Chapter Twenty #4
“But it could work! He caught us off guard. And he’s your friend, right?
It’s harder to lie to friends.” Until now, I hadn’t known what Sid meant when he talked about his relationship with Tom, but tonight I think I got a peek.
He clearly takes Tom’s opinion seriously, especially about the election.
“I guess.” Sid shakes his head. “But he isn’t wrong, Kayla.”
“No! We can do this.” I grab Sid’s hands, making him look at me properly. “We screwed up today, but he knew things about us that normal people wouldn’t. No one has to know about the slingshot or April’s insulin. You want a sweet little wife softening your image? I will do that! I will be that.”
“No offence, but who would use the words sweet little wife to refer to you?”
“Oh, come on!” I smack his arm, proving his point, but we’re both fighting back smiles.
The sight gives me a shred of hope to cling to.
“There must be something I can do. At the very least, I can totally make it look like I love you. You’re very lovable.
And if everyone sees me thinking you’re great, they’ll think you’re great too, right? ”
Those words only make his blue eyes cloud over. “Kayla, you can’t even talk to me anymore. I’m not saying I blame you, but—”
“No.” My voice cracks. He still thinks I’m afraid of him or hate him or some combination of the two.
“—if you can’t trust me, then what’s the point of any of this?”
“That asshole. This isn’t fair.” My eyes sting as tears threaten to break through.
“What?”
“I was going to talk to you tonight.” I sniff against the lump forming in my throat. “I had this whole plan. But now you’re not going to believe me.”
“Believe you about what?”
“We were going to go to the duck pond! But then it started raining and I thought, shit, he’s not going to want to go to the duck pond in the rain. So then I was trying to think where we could talk instead, but you don’t have any furniture, so—”
“What has furniture got to do with—”
“I was going to talk to you about TNS! But now you won’t believe me because Tom ruined it. I was going to ask you to talk.”
“Really?”
“Yes! See? You don’t believe me!”
“Then pretend I do. We’re at the duck pond. What were you going to say?”
A wave of fear envelopes me again. It’s a chance I don’t deserve, and my voice wobbles when I try to meet his eyes. “I dunno.”
“You don’t know.” Those beautiful blue eyes drop away from mine.
“No, I do know. I… I miss you.” I finally get the words out.
“That was basically it. I miss you and it’s making me sick.
The TNS thing freaked me out, but if I’ve got to choose between hating them or liking you, I’m choosing you.
Not just because I want to help April, but because you’re the kindest man I’ve ever known. ”
Sid blinks, as if he’s trying to find his way out of a spell. “Seriously?”
“Sid…” My voice shakes as I reach for something that terrifies me to admit out loud, but that I know he needs to hear. “Remember when I went running and you flipped out? Before we started talking about this whole marriage thing?”
“Yeah?”
“You were the first man—no. Other than April, you were the first person I’ve hugged since my mother died. I feel safe with you. Only you. I want that back.”
“Oh.” His voice is so soft, I wouldn’t be able to hear it if I was more than a foot away. I squeeze his hands and in reply, his own grip strengthens, giving me courage.
“Anyway… that’s all I was going to say. And that I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took me so long to forgive you. It’s just, I trust people so infrequently. Until you kept that secret from me, it was like you were perfect. And then you weren’t. I didn’t know what to think.”
“You’ve lived through a hell of a lot of terrible stuff if you ever thought I was perfect.”
“You know what I mean.”
“No. I wish I did.” He sighs. “Kayla, I’m sorry, too.”
I look up, suddenly terrified. What exactly is he apologizing for? Does he want that annulment Tom suggested?
“From here on out, no more secrets.”
“You mean—”
“I’m a man of my word. I’m not giving up on you.”
“Oh, Sid!” With that, I throw my arms around him. He’s only startled for a second; then, his arms tighten around me, driving away that lonesome ache of the past week. “We’ll do this right. Get to know each other, so we can trick anyone. Even Tom!”
“That might be setting the bar a little high.”
“Oh, shut up. Next time you go into town, why don’t I come with you? It can be, like… a super platonic friend date between two married people.”
“That sounds like an incredibly normal thing to do.”
“Doesn’t it?” I grin. “We’ll get to know each other. Favourite books. Songs. Everything!”
“I…” Sid hesitates. “I guess that would be a good idea.”
“Perfect! It’s a date.” I release him and spin around the kitchen, feeling lighter than I have in days. “And you can show me your office and how your campaign works. Maybe we can go tomorrow? I think Carlos is at regular school tomorrow, so—Carlos! Onions! Shit!”
I make a mad dash towards the stove. A plume of smoke billows up as I expose the scorched sides of the onions. Sid breaks down with laughter and it’s so contagious, I find myself joining in. I guess if I’m going to ruin his life, like Tom expects, I might as well start with his dinner.