Chapter 9
nine
Lachlan
“ D addy, we’re going to be late!” Rose yells as she’s standing at the front door on this fine Saturday.
Today is her first official cheer competition, and she is very excited about it. She was brought up to a higher-skilled team, which doesn’t happen normally. Apparently she has natural athletic ability, which doesn’t surprise me.
I was pretty good at football, and her biological mother is a dancer. Both of us were at the top of our sport.
“You’re not going to be late.” I tap her head as I walk past her.
“Dad! My hair!”
“Rose! It’s on your head,” I toss back, feeling a little too close to my father in that moment.
“Daddy, please, we can’t be late. I still have to find Emma’s mom so she can do my makeup and put the glitter in my hair.”
She has over two hours before we have to be there, and it’s a thirty-minute drive. We’re fine. Also, I need more coffee.
Glitter. Makeup. Red lipstick. I can’t handle this. She’s six, for fuck’s sake, but I was told that competition cheer is a sport and these are the rules.
“We won’t be late.”
She doesn’t look all that confident in my promise. The guest bedroom door opens, and Ainsley comes out wearing shorts and a tank top.
Thank God I don’t have coffee in my hand, because I would’ve dropped it. She yawns, lifting her arms up, and I want to fucking pour the hot liquid from the pot into my eyes, because that is a sight I will never get out of my head. Maybe I can burn it out.
Rose calls her name and rushes to her. “Do you want to come to my competition today?”
Please. God no.
“Wow! Look at you in your outfit. I’d love to come watch a West play a real sport,” Ainsley says with a grin as she looks at me.
“Great.” I turn to pour the coffee in my cup and down it.
Big mistake.
Holy fuck.
It’s scalding.
I do everything not to cough or show any discomfort because I will not look like more of a moron in front of this girl.
I just barely have it under control when I feel a hand on my shoulder. “Oh, coffee.” The gasp that comes out is loud, and Ainsley turns to me. “Oh my God, are you okay?”
I nod, tears stinging my eyes from holding my breath, and I cough. “Yup. Fine. Great.”
She stares at me, concern in those doe eyes, and then smiles. “Coffee is hot. Do we need to put a warning label on your cup?”
“No.”
It’s her who should come with a warning label.
Ainsley laughs softly and turns to Rose. “What time is the competition?”
Rose nearly bounces. “Two hours, but we have to drive there, and I need to warm up, and I need one of the moms to do my makeup, because Daddy can’t.”
“Okay, let me go change. I want to make sure I look presentable.”
I clear my throat, which is still burning. “You look good in anything you wear. ”
“Aww, is that a compliment?”
“It could be.”
“Could be? Then I really have to find something to wow you.”
I chuckle. “Ainsley, you’ve been doing that your whole life.”
She smiles and blinks a few times. “Thank you ...”
Rose huffs. “We’re never going to make it on time!”
“Never fear, I hate being late,” Ainsley tells her. “I’ll change and we can head out. Do you mind if we do one thing on the way?” she asks Rose.
“What?”
“Can we maybe stop for coffee?”
Rose seems to ponder that. “If you promise we won’t be late.”
Ainsley lifts her hand. “I swear.” She taps Rose’s nose and heads back into her room to change.
I stare at the door, doing my best not to imagine her pulling her shirt off while she was definitely not wearing a bra. Then removing those shorts. I wonder what kind of underwear she has on, or does she not wear that either? Is she completely naked? If there was a fire and I went in there, would I get to see everything I’ve dreamed of, only just barely gotten to touch?
“Uhh, Daddy?”
I blink and move away from that line of thinking and see my daughter with her hand on her hip. “What?”
“I asked if you packed me a snack?”
Right. A snack. “I did.”
“A good one?”
“I packed the one you’re going to eat,” I say with a shit-eating grin. Rose opens her bag and sighs in relief when she sees the bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, her favorite. She launches herself at me, wrapping her arms around my middle. “Oof, what is this for?”
“Being the best dad in the world.”
“The world? All for a bag of chips?”
