Chapter 11 #2
“What happened?” Adrian asked me. “Did you do it?”
“Yeah, yeah. He said he’d do whatever the note said by the end of the week,” I nodded, looking behind us again before settling into the seat and putting on my seatbelt.
“Then why are you freaking out?”
He eyed me with suspicion, and I let out a deep breath.
“Because unlike you, I’m new to this whole criminal lifestyle, dickweasel.”
He quirked a brow. “But no one asked any questions? You just gave him the envelope and walked out?”
“Yes,” I drew out with irritation. “I did exactly what Carlos said to do. It just…was too easy. It felt weird. I thought committing a felony would be harder to do.”
Adrian drummed his hands against the steering wheel and tried to give me what I guessed was a reassuring smile.
“Should I drop you at home?”
I nodded, my heart still racing. I just hoped the judge followed through with whatever was on that paper because I really didn’t need anything else to go wrong.
???
October 9, Saturday
Shiloh
On a scale of one to ten, my threshold for shitty life events was a three—the lowest it had ever been.
And goddamn did I really, really want a break from all the shit.
I hadn’t heard anything from Carlos or Adrian since I dropped that letter at the courthouse two days ago, and my nerves were shot waiting for them to come and find me again.
How many days would they continue to ignore my existence?
And to make matters worse, I still didn’t have my results from the STI tests. I was hoping I’d have them yesterday, but now I’d likely have to wait all weekend before I heard anything.
I knew my life wasn’t ‘normal’, I knew that most of my classmates hadn’t seen or heard a fraction of the things I had growing up. Despite all of that, despite the inability for them to relate to my life, I found myself enjoying my time with Nox and Jae.
I was beginning to question whether shutting out everyone until this point had even been worth it. So far, the only con about getting to know Nox and Jae was that they were like shadows. I couldn’t get a minute alone and I realized just how much of my life I had spent in solitude.
There was this hum that spread across my chest and arms like the cells in my body were coming to life whenever I’d see them waiting for me outside of class or when they walked through the lunch line with me even though they weren’t getting food.
I’d never felt anything like it, and I didn’t know what to name the feeling.
I felt it at lunch yesterday when Jae pestered me about coming to his house to watch some TV show. He said I was fresh blood, and I needed to be introduced properly to what ‘good’ television was.
Which was why I thought it would be the perfect chance to get a moment to breathe without worrying about something shitty happening. If I could just have one normal night as a teenager, maybe I could forget how fucked up my life was. And my threshold for bullshit would return to its usual seven.
I crossed into the wealthier side of town, a newer neighborhood of tract homes, and strained to read the street signs in the dark.
I was beginning to think that I was lost when I finally reached the first street Jae had told me to turn down.
Other than the sound of cicadas and the occasional car driving by, it was quiet in this neighborhood, a stark contrast to where I lived.
The houses all seemed to have maintained yards, and they didn’t have iron gates on their doors or bars over their windows.
The pretty houses probably had just as ugly and dark secrets in their walls as mine did.
They were just better at hiding it. I was envious of them regardless.
If we had money growing up, maybe my life would have turned out differently.
Maybe I wouldn’t be trapped here in nowhere, Texas without a penny to my name or a person who loved me.
Wouldn’t be pretending I wasn’t complicit in my brother’s murder.
Wouldn’t be heading for the lowest level of hell with the sins I’d yet to commit on Carlos’s behalf.
I thought I could make out the shape of Nox’s car and smiled when I got close enough to recognize the bumper stickers.
I walked up the driveway and rang the doorbell, quickly looking down at my outfit to make sure I didn’t look too ridiculous.
There was barking coming from inside the house when Jae answered the door with a smile.
“Hey! Come in,” he stepped aside so that I could enter the house. “Nox! It’s Shiloh.”
Jae instructed me to leave my shoes by the door and said that he’d give me a pair of house shoes. I was slipping my sneakers off as Nox peered around the corner.
“Hey! You made it,” he smiled.
I stood up, but too quickly, and little black dots muddied my vision. I held onto the wall for a moment as I waited for them to clear.
“You okay?” Jae asked as he turned around to hand me a pair of slippers.
“Fine,” I said, dropping the slippers on the floor to step into them.
