Chapter 16
sixteen
Ainsley
T he calluses on his thumb brush my cheek, and I am so lost I don’t even remember we’re outside his house, in the truck, until he pulls back. “We need to get inside.”
I look around. “Right.”
I’m out of the truck before he has time to change his mind, and as I’m starting toward the house, he lifts me up, tosses me over his shoulder, and takes the stairs two at a time.
“I guess the fireman carry really does come in handy.”
He chuckles and then we’re in the house, alone, after just making an agreement I am pretty sure I’m going to fail at.
After these few weeks, there’s no way I’m going to be the same.
Lachlan destroyed me for any man four years ago, and since then I’ve lived in that memory.
Having him fully—yeah, goodbye life as we know it.
I’ll take every ounce of pain if it means I get to have him, even if only for a while.
Those memories will carry me when I’m old and alone with fifteen cats. I’ll look back and be like: Remember that time you got your brains fucked out by Lachlan West? Good times.
And I have zero doubts that it will be Very. Good. Times .
I stand against the wall. Lachlan’s chest heaves, and I would give everything I am to know what’s in his mind.
Is he going to pull away? Is he going to gain control of whatever is driving him to this and tell me it was a mistake again?
“Lachlan?” I breathe his name, begging with every part of me for him to not push me away.
He shakes his head, and my stomach falls to the floor. I knew it. I was prepared and still it hurts so much. “I don’t deserve to take this from you, but I’m not strong enough to turn away.”
Relief washes over me, allowing me to breathe and also know what has to happen. I’m going to need to push, and he’s going to have to allow it.
I stay here, knowing if I go too fast, he’ll spook. “Why do you put me on some pedestal?”
“I don’t.”
“No? Then why would you say that?”
“Because, Ainsley, you’re better than a few weeks and a hug.”
I smile softly. “Then how about a kiss instead?”
“You know that’s not what I mean.” Lachlan takes a step toward me.
Good, this is progress.
“I’m not asking for anything more than we agreed on. Now, you have two choices,” I say, pushing off the wall and taking three strides toward him.
“Oh?”
“You can follow me to your bedroom, strip me down, and make good on every fantasy I’ve had.” I have to keep myself in check when I see his eyes flare with desire. “Or you can use that fireman carry you’re so good at and take me to my room, and I’ll invent some new fantasies.”
He grins. “Either way, this is happening.”
“Either way.”
“Well, then.” He takes that final step and once again throws me over his shoulder. “I’m going with the last option. You’re going to my bed, and we’re going to invent all kinds of fantasies together. ”
Being the smart girl I am, I don’t say a word as he carries me through the kitchen and into the back area, where his room is.
When he opens the door, I don’t have any time to really take in my surroundings because he tosses me on the bed and then grabs my ankles, pulling me to the edge.
“I’ve dreamed of you in here.”
I’ve dreamed of him as mine.
“And what was I doing in here?” I ask, lifting my shirt off and tossing it on the floor.
“What weren’t you doing?”
“I wouldn’t know. It’s your dream.”
He takes his shirt off, giving me the most amazing view. His body is fucking perfect. I’m a girl who has a thing for big arms, and Lachlan delivers. His chest is broad, and his stomach is rock solid. If this is a dream, I’m perfectly fine never waking up.
“First, you were naked.”
“That can be arranged.”
He shakes his head. “Not yet. I want to take everything off you myself, like unwrapping a present.”
I lean back on the bed, my arms behind me, holding my weight up. “Okay, then tell me more about this dream.”
“Once you were naked, I spent a lot of time exploring you, licking you, tasting you, and the sounds you made, sweetheart, when I sucked you ... I’m looking forward to seeing if I was remotely correct.”
I let out a soft moan at his words. “Was there a lot of talking in this dream?”
“Not on your side.”
“Why not?”
“Well.” He steps to me, hand moving to brush my hair back. “For one thing, you had my cock in your mouth, so it’s pretty hard to talk then. Secondly, you were screaming more than talking.”
“I like that,” I say with a grin.
“Lastly, when you’re panting, it’s hard to speak.”
I lean forward. “Right now, all I’m hearing is a lot of talking. ”
“Then I should start getting to the doing.”
I’m totally on board with that. Lachlan doesn’t waste time, his hands roaming up my body until he reaches the straps of my bra. Slowly, he pulls them down, and our gazes connect. This is really happening, and my heart is pounding.
The cool air hits my chest and he looks down. “You’re fucking perfect.”
“I’m not.”