Rose looks up at me and nods. “My favorite chips.”
“Even if you worry that you’re going to be late?”
She nods. “I love you. ”
“I love you more.”
A second later, Ainsley opens the door. “Was that fast enough?”
“Yes!” Rose releases me and runs to her. “Can we go now? Please!”
I release a sigh. “Fine, let’s get Ainsley her coffee, and then we can get you to your competition.”
We head to Prose & Perk, where she comes out with coffee for the both of us. “Thank you.”
Ainsley smiles and I feel it in my chest. “Of course. Now, I warn you, this coffee is hot too. So, you know, don’t try to do it as a shot.” She tucks her hair behind her ear and turns to Rose, ignoring my glare of annoyance. “Tell me all about this competition.”
Rose launches into the details and explains the costumes and how she’s the youngest on the team. Seeing her this excited makes all the craziness worth it. Rose has always been an easy child. She was a great baby, never had tantrums, and when we moved to Ember Falls after my mother died, we were all each other had.
Which further solidified why my choice to walk away from a career that would’ve had me gone all the time was worth it.
“I love my team and the friends I have,” she says with joy in every word.
Ainsley smiles. “That’s the best. I can’t wait to watch you!”
We pull up to the large building, which is where the competition is being held, and find her coaches.
“Why don’t you double-check your bag so we can go?” I suggest.
Rose lifts her bag. “It’s good.”
“You have your makeup, extra hair ties, uniform, warm-ups, and anything else I forgot to mention?”
Rose nods. “Yes. Bye, Dad.”
“Bye, Rosebud, break a leg.”
She wraps her arms around my neck and then hugs Ainsley.
“Good luck, sweetheart.”
“Thanks!” Rose says before she runs off.
I stand here next to Ainsley as I watch my daughter give hugs to all the other girls. When I turn, I see Ainsley staring at me with a strange look on her face.
“What?”
“You’re a great dad, you know that?”
I don’t think of it like that. “I want her to be happy. If it means carting her to cheer competitions or if she wanted a pony, I’ll do what I can for her.”
“Keep saying things like that and all the women will be falling all over you.”
“I don’t care about other women.” I say the words and wonder whether she hears the double meaning. I don’t care about them because I care about you.
“Who do you care about, other than Rose?”
“You.”
She gasps slightly and leans back. Her lips are parted, and she stares at me with curious eyes. “You do?”
“You know I do.”
Before we can get any further into this conversation we probably shouldn’t be having anyway, Rose’s team’s name is announced over the loudspeaker, stating they should head to the ready room.
“Lachlan . . .”
“Come on, we need to find our seat. Rose will be competing soon.”
I place my hand on the small of her back and lead her to the stands, kicking myself once again for letting my feelings show.
“Hey, Lachlan!” one of the moms—I think her name is Debbie—says with a wave of her fingers.
“Subtle,” Ainsley says with a laugh.
“What?”
She raises her brows. “Don’t even tell me you don’t know when a woman is hitting on you. ”
I glance over at Debbie, who is sitting with four other moms. “She’s being polite.”
“I bet she is.”
“Jealous?”
“Yes, I’m brimming with it.”
Oh, how I missed her sarcasm on a daily basis.
We find a seat up at the top of the stadium and Ainsley grabs the blanket, draping it over her legs. “What else do you have in that bag?” I ask.
“I have some snacks, wipes, another blanket, because I never know when I might get cold, my phone, a portable charger, and my book.”
“When the hell did you have time to pack all of that?”
Ainsley shifts. “I prepare. You know this. I changed quickly and then laid out all of my possible needs before deciding which would be the right things.”
Caspian used to joke that if Ainsley didn’t go to college or the military, she’d be a great doomsday prepper. We would ride bikes, then randomly have the idea to head down to the beach, but if Ainsley was with us, it required a detour. She’d have to go home, change, and pack a new bag that had all kinds of crap she never needed.
It wasn’t until I played sports that I ever appreciated it. She’d always come with a bag, and it usually contained whatever we needed.
“I see you’ve perfected it—time-wise,” I clarify.
