Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
BITTERN
I thought I would have a bunch of shit churning around in my head.
I don’t—it’s clear. I feel excited, aroused, like anybody might pre-hookup. My heart thumps, I’m rock hard beneath the shower spray, and every nerve in my body tingles knowing she’s on the other side of the door.
I run my palm over my face.
God, she’s pretty. I don’t know what I did to get a date with her, much less have her ask to hook up with me, but I ain’t fucking this up.
Shutting off the water, I dry off and pull on my sweats.
I half-expected my dick to go down, but it’s still flying at full mast. Looking in the mirror, I try tucking it under my waistband, but it’s still apparent what’s going on.
What am I doing?
We’re about to fuck. It’s fine if she sees my erection beneath my pants.
I press my fingers to my temple and take a slow breath through my mouth, exhaling through my nose like they taught us in therapy. Then, I walk out and stop short—she’s naked, sitting up against the headboard. A full body throb goes through me and culminates in my groin.
Fuck me, she’s just…prettier than a field of goldenrod on a warm summer day.
Soft, tanned skin, long legs, a gentle swell to her thighs that goes up and tapers in at the waist. And her breasts are just sitting there, soft and round with blush rose nipples, like they’re not the nicest things I’ve seen in my life.
“Did you come in your pants?” she asks, blinking innocently.
“Yeah,” I admit.
She bites her lip. “That’s hot.”
I smile, climbing over her on the bed. She wriggles down so she’s below me on her back. Dipping, I kiss her briefly.
“You gonna fuck me?” she whispers.
I pause, mouth hovering above her right nipple. “I didn’t…I didn’t think we’d go all the way, so I don’t have a condom.”
She taps the nightstand. I glance over, and sure enough, there’s a little foil packet sitting there.
“Came prepared, huh?” I say.
She nods, fingertips grazing down my bare chest. “Yeah, I fully intended on fucking you tonight.”
My mouth drops to her nipple, and a shudder of arousal washes through my hips.
It hardens on my tongue, and her body jerks, toes curling in the sheets.
Her right hand slides up the back of my neck.
God, I love that, the way her nails feel in my hair.
It’s soft, safe. It feels really fucking safe to be held in her hands.
I don’t know if I’ve ever felt safe with anybody before now.
All at once, I can’t stand it anymore. I need to be inside her. Fumbling at my waistband, I pull my sweats down and kick them over the side of the bed. She gasps when I hook my knee between her thighs and shove them open.
Breathlessly, our mouths meet, hungry, until we’re forced to resurface. The glitter in her eyes as she reaches up to snag the condom is magic. I take it, ripping it open and sliding it down my length.
“You alright?” I murmur, kissing between her breasts. She arches when my tongue runs over her hard nipple.
“More than alright,” she pants.
I slide my fingers down her stomach to her pussy, groaning softly as they meet wetness. Then, gripping myself by the base, I ease inside, and heat bursts through every nerve, down my fingertips, the soles of my feet.
I’m going to come.
My body tenses, and I take a breath. The tingling heat in my groin subsides a bit, but I know I’m not about to give her the longest ride of her life.
It’s not even about how numb I’ve been, or how long it’s been since I’ve had sex, that has me on the edge.
As I look down at her beneath me, gold hair splayed out over the pillow, it’s about her, about how badly I’ve wanted to touch her since we first laid eyes on each other. She’s just so damn pretty.
“I ain’t gonna last,” I admit.
Her smile flashes white teeth. “It’s okay.”
Slowly, I pull out, and, God, she feels exquisite.
We collapse into each other, my arm sliding beneath her upper back to pull her close.
We’re kissing, stars popping in the dark—the dark that doesn’t bother me much at all—and not much matters anymore but her.
I’m lost, reveling in the way she moans and rolls her spine as I fuck deep.
I love how expressive she is. It’s making it easy on me.
“God,” she gasps, eyes widening.
“What’s wrong?” I breathe.
“Nothing,” she moans, nails dragging down my back. “Do that. Don’t change it.”
Keeping my knee braced on the bed, I force myself to thrust at the same, even pace.
Her nails keep going, scraping along my ribs.