My boobs are way too small. I’m like the president of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, but the way his eyes are drinking me in, I don’t feel anything but beautiful.
He lifts my head a bit to meet his gaze. “You’re perfect, Ainsley. You always have been.”
There’s a tightness in my chest that grows, spreading out like vines wrapping around my heart and squeezing.
Why does he do this? Why does he affect me so much? Why have I believed that I loved him with all my heart when that was a lie?
I’ve loved him with more than that.
Knowing that I will probably start crying, which will lead to clothes going on and me being packed up and sent to my room, I speak before that can happen. “Lachlan, your present is waiting to be opened.”
His smirk is full of mischief, and I see the boy I’ve known my whole life. “Lie back, sweetheart, I’m going to unwrap every layer of you.”
I do as I’m told, mostly so I can get out of my head, and he pulls my shorts off, leaving me naked.
“Commando?”
Now it’s my turn to feel smug. “I never wear underwear.”
“Noted. Don’t start now. I’d like easy access to fuck you anytime the opportunity arises.”
Yeah, these next few weeks are going to be amazing.
Before I can say anything more, his lips are on my calf, slowly moving up as he spreads my legs apart.
I try to keep still, but I start to tremble in anticipation. His tongue makes circles going up my thigh. Without preamble he’s lightly flicking my clit. I let out a soft moan, and my whole body is tight as a bow as he delves between my legs.
Lachlan doesn’t do anything in his life without a full commitment, and dear God, I didn’t know how much I’ve been missing out. He licks, sucks, and circles my clit, drawing pleasure from me I didn’t know was possible.
My fingers move to his hair, sliding my nails against his scalp. This seems to excite him, because the softness I had before is gone, and now he’s a man on a mission. He sucks harder, and then I feel his finger enter me.
“Oh God!” I arch my back and contract around him.
He does it again, pushing even deeper.
“Lach!” I call out, knowing I’m going to fall apart.
I’m not going to hold out much longer. I try because, God, it feels so good. Everything is perfect. He’s perfect. I never want this to end, but my body is on that precipice, and it’s going over the edge without any ability to stop it.
My fingers grip the sheets, tightening as every muscle clenches. The delicious pain is a prelude to the pleasure that I know is coming.
Lachlan’s teeth just barely pinch my clit, and I detonate.
Warmth flows through my veins, searing me with an unimaginable euphoria far beyond what I’ve done for myself—and worlds beyond what the one guy I was with did for me.
I lie here, panting, struggling to get my mind to work, and he kisses his way up my body.
“Part one of the fantasy done,” he says against my ear.
“I like this fantasy,” I manage to say between breaths.
“Me too.”
I roll onto my side, pressing my hand to his chest. “I have dreams too—about you.”
My dreams aren’t just of a sexual nature, but I lock those deep in the vault. No way am I going to spill my stupid ideas of marriage, of us raising Rose, and of us living in marital bliss. Lachlan doesn’t think there’s such a thing, and I really don’t want to screw up tonight.
The tip of his finger slides up my arm, over my shoulders, and then back down. “I’m really hoping they’re dirty.”
“Oh, they are. Very dirty.”
He grins. “Who would’ve imagined that under your poised exterior lies a very dirty girl.”
“What is it they say? It’s always the quiet ones.”
Lachlan lets out a laugh and then rolls me so I’m on top of him. I lean up, straddling him, hating the damn fabric between us.
“This is one of my dreams. You under me while I ride you,” I confess.
“Mine too.”
“Seems your imagination has been very busy.”
Lachlan palms my breast. “You don’t even know the half of it. Take my pants off, Ainsley.”
I shift so that I can do as he asks, kissing my way down his perfect body as I do. I don’t actually need to get off the bed, but I do, pulling his pants with me.
His cock springs free, and those dreams I had ... yeah, didn’t do it justice.
I’ve been with only one man. It was my junior year of college, and I was starting to panic that I was still a virgin, so I dated one of the frat guys.
Big—or I should say little —mistake.
It was terrible.
Absolutely awful.
We didn’t have any chemistry. It was literally just to get it over with, and while he tried—he failed.
Thankfully I knew what an orgasm felt like beforehand so I could fake it after twenty minutes of him attempting to get me off.
I did not have to fake a single thing this time.
I move my hand up his leg and wrap it around his dick, pumping. He makes a hissing noise and pulls me back up toward him .
Our lips meet again, and I kiss him deeply as I continue to stroke him. He breaks away, groaning as he does. “You feel so good.”
“I want to make you feel good.”
“You are, sweetheart. So much.”
