50. Booth
CHAPTER FIFTY
booth
I woke up refreshed this morning.
Sleeping beside Aly is incomparable.
My body takes comfort in her proximity.
Now, it screams in protest at the distance between us.
The second my boots hit the creaky floorboards of my porch, exhaustion sweeps over me.
It’s too much effort to change or turn on the heating.
I have just enough energy to make it to my bed before collapsing face-first into the rumpled sheets that smell like her.
An intense force punches me in the chest. Thankfully , it also knocks me unconscious, and sleep takes over.
I’m not sure how long I’m out.
When my front door bursts open, my backside meets the floor as I fly off the bed.
Angry footsteps storm my way.
“You’ve always been an idiot, but this really takes the cake!” Towering over me, Graham scowls down and points an angry finger in my direction.
“ What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Groaning, I crawl back onto the bed and return his scowl.
“ Ever heard of knocking?”
“No. Not when I find out from the girls that my little brother’ s a colossal idiot with his head so far up his ass he’s failed to see what’s right in front of him.”
He’s pissed and talking a lot.
Both of which are completely unlike Graham .
And because it’s so out of character, I get nervous and crack a joke.
“You’re just jealous my tush is better than yours.”
He picks up a magazine from my coffee table, rolls it up, and smacks me upside the head.
“Hey!” I rub at my ear.
“ What the fuck are you going on about?”
“The girls were waiting outside the bakery to say goodbye to Aly .”
The mention of her name makes me cringe in shame.
Not wanting him to notice I’m hanging on by a thread, I stand and move into the kitchen.
“ That’s nice of them.”
“Yeah, really nice.” His footsteps echo behind me.
“ What wasn’t nice was to hear from them that my talented, charismatic, skilled brother turned down his dream job. With no explanation.”
I freeze.
“ She told them.”
“Yeah, and I’m glad she did.” A firm hand grasps my shoulder and forces me to turn around.
“ She told them because she cares.”
Graham isn’t mad anymore.
He’s disappointed.
In me.
A running theme with everyone I interact with today.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” he asks.
I’m too tired to argue with him.
Legs leaden with regret, he follows me over to the sofa and I tell him exactly what I told Aly .
When I’m finished, he reaches for the magazine again.
My arms fly up to protect myself.
“ Cut that out, you prick.”
Dropping his weapon, he studies me over the rim of his glasses, then falls back against the sofa.
“ Did we pressure you into staying?”
My neck cracks with how quickly it whips in his direction.
“ What ? No .”
“Then why did you stay? Why take over from Gloria after she retired if this isn’t what you wanted?”
I shrug, like the answer is obvious.
“ Who else would do it? Dad trusted me, and without him here anymore, I had to keep my promise.”
His gaze darts around the room in confusion.
“ What promise?”
A chill breaks out over my skin at the memory.
To a dreary Thursday afternoon.
It was raining, not heavily, but that fine mist that soaks you in seconds.
A sea of black outfits surrounded me.
Heartbreak and devastation worn by everyone.
We didn’t have a burial for Dad .
It wasn’t what he wanted.
Instead , we scattered his ashes at Piper Beach , overlooking the bay, and watched as the tide washed them away.
When the waves kissed the tips of my shiny black dress shoes, I made a silent promise.
“The day we said goodbye to Dad .” It’s impossible to look at my brother as grief clenches its claws around my heart.
“ I promised him I would watch over the restaurant. I’d never turn my back on my family. It’s what he would have wanted.”
Painful silence stretches between us.
I’m worried I’ve pissed him off again, but when I glance at Graham , he stares at me with a broken expression.
“ Booth .” His tone is hushed.
“ He would have never expected that of you.”
The ache in my chest makes it hard to speak.
“ Yeah , well, we’ll never know, and it’s too late to break that promise now.”
I’m used to Graham’s quiet.
He’s processing the anvil-sized information I’ve dropped.
I turn my hands over, inspecting the small scars marring my skin.
All from years of keeping a promise never spoken .
There’s a rustling of paper, then a white envelope lands in my upturned palms.
Scrawled in handwriting I would recognize anywhere, is my name.
My heart stops.
“I don’t think you’re an idiot. Most of the time. But I think what you’re doing is idiotic.” He taps the envelope.
“ Dad would think so too. He’d be heartbroken to know you’re holding yourself back.” Graham’s words wrench at my insides.
“ I , of all people, know how terrifying it is to put yourself out there. If I hadn’t taken a risk a few months ago, do you know where I’d be?”
I swallow the lump in my throat and shake my head.
“I’d still be wallowing in self-pity and pining after Quinn . But I took the risk, and fuck, if it wasn’t the best decision of my life. She saved me.” Emotion wells in his eyes.
There’s no arguing with him there.
“ Aly has a right to be upset. She trusted you with the rawest parts of her and you held yourself back. Believe me when I say turning down this opportunity will be the second biggest mistake of your life.”
My voice cracks.
“ And the first?”
There isn’t an ounce of indecision in his words.
“ Letting Aly go.”
Feeling like I’m going in circles, my eyes clamp shut to stop the room spinning.
