CHAPTER SEVENTEEN ALARA
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ALARA
“Is your brother dead or something?”
Gaby frowns as she swipes her forefinger over the remnants of chocolate mousse at the bottom of the mixing bowl. She pops the dollop of cream into her mouth, and sets the empty container in my sink. “He’s sick. Haven’t seen the guy in three days.”
I haven’t heard from him either. Well, no, I have. We’ve texted, called, FaceTimed, but I want to really see him. Touch him. Kiss him.
As pathetic as it sounds, I just miss him.
It’s been almost a week since our heated, toe-curling moment in the storage room, and I constantly replay his promise to make me feel good until he has to leave. Despite my desperation to have more with him, I force myself to remember that this is just sex. Nothing more.
Still, his accident in the halfpipe has wrecked me. I’d been so terrified to lose him and that something worse had happened to him. My reaction when I found him made me realize how much I care about him – how important he’s already become.
I promised to give him some space to rest and take some much-needed time for himself, but maybe I need to do more than repeatedly check up on him by text.
I just don’t want to overstep. I’ve debated stopping by his house a couple times, but my presence would raise suspicions, especially as Gaby wasn’t there on Friday nor yesterday, and, other than hanging out with my best friend, I don’t have any other reason to visit the Ramirez house – well, that’s what everyone thinks.
My phone buzzes, and flutters instantly rock inside my stomach when I see who’s texted me. I hate that I can’t control the way my body reacts when it comes to Diego. I truly wish I could be immune to his charms – it would make everything easier.
Superstar: I think I’m rested well enough.
Me: Well, you slept for three whole days. The opposite would be concerning. How’s your knee?
Superstar: Feels ok. Won’t try doing a Switch Backside 540 anytime soon though
Me: I don’t recommend
Superstar: You busy? I miss you. I hoped you’d come by this weekend
I smile at his effortless admission. Gaby is eyeing me curiously, but doesn’t say anything as she cleans up the mess we made.
Me: I wanted to, but I didn’t want to bother you. Gaby is currently over and we just made a chocolate mousse
Superstar: Fuuuck I want some
Me: Gabs will bring you a portion. That is if she doesn’t inhale it on the drive back to your house
Superstar: Haha that’s something she’d do. Let me know when I can call you. Need to hear your sexy voice
I smile while giving my head a shake, then throw my phone on the counter before I do something stupid like call Diego in front of his sister.
I’m not hurt that he wants to keep our fling a secret.
I like the thrill, the teasing, the tension.
I don’t think Gaby and Jordan would react badly if they knew about us, but the last thing I need right now is them reminding me that Diego’s leaving – he does it enough on his own.
And I’m finally distracted. Finally thinking of something else other than my future, and I don’t need anyone to ruin this for me.
“Alara.” There’s a pinch of suspicion in Gaby’s voice.
“What?”
“Are you—” She searches for her words, eyes narrowed as she leans the small of her back against the sink. “Are you crushing on Diego again?”
What gave it away? I almost say. Instead, I school my features and ask, “Why would you say that?”
“It’s just that you two spend a lot of time together.”
“Do I need to remind you that you’re the one who’s asked me to help him?”
She raises her hands, palms facing outward. “Okay, true. Listen” – her lower lip juts out as she analyzes me, and I fear she can see right through me and hear how loud my heartbeat is – “you and D would make the cutest, most beautiful babies without a doubt.”
“What?”
She ignores me. “I’d love nothing more than seeing you two together, especially after knowing how hard you crushed on him when we were in high school, but he’s not planning on coming back.
He’s not the kind of guy who would want to do long distance either, so I’m just looking out for you. I don’t want him to hurt you.”
“Gabs,” I say softly. “I can handle it. But you don’t have to worry here. Nothing’s going on with Diego. We’re just friends.” The simple act of voicing those words makes a bitter taste rest on my tongue.
Of course I like Diego. I really do, but I have to accept the fact that we can’t be more than friends with benefits. I’ll take any pieces that he gives me – I just wish I could be enough for him to merit the whole puzzle.
As she watches me, doubt pinching at her brows, I can tell that she knows I’m lying. Nevertheless, she lets it go. “Alright.”
Maybe in the next lifetime I’ll be brave enough to go after what I want. But, in this one, I’ll just have to play pretend until I’m convinced that everything is fine.
