24. Chapter Twenty Three
Chapter Twenty Three
After the consultation, Jessika gives me a tour of the gym. I'm frightened by the weights and decide to head straight to the treadmills. They should be easy to work, right?
It's just running. I'm running from all my problems right now, so I should be good at it.
Pressing the buttons, I start off at a walking pace, waiting until I feel comfortable enough to increase the speed.
Slowly, I do so, getting into a light jog as I watch a television screen hanging above the row of treadmills. I'd much rather be listening to music and I make a mental note to bring my headphones next time.
This is quite easy.
The thought is short lived though around the two mile mark when suddenly, my lungs forget that I need air and my knees start to hurt. Wow — I am really unfit when it comes to cardio.
How I managed to fuck Jordan twelve times is beyond me when I apparently have the cardio range of a sloth.
My fingers fumble, hitting the buttons to slow the treadmill speed back to a walking pace. There's already beads of sweat dripping down the side of my face and I'm thankful that I've come at a quiet time. There's only a few people around the gym — mostly experienced people on the weights.
I try to focus on my thoughts, thinking about plans on how to increase my mental wellbeing when someone walks in front of the row of treadmills, stopping in front of me.
My feet stumble their pace, my hand smacking the emergency stop button as I glare at the person.
"Kaden," I choke out, panting slightly from my jog.
Standing before me is another painful reminder of my not-so-long-ago past.
Hurt hits me first, until I remember the threesome and the secretive reason behind it. Anger comes next, and it must be visible on my face because Kaden gives me a weary smile.
"Hi, Skylar," he says. "Are you doing okay?"
"Why do you care?" I snap.
His mouth tightens as a look of guilt washes over his face.
He knows.
"I heard about everything," he tells me in a quiet tone. "I'm so sorry."
The machine has stopped, so I'm just standing in place, the height of the machine making me nearly face level with him.
"You should be sorry," I pant out. "What you guys did was cruel and heartless."
Kaden nods. "It was. In fairness, we didn't realize that Jake was such an asshole. Jordan and I have cut ties with him. A few of us have, actually."
"Oh, how very noble of you," I mutter sarcastically.
"I'm sorry," he offers again. "If it's any consolation, Jake's not doing too well."
I roll my eyes, crossing my arms. "I couldn't care less about Jake. He made his decision to remove me from his life. I didn't get a choice in it. Hell, I didn't even get any notice."
"I heard," Kaden says softly. "He's very childish."
"You're not much better," I scoff. "Using someone innocent for your own selfish games and pleasure."
His face drops. "I'm happy to take the blame for it. But I really meant what I said. I like you. You're a great person."
I hate where this conversation is going. I fucking hate that he has the audacity to approach me. So much for the gym being a safe place to move on from everything. No matter where I go, my past keeps haunting me.
"Don't patronize me, Kaden."
"I'm not," he defends. "I really enjoyed meeting you. The whole hot tub incident aside."
"Ssh!" I screech at him. "Can you not air our dirty laundry here? I would like to keep coming here. Well, maybe not now."
He puts his hands on the handles of the treadmill. "Don't stop coming here because of me. I'll keep out of your way, I promise."
"Your promises mean as little to me as Jordan's promises," I shoot back.
Kaden's jaw tightens. "He really misses you," he says. "He's devastated about everything."
"I don't care," I lie. "It was his decision. He can wear it."
I hate knowing that little fact. But even though I hate it, it also gives me a little sense of victory knowing he's suffering as much as I am.
"We're not bad people," he murmurs. "We just made a stupid decision. I really hope you'll forgive us."
I step off the treadmill, the room doing a weird spinning thing as I find gravity on the floor. "Don't hold your breath."
Walking away from him, I head straight to the parking lot, waving goodbye to Jessika as I leave.
Well, there goes that plan.
Before Blaise can open his mouth, I hold up my hand, walking straight past the entryway to the living room.
"Don't even ask," I shout, heading to my room.
I slam the door shut, scolding myself for my childish behavior, but I'm so angry.
No.
Angry doesn't even describe it. I'm fucking raging, seething with the power of a million generators.
I want to hit something. I should take up boxing instead, pour all my frustrations out through my fists. The only problem is I have no idea how to punch.
My bedroom door creeps open slowly and I swing around, glaring at Blaise wildly.
"Whoa," he murmurs, alarmed. "Should I come back?"
"Fuck the gym!" I yell, pacing the room back and forth.
He opens the door fully but doesn't step inside the room, instead watching me with concerned eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Fucking Kaden was there. Kaden! Of all people. Why does this shitty town only have one gym?"
Blaise looks away, face pulled up in concentration. "Kaden… is that Jordan's friend?" he asks, remembering me pointing him out on the screen.