“ She had to go. That was always the plan.”
“She did. And the only thing stopping you from following her is you .” My eyes ping open.
“ I’d be sad to see you go. We all would. But it’ll be difficult to forgive you if you stay.”
My shoulders shudder as I suppress the anguish threatening to break free.
“ I’m scared.”
Suddenly, I’m wrapped in a brotherly embrace.
Graham’s big arms squeeze a sob out of me as he holds me tight.
“ Being scared is good.”
Graham’s arms lock around me as I work to regain myself.
When he pulls back, he glances down at the envelope clutched between my fingers.
“ I don’t know what it says or when he wrote it, but his timing is always impeccable.”
“What do you mean?”
Heartache laces his smile.
“ Pat found four letters stuffed away in a closet at Mom’s . One for each of us.” He swallows before staring longingly at the paper in my hands.
“ Pat read his after the news about the restaurant broke. He gave me mine after Quinn and I took some time apart. And I’m giving you yours now.”
Another envelope appears from his pocket, and he doesn’t need to explain who it’s for or who will be delivering it.
Florence.
My heart clenches.
“ How will I know when to give it to her?”
“You’ll just know. As much as I wanted to hand you yours months ago, something tells me now is the perfect time.” He stands, leaving me frozen, and peers down at me knowingly.
“ When you’re ready, we’re all ears, but at the end of the day, we love you and want to see you happy.”
With one final hug, he leaves.
I toy with the sharp corner of the envelope, unsure if I’m strong enough to read my dad’s words.
My hesitation lasts all of five seconds before I’m tearing through the paper and unfolding the letter.
Booth,
Third born and first to show me you don’t have to take life so seriously.
Your outlook on life and ability to read people have always astounded me.
You always know if someone needs to laugh or a shoulder to lean on.
As you get older, I hope you never lose that .
As I’m writing this, you’ve just graduated college, top of your class, and you’re on the way to being a culinary genius.
When you told me you wanted to become a chef, I knew in years to come I’d be bragging to my friends about my hotshot son and the fancy restaurant he creates masterpieces in.
I’m so excited to see you spread your wings.
You’re a brilliant young man and the same will be said about your career.
If only I possessed the same loyalty you have when I was your age.
You might be the goofball always cracking jokes, but you’re wise beyond your years.
I’ve watched you grow from a boy to a man.
It hits me with a sense of pride so powerful every time I walk into Our Place’s kitchen to find you working hard behind that pass, but I know greatness has its limits and you haven’t met yours yet.
You’re not made for greatness, you are greatness.
And you are one of my greatest gifts.
Whether it’s within the walls of Our Place or thousands of miles away, I will never stop cheering you on.
If you decide that this career isn’t what you want anymore, I don’t care.
I just hope you never lose sight of what’s important.
Your happiness.
Raising you has brought me endless amounts of happiness and I’m so lucky to call you my son.
Don’t forget to reserve a table for your old man.
With all my love,
Dad
A broken, shaky breath leaves me.
I drop the letter, not wanting the steady flow of tears to smudge the inked words.
My chest heaves, feeling like it’s about to cave in on itself.
It’s not dated, but if it was written shortly after my graduation, he passed away a few weeks later.
Right after I came to work at the restaurant full time.
I sweep my hair back off my forehead and stare up at the ceiling.
Graham was right. While my dad never once used this word when he spoke to any of his kids, he’d be disappointed if he saw me now.
My fears are of my own creation.
The overwhelming pressure I’ve felt over the years was created by me.
It festered until it was easier to use it as an excuse than to face it head-on.
I’m tired of burying my head in the sand because it’s the safest option.
But there’s just one thing holding me back.
I trust my dad’s words.
Trust Graham . But the fear of betraying my family still lingers.
There’s a woman out there who inexplicably handed herself over to me, and I wasn’t worthy.
But I will be. I’ll prove to her I am.
But I can’t do that until my dreams are reincarnated and my fears a thing of the past.
Then I’ll give her my everything.
I just hope she accepts me.
Huffing under my breath, I stomp back and forth across the parquet flooring of the restaurant.
“ Sixteen hours I had to wait for this meeting and they’re late. ”
My mom, George , Graham , Quinn , Florence , and Dex all share a look.
“What?”
Silence.
“No, seriously, what’s wrong?” My feet don’t stop moving.
“Sweetheart,” my mom says sweetly.
“ How do I say this nicely? You’re? —”
“You’re pissing us off!” Florence interjects, earning a scowl from our mother.
“ What ? He is. Sit down, Boothy , you’re making me uncomfortable.”
I slump onto a chair and throw my hands up in exasperation, about to argue, when Patrick and Johanna flounce in like they have all the time in the world.
“ Finally ! What took you so long?”
Pat glances down at his watch.
“ We’re three minutes late.” He eyes our friends and family around the table.
“ This looks cozy.”
Jo offers me a sympathetic smile as everyone chats among themselves and takes the empty seat next to me.
She squeezes my forearm.
“ How are you doing?”
Pushing down my anxiety, I manage a weak smile.
