Chapter 5
Five
Shiloh
I sat up in bed, my eyes adjusting to the darkness as I squinted towards the closet where I heard something loud enough to wake me.
“Javi?” I asked sleepily, rubbing my eyes to get them to focus.
He ignored me, but I knew it was him, the shape of his body more familiar than my own. I climbed out of bed and crossed the room, flicking on the light as I placed a hand on his shoulder.
He turned to face me with his lips curled in disgust.
My breath faltered at the intensity of his gaze. I glanced down at the object in his hand. A duffle bag, which he was filling with his clothes.
I tried to reach out and touch him, but he flinched away.
“Don’t fucking touch me.”
His voice sounded cold, unfamiliar, filled with a malice he had never once shown me.
“Javi, what’s going on?” I asked, my voice wobbly like I was going to cry.
Why the hell am I about to cry? I swallowed past the lump of emotion in my throat.
Javier didn’t respond, just walked right past me, pulling open our bedroom door and walking out. I stared into the hall for a moment, trying to wrack my brain for a reason that he would be upset with me, before following him around the corner.
Javier continued to ignore my presence as he collected objects from around the living room. His phone charger, a pair of cuff links, his car keys.
“Javi, where are you going?” I asked. “Just come back to bed.”
He spun around so fast I stumbled backward, nearly knocking over the lamp beside the couch. Javi’s hand wrapped around my throat, the weight of it familiar and almost comforting. We never showed affection. But this…this I knew well.
A test. Although, I couldn’t figure out why he was pretending to leave if he was just going to choke me. His cologne filled the space around us as he studied me with a look I couldn’t quiet place. What was he waiting for?
“Don’t try to follow me,” he suddenly spoke.
The hell is he doing?
“I don’t understand,” I mumbled, staring into his brown eyes.
Javi’s hand tightened and the adrenaline finally kicked in as the air became harder to suck in.
I gripped his wrist and attempted to roll away, create some space, anything to fucking survive the test, but Javier used his free hand to punch me in the ribs.
I whined breathlessly as my body instinctively curled inwards to protect itself. With a kick to the back of my legs, I was on the floor between the coffee table and couch. Javier dropped to straddle my waist, his weight pinning my legs as both his hands circled my throat.
Fuck!
I couldn’t breathe.
My heart raced, my pulse a persistent drum in my ears as I struggled to try and buck him off of me. I didn’t have enough space to gain any leverage, and I all I could think about was how much I needed to fucking breathe.
Calm. Javier’s eyes were calm as he watched me struggle. As if he wasn’t exerting any effort to choke me. I was nothing more than a ragdoll as he waited and waited for me to prove myself.
Dots filled my vision and my heart pounded so fast in my chest I thought it was going to explode.
With regret and the last ounce of control I had, I slapped Javi’s shoulder three times.
“Ya basta,” I rasped.
Javier tilted his head, studying my reaction.
“It’s a miracle you’ve survived this long,” he muttered.
His hands suddenly released me and my head spun.
Air. Air. Air. Air.
I couldn’t get it in fast enough, choking and coughing. I squeezed my eyes shut against the disappointment I knew was coming.
I had failed. Fuck, I had failed. Again.
“Don’t,” he said, twisting the collar of my shirt in his fist as he raised my chest to meet his own. “Follow. Me.”
I stared at him with confusion, my heart still racing. I felt like I was floating. Or drowning. My head struggling to process why the fuck he was still putting on this charade.
“Where…” I paused to cough. “Where are you going?”
He released me without warning and my head slammed into the floor. I groaned, massaging the back of my head.
“Goodbye, Shiloh.”
I blinked, sitting up too quickly.
The room was spinning, but I could see him clearly as he walked towards the door.
“Javi, stop! This isn’t funny.”
I braced against the couch as I pulled myself to stand and stumbled after him. I managed to grab hold of his arm.
Javier sighed and turned his head to look at me.
“You’re dead,” he said matter-of-factly.
“What?” I shook my head.
“You’re dead,” he repeated, his voice devoid of emotion.
“Javi, what the fuck are you talking about?” I tugged his arm, staring into his lifeless eyes. What did I do for him to hate me so much? Why is he looking at me like I don’t matter?
“I tried my best, but…there was only so much I could do. You told me you were strong, yet how many times did I have to break your fingers, Shiloh?”