Out of the darkness to my left a woman’s voice called out, causing me to flinch and curl my arms into my chest. Fuck you, Shiloh. Get a fucking grip. So fucking pathetic.
“Sorry honey, I didn’t mean to startle you,” a tall slender woman said, brushing my arm as she stepped into the hall. “I’m Jae’s mom, Mrs. Min-Baker, we met earlier this week. Let me get you something to eat.”
I began to protest but Jae nudged my arm and shook his head.
“Trust me, just eat whatever she feeds you,” he leaned down and whispered in my ear.
My hands were starting to shake from the lack of food in my body, so I nodded in agreement. We followed her into the kitchen where Nox was mixing something in a bowl.
I took a moment to scan the brightly lit room.
The kitchen was clean aside from whatever Nox was making and the living room behind us was also perfectly in order.
It was as if every picture frame and decor piece had been strategically placed.
I couldn’t help but feel a little uncomfortable in the organized environment.
Where was the clutter? Stacks of mail, used dishes, crumbs on the counter?
It felt like the room was mocking my baggy clothing, frizzy hair, and the dirt under my nails. I felt out of place, and like I desperately needed a shower. It was as if I was a small child again, afraid I was going to break something.
I found myself scrutinizing their expressions as Nox explained that he was making brownies, Jae ranted about the actors in the impending show we were to watch, and Mrs. Min-Baker prepared me leftovers.
Were they really happy to have me?
Did they notice that I didn’t fit in?
I couldn’t tell. Nox and Jae seemed to be having silent conversations in between the one they were having with me.
Why the fuck am I even here? I tried to relieve the tension in my chest by shaking my foot. I should’ve risked poker night at home, even without my bedroom door and deadbolts for protection.
I moaned after the first bite hit my tastebuds, my eyes involuntarily rolling into the back of my head. I had no idea what I was eating, but it was some sort of soup that tasted divine. I opened my eyes to see them all staring at me and quickly apologized. Jesus I’m acting like a fucking weirdo.
“I’m glad you like it,” Mrs. Min-Baker said with a warm smile. “There’s plenty more if you want some.”
When I finished eating the leftovers that had been warmed for me, I tried to take my bowl and glass to the sink to wash them, but Jae’s mom grabbed them as if she had been waiting this whole time for me to finish.
Her soft features accentuated her kind manner, and I thanked her with a smile, not wanting to disappoint her. I didn’t know why I cared what she thought of me, just something about her made me want her approval.
The smell of the chocolate batter was replacing the soup I had eaten, causing my mouth to water. The smell brought a memory rushing back to me.
“Tonta,” Javi chuckled, bumping my shoulder with his elbow.
I let out a contented sigh and slouched further into his sunken mattress.
“How come dad doesn’t like me?” I wondered aloud, unfazed by the vulnerability I was displaying thanks to the amount of THC I had just consumed.
Javier wiped his hands on his jeans before flipping over so he could look at me. He stared at me for some time, and I traced his features with my eyes, waiting for him to respond.
“Probably because you just stole his pot stash to make brownies,” Javi finally smirked.
“Fuck off,” I mumbled, annoyed that he was trying to blame me when he was the one that wanted brownies in the first place.
“It’s not my fault that I’m better at snooping and found it first. I just wanted enough to smoke, you’re the one who took the whole bag to make these,” I pointed to the now empty baking pan.
Javi chuckled, his eyes closed and features suddenly boyish again like they were before he started growing facial hair.
“Yeah, and who ate half the pan?” He teased.
“I like chocolate,” I shrugged.
Javi shook his head, a smile still playing on his lips as he closed his eyes.
“Goodnight, güerita. I love you,” he mumbled almost incoherently, and I stared at him, stunned, unsure what to do.
Of course he loved me. I didn’t think he had ever said it aloud before. Do I say it back?
I sidled down the bed so we were lying next to each other, his body heat radiating against me.
“Goodnight, Javi. I love you too,” I whispered, unable to control the smile on my lips.
I shoved the memory away, not before savoring the fact that he had told me he loved me, and that I had said it back. I hoped he had heard me. That he knew that I loved him, that if he was still alive, I’d love him too, even knowing the truth about his work for Carlos.