Chapter 9 #3
My heart pounded and I stared at the gun. I can end it all right now. I can end it all. No more pain. No more disappointments. Maybe I’ll see Javier in hell and get all the answers I know I’ll never get while I remain alive.
Carlos sighed, gaining my attention.
“Sweetheart, I knew you’ve been through a lot the last few days.
I know that it was traumatic to see your brother die, then you were raped—” He knows about the rape?
“—and now to find out about your brother’s real life…
I wish that I could go back in time, that I had helped you sooner, Shiloh.
But you have a choice right now. Save yourself.
Join me, join this family, remove yourself from this misery you’ve been born into. Give yourself a chance at happiness.”
The fire crackled. Sweat trickled down the back of my neck, and I flicked my eyes between the gun and Carlos.
“Or…Adrian can end things for you now. It'll be a quick and painless death. I promise.”
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck. This is the end, isn’t it? How fucking pathetic. How fucking pathetic!
“I just need you to know, that if you chose to die right now, I will need to find someone willing to fulfill the payment.” Carlos licked his lips, his gaze turning up towards Adrian. “Alejandro is twelve now, right?”
Adrian blinked, a clear sign of surprise and hesitation before nodding. Twelve. Fuck. A child. An innocent life.
Carlos hummed thoughtfully, running a hand over the stubble on his face.
“About the same age that Javier was. He is rather peculiar, with his autism. But he’s very pragmatic.
” Carlos pursed his lips in consideration, “With the right education and guidance, I think he’d turn out to be very useful.
And I suppose I do need to punish Marcus for what he did to you. ”
My lips parted in shock. Kush has a son? A child? Carlos would use him to punish Kush for raping me?
Carlos clicked his tongue, fingers dancing on his thigh.
“Ah. I realize we haven’t discussed retribution.
I understand if that is causing you some wariness about joining this family.
You have my word, even if you choose to end your life here, I will see that Marcus and Peter are both punished for you.
As for Peter’s punishment, his youngest is…
eight now. Very spirited child, but I think he’d make a fine matón one day like his father.
I’d say that’s a win-win all around. Debt fulfilled and punishment doled. Unless you have other ideas, Shiloh.”
“Wait, wait, wait. You’re willing to take other children in my place? To-to fulfill this debt my dad owes you, you’ll take someone else instead?” I asked.
Carlos shook his head with a chuckle. “You surprise me, Shiloh. I thought you were much too weakhearted to want to shirk this responsibility onto another. Maybe you do share some of your brother’s traits.”
My jaw clenched and I released a shaky breath. “I am not weak. And that’s not what I meant.”
“Oh no, on the contrary, I think you are incredibly strong. To have lived through everything that you have, survived two unfit parents …Well, you may be a little na?ve, but you are certainly resilient.”
Adrian shifted his weight, and I flitted my gaze to the gun he still held in his hand. My heart skipped in my chest, and I dug my nails deeper into my palms.
“I don’t understand why you want me to join, why you’ve waited a year for this. I am not valuable to you, Carlos. I have nothing to give you but my body, and I refuse to do that.”
Carlos frowned. “Why do you think so little of yourself? You are so much more than your body. I see your potential. You can do better than your bloodline, so much better. And I truly believe that you will be happy with the role I have planned for you. I promise you will be well removed from any of the darker sides of business. You will hardly have to lift a finger. You’ll be taken care of.
Don’t you want that, Shiloh? Don’t you want to be cared for?
Properly. Not controlled by your brother or father but given everything your heart desires.
Don’t you want to find joy, some peace and comfort?
After everything the world has handed you, don’t you think you deserve a little of that?
Because I believe you do, sweetheart. You shouldn’t have to suffer just because of the hand the world dealt you. ”
I swallowed, my foot tapping as I eyed the gun again.
It was coercion, manipulation. And I didn’t want to fall for it. But if I took the bullet now, he would take innocent children to clear my father’s debt and punish my rapists.
I’d seen enough already, I was hardened to the world. If I could spare even one child that misery, maybe that would make my life mean something.
Carlos sat back, gazing at me for a moment in silence and he motioned for me to take a seat. I agreed, only because I was seeing spots in my vision and thought I might pass out.
“If I say yes, what happens next?”
Carlos’s lips twitched as if he was about to smile. “You prove your loyalty.”