“ I’m okay. I think. I just need to get this over with.”
She nods in understanding.
“ I get that.” She shoves her index and thumb in her mouth and whistles loudly, silencing the room.
“ Booth has something he’d like to say!”
All eyes flick to me.
“Right. Thanks for that,” I mutter sarcastically, then clear my throat.
My fingers tap on the table, reciting the speech I’ve practiced all morning over in my head before swallowing down my nerves.
“ I want…umm. I wa— shit. ”
My voice cracks, throat closing over.
Fuck , I can’t do it.
I can’t let them down.
White spots flash in my vision as I press the heels of my hands into my eyes .
There’s a light tap on my shoulder and I glimpse up to find Jo smiling at me.
“ You have my blessing to be selfish.”
“W-what?” My stomach drops to the soles of my feet.
“And mine.” My head whips toward Patrick , his deep voice assured and clear.
“ You’ve always had my blessing and I’ll be proud of you no matter what you decide.”
“You already know my vote,” Graham says.
“ You deserve this.”
“Ditto. We want you to be happy.” Quinn beams over at me.
“ Just promise I can come play in your fancy new kitchen.”
“I can’t wait to visit you at this swanky new restaurant,” George exclaims.
Dex points at me with a serious look.
“ Booth , if you don’t take this opportunity, I will make your life hell.” There’s a lot of cheer to his threat.
Florence sniffs, and at the tears shining in my little sister’s eyes, my resolve is close to snapping.
“ Honestly ? I’ll miss you like crazy, but I will haunt you until the end of time if you turn this down.”
I’m overwhelmed by the wave of support and love, striking me at all angles.
It’s my mom’s wet lashes and the way she clutches Patrick’s hand tightly that makes me worry I’m about to make the wrong decision.
“Booth Elias Sadler ,” she begins, and I prepare myself.
“ I have loved you since the day they placed you in my arms. I have loved you through every cut, scrape, and graze. I have loved you through your darkest hours.” She reaches across the table until our fingertips brush.
“ And I will love you when you’re living your dream in New York . Or halfway across the world. Wherever you are, we will all love and support you.” When a tear rolls down her cheek, disappearing into the smile lines around her mouth, I about lose it.
“ If your father were here today, he would be the loudest of us all, cheering you on every step of the way.”
It’s useless.
Absolutely fucking useless keeping it together when my family has robbed me of my words and bombarded me with their blessings.
One after the other.
“Fuck.” I swipe at my cheeks.
“ My speech was really good too.”
“Yeah, but we’re sick of hearing your voice.” Patrick chuckles.
“Fucker.” I laugh through the tears.
Breathing deeply, I scan everyone’s faces.
“ You all know about the job in New York then?”
They all nod.
I scrub a hand down my face.
“ You don’t know what it means to have you all backing me. I … I was worried you’d all be disappointed or feel I was betraying the restaurant.”
“Booth,” my mom whispers.
“ Your life might have started here, but it doesn’t have to end here. City life will suit you.” She levels me with a serious look.
“ But before anything else, you owe a certain lady an apology.”
Twenty-seven, and I still shit my pants whenever my mom berates me.
Gaining Aly’s forgiveness is going to be hard.
This was a walk in the park compared to earning back her trust. For the last twenty-four hours, I’ve been haunted by her frayed expression.
She wasn’t even angry, which is worse.
So much worse.
My mouth hangs open, about to beg my family for advice on how to win her back, when the front door opens.
We all turn to find a young guy holding a manila envelope staring at us impatiently.
“Patrick Sadler ?” he calls.
Pat stands, caution written over his face.
“ Yeah , that’s me.”
“Uh-oh, he’s getting served,” Flo snickers.
“Oh, no. I only do that on Tuesdays . This is a special delivery. Important documents or something.” He glances at the whitewash walls and fishing gear hanging from the walls.
“ I just go where they tell me.”
Patrick takes the envelope, signs the handheld tablet, then locks the front door.
He tears open the seal on his return to the table and pulls out a stack of papers.
His eyes scan over the documents.
His face flat, but right as he goes to sit, he halts, hovering above the chair.
“Holy shit,” he whispers.
“ Holy fucking shit. This can’t be real.”
“What?!” Jo scrambles to look over his shoulder, then her face mirrors his gobsmacked one.
“ No way…”
“No way, what!?” Florence cries as I shout, “ Stop being cryptic!”
Patrick blinks slowly at the paper clutched in his shaking hands.
My anxiety is about to blow through the roof.
“ Booth , I think you’re going to have to do more than grovel to Aly .”
My chair scrapes against the floor.
“ Is she okay? What’s going on? Fuck , Pat , just tell me.”
He shakes his head.
“ She’s fine.” Calmly , he places the paper flat on the table.
He pauses, then lets out an almighty belly laugh as he taps at the signature scrawled at the bottom of the page.
“ Aly is absolutely fine. She’s also no longer the owner of Our Place .”
A chorus of gasps echo around me, but the ability to speak has been robbed from me.
“Who is?” Graham asks quietly.
Patrick’s gaze tracks around the table. “ We all are.”