There’s a snowstorm tonight.
My attention drifts from the television to the window, where snow swirls down to cover the backyard in a thick blanket.
When I was younger, I used to love sitting at the window and watching snowflakes crash down onto the surface and taking pictures of the perfect-looking ones.
Jordan would make fun of me, but I’ve always been one to find beauty in the simplest things.
Jude Law’s character is stumbling, drunk, into his sister’s cottage and is confused as to why an American stranger is there, which pulls me out of my daydream.
Watching The Holiday is a ritual for me in the winter – it’ll always be my favorite Christmas movie.
When a knock sounds on my door, I frown and pause the movie.
Gaby left before the snow started falling, laden with pots of chocolate mousse to share with her siblings and mom.
Diego sent me a selfie of him, a spoon in his mouth, captioned with: “Another day, another attempt at you stealing my heart with your culinary talent.”
Anyway, if it’s either of my parents, they usually text me before coming over, so I have no idea who this could be.
Surprise skitters through me as I open the door to reveal Diego, covered in snowflakes and holding a pizza box in his hand.
The dimpled grin he gives me makes my heart stutter. Lifting the square box, he says, “Hungry?”
I step aside to let him in and watch as he immediately takes his shoes off to let them dry by the door. “There’s a freaking snowstorm and you walked all the way here to bring me pizza?”
“Yeah,” he answers, in a matter-of-fact tone. “I had the delivery guy meet me here.”
I chuckle, taking the box from him and setting it on the kitchen island. “I’m actually hungry, so this is perfect. Let me just go upstairs to fetch you some of Jordan’s spare clothes so that—”
The rest of my sentence dies in my throat when Diego tugs on my wrist to spin me around and pull me into his chest. There’s a strange feeling coursing through my veins as I return his hug – it’s a little like a sense of completeness, of belonging.
“Hi,” he whispers against my forehead, before kissing it tenderly.
“Hi.” I step away and shiver, trying my hardest not to sigh in contentment at his display of affection. “You’re insane for walking here. You’re freezing and all.”
Finally taking his jacket off, he gives me a wink. “I came here in the hopes you’d warm me up.”
“Flirt.”
“It’s what makes me so charming.”
A laugh bubbles out of me as I run up the stairs to find him some clothes.
When Jordan moved out, he left a couple of sweatpants and t-shirts just in case he had to spend the night here for whatever reason.
We have board-game night once a month at my parents’, and Jordan always ends up being too drunk to drive home, so he crashes on my couch or in his old bedroom.
Diego is coming out of the bathroom when I hand him the clothes, and he thanks me before disappearing inside again. I close my curtains, just because my parents don’t need to see what’s happening in here. My cabin is far enough away so that they can’t see much, but still.
After taking two plates out, filling two glasses with water, and bringing the pizza to the coffee table, I sit on the couch and open the box.
“Half cheese for you, and half sausage and bacon for me,” he says, jumping over the back to sit by my side.
I catch him looking at me with a tenderness that makes my heart burst into fire. It’s like he’s looking at a rainbow peeking through clouds after a long, rainy day. It’s like he’s watching the first bloom of flowers on a spring day.
“I didn’t know if you liked cheese, so I got extra, but, next time, I can get margherita or pesto or—” He pauses when he notices my confused look, a deep, red blush rising on his cheeks. “You’re a vegetarian, right?”
Emotion clogs my throat because Diego’s always been the only man to ever notice the smallest things about me. I’ve never even mentioned being a vegetarian to him. “Good observation.”
He winks before plating a slice for me, then one for himself. “Told you I pay attention to you.”
We eat in silence while watching the movie, and I feel so at peace with him here. I feel his gaze on me on several occasions, but, other than that, he’s completely entranced by the film, which I find adorable.
At one point, we move from our initial positions once we’re done eating.
He ate his whole half, but there’s one slice of mine left.
I’ve had to close the box so that Tabby doesn’t steal it.
Diego lies on the L-part of the couch, a throw blanket covering him from toes to chin.
When Tabby comes to sleep on his legs, he doesn’t protest.
“Admit it – you like my cat,” I tease, as I curl under another blanket on the perpendicular part of the sofa. I’d love to cuddle with him, but that goes against every friends-with-benefits and no-strings-attached rule.
“Nah,” is all he says, his attention fixed on the TV.