Chapter Forty-five #2
‘Then don’t. Lara …’ He glanced at his hands then back at her, his face pale and drawn. ‘I need to tell you something else. When I got to Brenda’s house on Christmas Day, Imogen was there.’
Now was her chance to say she’d waited outside the HDU, how she’d rushed there in terror, but she wanted him to tell the story.
‘Imogen?’ she said, with mild surprise. Flynn’s parents would surely recognise her as soon as they saw her, but it was up to Lara to admit that she’d actually crept into the ward and seen Molly and her mother with him. ‘I – thought she wasn’t coming home until the New Year.’
‘She managed to swap with a colleague and get a last-minute flight home as a Christmas Day surprise.’
So Flynn had had no idea about Imogen turning up. ‘That’s some surprise …’
‘Shock is a more accurate word. Molly had been trying to message me but I hadn’t checked my phone. First I knew about it was Imogen answering the door.’
‘And how did it go?’’
‘Awkward as you can imagine. None of us knew what to say or do. Imogen was stunned and not impressed that Molly and Brenda had been in touch with me behind her back. No one had warned her … and they were both hoping to stop me from turning up at the house. My parents are now angry with her for depriving them of their granddaughter for twenty years. I can’t blame them but they’ll all have to deal with it. ’
‘What a shock. How do you … feel … about Imogen turning up?’ Lara asked, unsure of whether she wanted to hear the answer.
‘Still stunned. Very confused. Jesus, I don’t know how I feel.’ He leaned forward on the sofa again, agitated now. ‘I kept trying – still am – to understand why Imogen kept Molly a secret from me but I didn’t want a confrontation on Christmas Day, and especially not with Esme there.’
‘No. I can imagine.’ Lara pictured the little one amid a bunch of warring adults and felt sorry for her.
‘The two of us have a lot of talking to do,’ Flynn went on. ‘I’m not sure she’ll ever accept me being part of Molly’s life but she’ll have to. I don’t know how I’m ever going to fix this.’ He sat up sharply, wincing and rubbing his thigh above the brace. ‘Feck. This bloody knee.’
‘You need to rest,’ Lara said, starting to rise from the chair.
‘No, don’t go! I don’t look that bad, do I?’ he added with mock hurt.
‘No. I mean, you have been in a crash, Flynn,’ she said, refusing to tell him how gorgeous he looked in spite of his injuries. ‘Seriously, you need time to recover.’
He sighed. ‘I’ve no choice for a while at least. I’m off sick officially.
I can’t ride a bike for weeks – even if I had a bike, because the Harley is a write-off.
I can’t drive before I’m signed off as fit by the doc.
I can’t do any physical work for a while either, but there’s no way I’m lying around here being bored out of my mind when there’s so much to be done.
There are still eight more days of the illuminations and I’m not totally helpless. ’
‘And you’re alive. That’s all that matters …’
‘Yes, I’m alive, but I feel torn in two.’
‘I know it’s a crap situation but try to get some rest. As for the business with Molly and Imogen, let it be for now and accept that even Flynn Cafferty may not be able to fix everything immediately. Some situations take time.’
‘Maybe … On Christmas Day, I didn’t leave the house on the best of terms with Imogen or in the best of moods.
In fact, we were one step away from a blazing row, which is probably why I lost my focus on the way home.
If I’d been paying attention, I might have spotted the deer or been able to control the bike better. ’
‘Might – if – they’re pointless words. It was just bad luck …’ Lara murmured, a shiver running through her. ‘All you can do is look to the future now and, more importantly, be in the present.’
He held her gaze for a few moments during which she was sure he must be able to hear the beating of her heart. She wanted to throw her arms around him.
‘You’re right. You always are. Always the sensible one.’
‘I’m not sure that’s a good thing. I’m not sure I want to be sensible all the time.’
He winced and rubbed the top of his leg.
‘Are you in pain?’
‘It nags a bit. They gave me some painkillers but I can’t think straight if I take them. I feel fuzzy.’
‘If they help you sleep, though …’
‘Yeah.’
She got up. ‘I have to get back to work and you should rest up.’
He glanced up at her. ‘Lara, before you go, there’s something else I forgot to say.’
