Chapter 16 #3
“Says the person who makes up swear words like a serial Scrabble cheater,” he bit back, shoving me playfully as I passed him in the hall and walked into the bathroom. I winced, my ribs on fire.
“Shit,” he muttered, catching my gaze in the mirror. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
My nose scrunched and I shook my head. “Fine, just slept wrong.”
Nox stared at me for a long moment, and I worried he wasn’t going to drop it, but then he nodded.
He handed me a new toothbrush from under the sink, and we silently brushed our teeth, making eye contact occasionally that made my stomach flip.
I inspected my appearance, feeling insecure from all his staring, which I should’ve probably been used to by now, but I wasn’t, so I tried to smooth out my wavy, matted hair.
Thanks to a hairbrush that Nox leant me, I was able to pull it back into a simple braid down my back.
At least my mouth didn’t taste like the bottom of a dirty tire anymore. And my eyes, well there wasn’t much I could do to fix the lingering redness other than not fucking crying again.
I grabbed Nox’s arm as we reached the bottom of the stairs, and he turned around to look at me. I accidentally brushed his hand on the banister and cringed.
“What’s up?”
“I’m really sorry about last night. Getting sick and all. You’re probably totally grossed out,” I chuckled awkwardly, eyeing the spot on the floor where I had puked last night.
“Don’t sweat it, it’s not your fault for having a migraine. Are you sure you’re feeling okay now?”
He looked at me with genuine concern, and it stirred up an emotion in my chest that I couldn’t pinpoint.
“Yeah, I’m just probably never eating pizza again.”
He chuckled and shook his head, “After watching you puke it up, me neither. Although I’m just glad I outgrew my sympathy puking phase.”
I quirked my brow with an amused smile, “Sympathy puker?”
He ran his hand through his hair and laughed awkwardly.
“Yeah…it was an extremely unfortunate reaction I had as a child. Couldn’t even watch a movie with someone throwing up, I was so sensitive.”
I bit my lip trying not to laugh at him and nodded, motioning for him to continue towards the kitchen where we smelled food cooking.
“Mornin’,” his mom sang with a smile, as she seemed to be scrutinizing me.
I shuffled awkwardly, pulling the sleeves down around my hands.
“How are you feelin’, Shiloh?”
I tried to smile as politely as possible as I nodded and answered that I was feeling much better. I was startled when his dad interrupted my apology rant by pointing a spatula at me with a serious face, a carbon copy of the one I’ve seen Nox give me countless times.
“Nonsense, Shiloh. You ready to eat? Where’s Jae?”
“I guess still in bed, I thought he’d be down here already. I’m starving,” Nox answered.
I nodded, trying to maintain my outward appearance as I grabbed the plate Nox’s dad handed me.
Nox went to wake Jae, and I took a seat next to Esty.
Thankfully she didn’t ask me any invasive questions, and I stared at my plate.
The breakfast casserole looked amazing, but nausea was making me hesitant to eat any of it.
I was apparently so consumed by my thoughts that I didn’t realize Dan was speaking to me.
I put my fork down when Nox bumped my shoulder and nodded towards his dad.
“What?” I asked, glancing around the table as they stared at me.
“You got any plans for the rest of the three-day weekend?” Dan smiled patiently.
“Um, no.”
There was an awkward silence, and I realized I probably should’ve been paying more attention to the conversation that was happening around the table. I knew they were talking about their plans, but I couldn’t remember. Something about family in town for a party.
“You know, I still just can’t get over how small-world it is that you and Sebastian are like family,” Shelby suddenly added, and I let out a deep breath to contain my social rage that was bubbling.
“Yeah,” I nodded.
“You and your brother are welcome to stop by for Ruthie’s party. I know it’s last-minute, but I can give ya an invitation with all the party details. Sebastian tells me y’all haven’t had a chance to connect again.”
Nox awkwardly cleared his throat and gave his mom a look.
“Why don’t we talk about something else?” Nox offered. “How was work yesterday, Dad?
His dad caught on, much to his mother and Jae’s confused expressions, and answered Nox’s question, saving me from having to tell the whole table my brother had killed himself. I’m pretty sure that’s not appropriate small talk over breakfast.
“Um, yeah. Fine. Nothing too exciting,” Dan said with a shrug. I felt like his gaze was lingering on me, but I couldn’t tell if I was being paranoid or not.
“No crazy stories?” Nox pressed.
“Uh,” Dan paused, and I could’ve sworn, this time, he really was staring at me. I swallowed, keeping my eyes on my plate of food. “No. Nothing crazy. Honestly, most of the time I shadow these guys they’re just doing paperwork.”
Dan chuckled and my brows furrowed.
“What, um, what do you do?” I asked, before I could get my mouth to stay shut. I looked up to find Dan smiling at me.
“Well, I’m actually an instructor for the police academy up in Bryan. But I contract with Granby Police Department as part of an oversight committee.”
My heart stopped as Nox’s words from last night finally registered. His dad’s a cop? A fucking cop?
My heart thudded with anxiety. Was he a socio? A Ghost? Fuck, anyone could be a fucking Ghost in this town, and I wouldn’t know, but the likelihood of a cop being one was a hundred times higher.
The table had gone quiet. “So, do you have a badge and gun or are you not a police officer just like…an instructor?”
Dan shook his hand to indicate ‘sort of’.
“I’m not a police officer, in the sense that I’m not employed as one, but I do have a badge and gun when I’m shadowing the guys as a precaution, and I was a cop in the military for over twenty years so it kind of still feels like I am one.”
“So, a cop but not a cop. Got it,” I nodded slowly.
“Basically, twelve days a month I shadow someone on a shift and give performance reviews and feedback. And then give any reports about any policies that aren’t being followed or are redundant, or I recommend additional instruction I think needs to happen.
They’re pretty strict around here about doing things by the book, and all the officers have monthly performance reviews and such.
I can imagine it’s quite a headache for the officers involved having me look over their shoulders once a month, but I don’t mind my job. ”
Fuck. There’s no way an oversight committee wouldn’t be knowledgeable about all the corruption in the police force. Maybe he’s part of the cover-up?
Fuuuck, is that why he’s looking at me like that? Does he know about my brother’s alleged suicide? Does he know about Los Siete and everything the police turn a blind eye to around here? Does he know what I did last night? That I’m being initiated?
I nodded, “Cool.”
Dan chuckled and shook his head. “Yeah, doesn’t sound too glamorous, I know. But, my glory days of doing all the fun stuff are over. I had my fill in the Air Force.”
The conversation moved on to Shelby’s party planning for Ruthie.
I tried to pay closer attention to the conversation, but I felt awkward, like a fly on the wall.
It felt so intimate and unfamiliar, and despite trying to cling to the coat of apathy I usually wore, I found myself spiraling into an abyss of jealousy, rage and devastation.
I wanted to punch myself for yearning to belong to this family.
I was being weak and stupid but being here made it clear that my reality would never look like this.
Not after last night. Carlos owned me, he knew how to manipulate me into obedience, and thank God Javier wasn’t here to witness his pathetic excuse of a sister.
There were no more ‘ifs’. I was permanently entangled in Los Siete’s dirty chaos.
I should have been savoring these moments of ‘normalcy’ I got to live with Nox and his family instead of drowning in my dark thoughts.