“I’d like to think so.”
“What book are you reading?” I ask.
She leans back, adjusting her blanket. “I just finished one last night. I’ve decided to start a new one later, but I’m not sure what my mood is.”
“A bad one,” I say under my breath.
Ainsley slaps my chest. “Ass.”
“I’ve been called worse. So what are the choices?”
She pulls out her reading device and opens it up. “First, I felt like maybe I needed some historical romance—that’s usually my jam. Then I thought some alien romance might be what I’m feeling, but then it recommended this book.”
I take the device and eye her suspiciously. “A book about a girl loving her brother’s best friend.”
“Well, if you read the synopsis ... clearly, he’s in love with her and she’s totally not.”
I’m reading something clearly and it’s not the story. “I see, well, good luck to her.”
“Or to him,” she adds on. “Most of the time it’s the guy who is the idiot.”
“Yes, women are always the sane ones.”
“I would agree to that.”
“I was being sarcastic,” I inform her. “You, especially, are not of sound mind.”
“You think about me a lot, huh?”
I laugh. “No.”
I think about her all the damn time.
She stuffs the e-reader back in her bag. “Like I said, not sure what I’m in the mood for. I might go for the aliens. Maybe they have higher cognitive functions than the men on this planet.”
Pretty sure that’s a jab at me, but I let it go. “Happy reading.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
Ainsley shifts to face me a little more. “Please, you have always been a reader too, Lach. What’s on your Tbr?”
Sometimes I forget just how much she and I shared over the years, the friendship that we formed on our own. Times when the forced trio became just her and I. We talked about things I never imagined I would with her.
Ainsley became my friend as well. I’ve missed her.
I’ve hated that I’ve missed her.
“I’m reading another thriller.”
“Anything good?”
I shrug. “They’re all starting to feel the same.”
“Maybe it’s time for a genre switch,” she suggests. “You know Hazel has a ton of options at her store. I bet there’s something there you could try.”
I give her a mischievous smile. “I could read one of your books.”
“You should. It’s like a how-to guide on women. More men would probably be much happier if they read romance. Lord knows you’ve had a pretty shitty go at it. Can’t make it any worse.”
I laugh once. “You think they’ll fix me?”
Ainsley shakes her head. “I don’t think there are enough romance novels in the world to fix you.”
“You have no idea what I’m like anymore,” I remind her. “Four years can change a man. Make him see the error of his ways and give in to love.”
Her brown eyes widen a smidge. “You? Give in to love. Oh, please tell me about the woman in your life who has guided you toward this newfound place of awakening. Is she young? Older? Maybe she’s a firefighter? Teacher? Or ... maybe she’s fictional.”
She damn well knows there’s no one else. Caspian would’ve told her, or any member of this town would’ve when she rolled in.
“I didn’t say I had someone, just that I’m not the same guy you knew back then.”
I learned how to shut down, how to turn off my desires, how to forget that the only woman I want isn’t meant for me—until Ainsley walked back into my life.
“Then I stand corrected. Tell me about you.” She leans in, all her attention focused on me.
I narrow my eyes because I don’t think this is Ainsley wanting to know all about the last four years. I’m pretty sure this is Ainsley wanting information regarding her freaking story.
However, I’ll play along.
“Let’s see, I’m a Virgo who loves adventure and thrills, but also enjoys a night in where we watch a movie and I can feel all the butterflies when the guy gets the girl.”
She rolls her eyes. “First of all, you’re not a Virgo. You’re a Libra. Secondly, shut up. ”
I laugh. “You asked.”
“About you, not some stupid bio that’s fake. We have four years of gaps to fill in.”
“Tell me about you first,” I say, leaning back in my chair.
“What do you want to know?”
“Anything.”
Everything .
Ainsley sighs. “Let’s see, I graduated top of my class from NYU. I had these grand plans that I was going to get a job in New York, write stories that people would frame—people other than my father,” she clarifies. “That was just a young girl’s dreams, though. Instead of a paying job, I got an internship in Manhattan, but couldn’t take it because ... bills. The Admiral said my freeloading days were over and he wasn’t going to pay for me to enjoy a stress-free life.”