The pain feels so damn good, it’s sending me closer and closer to the precipice.
I can’t finish, not while she’s clenching and whimpering on my dick like this.
I want to feel her come when I’m inside.
“Come on, baby,” I breathe. “Come for me.”
She shudders, gripping me hard, like she’s trying to hold me still. I slow my thrusts, pushing deep and rocking. That’s what she needs—her head falls back, she gives a soundless cry, and comes hard.
I’m tumbling after her, collapsing over her body. My face is in her neck, she’s biting at my shoulder. We’re both shuddering, lost in the aftershocks.
I’m gonna marry her someday.
My brain goes real quiet in a way it hasn’t since the accident. This is something brand new for me.
Gently, I pull out and roll onto my side, arm around her waist. She’s in a daze, lids halfway lowered.
God, she’s beautiful. I touch between her breasts, running my fingertip up to her throat.
Gently, I lay my hand over it, closing my fingers loosely.
Beneath my palm, I feel her heart thud then grow slow as she comes down from her high.
“I like it when you hold me like that,” she whispers.
My dick twitches. “You like it a little rough?”
She shrugs. “Now and then. But I like how gently you touch me. It’s different…nice.”
Her throat vibrates lightly when she speaks.
I have the faint impression of her beneath me, my hand around her throat while she begs for me to go harder, faster.
My dick is halfway hard again. God, I could go a few more rounds before she tires me out, and that’s saying something. I’ve been so tired for so long.
She rolls to her side, noses almost touching. Her mouth brushes mine, and I kiss her.
We break apart.
“I love how gentle you are,” she whispers.
For a half second, I wonder if that’s one of those compliments that has a hint of critique in it.
Aiden always made sure I knew he didn’t approve of me being the quieter son.
When he told me I wasn’t biologically his, even though he made it clear that he was still my father and expected my respect, he said it was obvious to everybody I didn’t come from Hatfield stock.
Too quiet, not a fighter the way Wayland and Ryland were, not willing to get riled up at the bar over nothing and end up with bloody knuckles in an overnight cell.
Her eyes are soft. Glowing.
I think she means gentle in the best way possible.
My mind drifts back to the little wooden birds I’ve been carving, quiet birds.
Sparrows, wrens, warblers. The birds of the meadow and the field grass, existing under the pale summertime sun until their time is up.
I consider telling her about the gentle birds, but they’ll come up in their own time.
For now, I’m savoring the newness of everything.
“Are you sleepy?” she whispers.
“A little,” I admit.
Her mouth curves. “Let’s sleep then.”
Kissing her, I sit up and peel off the condom, tying it and throwing it out. She lounges on her side and watches me.
“What?” I ask.
“You are very…hot,” she says.
I laugh, uncomfortable. “Thank you. I…wasn’t expecting that.”
She pushes herself up on her elbows. “Why’s that?”
I gesture at myself. “I’m just not…all that, you know?”
Her mouth twists in a pout. “Really? So having a six pack didn’t register with you at all.”
Looking down, I take a second. Finally, I shrug. “I have trouble sleeping, so I spent a lot of time in the gym at rehab. This is all new to me.”
“It’s nice,” she says.
I get the impression she wants to say more, but she doesn’t.
In the bathroom, I wet a washcloth with warm water and clean her up.
After I’m done wiping myself down, she dips into the bathroom, pushing the door shut.
I sink into bed and pull the quilt up. She reappears, padding naked to me, and slips into bed, crawling into my arms with her back to my front.
Her body burns in my chest, and I pull her closer, my chin on her head. This feels good. This feels right.
Ordinary, normal people doing ordinary things that feel so extraordinary.
My eyes close. She sighs, body relaxing.
“You feel good,” she whispers.
“So do you,” I whisper back.
It’s pitch black with the lights off. I glance up at the ceiling, but there’s no stone overhead.
No faint rumble in the back of my mind. No creeping terror that I might blink, and somehow, I’ll be right back underground with nothing but hell coming for me.
It ain’t just her chasing away the shadows, I know that.
It’s being out in the sun, getting my system clean, having a job I like surrounded by people who aren’t Aiden.
That’s all helping me, but this…this is different.
This is peace.