Chapter 18
Eighteen
Shiloh
I blinked until I could keep my eyes open long enough to say I was awake.
Realizing I was in Nox’s bed sent me abruptly sitting upright, turning to find him asleep next to me.
I let out a sigh, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes as I watched his body rise and fall with each breath.
A few matted curls were falling across his face, and the way he hugged his pillow defined his arm muscles.
I rolled my eyes at myself for staring at him like a fucking creep.
As much as I would have loved to stay and continue to avoid reality, I couldn’t face Seb.
Maybe not ever, but certainly not today.
Not after everything I’d done. Not when Nox knew my brother was dead.
Not when Seb would be with his family enjoying the life I envied and would kill to have one day.
That’s what it would take though. A life. And not just my brother’s. The road I was on was leading me straight to hell, even if I wasn’t damning anyone else to take my place. Being a part of Los Siete meant I was certain to be a part of more death and destruction.
I grabbed my clothes that Nox had washed for me on Friday and snuck out of the room to shower. I tried to be as quiet as possible, unsure of the time, but the silence made me think everyone was still asleep.
If I wasn’t such a pussy, I probably would have stayed. As awkward as it was at first, not to mention completely fucking annoying how amazing his family was, I felt almost happy. Certainly happier than I had been in a really fucking long time.
I was relieved that no one was awake, allowing me to avoid formally saying goodbye.
Once I was out of the house, the weight of my circumstances became heavy once again.
My mind kept replaying the weekend, torturing me with the reality that I would never have what Nox did.
He told me once that he knew he had it good, but he seemed to be drifting in an impenetrable bubble of good.
How would he ever understand the different worlds we lived in?
The blister on the back of my heel from wearing no socks when I was homeless had popped and was sending an excruciating pain up my leg with every step I took. I almost wished I had asked for a ride home but shook the thought away when I saw my dad’s car in the driveway.
I let out a ragged breath before opening the front door. I scanned the room, realizing he wasn’t there and made a move towards my bedroom when I halted. My eyes lingered on the bag of powder on the coffee table, memories of my euphoric state flooding my mind, and my heart raced with anticipation.
I jumped at the sound of my dad walking into the room, and he narrowed his eyes at me. His lip curled like it did when he was angry. His eyes wandered to the coffee table as he smirked.
“You want?” he asked smugly as he brushed past me.
“Don’t fucking talk to me.”
My hands were sweating and my heart fluttered in my chest, just like it did when I was lying. But I hadn’t even taken any of his drugs, so why was I acting like I had?
“Don’t touch mine. Get from your nuevo novio,” he snapped with annoyance.
I let out a huff in irritation, questioning whether I should just walk away. But what the hell did he mean by my new boyfriend? Did he somehow know I was with Nox and Jae all weekend?
He laughed in what appeared to be genuine amusement as he lit a cigarette. “I thought you la chica lista. Si Javi pudiera verte ahora…”
I clenched my jaw, my nails involuntarily digging into my palms as I resisted the urge to strangle my own father. “Don’t fucking speak his name, you piece of shit. ?Vete a tomar por culo!”
I stormed out of there before I did something, like punch him in the throat again, and moved to slam the door, forgetting it was still missing. I threw my body down onto my bed and screamed into the pillow until I couldn’t breathe.
There was a knock against my doorframe, and I sat up to tell my dad to fuck off, again, but the words died on my lips at the sight of Adrian.
My heart rapidly picked up an unhealthy beat as I thought of what he might be here to make me do.
I stared blankly at his enraged expression, waiting for him to hurt me.
“Are you fucking stupid?”
My brows rose in shock.
“Do you have a fucking brain?”
I swallowed, anger overriding any fear that was coursing through my body. “Fuck you.”
“Oh, but you already have,” he sneered. “A fucking cop, Shiloh? A fucking cop? You spend the weekend with a fucking cop?! Have you learned fucking anything?!”
Fuck! If Adrian knows Nox’s dad is a cop, that means Carlos probably knows who I’m hanging out with too. Oh fuck! What if Dan isn’t in Carlos’s pocket? Fucking fuck. What if I’m putting a target on their whole fucking family?
“It’s doesn’t fucking matter if Daniil Reznikovsky is a socio or a goddamn Ghost in Los Siete.
When Carlos finds out you went to a fucking cop the night of your initiation, you are going to be skinned alive for the soplón he thinks you are.
And if you’re lucky, he’ll kill those kids first, before he kills the parents.
Unless Carlos finds out that Daniil Reznikovsky was the cop your brother was selling his secrets to. ”
My heart raced, guilt flooding my bloodstream like a bump of coke.
“Fuck’s sake. Watching your brother get murdered for being disloyal wasn’t enough?”
“Cinco.”
My heart skipped a beat, and I dug my nails into my palms as a distraction.
“You’re right. I did watch my brother get murdered. And then I was raped by your father, lying in a pool of my brother’s warm blood.” “Fight like hell” “And then I was given a choice. Join Los Siete or die. Guess which one I wanted?”
Adrian’s mouth twitched with unfettered anger. When he didn’t respond, I continued.
“Death. I wanted to choose death. The one fucking choice I was given in all of this, and I couldn’t even make it.
Because then I’d be responsible for your brother’s future in the gang.
I chose to save him and anyone else Carlos might take to replace me.
I chose them. So, if I want to spend some time with the only fucking people that make me want to stay alive, then I goddamn will!
You want your brother to live? Then you make damn sure that Carlos never finds out who I’m spending my time with.
Because the only person who stands to lose something in this scenario, Adrian, is you.
So fuck off back to sucking Carlos’s dick, or whatever the fuck it is you do when you’re not stalking teenage girls. ”
Adrian took a deep breath, running his hands over his neat braids before cursing under his breath.
