40. Chapter Thirty Nine
Chapter Thirty Nine
"Oh, my God. Look at all the emails," Blaise groans, staring at his laptop as he strolls down the hallway.
"Hey! No work until tomorrow," I snap. "You promised me."
Of course after we got home and unpacked, he went straight for the laptop.
Me? I kind of stood in the living room, staring around at my home. The home I had lived in for nearly a year. The home I had spent hours and hours hanging out with Blaise in. The place we had made many memories, growing closer and closer until…
Until we said we loved each other.
When I left here on Friday, I was a broken down version of myself. It was like there was a giant hole in the room. Now, I'm here again and the hole is gone, the wall smoothed out and brand new.
"I know," he grumbles, walking into the living room. "I wasn't going to respond to any. I just wanted to check what kind of clusterfuck we'd be walking into tomorrow."
"That's a problem for tomorrow," I murmur.
He looks up, glancing at me curiously. "What are you doing?"
I look away from the wall, smiling at him. "Just thinking about everything."
Blaise puts the laptop down on the couch, closing the distance between us. "Are you okay?"
I nod. "Everything is different now," I tell him. "I can't explain it."
"I understand," he says, wrapping his arms around me and resting his chin on the top of my head. "It's like you're seeing everything in a whole new light."
"Exactly," I mumble happily, glad he understands my rambling. "It worked out just when I thought everything was over."
Blaise laughs softly. "I told you life has a funny way of working out. When one door closes, another one opens."
"The door was there the whole time," I muse. "You."
He tightens his hold on me. "I guess we both needed to work through our lessons to come out the other side."
Nodding, I turn around to face him. "Where do we go from here?"
Blaise leans down, kissing me. "We do what we do best. We live."
It's amazing how much you realize you love life when you're not fighting for survival.
Standing in my bedroom, it registers to me there's still one more piece of the puzzle I need to finish.
Opening my cell screen, I go into my messages, finding Kaden's name. My fingers are oddly steady as I start to type out my message. I've already thought this through, planned out exactly what I need to say.
Me: Hey Kaden. I just wanted to reach out and say thank you for helping me. I'm glad you were able to provide me with some closure — though I now realize I didn't need it to begin with. I wanted to let you know I forgive you. I forgive you for your games and your part in what happened. I forgive you for the mixed signals and most of all, for my part in playing into that. But I also realized I needed to forgive myself in order to move on. I was so focused on holding onto things that I forgot that I need to live my life. With that being said, I wish you well. I'm giving you the courtesy of letting you know I'm moving on and I'll be blocking and deleting all of your numbers. Please don't reach out to me, and if we do cross paths, please let me be free. All the best. Skylar.
As soon as I hit send, I block and delete him, making sure to do the same with Jake's details.
I used to think blocking was the coward's way out. In a way it is. But it is also the door to peace. I trust myself to not reach out — I no longer need to. The wounds are closed and the scars have faded. But as much as I trust myself, I know in my heart I can't trust them.
You can't compartmentalize things if you expect to heal. It just sits there, banging on the door until the pressure smashes it wide open again. I know they haven't really moved on. I hope they do.
You can forgive and forget, but you don't have to let it go. And I'm not.
I spent too many nights crying, blaming myself for what happened. I wasted precious hours and days of my life, wondering if I was good enough.
I am good enough.
I am enough.
They just weren't the people for me. I like to believe that people come and go for a reason, and once they have fulfilled that reason, it's their time to leave. We had our time together, I learned my lesson, and now it was time.
Blaise means so much to me. He was there through it all, holding me at my worst. He saw me cry over other men, saw me break, and he never ran away. That's true love.
And it's not even the simple fact that I respect him as my now very real boyfriend. It's that I need to respect myself. By holding onto my past, it was keeping me back.
I deserve better.
I deserve to be loved in the way I need and want.
I deserve someone who won't break me.
I deserve someone who will fix me when I can't fix myself.
I deserve it all.
Life is too short to be crying over emotionally unavailable assholes, begging for the bare minimum. Somewhere out there, there's someone willing to step in and go above and beyond.
That's Blaise for me.
"Hey, what do you feel like for dinner?"
Speak of the Devil.