I closed my eyes, swallowing the urge to scream or cry, or maybe both.
Think. Think, Shiloh.
If I agreed, if I said I was going to join, I could buy myself some time. Even if the chance was slim-to-none that I might be able to get out, there was still a chance.
Or, I could just end it all. I could end it all and be done. I wouldn’t be around to feel guilty for the innocent children that Carlos would take in my place. I wouldn’t have to live through the grief of losing my brother, losing my freedom and following in his footsteps.
But maybe…maybe I could survive just a little longer.
Maybe I could be strong for once in my sorry excuse for a life and just survive.
“Okay,” I whispered. I cleared my throat and opened my eyes. I stared into Carlos’s brown eyes and nodded. “I want to join Los Siete.”
Carlos sighed with contentment, sweeping a hand over his styled hair. “You’re making the right choice.”
Fuck, I really hope I am.
The adrenaline was making my hands tingle and my heart race. I swallowed against the urge to vomit again.
“You want me to trust you, right?”
Carlos nodded.
“Promise me you won’t take those kids.”
Carlos licked his lips, studying me, and the apprehension made me sweat.
“I will only take someone in your place should you, like your father and brother, become unreliable. But I have faith in you, Shiloh. Faith in your abilities, your strengths.”
Carlos waved his hand at Adrian, who returned to his seat in an armchair in the corner of the room. It was too fucking hot with the fireplace on. God, I needed some fresh air.
“Have you taken a morning-after pill?”
I raised a brow in shock, turning my gaze from the flickering flames to his face. Carlos chuckled.
“We both know that the last thing you need right now is to have a baby.”
I unclenched my jaw. “No, I haven’t.”
“Okay,” he said with a head nod. “I’ll have Cristian come back and see that you’re treated. I know you’re in pain from the fight you put up with Marcus and Peter.”
“I’m not letting that fuckface drug me again,” I spat, vaguely remembering the man who had been in before with the medical bag.
Carlos smiled with amusement. “He won’t do anything you don’t consent to.”
“Like he did with the truth serum?”
Carlos stifled a laugh, “I don’t recall you not consenting, sweetheart.”
My stomach burned with shame. I hadn’t even attempted to shove the man away. Fuck, I’m a weak fucking puta. I promise I’ll do better, Javi. I promise.
Carlos suddenly stood and retrieved a file from his desk. He returned, placing the open file on the coffee table in front of us. He picked up a professional headshot and handed it to me.
“Meet the honorable Judge Spinner.” I studied the man, his face as average as any middle-aged white man’s.
“You will meet with him tomorrow at four, in his chambers at the courthouse.” My stomach lurched at the thought of what might happen in those chambers.
“He won’t be expecting you, but he will be expecting this,” he said as he pulled an envelope from the folder.
I sat forward to grab it, but Carlos flattened his hand across the top.
“Adrian will hold onto it until you deliver it. You’ll have an appointment under the name of Hannah Bell. It will be regarding a case number written on the sticky note here. All you have to do is give him this envelope.”
I blinked, trying to process what exactly it was he was asking me to do. Was this some sort of bribe?
“Just give him the envelope? That’s it?”
“This is a small test. To prove your loyalty to this family. Your brother went through the same process. As did Adrian, and every other member of this family. Complete this task without any issues and we can move forward with your initiation.”
My brows scrunched with skepticism.
“And what if I get caught? Or what if someone stops me?”
“It’s not a trap or a trick. You’re a smart girl, I think you can see what purpose this test serves. I know you’ve done well to keep your mouth shut this weekend, so prove to me that I can continue to trust you and you will be rewarded.”
He flicked his gaze to the vomit I’d left on his rug and grimaced.
“Never mind. Adrian, bring her to Cristian and tell Vicky to come clean up a mess in my office.”
Adrian nodded, standing from his seat in the corner of the room. When I didn’t move, Adrian hoisted me up from the couch.
“Get your hands off me, fuckface,” I glared with as much malice as possible.
Adrian rolled his eyes, sweeping his arm out for me to move along past him.
“And Shiloh,” Carlos called. I paused to look over my shoulder at him. “The offer still stands. You’ll be safer here if you moved in with me.”
I shuddered at the suggestion. Fuck, I felt like I was going to collapse, but I forced myself to keep moving towards the door.
It was clear that if I kept my mouth shut, I would get to keep living. Problem was, I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep being alive.