‘Yes?’ Her heart beat a little faster.
‘I forgot to give you your present. It’s not much but it’s in my bedroom, in the wardrobe. Don’t get too excited.’
What else had she expected him to say? She laughed at herself. ‘I never get too excited.’
She went into his bedroom, recalling the last time she’d been in there, naked between the sheets with Flynn.
It seemed like a lifetime ago – a moment when she’d cast off the shackles of her past and everything seemed possible.
She was trying to understand, to accommodate, to suppress her real feelings, but it was almost impossible.
It was then she spotted a photo on his bedside table that definitely hadn’t been there before.
It showed Molly and Esme at the illuminations, both smiling, and Esme pointing at the reindeer on the grotto, her eyes lit up.
It was such a happy picture. Lara wanted to cry for what might have been as well as for happiness on Flynn’s behalf.
She wanted a family of her own. There was no way she could express that to Flynn or tell him that she’d dared to dream she could finally put her previous heartbreak behind her.
She hardly knew him, even if she was in love with him.
Her gasp was audible with the realisation that she did indeed love Flynn. It hit her physically with a squeeze of the heart. Nothing she could do could change her feelings even if, now that he had so much to deal with, it was the very worst time to tell him.
She had to give him space, hoping that, when he was back on his feet – in every way – things might change, though she couldn’t imagine how.
She dragged her eyes from the photo and opened the wardrobe. It wasn’t hard to find the present. His wardrobe wasn’t rammed like her own small one with stuff she hated to give away. The box lay at the bottom next to a pair of boots.
‘Lara! Is everything OK? Can you find it?’ Flynn was leaning against the door frame, his face grey with pain.
‘Yes, I’ve just found it.’
‘Good. I want you to open it with me.’
Before she could bend down to pick it up, she heard a squeal from outside and excited chattering.
He glanced at the bedroom window, where Molly, Esme and Imogen were on the path.
‘You have visitors,’ Lara said.
Flynn glanced back at her. ‘I – Lara—’
There was a rap at the door and they heard Molly chattering excitedly outside.
‘I didn’t know they were coming,’ he said.
‘I expect they wanted to surprise you. Shall I let them in?’
‘What about your present?’
She smiled. ‘I can have it another time.’
‘I know, but Lara – I want to say something,’ he said in a desperate tone, hobbling forward. ‘Shit! Ow!’
He almost tripped and fell, but Lara caught him just in time and steadied him, holding him up with her hands on his elbows. Their gaze met.
‘Flynn …’ Lara said. ‘You have to be more careful.’
‘I need to say something …’
‘Hello! The door’s unlocked so we’re coming in!’
‘I should go,’ Lara said, leaving Flynn leaning against the door and hurrying into the sitting room where Molly, Esme and Imogen had just walked in.
Imogen’s poker-straight jet-black hair hung down under a cream bobble hat, and Lara couldn’t help thinking it made her look quite severe. Or maybe that was because she’d found Lara walking out of Flynn’s bedroom. She stared at Lara in puzzlement.
‘This is my mum, Imogen,’ Molly said, turning to her mother. ‘Lara works here at the castle.’
‘Hi,’ said Lara, turning on her best visitor smile.
‘Hello,’ Imogen said, with polite indifference. Understandably she had other concerns than socialising with a strange woman. She turned her attention immediately to Flynn, who’d hobbled into the doorway, and smiled at him. ‘You look knackered.’
‘I wasn’t expecting you,’ Flynn muttered.
Molly beamed and carried Esme forwards to meet him. ‘Hello, Dad! Hope it’s OK but we thought we’d surprise you.’
Dad. Lara would never get used to hearing Molly say that to Flynn, who looked torn between happiness and awkwardness.
He struck her as a stranger blundering through a strange landscape, unsure if he loved it or was petrified.
She was an observer, wanting to jump in and help him but unsure if she should or let him work out his path by himself.
‘That’s a lovely thought,’ Flynn said.
‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ Imogen said, and marched through to the kitchen.
‘I’ll leave you to it,’ Lara said, feeling completely superfluous.
‘Thank you,’ Flynn said, ‘for everything.’
Lara smiled, wondering what he’d been about to say when they’d been interrupted – and if she’d get another chance to find out.