Chapter Eleven
Ben
Thank Christ. Ben groaned softly into Gavin’s mouth, pushed his tongue deeper and slid it against Gavin’s. He wanted to bury himself in Gavin—literally and figuratively. He wanted to push himself in and never let Gavin go.
They had a lot to talk about—especially Gavin’s newest little bombshell—but all of that could wait. He needed this—no, they needed it. They needed to touch each other, hold on to each other, let their bodies take them away from the fighting and the bitter words they both said to each other, the things they wished they could take back.
When Gavin fisted his fingers more tightly into Ben’s hair and tugged sharply, Ben pulled back. His breath beat against Gavin’s skin in harsh pants as they looked at each other in the shadowy space between them. Neither said anything, so Ben kissed him again, more tenderly this time, as he wrapped his hand around Gavin’s cock.
When he started to trail kisses over Gavin’s throat, down his chest, and pushed Gavin’s pajama bottoms down lower, Gavin stopped him with one word. “Wait,” he whispered.
Ben did. He stopped cold, even paused the slow strokes over Gavin’s erection.
“Just…” Gavin whispered as he kicked his pants the rest of the way off, and then rocked his hips into Ben’s touch. He shifted closer to Ben, slid his other arm around Ben’s shoulder against the pillows. He didn’t say just hold me, but Ben thought he understood. He pulled Gavin as close as he could and started his rhythm again, steady and sure, as he pressed another kiss to Gavin’s temple.
Gavin moaned softly and writhed against Ben, thrust his hips up so his cock slid against the rough circle of Ben’s grip, slick with precome now.
“Whatever you need, Gav.” He meant it. Anything Gavin needed, anything he wanted, Ben wanted it too. He wanted to give Gavin the world, grant every wish like a demon genie from a lost and ancient world. He didn’t feel like he could ask Gavin to make promises, tie himself to Ben for better or worse, but damn it all, Ben was well past that and had been for years. His gasping heart belonged to Gavin, and nothing was ever going to change that.
When Gavin threw back the covers, Ben knew he was getting close. So quick, like a flash flood after a drought. Ben shifted over Gavin, let some of his weight rest on Gavin, let his body shield Gavin from the whole world, from their bickering, from Ben’s stupidity, from anything and everything. He’d been Gavin’s shelter since the day they met, and Ben didn’t want it any other way.
He moved his palm harder between them, his fingers tight around Gavin’s shaft, thumb working a frantic circle over the head of his cock, slicking its way through the clear fluid that beaded with every stroke. Gavin pressed his face to Ben’s neck, exhaled a harsh groan—almost a cry, almost a wail, but not quite. The sound muffled against Ben’s skin and made him shudder as well. He wanted to grind himself against Gavin, rut like an animal and bring on his own release, but he resisted the urge. Instead he carried Gavin over the edge, and didn’t that feel almost as good?
When Gavin went rigid in Ben’s arms, offered one last thrust through Ben’s grip, Ben only held him harder, kissing his hair, his cheek, anywhere he could reach until Gavin was coming hot and wet between them. If someone had told Ben a decade ago that a quick handjob in the middle of the night would feel just as intimate, just as meaningful an act of love as being inside someone else, Ben would’ve thought they were crazy. “Love you so much, Gav,” he whispered, slowing his hand until he finally stopped.
Gavin’s breath rushed against Ben’s shoulder, but he didn’t say anything in response.
After a long moment, Ben pulled back, but only slightly, only enough to reach for the tail of a sheet and wipe Gavin’s stomach clean. He kissed Gavin’s warm skin, touched him with gentle, loving motions, and tucked Gavin up close against him.
With one more deep, sated sigh, Gavin turned onto his side. He didn’t pull away, but spooned himself tight against Ben, pulled Ben’s arm over his waist. Ben thought Gavin might just pass out. That was pretty much their routine.
Eventually Gavin pushed his ass back against Ben. Invitation? Ben thought it was. He ground his hips against Gavin, groaned softly as he kissed Gavin’s shoulder.
“You didn’t come.” Not a question, statement of fact.
“No,” Ben whispered, still holding Gavin close but starting to move harder, more hopefully against Gavin.
“Good,” Gavin said, a sadistic tease in his voice, playful and punishing at the same time. He shifted a fraction of an inch away from Ben, just his ass, just far enough to make it impossible for Ben to grind against him. “I hope it hurts. You deserve it.”
Ben laughed softly, nipped Gavin’s shoulder with his teeth. “It does. And you’re probably right.”
“No, I’m definitely right.” Gavin laced his fingers through Ben’s and pulled Ben’s hand higher onto his chest, over Gavin’s heart. “You almost broke me, Ben.” he said seriously, sounding even more sober in whispers. “Don’t do it again.”
Ben’s eyes stung as Gavin’s words sunk in. Of all the things he’d hoped to accomplish, hurting Gavin was never on the agenda. Freeing him, maybe. Giving him room to explore the world without Ben holding him back, sure. But never hurting him. Let alone breaking him. “Never again.”
“I’m holding you to that.”
Maybe they weren’t quite on solid ground yet. Ben hoped the major quakes were done, but he knew they’d probably deal with the aftershocks for a long time, maybe for the rest of their lives.
At least if they fell into a sinkhole, they’d go down together.
Ben woke up feeling better than he had in days. He’d slept late, slept hard. Over a week of restless nights had worn him out. Feeling like he and Gavin were finally making some progress in the right direction had worked better than a sleeping pill.