We both laugh at that. “He’s so predictable.”
“Right! I swear, if Caspian or I would’ve agreed to wear a uniform, it would make his life so damn easy. He’d know what to do with us if we were sailors. Anyway, no amount of begging or batting of my eyelashes was enough to let me stay in that job. I got a job in the city, which was ... freaking amazing, or at least I thought it was. My boss is nice, but I keep having to write about fashion and trending hairstyles.”
She makes a pinched face at that last part. “And that isn’t what you want?”
She shakes her head. “I want to write about politics and foreign policy. I want to tell stories that matter and can change someone’s mind because I was able to provide an alternate view or because the facts were laid out in a clear and concise way. Most of the time I read articles and have no clue what’s real, because it’s an opinion piece.”
“So what’s stopping you?” I ask.
“You have to be assigned those stories.”
The defeat in her voice makes me want to let her boss know he’s a fucking idiot. Doesn’t he see how brilliant she is? Ainsley was meant to set the world on fire and create something beautiful from the ashes.
She’s a force that can’t be contained.
“Get the stories then.”
“Yes, just like that,” she says on a huff.
“I’m serious, Ainsley. You’re not a sit-back-and-wait girl. You’ve always charged ahead and gotten what you wanted. It’s one of the things that I love about you.”
“Again with the profession of emotions. Who are you?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know.”
Ainsley leans in. “It’s why I’m here. To uncover all your layers.”
“There’s not much you don’t know. Besides, I don’t have layers.”
“I think you do. You’re a great dad who loves his daughter with all he is. You’re a fireman who is willing to put his life on the line for anyone in need. You’re a former elite athlete who walked away from the sport and never looked back. Most importantly, you’re the captain of a college Frisbee team. Very many layers there to take off.”
“Are you propositioning me to get undressed? Because I’ll take my shirt off right here.” I stand and she grabs my arm, pulling me down.
“Lachlan!” Her cheeks turn bright red. “You know that’s not what I was saying.”
“Do I? I thought you wanted me.”
“I do. I mean, I don’t! Not like that. Oh my God. We were having a perfectly normal conversation, and then it went pear shaped.”
I grin. “It’s fun making you blush.”
I’d like to see her blush in other ways. Not that there can ever be an us. She’s in New York and I’m in Ember Falls. It would never work, and I’m not stupid enough to think there’s a way around it.
I moved here to set down roots, which were something I never had. For the first eleven years of my life, I moved every three years. I didn’t know what a home felt like. My dad was climbing the ranks of the navy, which meant we were following along with him. It was hard. I never had a sense of home, not until we finally moved to Norfolk. Once Dad was there, we bought a house next door to the MacKinleys.
My life changed because Dad decided to end his career there. That meant I got to spend seven years in one place. I had friends, and a best friend I didn’t have to say goodbye to.
All my life I watched people leave.
My father for deployments. My friends when they had to move. My mother when she chose to give up on life. Rose’s mother when she walked out.
I will never do that to my daughter.
Ever.
She comes first. She’s always my choice. I’ll choose her because I know what it feels like to never be chosen.
I’ve provided that stability, and I’m not going to move to the city, and I will never ask Ainsley to give up her world for me.
It’s just better this way.
Her brown eyes meet mine. “I’m glad one of us enjoys it, but seriously, I want to write better pieces, only the opportunity hasn’t come to me yet. I’m hoping this article opens the door for me.”
I inch closer, inhaling her perfume and fighting the desire that is a constant around her. “No one ever gets everything they want, but if it matters to you, if it’s something worth fighting for, then put your gloves on and get in the ring.”
“And if I get knocked out?”
“Then you get up again and punch back.”
She gives me a sad smile. “One day I hope you’re willing to take your own advice and fight for what you want.”
“I have everything I’m allowed to have.”
That causes her to shift in her seat and then look at the mat. “They’re starting.”
And just like that the conversation is over.