Chapter 23
Twenty-Three
Emory
There was no denying that I was avoiding Enoch after my meltdown.
Sure, I had responded to his text messages, and I’d even answered his calls, but that was easy when we both were working.
It was the evenings when neither of us had work, when he invited me to his house, that I had to come up with excuses that weren’t too obvious.
Although, I was sure he was starting to catch on after three nights in a row of telling him I had plans.
I was running out of excuses. It wasn’t like I was a naturally social or busy person.
I even followed through with my alleged plans, simply because I couldn’t handle the guilt.
But a girl’s night with Lottie and Hannah, a night at the gym, and another night of catching up on housework meant I was limited in options tonight for things I was going to be doing that would keep Enoch away.
I sighed, tossing my phone onto my bed as I changed into a sports bra and some gym clothes.
It wasn’t even the usual day of the week that I would weight train in my apartment’s small gym, but I needed something to keep me occupied.
Something that didn’t involve cutting myself and disassociating from reality.
My heart jolted when I saw that he was calling me.
I reluctantly answered the phone. “Hello?”
“Hey,” he said. I could already tell he was smiling. “So, this gym session, any chance I can join you?”
I closed my eyes, my hand fisting at my side.
“Um, sure.”
“Or…not? You don’t sound excited about the idea. Am I being too clingy?”
I massaged my temples, shaking my head to myself.
“No. You’re not. I’m just…”
“Avoiding me?” He finished.
I sighed. “Kind of.”
“Why? Did I do something?” His question was earnest, like he actually thought he had done something wrong.
Like I wasn’t the one fucking this whole thing up.
I knew confessing about my plans to kill myself were going to make things weird, and I’d kind of been hoping he would call this whole thing off.
But neither my sins, nor my suicidal ideations, seemed to deter him from his dedication to our future together.
“No. You didn’t do anything. I-I’m just embarrassed,” I said softly, sinking down onto the edge of my bed.
“Embarrassed?” He parroted in surprise. “What? Why?”
“You know why…” I traced the outline of the butterfly tattoo on my arm.
“The nightmare thing?”
I paused, my jaw clenching. “Yeah.”
Enoch took a deep breath, and I hung my head, frustrated that I was fucking everything up. Again.
“Can you tell me why you’re embarrassed?”
Seriously?
“What do you mean, why? The whole fucking thing was embarrassing. I completely fucking lost it over something so stupid.”
There was a pause, as if Enoch was waiting to make sure I was completely finished speaking.
“Stupid? What do mean?”
“Like, dumb, ridiculous. I saw the blood and I…I fucking…” I sighed, my nail scratching over and over my tattoo. Like it wasn’t already permanent. “I cried. I lost control. And I don’t do that. I don’t do that.”
“Why not? Why don’t you let yourself fall apart?”
My jaw ached from clenching it. “I don’t like being weak.”
“Shiloh,” he said on a whispered sigh. “You don’t have to be strong all the time. Not with me.”
“Not with you?”
“No, baby. I want you to fall apart, to lose control. I want you to feel safe enough to do those things with me. Because I know how strong you are, you don’t have to prove anything to me.”
The silence stretched and I closed my eyes. “You don’t think I’m crazy?”
“Crazy hot? Hell yes. Crazy smart? Hell yes. Crazy strong?” I could hear the smirk in his voice as he paused. “I guess you can show me at the gym.”
I chuckled softly, a smile pulling at my lips. “You really want to go to the gym with me? I don’t do anything special.”
“I’d watch grass grow with you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay.”
“Okay,” he said happily. “Where do you go?”
“Just the little weight room in my apartment building.”
“Perfect. I’ll be there in fifteen.”
Time dragged as I waited for Enoch to show up. I was perched just inside the front entrance to the building, not wanting to stand outside like a weirdo. I wrung my hands, cracked my knuckles. I was impatient, nervous, but also excited, little butterflies making my stomach pitch.
My lips twitched with a smile as I saw his car pass the front of the building, heading for the guest parking spaces.
It was another few minutes of bouncing on my toes before I saw him.
Black gym shorts that stopped a couple of inches above his knees and a plain grey shirt, worn gym shoes and a backpack slung over his shoulder.
Dammit, he looked good.
I pushed the door open, my smile mirroring his own as I ushered him inside the building.
As soon as he had crossed the threshold, his arms snaked around my waist, pulling me into him. I instantly moved to my toes so that we were eye to eye.
