~ 12 ~ #3
I did as she asked and sat down beside her, closer than I had before. This time she didn’t put her arm around me though. I wanted it back.
The songs started from the beginning again. Even though some of them were painful, as many of them were about my relationship with Becca, it was like they were also taking on a new life of their own now that I was sharing them. They were becoming something new and less heavy.
“I’m sorry you went through all that with your relationship ending. I can feel how painful it was for you.”
“That’s kind, thanks, Lily.”
“And she really doesn’t talk to you anymore?”
“She felt a clean break would be best.”
“That’s hard.”
“I had to block her online. I couldn’t bear to see her living her life as if we never happened.”
Lily nodded, kindly. “I can understand that.”
“I’ve grieved her, Lily. I’ve moved on. If you’re wondering if I’m not ready for a relationship, I just want you to know that I am now. I feel like myself again. Writing and finishing these songs was one of the things that helped me let her go.”
Lily nodded again, this time knitting the skin between her eyes together. “I’m glad to hear that.”
We listened to the next song in silence.
It was one of the more sensual ones and wasn’t about anyone in particular in my life.
More like an amalgamation of people. It reminded me of that time just before you got together with someone and all you did was project your idealised version of who they were onto them.
The person was perfect and had no human flaws.
They filled the cold corners of your soul and lit you up from the inside.
Life felt better knowing they were in it.
Very much like how I was feeling about Lily right now.
There was something so exposing hearing yourself singing, to your own song, about how you were feeling about someone, with them listening to it.
Lily stretched her arms into the air and reset herself on the sofa, lifting her leg and placing it underneath her. She faced me, resting her head on the back of her hand, her elbow on the back of the sofa.
I mirrored her body language, and faced her, my heart starting to pound.
“How does it feel sharing your private music with me?”
“Honestly, I feel vulnerable. I’m nervous.”
“Why?”
I opened my mouth to speak and then closed it again. Did she want me to spell it out for her?
“Sorry, I understand that. What I mean is that I want you to feel safe with me. I know you’ve been hurt before, and I know that you’ve shared some of your deepest and most intimate feelings with me through your songs. I can’t believe how lucky I am. Does that make sense?”
I smiled, slowly, feeling so seen and accepted.
Lily had this way of making me feel butterflies and calming me at the same time.
Objectively speaking, she was my ideal woman.
Gorgeous, kind, genuine, and passionate.
She was fucking perfect. I took a shaky breath and then a deeper, more certain one, feeling my whole nervous system relax.
“Can I touch you?” Lily hovered her hand over my thigh, in pretty much the same place she touched me on the boat for the first time.
I nodded.
Her hand was warm and weighty. My body exploded with heat as she simply rested her hand on me.
She gazed deeply into my eyes. “Since we got back from Greece, even during Greece, I’ve been thinking about you. A lot.”
My breath hitched. My heart still pounded.
Lily swallowed and was starting to blush.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about you, too,” was all I could say.
We stared into each other’s eyes. I got lost for a moment.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t very forthcoming about meeting up again since we got back. I’ve wanted to. But I’ve just been in a weird place.”
“I know it’s been hard for you. I wasn’t expecting us to meet up right away.”
“Oh.” Lily blinked rapidly a few times.
“I mean, I wanted to, too.” I put my hand on the back of hers. “I just didn’t want to pressurise you. You’re going through a lot right now.”
Lily smiled, softly. “I’ve enjoyed our messages. I like talking to you.”
“I like talking to you, too.”
“To be honest, you’re the only person I’ve spoken with regularly these past few weeks. My friends came over recently and I was talking to them. I feel very lucky to have such amazing people in my life.”
“I’m sure they were more than happy to support you and help you through this.”
“I meant you, too. You’re amazing, Rona.”
“Sometimes it can be easier speaking with someone new in your life, and you can see yourself in a different way.”
“I do find it easy to talk to you. Like you just get me, you know? I feel like we have a very strong connection.”
I gazed into her eyes and stroked the back of her hand with my thumb, sending bolts of electricity straight to my core. “I feel it too.”
Lily looked down, then back up at me. “That night we went skinny-dipping meant a lot to me.”
“It meant a lot to me, too.”
I swallowed, wanting so desperately to kiss her, as all the flashbacks came back. The water’s edge. The moon. The silhouette of Lily’s body. Kissing her on the boat. Fucking her silently in her bedroom after everyone had gone to bed.
Lily leant a bit closer.
I loved the smell of her, and it reminded me of that night again in a visceral way.
Lily moved her hand from my thigh to the side of my neck and caressed my skin, causing goosebumps to rise on me.
We locked eyes and the silence stretched out. The air shifted to something else. There was desire and fire and a hunger in her eyes. In some ways, we were struggling to get back to that easy conversational style we had in Greece. Perhaps we’d both got into our heads too much since then.
I still felt like it would come back. At the moment, I needed to feel her again, physically. I’d been lying to myself about how much I’d missed her and how much I wanted her since that night in Greece. It was a whole lot more than I’d let myself realise. Being this close to her again confirmed it.
It was the middle of the day and all I wanted to do was to have sex with her. So much so, it overrode my usually low threshold for the threat of rejection. I wanted her that much. “Lily,” I said, my voice uneven and giving away how nervous I was. I couldn’t believe how much of a risk I was taking.
In the end, no words came out. But I did stroke her hand, wet my lips, and longingly gaze at her mouth.
Instead, Lily leaned further towards me so that her lips were right next to mine.
She closed the space and put her lips on mine, so tenderly it made me almost want to cry. Emotion welled up and I didn’t know where it came from. Thank fuck her eyes were closed and she hadn’t seen.
Lily deepened the kiss and I shrugged off my over-emotion so I could meet her there. She put her hand on my chest, in between my breasts, finding my skin in between my shirt.
The skin-on-skin contact sent a warm buzz around my body. I let out a small moan, hoping she couldn’t feel my pulse race.
Lily ran her hands up and down my leg, possessively, going up my shorts under the fabric line, before pulling me onto her, flexing her muscles. Her strength was such a turn on and she looked fucking hot.
Straddling her now, I rested my arms around her neck and shoulders. We locked eyes.
“You look so good sitting up on me.”
I caressed the back of her neck and thrusted my hips forward ever so slightly.
Lily’s eyes lit up. “I like that.” She slid her hands underneath my top, touching the skin of my back, fingers splayed out wide. Again, it felt possessive. Carnal.
I leant forward and spoke into her ear, my voice low. “Take my top off.”
She didn’t hesitate. Within seconds my top was over my head and my bra was unclipped. Sitting there with my breasts in her face made me feel beyond sexy. Especially the way she was looking at me.
Lily felt my breasts, taking her time to caress, running her thumbs in circles, before dipping her head and flicking my nipple with her tongue.
I cried out in pleasure, the sensation too overwhelming. “Fuuckk.”
She continued, her touches deep and intentional. We’d made time for this, perhaps knowing this might happen, and it felt like we both wanted to savour every second.
She looked up and I kissed her, taking her open lips and pushing myself into her. I needed this.
As if sensing my urgency, Lily deepened the kiss.
I thrust my hips onto hers again, seeking friction, tension, wanting to get closer to her. I was met with the most delicious thrust back, as Lily gripped my ass and pulled me closer.
Gently, Lily put her hand under my shorts and stroked along my panty line.
Our kisses became breathless. My hands were in her hair. She teased the fuck out of me with her fingers down there, never quite going as far as I wanted. Never quite making contact with my need for her.
It was maddening.