Chapter 19
“Not all those who are lost wish to be found.”
— Author Unknown
By now, I should be used to people staring at me. That’s what happens when your cousin and closest friend is the most beautiful fae in Rosehill and the Queen of Willowhaven. Unfortunately, Kerris isn’t with me to draw all the attention as I venture into the city.
Don’t these people have anything better to do?
I’m only at this café to order some tea and dessert, same as everyone else. Nothing to see here.
Three days of holing up in my room was enough to drive me mad. I’m tired of hiding like I did something wrong.
If anything, I did what was right.
My wounds have healed into hardened scars. I am ready to stop hiding and start living.
“I heard she’s seeing an Unseelie fae,” the woman waiting in line behind me whispers to her companion like I’m not standing right here.
It’s no surprise she assumes Maddox and I are together considering how much time we’ve spent in each other’s company of late.
Guilt pinches my chest when I remember the way I spoke to him. He didn’t deserve to be my whipping boy simply because the rug had been swept from under my feet. After I eat, I’m heading straight to the castle to apologize. He deserves a chance to explain himself.
“Well, I heard Nolan broke it off with her because she was a controlling witch,” the second fae says, and it takes everything in me to keep from turning around and glaring at her until she bursts into flames.
“Who said that?” the first fae asks.
Probably Ivee. Heaven knows that woman would say just about anything to make me look terrible.
“Nolan himself,” the woman responds with a smirk.
Did Nolan really say that about me?
No. I don’t believe it. We might not have parted on the best of terms, but we were together for four years. He wouldn’t spread such terrible lies.
What if he did say those things?
I never thought he’d accept a proposal from Ivee, so clearly, I don’t know the man as well as I thought I did.
When I reach the counter and the baker asks for my order, my appetite has vanished.
I knew I’d have to see the blackguard at some point, so why not today? I step out of line and pass the two terrible women with my head held high.
Now seems as good a time as any to confront the man I once loved who is now engaged to my mortal enemy.
When I reach Summerville cottage, I shove the gate aside and saunter through the drooping roses to the front door. I knock good and hard, wishing the wood was Nolan’s maddening head. He finally answers and—
Heavens. He reeks of booze and looks like death warmed over.
If we were still together, I’d ask if he was feeling ill. Since we aren’t, I’ll let Ivee care for her ailing fiancé. I am here for answers, nothing more.
His eyes bulge, making the dark circles beneath them stand out even more. “Nia . . .”
I had a list of things to say, very calm, rational things, but when my mouth opens, a shrill, “How dare you?” scrapes out instead.
Wincing, Nolan massages his temples. I hope his head is pounding. “What are you talking—”
I throw up my hand. I’ve had it up to here with men lying to me. No more. “Did you tell people that you broke it off with me because I was a controlling witch?”
“Listen . . .”
I will certainly not listen. “No more excuses, no more lies. Answer the bloody question.”
He drags a hand down his face, his palm rasping over at least two days’ worth of facial hair. “Yes, all right? I did. What did you expect me to say?”
What did I expect?
What did I expect?
“Oh, I don’t know. How about the bloody truth? That you’re so full of hate that there was no room left for loving me.” There’s room for Ivee, though, which makes me wonder if he’s truly let go of the past or if he’s stuffed her into the tiny gaps between all his loathing.
“I’m sure your Unseelie will make it all better,” he sneers.
“We aren’t—”
“Save it. I saw the two of you together. You could’ve chosen someone else—anyone else. But no, you had to go off with one of them.”
I don’t owe Nolan an explanation. I don’t owe him a damn thing. “That doesn’t give you the right to drag my name through the mud. It doesn’t mean you have to get engaged to that wretched—”
“Be careful what you say about my fiancée.”
Oh, sure. He defends her, the worst woman I know; meanwhile, he tells everyone who will listen that I’m a controlling witch.
Speaking of the worst woman I know, there’s something about this whole situation that doesn’t add up.
“When did it start?”
“When did what start?”
“Your relationship, you dolt. I find it hard to believe the two of you fell madly in love over the last week. That you’re so infatuated with each other after only a few days.
