Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ben
When Gavin climbed into bed that night, Ben had expected him to fall asleep instantly. They’d had a long, busy day and had been running on empty for over a week with all the moving shit on their plates. Instead, Gavin wrapped his arms around Ben and pushed against him, practically climbed on top of him. “I love you.”
Ben closed his eyes at the feeling of Gavin’s warm breath against his throat, the soft wisps of Gavin’s hair getting caught in the stubble on Ben’s cheeks. “Love you too.”
“I know.” There was something solemn about the way Gavin said the words, as if he’d never been really sure, never really known until that moment. Ben knew that wasn’t the case, but it seemed like Gavin finally understood something. Ben just had no idea what that might be.
He ran his fingers up and down the ridges of Gavin’s spine, not quite tickling him. “You okay, babe?” He felt Gavin’s nod, but Gavin didn’t say anything. “Did you get your errands taken care of this morning?” Maybe he shouldn’t have brought it up, but the whole thing had been niggling at the back of Ben’s mind all damn day.
“Yeah. It’s all done.” Gavin’s sigh said more than his words.
“Gonna tell me what you had to do?”
“I don’t want to.” Gavin’s whisper made Ben think of a little kid, confessing a crime after he’d been caught red-handed.
He couldn’t help a small huff of a laugh. “That usually means you should tell me.” He expected a laugh from Gavin too. That’s not what he got.
Gavin breathed out another sigh, followed by a sniffle. “I went to my parents’ house today.”
Shit. Fucking hell. Just hearing those words sent Ben’s heart racing for all the worst reasons. He tried to steady his voice, his breathing. “Oh?”
“I didn’t see them or anything, just…” Gavin lifted his head and looked at Ben in the shadows of their bedroom. “I just looked at the house, ya know?” Ben didn’t know, but he didn’t say anything. “I sat there and thought about them, thought about my brothers and sisters and… tried not to hate them. My parents, I mean.”
Ben had never bothered. Why try not to hate people who truly deserved it? “Did it work?”
“Not really. Maybe a little. I don’t know. It just feels weird. Like… Your mom is more of a mother to me, even to Tina. Your dad died before I even met him and I feel… more connected to him than my own father. That’s weird, right?”
Weird? Probably. Fucked-up? Definitely. Ben didn’t really know what to say, though. In the end he changed the subject with a soft laugh. “My dad would’ve gotten a kick outta you.”
Gavin’s smile told him he’d made the right choice. “Yeah? How come?”
Ben traced his fingertip over Gavin’s face, pushed his hair back from his eyes. “You would’ve cracked him up, the way you make me crazy, the way we fight. He would’ve told me to hang on to you because anyone who can drive me nuts like you do, it’s gotta be love.”
“Did your parents fight like us?” Gavin leaned in and kissed Ben before pulling back for an answer.
“Yeah, just like us.” Ben hugged him tighter, thinking about his parents, his childhood. “About stupid shit. My dad’s dirty laundry in weird places, the way my mom drives. Stuff like that.” He paused to kiss Gavin again, ran his hands lower around Gavin’s waist. “Real stuff, though, they were a united front. They were our safety net, ya know? Still are, probably. Even my dad, gone over a decade and he’s still my… compass. Still watches over me, tells me what to do.” He’d never told Gavin—or anyone else—that. Maybe he’d never even really thought about it, but, yeah, his father was still in his head, trying to keep him on the right path.
“You don’t believe in that stuff,” Gavin pointed out thoughtfully. He trailed his finger over Ben’s stubble, down his neck.
Ben thought about that for a moment. “Well, whatever the hell else there is in the world—God, angels, whatever—I believe in family.”
Gavin nodded again before he wrapped his arms around Ben’s shoulders and hugged him. “I didn’t used to.” He paused, let out another breath against Ben’s skin. “But I’m starting to.”
“Good,” Ben whispered, kissing the top of Gavin’s head as he let his eyes slide shut. “In the end, it’s all about family, Gav. You and me and whoever we let in. That’s it, all there is.” He added quietly, “All that matters anyway.”
Silence followed Ben’s words. He thought Gavin might have fallen asleep at first, but before Ben could nod off, Gavin whispered, “You really wanna marry me?”
Grinning into the darkness, Ben tightened his hold on Gavin. “I really wanna marry you.” He paused to press another kiss to the top of Gavin’s head. “And not just in case I die.”
He got a soft laugh from Gavin for that. There were a lot of things he knew he should say, a lot of things he even wanted to say, but in the end, Ben just held Gavin in his arms and let out a long, slow breath.
Gavin tickled a light path over Ben’s chest. “Think it would be weird if I took your last name after we’re married?”
They had a few friends who had gotten married, but none of them had changed their names. Well, apart from two lesbian couples and two guys Ben didn’t know very well, who simply hyphenated.
“I think we can do whatever the hell we want. Gavin Cartwright sounds pretty good to me, if you like it.”
Gavin yawned deep and inched even closer to Ben. “I like it a lot.”
“Me too.” More like secretly delighted at the idea. Maybe he was a little romantic. Who knew?