When he reached for Gavin’s side of the bed and felt nothing but cool sheets, his heart sank a little. He had hoped they could wake up together, make love again, and lie in bed all afternoon.
The smell of Gavin’s cooking reached him from the kitchen, though, so that helped take the sting out of waking up alone. Ben sat up slowly and started to get out of bed. Then he heard laughter.
No, giggles.
Teenage girl giggles, to be exact.
Right. Tina.
Wait, no.
Pregnant Tina.
Jesus. How had he forgotten that rather epic interruption to their regularly scheduled lives?
He pulled on some clean sweats—Gavin had even washed and put away his laundry before he left—and went to take a piss. Once he finished with the morning necessities, all he had left was to face Gavin and his sister. Fantastic.
Tina sat at the table with a plate of food in front of her and Gavin’s tablet in her hand. Ben found Gavin in the kitchen, standing in front of the stove and flipping an omelet. When he saw Ben, Gavin stepped close to him and gave him a small peck on the cheek. “Your breakfast is almost ready.”
Ben nodded, still a little groggy, still trying to adjust to the interloper in their dining room. “Thanks, babe.” He could feel Tina’s eyes on him, and he thought he probably should have put on a shirt before coming into the kitchen. “Morning, Tina. Sleep okay?”
If Gavin was surprised by his effort to make nice, he didn’t show it.
“Yeah, thanks,” she said shyly. She looked at Ben like she couldn’t stop herself from staring. “You have a lot of tattoos.” She had a knack for stating the obvious, if nothing else.
Ben didn’t have to say anything. Gavin took over for him. “Ben’s a tattoo artist. He’s really good.”
“Cool.” She didn’t sound like she thought it was very cool. Especially when she asked Gavin, “Do you have any?”
Gavin shrugged. “I will eventually, but I don’t know what I want. Ben said it should be something meaningful if I’m gonna have it for the rest of my life.”
“Are…” Tina looked at Ben again and asked, “Are all of yours meaningful?”
“Most, yeah.” He pulled his favorite mug out of the cupboard and started brewing a cup of coffee in the little single-serve deal Gavin had given him for Christmas. He loved that damn coffee maker. As he waited, he turned to face her.
Tina’s eyes got wide, which seemed weird to Ben, but whatever. She pointed tentatively toward him. “Is that a hawk?”
Ben glanced down at his chest. Why, he had no idea. He knew exactly what she was talking about. “Yeah.”
“Is that…”
He looked up and caught her eye. “Gavin? Yeah.” Okay, he needed to work on multisyllabic responses, apparently. But when he’d searched the meaning of Gavin’s name and hawk had popped up, it had seemed like an obvious choice for the one spot on his skin he’d been saving.
“Over your heart,” she said softly, as if something was starting to make sense to her. “That’s really sweet.”
Gavin beamed at him from the stove as he plated Ben’s food—omelet and bacon, fresh fruit, and a slice of french toast. Ben’s favorite.
“So’s Gavin.”
Tina gave him a crooked smile for that, and Gavin gave him another tiny kiss with his food.
“Can I get ya a cup of coffee?” Ben didn’t know what else to offer her. Gavin seemed to have her covered on all fronts. Food, water, juice, milk. He wondered if Gavin had just set everything in front of her without asking what she’d like or if she simply couldn’t make up her mind.
Tina shook her head, “No, but thanks. It says here I shouldn’t have too much caffeine.”
When Ben quirked a brow in confusion, Gavin supplied an answer to his unasked question. “We were looking up prenataly stuff online.”
“Prenataly? I don’t think that’s a word.”
Gavin grinned at him. “It is now.”
Ben wasn’t sure if this was part of the My Fabulous Gay Life act Gavin was putting on yesterday or if they really were back to normal. Either way, Ben decided to roll with it. It felt like a fucking miracle to be back in Gavin’s good graces, and he didn’t really give a shit if it was just an act. For now, at least.
When someone knocked on the front door, Gavin stopped rinsing the dishes in the sink. “That’s Tony. He brought my car back for me. I just gotta run him home real quick.” He grabbed his jacket and pulled it on. “You ready, Tina?”
She looked up at him, a hint of disappointment on her face. “Um, yeah. I’ll finish this when we get back.” She pushed her plate away and started to get up.
“You can stay and finish your breakfast if ya want,” Ben said. Tina seemed unsure, and Ben couldn’t really blame her. “I’m nicer than I look.” Was he? Probably not. Gavin didn’t seem to think so either. He looked from Ben to Tina, worry written all over his face.
With a glance at Gavin, Tina asked, “Is that okay?”
It was so not okay. Ben could tell by the look on Gavin’s face. “Yeah, of course,” Gavin said. The liar.
“We’ll be here when you get back.” Ben slipped his arm around Gavin’s waist and planted a kiss on his temple, inhaled softly before letting him go. He wanted to let Gavin know he wasn’t going to kick his sister out while he was gone without actually having to say it.
Gavin talked over his shoulder as he headed for the door. “I’m taking Tina down to Planned Parenthood this afternoon for an exam and to find out what all’s available for her.” He hustled Tony away before the guy could even step foot inside.
Ben set his plate on the other side of the table from Tina, grabbed his coffee from the counter, and sat down across from a little girl who looked too much like a deer caught in headlights.