He kisses me, breaking off any chance of a retort. Then he flips our positions and he’s on top of me. He reaches over and grabs a condom out of the drawer, then slips it on. I lie still, not letting my mind start to wander.
However, I’m freaking out a little.
Lachlan stares down at me. “Ainsley ... are you sure?”
“I am.”
“It just feels like ... it’ll change everything.”
It will. I’ll never be the same, but that’s okay.
There will be two halves of me. The before Lachlan made love to me and the after. This girl, in this moment, doesn’t actually know what it’ll be like. I can live in a pretend world where I can lie to myself about what he’ll feel like inside me.
After, I won’t. I’ll know what his weight feels like, how he will make me feel whole, full, and his.
I bring my hand to his cheek and smile. “Change is good.”
“I don’t want to stop now.”
That’s a damn good thing. I sigh, wanting to lighten the mood so he doesn’t stop. “Really?”
“I want you too much. God, I want you so fucking much, Ainsley.”
“Good, because I want you to be my first,” I joke.
His eyes widen and he pushes up farther. “What?”
Okay, maybe this was a bad joke. “I’m kidding! Relax.”
He laughs once, dropping his head to my shoulder. “Fucking hell. You literally are going to be the death of me.”
“I don’t know whether to laugh or be offended.”
Lachlan lifts his head. “You swear you’re joking?”
“I swear.” I don’t tell him it’s only been once. I’m pretty sure that will equally horrify him. “But I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted it to be you. ”
“I would’ve hated myself if I took that from you, not when I can’t give you everything.”
Meaning his heart.
I push that aside, brushing my thumb against his cheek. “This is enough.”
The lie slips from my lips far too easily.
It will never be enough, but it’ll be enough as far as he knows.
I’ll find a way to endure a life without the only man I’ve ever loved.
God, I sound like a country song.
Lachlan shifts and I feel him start to push inside. My heart is pounding, and I close my eyes, trying to focus on anything other than what’s happening. Lachlan moves his hips, sliding deeper. I suck in a breath, and he pauses.
It feels like the first time. He’s so big, and I may have joked before about the whole virgin thing, but right now it sort of feels like it.
“Ainsley?” His voice is strained.
I look up at him. “It’s been a long time for me and ... you’re much bigger than my last.”
He grins. “Touch yourself.”
“What?”
“Touch yourself, sweetheart. I’ll go slow.” I move my hand between us, rubbing my clit slowly. “That’s it. Feel how good it is? Relax and let me in.” The sound of his voice is almost as arousing as what I’m doing. “I’m going to slide deeper and deeper, and you’re going to open and let me.” I whimper as the pleasure starts to build. “Good girl, you’re so tight it’s like heaven.”
“Lachlan,” I breathe his name.
“Just a little more. Keep rubbing your clit. Remember when my tongue was there, licking you until you screamed?”
I moan. “Yes.”
“Yes, that’s it,” he croons and then thrusts his hips forward, stopping when he’s fully seated. I gasp, gripping his biceps as I try to acclimate to the feeling of him inside me. “Tell me when I can move. ”
I clench around him and he groans. “Move.”
He sets a pace, slow at first, probably making sure I can handle him. While the beginning wasn’t great, once he was in, the pain was gone. Now all I feel is ... Lachlan.
Our eyes connect and my emotions bounce around like a Ping-Pong ball. I’m happy, worried, hopeful, aware this won’t last, and my emotions swirl with each thrust. It’s as though I’m a snow globe that can’t settle after being shaken up.
“Stay with me, Ainsley,” he says, brushing his nose against mine. “Don’t go inside your head.”
I hate that he knows me. “Make it stop,” I challenge.
He moves his hand between us, pressing against my clit. Yeah, that’ll do it.
Lachlan increases the pace, and I feel a second climax lingering. “I feel you tightening around my cock. Let go, let it all go.”
I shut my mind off, allowing the sensations to take over. “I’m close.”
“I feel it. Your cunt is so hot. So fucking tight.”
I hold on to him because I need something to tether me. It builds faster than the last and maybe it’s everything. The way he’s inside me, the heat of his body, the smell of his cologne mixed with sex in the air. Everything is more intense.
Lachlan leans down, kissing my neck before he moves to my ear. “I want to hear you, Ainsley. I want you to scream and clench around me. I want your moans to echo in the room as I fuck you into another orgasm.”
The low growl of his voice sends me over and I scream out as my orgasm takes me under, drowning me into the oblivion that is Lachlan West.
And I really don’t care if I ever come up for air.