Chapter 34 #2
Enoch chuckled and nodded, “That’s a good point.
Um, they have different dads. My mom was raised by her grandma in Georgia.
My uncle was raised in Maryland by his dad and stepmom.
They knew about each other but had never really spoken and had only met in person once as children.
It wasn’t until my great grandma died and Uncle Q’s parents agreed to take my mom in that they got close.
My mom was sixteen, Uncle Q was seventeen.
They only had a year together before he left for the military.
It’s kind of funny actually,” Enoch paused to chuckle softly, “my mom’s accent has only gotten thicker according to my dad.
She’s spent more of her life outside of the South than in it, yet it’s only gotten harder to understand her.
Didn't help moving down to Texas. And apparently, their closest friends in Harrisburg are from Tennessee. All of us kids used to talk like her when we were toddlers, but as soon as we started school we dropped the southern twang.”
I laughed, a smile on my lips as I watched the happiness on his face.
“Any more random questions?” he asked.
I blew out a breath, “When did you start cursing so much?”
“Oh, I dunno. Probably when I left for the military. Why?”
I shrugged. “I’ve just noticed how different you are. It’s not a bad thing, just, you used to be so…squishy.”
Enoch laughed hard. “Squishy?!”
He took a moment to flex his muscles and show me his abs.
“Like…cute, soft…” I trailed off, cheeks burning from my smile.
“You’re a little more rough around the edges now, I guess.
And I don’t mind it. I like it. I like how…
we balanced each other out. I used to think that our personalities were so different before.
You were sunshine and I was a raincloud, but now…
now it’s like I’m the thunder and you’re the lightening. ”
Enoch bit into his bottom lip, his hand on my hip pulling me closer. “I like that.”
I swallowed, biting back my smile, trying to give my cheeks a break.
“Would you still be attracted to me with short hair?”
Enoch’s brows rose and he gave me an ‘are you serious?’ look.
“Of fucking course. I love your hair long, but I think you’d look hot as fuck with short hair too.”
Enoch’s eyes swept over the length of my hair. I swallowed thickly, my hands automatically reaching to comb through the ends.
“You said that you had cut it a few years back, how short did you cut it?”
I looked down at my chest, moving my hands just above my breasts.
“That’s a lot. That must have been when you were still in Texas?”
My stomach clenched with dread as I thought about that day and nodded. There was a long pause, and I looked to Enoch, thinking he might have fallen asleep or something, but he seemed to be deep in thought.
His eyes met mine when I rolled back onto my side.
“What are you thinking about now?” I asked softly.
He let out a sharp exhale before grabbing my hand and holding it to his face to kiss my palm.
“I have a confession.” My heart stuttered in my chest; breath held in anticipation. Enoch held my stare as he continued. “I might have Googled your ex.”
My palms were sweating but Enoch didn’t comment on it as he held my hand in his. The reflex to clench my fist was automatic, and Enoch gently pried my fingers open.
He quickly sat up, climbing off of my bed.
“What are you doing?” I asked as he stepped into my bathroom. He flicked on the light and bent to reach beneath the bathroom sink. He returned holding up the nail clippers and a nail file.
I flicked my gaze down to my nails, realizing they were long again. I’d definitely be able to do some real damage at the length they were.
It was silent as Enoch placed a towel beneath my hands where I lay on the bed and he began clipping my nails. He was sitting cross-legged, his shirt stretching against his hunched shoulders as he leaned over, working with meticulous care.
“I guess,” he suddenly spoke, “I’m trying to figure out something.”
“What’s that?” I asked nervously.
He dropped my hand, picking up the other, and started again.
“Why you’re afraid of the bathtub.”
My stomach dropped and I stared at his hands as he picked up the nailfile.
The silence dragged on, my heartbeat far too fast for comfort. I took a deep breath, trying to expel the anxiety coursing through me.
You’re safe. He’s not here.
I repeated the mantra; the same one Sarah had me practicing when we worked on saying the words ‘I’m sorry’ today.
I took another deep breath before answering.
“It was a…ritual…I guess you could call it.”
Enoch didn’t hide the frown on his face. “A ritual?”