"Yes. And he had the nerve to come up to me and apologize."
"Maybe he just felt bad," Blaise offers weakly. "He probably heard about it from Jordan."
I laugh maniacally, tone dripping with sarcasm. "Oh, yeah I'm sure he did. But that didn't stop him from fucking me in Jordan's hot tub as part of their sick wicked game."
Blaise's eyes open in revelation. "Come again?!"
I freeze, my feet stopping on the carpet as I realize what I've said. "Uhm…"
A few seconds pass, neither of us speaking until Blaise turns to his side, rubbing his temple.
"I don't know what to do with this information. Do I want to know?" he asks gingerly.
I cover my face with my hands in embarrassment. "Oh, fucking hell. Fine," I groan. "Kaden turned up at Jordan's one night while we were in the hot tub having sex. They kind of coaxed me into a threesome. I found out before the trip away that it was part of their plan to fuck me over."
"They did what?!" he shouts in disgust.
I roll my hand in a wavy motion. "I did consent. So, it was nothing like that. But yeah… that also happened."
Blaise leans back against the doorframe, shaking his head. "What the hell is wrong with people?"
"I don't know," I mutter. "I wish I had that answer."
He sighs angrily, frustration present on his face. "Do you want me to hack their cells and find their nudes? I can put them on Grindr or something."
Bursting out laughing, I giggle until I'm suddenly crying. Blaise pushes off the doorway, rushing over to me as he pulls me in for a hug.
I bawl my eyes out, hating how little control I have over the seemingly never ending tears.
Blaise holds me, making little hushing noises as he tries to soothe me.
"I fucking hate this," I whimper. "I hate all of this so much."
"I know," he says softly. "Fuck them all."
Pulling back, I sniffle, trying to compose myself. Blaise uses his thumbs to wipe the tears from under my eyes, giving me a warm smile.
"Tequila?" he offers jokingly.
It makes me laugh, the random inside joke between us. I shake my head. "I'm okay. I just needed to get that out."
He nods, stroking the tops of my shoulders. "I'll come to the gym next time. You can point him out and I'll deal with him."
"Don't do that," I groan. "I don't need you getting in trouble with law enforcement. They aren't worth it. Besides, I don't think he'll bother me again. I told him off."
"Good girl," Blaise says proudly. "Don't let them get you down."
I offer the best smile I can muster. It's not much, but it seems to help him relax.
Wiping my face, I walk over to my desk, picking up my laptop.
"Right," I start. "Let's get some work done. I changed my mind."
I'm a fucking idiot.
I did the absolute worst thing I could do.
I stalked Jordan's Facebook profile.
Ever since we found those photos on his profile, my thoughts pushed me to obsession. I know he should be out of sight, out of mind. But I couldn't help myself. And I really wished I hadn't.
Jordan has changed his Facebook profile picture, his warm smile and dimples filling the screen. It hurts seeing him. But what hurts even more is the girl next to him in the photos.
It's only been a few days and he's already sharing pictures with Jasmine. His friends are commenting on it, talking about how happy they are for him and how he's punching above the belt.
I don't blame them. She's gorgeous.
Her dark brown hair and green eyes are a beautiful contrast against her pale skin. She's smiling in the photo too, and I can't help but wonder if I'm still his dirty little secret.
I can't tell if he's trying to hurt me or if he's doing the compartmentalizing thing Blaise mentioned and trying to move on. From our history, I know he moves at a fast pace. I had just hoped he would at least have the decency to wait a little bit.
I thought he would. But maybe I never knew him at all.
My empty inbox is a reminder of it all, and thoughts plague my mind, knowing that while he's disappeared from my life entirely, he's in her cell, messaging her all the cute little things he used to say to me.
Later on, I take myself for a drive to unwind. I play music with the window down, letting the cool air hit my face.
I'm barely paying attention to my surroundings but suddenly, I find myself in his street, driving past his house.
I hate myself for it.
I wish I could just push him to the back of my mind, lock the memories in a box and throw the key into the creek. But I'm stuck — obsessing over everything.
As I drive past his house, my heart stops when I spot a little blue Mazda in his driveway. A fluffy chain hangs from the rear-view mirror and I know without a doubt he's in there with Jasmine.
Does his bed still smell like my perfume? Did I accidentally leave anything there like a hairpin?
I try to push away the agony, begging for the anger to take its place. I can handle it better — I'll run at it like a bull and a red flag.
Surprisingly, it comes easy as I notice his house lights on.
Does she know that he was with me last weekend? Does she know he touched me and told me he loved me? Does he have a cute little nickname for her like Firefly?
I'll never know the answers, but there's one thing I do know.
I'm sure she's lovely…
But I bet she doesn't touch you like I do.