous waters. “I didn’t mean…”
When her brow furrowed and her bottom lip trembling, Gavin shot a furious glance at Ben.
He tried to keep his tone even as he stood up from his spot on the coffee table where he’d been perched. “Babe? Why don’t you run to the store and give us a few minutes to catch up, okay?” He hoped Ben would catch the hidden meaning, but he grabbed a notepad from the kitchen. “Here’s a list of the stuff we need.” He scribbled a couple of things they actually did need from the store—including chocolate milk for Tina because, hey, when she was seven, that solved every problem—and then added at the bottom in bold letters: Don’t be a dick to my sister or I’ll stuff your balls up your ass!
Ben grunted when he read the note. “Not sure about this last one, but I’ll do my best.” He dropped his voice to a whisper and leaned close. “I don’t like the idea of leaving you alone with her.”
With an effort to suppress his irritation, Gavin hissed, “If she tries to kidnap me and drag me to some homo-internment camp, I think I can take her.” He didn’t give Ben a chance to respond as he pulled away and went back to Tina.
Ben grabbed his leather jacket from the front closet and then stalked toward Gavin in the living room. He had an odd look on his face, as if he were about to get away with something he shouldn’t. “Back in twenty, baby.” He leaned close and planted a light, tender kiss on Gavin’s lips, the innocent kind he would have given Gavin on any street corner or in front of his own family.
Goddamn him. It was nice too. A painful reminder of how good they could be together.
Gavin could almost forget the last week—the last few months, really—and let himself get lost in Ben again, but Tina was there. He didn’t let the kiss deepen or go any further. Gavin pulled back and caught Ben’s eye. “Take your time.”
Ben surprised him then. He glanced at Tina and asked, “Can I get ya anything while I’m out? Soda or something?”
“Um,” she said, taking a breath as if talking directly to Ben was too hard, too scary. “I’m good, thanks.”
Gavin watched Ben leave. He had a knot in his throat and a tangle of emotions he couldn’t deal with at the moment. When the door fell shut, he turned his attention back to his sister. She was looking around the room as if she wanted to be anywhere other than where she was.
Gavin cleared his throat. “Sorry about that.” Okay, why he was sorry, he had no idea. He’d never wanted to hide his feelings for Ben before, or their affection. “Ben’s actually a giant teddy bear once you get to know him. He’s just really protective of me and…” Huh. That sweet little truth warmed something up in Gavin, as if he’d needed the reminder.
“It’s okay,” she said too quickly. “I didn’t mean to be… rude or… I’ve just never been around any gay people before and… Well, except for you, but I didn’t even know that you were or… what it was then and…” She probably still didn’t know what it was, not really. Tina looked like she might burst into tears any second.
“Don’t worry about it, sweets.” Gavin sat next to her on the sofa. He reached out and picked up her hand, hoping to still her restless fidgeting. “Wanna tell me what’s going on? Or what you’ve been up to for the last five or so years?” Things were awkward between them. Reunions usually are, right? But he couldn’t take his eyes off her. He’d missed her so damn much—missed all of his brothers and sisters—and having her with him now felt like a missing puzzle piece had dropped back into place in his life.
With a shrug, her face crimson, Tina let out a shuddering breath. “I met this boy at Bible study and…” She stared at her lap as if she couldn’t face Gavin. “We… I knew I shouldn’t, but we snuck out a few times to meet. Well, a lot, actually. And…” She finally looked at Gavin, but her eyes were full of shame and regret. “At first we just talked a lot and… held hands and… we kissed a few times.” Sobbing. She was actually sobbing.
Gavin put his arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head like he did when she was a kid and had skinned her knee. “It’s okay, hon. I’m familiar with the routine.” He had a dark, unwanted thought. “Did he… force you to do anything, or…?”
Tina lifted her head, looking confused for a moment, and then her eyes widened. “No. No. Nothing like that. I mean. I almost wish he had, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe I wouldn’t be…”
How fucked-up were their parents? Their daughter thought she’d be better off if she’d been raped, rather than having normal, consensual teenage sex. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Gavin knew his words wouldn’t mean much to her, but he had to try. His heart ached for her. “Did they kick you out?”
Tina nodded against his chest, having leaned into him when Gavin tightened his hold on her. She lifted her head and looked at him again with that same shame all over her face. “I mean, not exactly? But kind of.”
“Could you expand on that?”
“I… I’m pregnant and when Dad found out, he talked to Brian’s parents and told them we had to get married and Brian lied and said it wasn’t him and we never did anything and the baby isn’t his and…” She trailed off again as if the rapid-fire admission had been too much for her. Gavin waited, petting her long blonde hair, wishing he had more comfort to offer her. “I think Dad believed him. He said a bunch of stuff and told me I was going to give the baby to some couple at church and never tell anyone else and never see the baby or even hold it. So I just… left.”
Gavin let her words sink in. After all these years, he really didn’t think he could be surprised by his parents anymore. He had thought kicking him out would’ve been the worst thing they’d ever do. But this? So much worse. So much more cruel. Twenty-first century and no one even considered the idea of abortion? Or letting her keep it? Or even letting her make her own decision? He tried to wrap his head around everything that had happened since he got out of bed that morning. This had been the weirdest day of his life. “How far along?”
She unzipped her jacket and pulled her thin shirt tight across her middle.
Gavin stared at her swollen tummy for a beat. “I’m no expert, but I’m guessing that’s not a beer belly.”
She shook her head and sniffled again. “At least four months, maybe longer.”
Tina. And a baby. He couldn’t even process it all, couldn’t let himself enjoy seeing her again or enjoy the idea of having a family of his own again. His world narrowed into nothing for a moment. “Jesus.”
His sister’s eyes widened, and she glanced around nervously as if expecting the boogeyman—or their father—to jump from the closet.
Gavin almost laughed. “You’ll hear a lot worse around here.”