“Um, yeah. Like, um, you know, like a religious tradition. Um, like a baptism.”
Enoch’s eyes narrowed and I could see how his mind was spinning trying to fill in the blanks.
“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to understand here, so it was a baptism, but in a bathtub?”
I nodded, the nail file forgotten as he stared at me. I grabbed the coin, tracing the shape of it with my thumb, counting as I made circles around it.
“So, this baptism, it wasn’t just once?”
I shook my head, foot shaking, which drew Enoch’s attention to the nervous energy I was giving off.
“Fuck,” he muttered, grabbing my free hand. “I’m sorry, baby. You don’t have to explain it.”
It was what I needed to do though, wasn’t it? Isn’t that what Sarah had been drilling into my head the past two weeks? That talking about my past was the only way to loosen the grip it held on my mind and body.
“It was a spiritual cleansing. Something they performed when you showed signs of letting evil inside your mind.”
Enoch swallowed hard, and I could see his pulse pounding in his neck.
“It didn’t feel like a baptism, like the one they’d performed when I joined their church. It was…well, it was more like drowning.”
I let out a shaky laugh, trying to prevent myself from screaming or crying. His memory didn’t deserve any more tears shed. Though I could probably scream until my lungs gave out and then some.
I awkwardly met Enoch’s sad stare and my insides crawled, trying to get away from the uncomfortableness of his pity.
“That sounds like torture,” he said, his mouth turned down in a serious frown.
I shrugged, clearing my throat. “Anyways, um, that’s why I don’t like the bathtub.”
Enoch licked his lips, picking up my hand and resuming filing my nails. I could feel the tension radiating off of him and it was doing nothing to quell my own anxious energy.
I wished I hadn’t said anything at all, but part of me was relieved to have the conversation over with. I knew he must have been curious about why the hell I’d been freaking out the time I’d woken up to my period.
“So, you were married,” he finally said, jerking me from my thoughts. “It was under a different name?”
Fuck. How much had he found from his one Google search? Was there more out there that I should be worried about? WITSEC had assured me they’d buried most of the searchable information several pages deep, but clearly not deep enough if Enoch was able to find all this out.
“Yeah. The name Los Siete gave me after I died. Olivia.” The name tasted bitter on my tongue and shuddered.
Enoch dropped my hand, having finished filing my nails.
“Does that impact your name now? I mean, if you have a background check run, or get a passport or something, is your new name attached at all to your old identities?”
I cleared my throat. “No. They shouldn’t ever be connected. Why?”
“I, um, was just thinking about the future. I was thinking…” Enoch trailed off, his fingers picking at his sweatpants absently. “about if we’d legally be able to get married.”
I blinked with surprise, although it shouldn’t have been very surprising considering he had already told me he wanted to marry me.
“I was thinking that maybe you’d feel safer if we lived on base.
It’s more secure. And unless your ex is a veteran there’s no way he’s getting on base without someone else in the military helping him.
But we’d need to be married to do that and I…
well, I also really want you to be able to get the medical care you need.
You’d be insured through me, and we’d be able to find you a specialist that knew how to help you with your condition. ”
I didn’t know what to say. The thought of marrying Enoch was a fantasy, a daydream I’d obsessed over for an unhealthily long amount of time.
“Obviously, I want to marry you because I love you,” Enoch said with a smile, scooting closer to rest his hand on my hip, “and want to spend the rest of my life with you, but those other reasons are equally valid and important to me.”
“Um…I don’t…I don’t know what to say.”
He gently squeezed my hip. “Just think about it. It doesn’t have to be flashy, we can invite your friends if you want but having the legal ability to move you onto base, ensure you’re protected, and also care for you…just think about it.”
I nodded, my mind racing with the image he was painting of our future.
Enoch laid down, pulling me into his chest, his leg hitching over my hip as he released a deep breath.
“I love you,” he whispered, kissing the top of my head.
I snuggled in closer to his chest, breathing in his familiar scent.
The words were on the tip of my tongue. Enoch was dangling hope in front of me like a piece of meat to a wild, starved animal, yet the fear still held me in a chokehold.
Those three words never came.