Chapter Eight #2
I could tell what a special person he was.
Though he’d only met them this afternoon, his fiercely protective desire to keep our small family out of harm’s way was overwhelming.
He was just the kind of man who would put himself between dangerous criminals and our family without a thought to his own safety.
I pushed those frightening images away the moment they came to me.
When he put Meggie down, I took her little hand and led both kids into the bedroom. I put them both down to sleep in the huge king-sized bed and sat on the side waiting for Barbie to finish her call while petting Garbanzo.
I watched the kids as they drifted off to sleep, wondering how on earth I was going to survive without them.
Though I’d lived with the fear of CPS swooping back in and taking them away from me for years, I knew this forced separation was the right thing to do.
It didn’t make my heart hurt any less, though.
When Barbie finally came into the bedroom twenty minutes later, both kids were asleep.
She shut the door quietly and padded across the room.
“You’d better take the dog out unless you want a mess on the floor in the morning,” she whispered. “Nash can do it, right?”
I felt my heart do a little flip-flop. She trusted Nash and that was a good thing. I nodded as I stood. “Yeah. I’ll ask him.” I stared at her heart-shaped face for a few seconds before pulling her into a tight hug. “I love you, honey. We’ll be back together soon.”
She nodded against me. “It has to be done, right, big brother?”
“Yeah and for what it’s worth, I’m so sorry, babe.”
“I understand.”
“Do you feel better now that you’ve talked to Twilla?” She pulled out of my arms and smiled at me.
“Yeah. She understands and says that even though I can’t tell her what happened or why we’re going away, we’re still going to talk and chat online all the time.”
I smiled. “Good.”
“Do you like Twilla?”
“Of course. She’s a sweet girl. Why do you ask?”
She looked pensive. “Hmm…because I think I’m in love with her…and considering the fact that I had to play “I Kissed a Girl and I Liked it” five-hundred times before you finally figured out that I wanted to date girls, I was really hoping you approved of us.”
I chuckled, pointing to my head. “It took a while to sink in and here I thought you just liked Jill Sobule a whole hell of a lot.” I hugged her again as she laughed. I really hoped we’d be together soon. Not hearing that laugh for some time was going to be hard.
“I’m so happy you like Twilla.” She smiled and pulled out of my hug, looking past me to the bed. The puppy was standing, looking around. “Uh oh.” She ran over and scooped him into her arms, then handed him to me. “Better take care of business.”
I chuckled softly. “Good catch.” I leaned in and kissed her forehead before going back to the living room with Garbanzo cradled in my arms. Nash was back in his chair at the kitchen table. “He needs to be walked.”
Nash stood. “Let me have him. I’ll take him out.” I passed him the puppy and he eyed me seriously. “Lock the door behind me and put the chain on. I’ll knock two times, then three when I come back so you’ll know it’s me. Don’t open the door until you’ve checked the peephole and heard my voice.”
“Okay.” I nodded vigorously and did exactly as he’d asked.
I shut the door behind him and locked up.
Nevertheless, I sat there with jangling nerves until he returned ten minutes later.
I took the puppy from him, kissing the black spot on top of his little head.
“Let me just put him in the other room so we can sit and talk.”
“Good.”
When I returned, he was sitting on the couch with a bottle of water in his hand.
He looked up at me as that niggling sense of attraction I’d been feeling ever since we’d talked this afternoon, came rushing back.
When he smiled at me, his hazel eyes twinkled.
In the sunlight this morning, I’d noticed the gold flecks in them and thought such intriguing eyes shouldn’t belong to such a jerk.
Now that I’d gotten to know what a good man he was, I decided they suited him perfectly.
He was beautiful inside and out. My whole family seemed to adore him and they were a good judge of character.
They were the most suspicious people I knew…
for good reason. They’d put up walls, not wanting to let anyone in so they wouldn’t be hurt when they vanished from their lives. They didn’t let anyone close.
“I have a few Gatorades in my bag,” Nash said. “Would you like one? They’re not cold but…”
I smiled. “Gatorade would be great.”
He shuffled through his duffle until he found what he was looking for. He pulled out an orange one and I took it, sitting on the couch beside him. He watched me drink half the bottle in one go and I couldn’t help but smile as I recapped it.
“I was so dehydrated. Needed the electrolytes. Thank you, Nash.”
“You’re welcome, though, I’m not surprised. You went through some pretty shitty stuff today.”
I ran fingers through my hair. “It’s been a very long day,” I said around a yawn.
“Okay, I’ll make what I need to tell you brief.”
The way he paused made me think I wasn’t going to like what he had to say. “What is it, Nash? After what went on today, I think it’s safe to say I can take bad news.”
He pursed his lips. “I’m not so sure that I can keep you safe at work. If it was my whole team, then I’d tell you there was no problem. But, while you were in the shower, I pulled up the website for the collectible you work for.”
I snorted a laugh. “It’s called a collective, not a collectible.”
He chuckled. “Collective…collectible…it doesn’t matter.
I’ve been to this one before. In fact, my apartment isn’t that far away from it and I really like the farmer’s market.
I don’t remember eating at Tango’s but still, I pulled up the website to look at pictures just to make sure it was the same place I was thinking about. ”
I sat back in the cushions, almost dreading what he was about to say.
“Joshua, it’s an open-air meeting space with not only the four restaurants and the farmer’s market but a whole lot of other boutiques and stores.
There are multiple ingresses and egresses, not a single front door to a closed building.