That you would agree to marry her when you just claimed you might never marry.
” Had he left me at the quarry and gone straight to her?
Nolan doesn’t immediately answer, which of course leaves me assuming the worst.
“Tell me you weren’t with her while we were together.” That he wasn’t sleeping with us both at the same bloody time.
Dragging a hand through his tangled hair, he blows out a frustrated huff. “After the prince died, Ivee and I were both grieving, and in our sorrow, we found comfort in each other.”
Isn’t that just bloody wonderful? They found comfort while I was grappling with trying to forgive him for the awful things he’d done. They were holding one another while I was crying myself to sleep all alone.
What about when we resolved our differences? Did he simply toss her aside to reconcile with me? And if he did, what kind of woman would put up with being treated like that?
I’m not jealous of Ivee. At first, maybe I was. But now?
Now, I pity her.
She’s not getting the Nolan I first met.
She’s getting a twisted, unfaithful version I don’t even recognize. One that would use someone and discard them once they’ve served their purpose.
“I wish you a long and miserable life, Nolan Graham.”
Good riddance to him.
Good riddance to them both.
Instead of skirting around the city center, I stroll past every crowded café on my way to The Black Rose. That’s right. I’m not looking for baked goods anymore.
I’m on the hunt for a stiff drink and a good ride.
Whispers follow in my wake, but I no longer care to listen to the gossip. Another scandal will arise soon enough. The rumor mill will grind down some other innocent or not-so-innocent fae, and I’ll be forgotten like yesterday’s lunch.
The moment my slipper crosses the pub’s threshold, three fae trip over themselves to get to me.
Yes, this is exactly what I needed.
I let the first one to reach me buy my first drink—a shot of the strongest liquor on the shelf.
I’ve seen him here before, and he’s handsome enough, with dirty-blond hair and a vine-like tattoo creeping up the side of his neck. He’s a little short for my liking, but today isn’t about finding a mate. It’s about losing myself in someone else for a few hours.
This fae seems as good as any.
I toss back the shot, the liquid fire burning a path down my throat to my stomach.
“You look like you’re on a mission to forget,” he muses with a smirk.
“I am.” I order another shot, and his coins slam against the bar top at the same time as the glass. “I don’t suppose you know anyone who’d be willing to help me?”
“I’ll help you.” He shifts closer to whisper in my ear. “Help you right out of that dress. As good as that silk looks on you, it’ll look even better on my cottage floor.”
Sounds like we’re skipping the preamble. Good. I don’t care to hear about his occupation or his plans for the future. Hell, I don’t even care to know his name.
I smile back, a thrill singing down my spine as I down another drink. “Is your cottage nearby?”
His smirk grows. “Just down the lane.”
I’m about to request a third and final shot when a butterfly flits between us, making me think of green skin, careful, calloused hands, and dark eyes that sparkle like onyx jewels.
My new companion’s smirk falters, and he swats at the butterfly, knocking the poor creature to the ground.
My smile vanishes.
He lifts up his boot and—
I shove him back, straight into one of the high tables. “Don’t you dare! Let it be.”
When he rights himself, he’s not smirking anymore. He scrubs his hand down his waistcoat, his nose wrinkling as he watches the poor butterfly struggle to crawl away. “Calm down. It’s just a fucking bug.”
A bug that wasn’t hurting anyone.
Looks like it isn’t going to work out between us. I scoop up the butterfly and set it on one of the window boxes outside the pub.
When I return, I meet the gaze of a different fae, one with blue eyes and a slightly crooked nose. Not as handsome, but at least he’s taller than the last fool.
When he smiles, there’s something about his teeth that bother me, but I can’t put my finger on it. They’re straight and white, so it’s not either of those things. They’re just . . . they’re too flat.
It’s a ridiculous reason to discount someone. Still, I cannot help but turn away.
It’s all shallow, isn’t it? The smiles, the laughter. None of it feels any deeper.
This is what I thought I wanted, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Instead of ordering another drink, I turn and head for the door.
No one tries to talk me out of it because deep down, no one cares to know me either.