I swallowed, ready to defend myself, but he continued.
“Twelve times. I broke your fingers. Twelve. Fucking. Times. Twelve times before you finally managed to control yourself, keep the annoying little tears at bay. But it wasn’t enough. You’re weak. Useless. A burden I never agreed to shoulder.”
My eyes prickled with tears as dread filled my veins.
“Look at you,” he shook his head, as his hand reached up to catch the tear that escaped from the corner of my eye. “A decade of work, and you still can’t help it, can you? I should’ve killed you myself a long time ago.”
My chest ached as his words cut deep into my heart. The tears were flowing and I couldn’t stop them. I reminded myself that this was just a test. That I needed to get myself under control. That Javier didn’t mean what he was saying. That all of this…it was just a fucking test.
Javier sighed once more, letting his hand drop from my cheek. “Goodbye, Shiloh. I’ll see you in hell.”
I choked back a sob, desperately trying to get a fucking grip.
“You made your point.” My voice cracked, the boulder in my throat nearly obstructing my ability to speak. “End the fucking test.”
Javier opened the door and stepped onto the dark porch.
Why isn’t he stopping? Why is he being so cruel?
He wanted to hurt me, fine. I could hurt him too.
I took a step forward, ready to fight him.
A loud pop rang in my ears. The fire in my chest spread outward towards my limbs and I fell to my knees, breathless.
My gaze was locked on Javier as he continued to walk away, down the steps and through the gate of our yard.
I blinked up at the darkness surrounding me. For a moment I thought I was dead, my hand trailing up my chest until I could feel the beating of my heart.
A dream. It was just a dream.
A heaviness settled in my chest. I didn’t know which was worse— the nightmare or my reality.
The darkness was becoming suffocating. I pushed myself upright with a grunt of pain, blinking rapidly at the unexpected brightness as the tarp covering my body fell and revealed the morning light.
The sun was rising between thick white clouds, casting an orange hue across the piles of rusting cars surrounding me. I threw the tarp off my body and climbed down from the decaying truck bed. I grabbed my backpack and pulled up my hood to shield my neck from the crisp morning air.
After glancing around the empty lot, I trudged towards the hole in the chain-link fence I had been using as an entrance and exit the last two days.
I had spent several hours wallowing in my sadness and self-pity before I eventually picked myself up from that park bench on Sunday.
I used the park bathroom and threw out my bloody and incriminating clothes.
Then I had headed to find somewhere to sleep for the night.
Despite my aching limbs I continued to walk through town until I reached the junkyard.
I knew that I needed food, and without any money, the only place I could think of going was the food court at Eckner Lake Promenade.
I circled the outdoor shopping center, getting as many free samples as possible before heading back to the junkyard.
It was enough to make me feel like I wouldn’t pass out from exhaustion.
Last night I decided that since I wasn’t going to kill myself—yet—I needed to get somewhere safe to sort out my fucking life. And I couldn’t go home without risking running into my dad and him calling Carlos.
That piece of shit fucker was too high to notice me as I was raped and beaten.
And he didn’t give two fucking shits that his child was murdered in front of him.
There was no telling what lengths he would go to if it meant Carlos wouldn’t kill him.
Not after he’d begged Carlos to kill me instead of him.
I forced myself to wake up as I walked towards school.
It was the only place I knew that I would be safe from Los Siete.
They couldn’t justify kidnapping me from school grounds no matter how much pull Carlos had in this city.
Maybe I’d miraculously find the solution to getting the fuck out of here if I could take a moment to think without looking over my shoulder for someone with a gun.
I prayed thanks to whoever had made it a law that our school district offered free food for lunch because it would be my first meal in days.
Plus, the school gym had showers. I couldn’t wait to finally wash off the blood, sweat, and other bodily fluids that made me want to vomit again just thinking about.
I kept my hoodie up as I entered the school grounds, allowing myself to walk at a slower pace that matched how fucking badly my entire body ached.
I stopped short of the girl’s locker room when I heard voices from inside.
I cursed, realizing that there was an early morning sports practice, and leaned my tired body against the wall as I waited for the girls to leave.
It felt like I was waiting for hours before they finally emerged wearing bathing suits and towels walking in the direction of the pool.
I crept into the locker room looking between each row for any stragglers before heading for the showers.