Chapter Thirteen
Ben
Ben ate in silence, and Tina scrolled through web pages on Gavin’s tablet while she picked at her food. Maybe she was still in the morning sickness stage? Anna was a mess with her first, couldn’t keep anything down for months. He was trying to think of something to say to Tina, but she beat him to the punch.
“There’s a lot of stuff you have to do.” She looked up from the tablet, her face flushed red, seeming embarrassed, like she hadn’t meant to say anything out loud. “For babies, I mean. Tests they run and… Mom had a midwife and did home births with Elise and Donny and we weren’t allowed in. I had no idea what all… I mean…”
Ben took a sip from his coffee and tried to ignore the way his shoulders tensed at the casual mention of Gavin’s mother. “Yeah, seemed like my sister was constantly at the doc when she was pregnant.” Hey, an actual whole sentence for her. Who knew he had it in him?
“So… how many kids does she have?”
“Three hellions. Two boys and a little girl.” Ben wondered suddenly—alarmingly—if Anna had kept their baby clothes, thinking she might have some hand-me-downs for Tina. “Pass me that for a sec,” he said, reaching for the tablet. Tina seemed confused, but she handed it over. Ben went into Gavin’s picture file and pulled up the folder with family photos in it. “There they are.”
Tina brightened when Ben gave it back to her. “They’re really cute.” She scrolled through them for a moment and then grinned. She turned it around to show Ben a picture of Gavin in his sister’s backyard with all three of the yard monkeys crawling on him. That had been a great day. “Gavin seems really happy. I mean, you both do.”
“We are, yeah.” Ben took another bite of his breakfast before he went on. “I mean, ya know, it’s not always easy—loving someone, being with them for the long haul—but we do okay.” He hoped.
Tina glanced at Ben and smiled again before looking back at the tablet. While Ben finished his breakfast, she kept herself busy with the pictures. When Tina made a sound, something shocked and a little disturbed, Ben looked up at her. She was crimson again and had closed her eyes. “I…”
Oh, God. Ben reached for the tablet and looked at the screen in horror. She’d stumbled onto Gavin’s porn. Great.
“I didn’t realize… It just said favorites, I…” She’d gone from red to green. Ben couldn’t blame it on morning sickness. He wanted to throw up now too.
“Yeah, he, uh…” Jesus. “He let his friend borrow this. We’re still finding crazy shit on it. Stuff, I mean.” No way in hell was he fielding the porn issue with Gavin’s sister. He shut the tablet down and set it on the table.
She looked slightly relieved but at the same time like she wished she could bleach her brain. Ben was just grateful it hadn’t been anything hardcore. Gavin’s favorites were tasteful black-and-white shots, nudes, sex positions that didn’t show much more than bare asses. Could’ve been worse.
“Maybe drink your milk?” Ben offered, thinking it might help settle her stomach. “I mean, it won’t erase your memory, but…”
He got a weak laugh for the joke.
“It was just surprising is all. I didn’t expect it.”
“Right, I mean, why would you? Family photos and then, bam.” He almost said the word cock, but stopped himself.
“Yeah, exactly. I mean… I’ve seen a naked guy. Obviously. I just…”
“Yeah, obviously.” She was pregnant after all.
“But we don’t have to talk about this.”
“Yeah, like, ever.”
Tina laughed, not shy this time but genuinely amused. “We don’t have to tell Gavin either.”
Oh, he’d be telling Gavin. Right about the time they went through the drawers of DVDs in the living room and the books on the shelves. “He’s probably figured out that you’ve seen a naked guy, but we can leave out the part where I showed you more.”
Another laugh. Things were looking up.
After a moment, though, Tina said, “I thought you hated me.”
“I don’t hate you. The list of people I hate is pretty short, actually.” Two names, really. Pattie and Carter Van Loen.
“But you don’t like me.” And wasn’t that all-too-sharp expression on her face, that understanding of things Ben would never say aloud, all Gavin?