“I know we’re both paying for the sins of our fathers,” Adrian implored.
“You’ve got to believe me when I say that I didn’t want you to be involved.
And right now, we’re both trying to survive.
I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through, I know you’ve had no real choices here, but I’m scared for Lonnie. He cannot get involved in this life.”
I bit the inside of my cheek, taking my own deep breath.
“I’m not going to risk his life, okay? I did the initiation.
I did the loyalty test. You’re going to have to trust me when I say that my friends are not a risk.
They won’t get the police involved, because they don’t suspect anything.
When I went to my friend’s house, I had no idea his dad was a cop, okay?
It was merely a coincidence. And nothing happened.
They didn’t question me about why I showed up the way I did, and his dad never mentioned anything about it either. Alright?”
There was a long pause before Adrian nodded, his shoulders relaxing.
“Alright. Fine. I’ll keep this little secret to myself. For now. But I swear to God, Shiloh, if I find out that this cop is a threat you’re going to fucking regret it.”
I nodded, trying to get my heart rate back to normal. But fuck if I wasn’t freaking out still. Had I just signed a target onto Enoch’s family? Could I trust that Adrian would actually keep his mouth shut?
He glanced around my room, before completely ignoring my command to leave and taking a seat on the floor, his back leaning against my mattress. I sighed, realizing it was probably as good a time as any to ask about money.
“So, when do I get paid? How does it work?”
“Uh, I’ve got some cash on me now. How much do you need?” he asked, leaning over to pull his wallet from his back pocket.
“No, I mean, Carlos made it sound like I would be getting a salary or something. I know my brother had enough cash to pay most of the bills around here. I just wanna know how I can get the money to not become homeless or starve to death.”
He nodded, placing a wad of twenties on my quilt beside my hand. “Well, Carlos deals in cash only. If you want to put it into a bank account that’s up to you, but it’s gonna always come as cash whatever money you need.”
“Okay, so what do I do? Just hand over my bills and let him pay them? What about money for food and other shit?”
He glanced around the room. His gaze lingering on Javier’s clothes that were still hanging in our shared closet.
“Do you want to keep living here?”
I was surprised by the question and had to take a moment to contemplate.
“No. I plan to move out as soon as I’m eighteen. The only reason I’m stuck here as it is, is—was—because Javier couldn’t move me out of the house without having any of my legal documents. Being undocumented didn’t help his case either.”
Although, apparently Carlos had given Javier the means to get us out of this house years ago. I buried that idea in the deepest part of my mind. I couldn’t think about Javier or the what-ifs anymore, it was only making it harder to find the will to stay alive.
He hummed in thought. “I’ll take care of it. And see what I can do about getting you out of this.” He waved his hand around the room with a look of mild disgust. “You shared a room?”
My body tensed and I pulled my knees into my chest, leaning against the cool wall behind me.
“Cinco.”
Fucking shut up!
“Yeah, since I was born.”
“Listen,” he paused, running his hand over the fabric of my quilt hanging off onto the floor beside him. “I know this has been a lot. How are you holding up?”
I almost choked on my own saliva and spent several seconds coughing my lungs clear.
“Are seriously asking me that right now?” I finally gritted out with aggravation.
He stood up and joined me on my mattress.
“The fuck are you doing dickweasel?”
The overwhelming scent of his cologne was making me dizzy and sick.
“I’m being nice,” he shrugged, leaning back against the wall to mirror my position. “So, how are you?”
“Fuck you,” I spat, scooting away from him so I didn’t throw up. “You don’t have the right to be nice to me. Not after what you did.”
I watched his brows furrow for a moment before he pursed his lips and sighed.
“I didn’t want to fuck you. You were right, I couldn’t even get hard. I just made it look like I did, I swear. I told you—I’m just doing what I need to do to keep my brother safe.”
“Stop trying to relate to me, just because we both have fucked-up parents who got involved with Los Siete. If you gave a damn about your brother, you’d be anywhere but here, making sure Lonnie was safe and getting a good future set up.”
Adrian’s hand clenched into a fist and for a moment I wondered if he would hit me.
“Don’t fucking project your sob story onto me. Just because your brother didn’t get you out doesn’t mean I won’t get Lonnie out.”
“So, what’s your fucking plan?” I asked with a scoff. My sense of self-preservation was nonexistent. “Go on, if you’ve got everything so well thought out. How are you going to get out alive with your brother?” I jutted my chin out for him to answer.
He sighed with frustration and stood from my bed.
“I’m just trying to help you, Shiloh. You’re in over your head here and I don’t want to be the one having to scrub your death clean for the authorities one day.”
“No,” I spat, getting right up in his face. “You’re trying to help yourself. If you thought for a second that I would trust your bitch ass, then you’re the fucking brainless scum. Unlike you, I am doing this alone. I don’t need your fucking help.”
He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off.
“Go crawl back to Carlos, you cocksucking bitch.”
He sucked his teeth giving me a look of disappointment that made my hands itch to punch him in the dick.
“Fine. But a message from Carlos—if he finds out that you’re doing any drugs or having unprotected sex, you’ll be moving in with him.”
“Cinco.”
“And here,” he said, pulling a cable from his pocket and tossing it onto Javier’s mattress. “Keep the fucking phone charged. The last thing you want is to leave Carlos on read if he tries to reach you.”
I didn’t get a chance to ask why the fuck Carlos cared if I got high or had sex. Everything was spinning. The room, my pulse, my thoughts.
“Cuatro.”
“Remember what I taught you. Fight like hell.”
“Tres.”
“Cierra tus ojos, güerita.”
“Dos.”
“Te quie—”
POP!