I look up, spotting him at the door. He's leaning against the frame, like he's done so many times before. Except now he's mine.
"Pizza?" I offer.
He nods. "I'll go order it. While I do that, take your sheets off the bed."
I glance down at my mattress, confused. "Why?"
Blaise smiles at me, like the answer is obvious. "Because I'm moving your bedding into my room. You're sleeping with me from now on."
Wild hands slide over my body while hot kisses trail over my chest and neck.
Blaise pushes my thighs apart, humming happily when his fingers find me ready for him.
The two of us are tangled in his sheets, my pillows under my head. As soon as we crawled into bed — in my new bedroom — he went crazy.
"I was thinking," he starts, sucking my nipple into his mouth.
"Mmm?" I moan, tugging at his hair.
He pulls back from my chest, fingers sliding into my pussy. "Tomorrow, we will convert your old room into an office. It will be more fun working in there than the living room."
I gasp, hips pushing against the palm of his hand. "Is that so?"
"A-huh," he replies, tongue flicking my pink nipple. "Just imagine me slipping under your desk for a midday snack."
My nails draw pink lines down his back, pulling him closer to me. "Or I slip under yours," I murmur suggestively.
Blaise groans, and I reach down, grabbing his cock to emphasize my point — just in case it wasn't blatantly obvious.
"I'll give you a sneak peak," I tease, pushing his shoulder back as I guide him onto the bed.
He rolls onto his back, watching me with husky eyes. "I'm all yours."
"I know," I muse, kissing his chest as my lips brush over his toned stomach. "And I'm yours."
Blaise lets out a little groan and I reach my target, hand grabbing his length firmly. My lips part, sucking him in as my tongue teases the tip of his cock.
His hands thread through my hair gently, letting me go at my own pace. I take my time, savoring the taste of him as I slowly lower my mouth down his shaft, taking him in.
I could do this all day if it means getting to touch him and listening to the little sounds of pleasure he makes.
"Fuck, Sky," he grunts. "I love you so much."
I hum on his length, giggling to myself when his thighs twitch underneath me. Teasing him, I slowly remove him from my mouth, crawling up his body until I'm straddling him.
His hands find my waist, holding me steady and I reach between us, gripping his length as I slide down onto him.
We let out a moan in unison as he fills me, my knees lifting to raise and lower myself. Putting my hands on his chest, I find my balance, increasing my pace.
Blaise squeezes my hips, guiding me up and down. I roll my hips, grinding against him, and he throws his head back, groaning as his eyes close for a second.
"You were made for me," he says in a hushed tone.
I smile. "I love you," I whisper back, rocking my hips against his.
He focuses on my face, locking eyes with me as he reaches down, drawing circles around my clit.
It completely dazes me, my body stilling as pleasure sweeps through me.
Blaise thrusts up into me, taking over. I'm powerless, perched on top of him as he spears into me, rubbing my clit as he watches my face intensely.
"Come for me," he begs. "I need to feel you come on me."
Right on cue, my body tenses up, my orgasm hitting me at full speed. As I start to tighten around him, he thrusts faster and deeper, vigorously rubbing my clit until I slump forward onto his chest, panting.
He wraps his arms around me tight, holding onto me as he slams up into me, keeping pace until he groans loudly, finding his own.
Guiding me to the mattress, he moves me onto my side, spooning me from behind.
I hold his arms as they wrap around me, the two of us relaxing as we come down from our highs.
"So, office tomorrow and a ton of emails," I muse quietly. "Sounds like we have it all worked out."
Blaise nods against my shoulder blade. "I've already ordered the desks while you tidied up after dinner."
I turn my head to glance over my shoulder. "That's sneaky."
"I have no intention of letting you leave my bed," he laughs. "So, for the sake of our old knees, we need some proper ergonomic equipment. Especially since I think business is about to get hectic."
"It worked out well then," I laugh. "The fake relationship was also good for business."
Blaise nuzzles into my shoulder, reaching down to lift my leg up. "Mmm. I guess so."
"What are you doing?" I moan as I feel his hard cock pressing against my pussy again.
"You didn't think I was finished with you, did you?" he says, sliding into me. "Oh, little sin. I'm not done with you yet. Not by a long shot."