He’d just started to warm up to her. She really needed to read her audience better. “I don’t have a problem with you, exactly. It’s the situation, and your family is kind of…”
Tina pushed her chin out in something close to pride. Ben was familiar with the gesture, because hell if Gavin didn’t do that too. “Gavin’s my family.”
“I know.” When Tina looked down again, looked hurt and defeated, Ben wanted to pound his head on the table. “Look, I just mean… Your parents did a real number on him. On you too, if I’m not mistaken. And I’m trying really hard to… take you at face value and not blame you for being related to them, you know what I mean?” She didn’t respond, and Ben added, “The idea of any of you popping up is a little… unsettling.”
When she looked up again, she had tears in her eyes. “I didn’t know where else to go.”
“I get that.” And he did. At the same time, though… “But, that’s part of what looks kinda shitty from my end.” Maybe Gavin was right to look so worried when he left. “I just wish you’d reached out for him before you were in some kind of crisis, I guess.” Or not brought the topic up at all.
“That’s not…. You don’t know what it’s like at home. You can’t blame me for… It’s not fair.”
That was one point they could both agree on. “I know, and I’m sorry.” None of it was fair. It wasn’t fair that Tina and Gavin had been raised by assholes, and it wasn’t fair that Tina probably had no idea how to handle this. It especially wasn’t fair that he had to shove his worry and his misgivings aside to make room for a kid who needed more than a plate of food and a safe place to sleep at night. As much as Ben wanted to toss her out and pretend none of it had happened, that wasn’t an option. He might be an asshole, but he didn’t even know the word for someone who would do that. Ben took a deep breath, tried to gentle his tone, and said, “Look, I’m not—”
“No, you’re right.” Tina sniffled and wiped her eyes, but more tears fell. “I didn’t think about what it would look like or what… I just didn’t know what else to do, and I knew Gavin would…. We were always close, and I missed him so much. I just thought if I could find him, maybe he could help me figure out what to do.” Ben was about to apologize, tell her of course they would help her, but Tina hopped up from her chair, her chin quivering. “I’m so sorry.”
It was no surprise to Ben when Gavin walked through the door just in time to see his sister running toward the bathroom, her eyes puffy and red, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Between them, they had the shittiest timing on record.
“What did you do?” Gavin looked like he was ready to hit him.
“I didn’t do anything.” Not exactly. “We were talking and things were fine and… then she asked me some stuff and… I just answered her honestly, that’s all.” Right? Was he a dick? Probably. But he hadn’t meant to be, and that should count for something.
“Great. Your honest answers are about as subtle as Miley Cyrus dry humping a wrecking ball through the living room wall.”
Fair point. “Look, it’s not my fault she asked me why I had a problem with her. I was perfectly happy talking about Anna’s kids and you and… I just didn’t expect her to ask me why I hated her.”
“You told her you hate her?”
“No,” Ben tried to keep his voice down. Gavin was hissing at him, so Ben matched him. “I told her I don’t hate her. I told her—”
“Never mind,” Gavin whispered sharply. “I should’ve just taken her with me.”
Ben had to try, right? “Gav, look. I know she’s your sister and you love her, but… what do you know about her? I mean, really?”
Gavin’s face twisted, a look of pure disbelief. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means… I don’t know. Christ. I just… You’re looking at her like she’s your long-lost family, like she’s gonna stick around, and you’re already picturing yourself as the doting uncle and the knight on the white horse to her damsel in distress and…”
“She is my long-lost family, Ben. What else matters?”
“I… Do we even know what she thinks about all this? About your folks, about us and our homosexual agenda? Has she ever actually said the words I don’t believe all that stuff? Or has she just said she needs a place to stay? Would she go back home if she could? Because if you get attached to her and that kid she’s gonna have and then Daddy Dearest has a change of heart and comes to collect her, save her and his bastard grandbaby from your evil clutches, what then? How’s that gonna hit you?”
“Ben,” Gavin said softly. “Just stop.”
He turned his back on Ben and stalked toward the bathroom.