“Hi, baby,” he said in a hushed voice, just before his mouth met mine in a warm kiss. I smiled against the kiss, my eyes closed. Fuck, he made me happy. So, fucking happy.
Enoch was convinced that this was supposed to be my chance to live and maybe it was delusional, but maybe he was right.
Maybe this was my last life, and I should have been living it to the fullest, not running away from all he offered me.
At least for a little while. I could pretend for a while, pretend that this was meant to be, pretend that I deserved this level of happiness.
He pulled away just enough so that our lips were no longer touching, and I blinked my eyes open.
“I’ve missed you.” His fingers tucked an errant strand of hair behind my ear.
“Me too,” I said, stepping out of his embrace. “Ready?”
Enoch nodded and gestured for me to lead the way.
I took a step, but he grabbed my hand, lacing his fingers through mine, and fell into step beside me.
I bit back a smile and led him down the hallway to the small weight room.
Most of the residents used it in the morning, which meant using it any time after noon you were guaranteed to be alone.
I opened the door with the small window and black lettering labeling the room as ‘gym’.
I released Enoch’s hand to cross the threshold and the door clicked shut behind him.
It was silent, except for the hum of the ceiling fan.
The small TV mounted to the corner of the room was turned off and I watched Enoch in the section of mirrors hanging on the wall as he scanned the room.
There was one treadmill, one stationary bicycle and then a frame with a pulley system and bench, and an area for racking bars and weights. It wasn’t extravagant or anything like the weight room we had a work, but it was more than enough to strength train.
“I brought my speaker, if you want to put on some music?”
Brows rose in surprise, and I nodded. “I hadn’t thought about that. I usually just wear headphones.”
He smiled, setting his backpack down on the bench as he pulled out his Bluetooth speaker.
“You can DJ,” he offered, turning the speaker on.
“Sure about that? I usually listen to screamo while I’m working out.”
Enoch chuckled and nodded, “Yeah. I’m here for an authentic experience. You’re the boss.”
I rolled my eyes and paired my phone. Once I had music flowing, I put my phone down.
“Alright, I usually just go through some active stretches to get warmed up.”
Enoch nodded and I bit my lip, feeling slightly awkward as he came to stand beside me, mimicking my movements. We went through a whole sequence of my usual stretches and when I felt like I was warm enough I stood from the ground and rolled out my shoulders.
I walked to the dumbbells, speaking over my shoulder, “Upper body, okay?”
“Yeah, whatever your plan was, is good with me.”
I nodded. “What do you need, thirties? For biceps curls.”
I watched Enoch in the mirror behind me shrug. “Sure. Thirties are fine.”
I walked them over to him before returning to get my own weights.
“Um, I just do, like, eight to ten reps for three sets with a minute or two between sets.”
“Sounds good.”
“What do you usually do to work out?” I asked as I began my first set.
Enoch cast his eyes my way as he took his space beside me. “Um, I do weights two days a week, I do some bag work or box at least two times a week, usually more since I’ve got Jae around and he likes to spar. And recently I’ve gotten into calisthenics.”
“Cali-what?” I asked, pausing mid curl to raise my brow at him.
Enoch chuckled and motioned for me to continue my rep.
“It’s like body-weight resistance training. Push-ups, pull-ups, squats…” he trailed off, finished with his set, bending over to put the weights down.
“Cool.”
“You want to see something cool?” he asked with a smirk, his eyes gleaming.
I sighed, putting my weights down. “I’m scared.”
He chuckled, throwing his head back. He was shaking his head to himself as he lifted the Bosu ball from the corner of the room and placed it several feet away from me.
He flipped it on its head so that the flat part was facing up and then in a matter of seconds proceeded to push himself into a handstand.
I stared slack jawed as he held the position, his body swaying to keep balance on the ball.
“Holy shit,” I whispered. He lowered his body as if doing some sort of vertical pushup and his shirt fell over his face, exposing a chest of pure muscle. And a tattoo.
Holy shit.
Damn. He’s mine? My cheeks flushed.
He shook his head, trying to get his shirt out of his face, but tipped sideways and swiftly righted himself. He stood, his face flushed as he laughed at himself and fixed his shirt.
“So?” he asked, smiling as he watched my reaction.
“Yeah, I’d say that was pretty fucking impressive.”
Enoch’s smile widened and he stared at me for a second before returning the Bosu ball to the corner. He stepped up beside me, lifting his dumbbells and started his next set like he hadn’t just done a handstand push-up while balancing on a ball.