When I was there, the place always had throngs of people walking in and out, especially around the restaurants’ rush hours.
That means there could be a hundred people or more milling around, shopping, eating, etcetera. ”
I opened my mouth to object and tell Nash that my job meant everything to me, but he stopped me when he raised his hand.
“Please, let me finish.”
“Go on.”
“That environment would be a challenge even if I had all eight guys on my team with me, but for one person, looking at all those people and trying to figure out whether they’re concealing a weapon or not, is going to be near impossible.
In addition, your job doesn’t entail sitting in a chair but instead, you’re constantly going back and forth from the kitchen to the individual tables, always in motion as you work.
It means I have to not only keep a constant eye on your location but also look at who else might be approaching you or chasing after you to ask for a lemon for their water.
The bottom line is…I’m good, Joshua. I’m just not that good. ”
He narrowed his eyes. “I’m a RECON Marine, Joshua, and without getting specific here, I’ll tell you that I’ve had some experience in following a terrorist into a bazaar-like environment, similar to the way the Collective is set up.
It’s hell on earth trying not to bring attention to yourself, while keeping an eye on your suspect—which translates to you in this scenario.
I’ll wait for my captain to get back to me with the FBI’s assessment once they’ve had the opportunity to do it in the morning, but I thought it was only fair that I give you a heads up as to what they’re gonna say. ”
I glanced away from him, trailing my fingers along the top of the couch. “That makes sense. But you don’t know for sure.” I pinned him with a serious look. “If I have to tell Bruno that I’m going to be away for God knows how long, I don’t know what he’ll do.”
“He seemed like a nice man when I met him tonight. I think he’ll work with you.”
“He’s been like a father to me, but that doesn’t mean he can afford to leave a management position open for long.
He will if he can, but—” I shook my head, feeling almost hopeless.
“I just don’t know what he’ll say. And what the hell am I going to tell him?
That some fucking Mexican drug cartel is after me and forcing me to leave everyone I love in the hands of the FBI and the Marshals Service? ”
He frowned. “I know you called him from the BearCat after my captain talked to you. What did you tell him?”
I sighed. “I told him I’d need some time off and left it like that.
He agreed that of course I could take time off…
he didn’t even ask how long. But, if I confess that it could be months, he’s going to have a fit…
in a nice way…but still a fit.” The familiar burning behind my eyes came back.
“This is so fucked.” I looked down at my lap and fiddled with the Gatorade.
A moment later, he reached out and cupped my cheek, lifting my face to look at him.
“We’re gonna fix this, Joshua. I promise. The situation won’t last forever.”
I searched his hazel eyes. There was something in them that I couldn’t identify.
I trusted this man, and I knew he had a fierce, protective instinct for my family.
You could read it all over his face, but there was more in his gaze.
As I struggled to identify what it was, I almost opened my mouth to ask him what he wasn’t saying when he dropped his hand and looked away.
He bent and swiped the water bottle off the table, taking a sip.
I almost smiled as my gaydar started pinging.
So, that’s what this is. Nash is behaving like a guy who’d just seen someone he was attracted to—almost coy—like he didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing to make the exchange vanish.
I’d been in enough situations like this to know what I was seeing.
Was it possible that this big, tough man was afraid to expose himself to his teammates?
No…that wasn’t it. From what I’d seen, all the men he worked with respected and loved him.
They were his friends, people he relied on without question.
So, what was it then? Why was he afraid to admit he was gay, because that was clear in his reaction to me.
When I thought about it, I realized what a contradiction Nash was.
I’d seen his capabilities firsthand. Somehow, I just figured he was the same confident person off the job as well as when he was working, but this behavior didn’t add up.
He was acting like he was…nervous? At the moment, I couldn’t imagine why.
I certainly hadn’t said or done anything to make him nervous around me.
Was it possible that he was buried so deeply in the closet, he wasn’t out to the men he called brothers?
Or maybe I was leaving this gorgeous warrior flustered?
Either way, I read shyness in his expression.
I suddenly wanted to slap myself. Who was I kidding?
Nash Hampstead was way out of my league.
I knew what I looked like. I worked out, had a fit body, and decent genes which gave me nice eyes.
But my sandy blond hair was nothing to write home about.
I suppose it was clean, though, and I knew I smelled good.
At work and school, people told me they liked me because I was brave.
Truth be told, I’d fought hard to keep our family together, but in reality, I was always looking over my shoulder.
Sure, I took care of people which wasn’t a bad quality, but sometimes that got me into situations like the one with Billy this morning.
I spent a lot of time caretaking, pushing down the need to act my age.
Of course, I’d dated here and there, but I’d never allowed myself to get into a long-term relationship with anyone.
The fact was, I was afraid to have my personal life on display when it seemed like any day of the week, I could be facing a judge explaining how fit I was to parent three kids.
My lawyers had told me to play down the fact that I was gay and out.
They were worried it wouldn’t score points in family court with a judge, especially when I was fighting to keep my family together.
I knew at twenty-seven, I should be out there, meeting people, having a ton of hot sex with guys.
But I couldn’t risk it, not when Barbie, Meggie, and Pete were counting on me.
So, I made myself into a homebody who loved and protected my family and left it at that.
And…here I was, sitting on the couch beside this big, buff, Special Forces guy, thinking about how remarkable he was, daydreaming about spending as much time as I could with him.
Perhaps in all this, getting put on a cartel’s hit list would turn out to have a silver lining… but just maybe, I was an idiot.