13. Thirteen
Thirteen
Vic
M y hands grip both sides of the doorjamb until they ache. I haven’t been in her room since the night I thrust my body against hers over and over again.
For not having sex, that was the best orgasm I’ve ever had. It wasn’t boring, as if I was just going through the motions like it usually is. It was raw, real, and the need consumed me. I’ve never kissed anyone until my lips throbbed, until I was so dizzy from my erratic breathing, and I’ve never come in my pants like a preteen.
She has ruined me.
Before this, I brought girl after girl home to build a wall between us. I wanted Rosie to keep her distance and be disgusted with me in hopes of keeping me away from her. A stupid-ass plan for sure. Now, I’m living in a continual hell of wanting someone I can’t have, but the thought of touching someone else feels like cheating .
I look down at my little angel, who’s turning into more of a spicy devil every day. She looks so innocent with her hair splayed out on her pillow like a halo just waiting to be tarnished.
I stroke her cheek with the back of my hand, earning a sigh that gets my dick even harder than it already is. I quickly pull my hand away. I’m not here to watch her like a creep, as she loves to call me.
I rummage through her bag filled with a million makeup products until I feel a piece of paper and flatten out the indents.
Sneak out
Toilet paper someone’s house
Skinny dip
Get drunk in a movie theater
Get high
Get a job
Go to college
Go to a party
Run away
Find a new cute town to live in
Pierce my belly button
Get a tattoo
Find a way to feel like I’m flying
Bungee jump
Paint somewhere beautiful
Get a boyfriend
Make out at a drive-in
Go on the most romantic date ever
Lose my virginit y
I can see the progression of her penmanship change and improve through her list, just as it did over the years in the letters she wrote to me.
This list started young. It started off simple. Most of these being something I did as a teen or younger.
The only time I ever felt close to flying was when I rode my bike. Bungee jumping can fuck off. I hate heights. The boyfriend part is a definite no. So are making out at the drive-in or going on the most romantic date ever. What is it with women and romance? And then it ends with a bang. Literally.
When I read that earlier, I was taken aback, and it has been on my mind nonstop. A fucking virgin. I suspected, but I wasn’t positive.
That will definitely not get crossed off anytime soon.
I look down at her and think about today. The look on her face as she pulled out her list and her anticipation at crossing it off play on my mind on repeat.
To her, this is more than just a checklist. It’s a list of all her firsts, and I can’t deny the selfish urge to have her experience them all with me, then watch the happiness bloom across her face as she crosses them off her list.
Her phone rings, signaling an incoming text. I don’t hesitate to grab her phone. I’ve already invaded her privacy. What’s one more boundary being crossed at this point?
I tap on the text notification that has Alexa’s name across the screen. Rosie’s best friend and the center of Gage’s universe. He spoke about her constantly. He asked if I had someone, and I didn’t, until his sister, but it’s not like I could tell him that. So I made someone up since I went from having no letters to having at least one a week. It was the only way for me to prevent him from suspecting, or worse, reading my letters, which were purely platonic but still backstabbing.
I yearned for friendship and the thought of having someone care about me more than anything else. The sexual part didn’t start until later, and it just burned brighter as time went on.
The text message thread opens immediately, which means Rosie is comfortable enough not to have a passcode on her phone. This is knowledge I’ll shelve because it might be useful later.
She sure as hell won’t tell me anything, but I know damn well she’ll tell her friend.
I take my finger and scroll to the top of the text thread. It appears to be dated to right after she first got here.
Alexa
How are you doing with Mr. Ugly? Any freedom yet?
Ugly? What the fuck?
Rosie
Nope. Still an asshole dictator.
Alexa
It’s a shame. Maybe you can seduce him into giving you freedom. All of your stupid Mafia training classes had to include that to a certain extent, right?
I look down at Rosie. She had to go through Mafia training? What kind of weird shit is that?
Rosie
Even if it did, I wouldn’t even touch him with Manuel’s dick. I’d probably suffocate him before seducing him.
Who in the fuck is Manuel, and why is she talking about his dick? I’m going to find that motherfucker and kill him. I also find it hurtful as fuck she’d rather smother me than seduce me. She’s going to give me a complex about myself or some shit.
Rosie
It’s disappointing you never had to do the same training. I could have used a partner in the torture.
Alexa
Not to be a downer, but I don’t think you could handle the training I had to do or suffocating the guy, my delicate Ro. Just forget what Gage says and come live with me. I miss you.
Rosie
That’s the first place my father would check. I’m going to stay here even though it might kill me slowly. And I miss you, too. Call you tomorrow.
Alexa
My dad called and said your father called him to ask if I knew where you were. Dad, of course, told him no. I guess he was livid, as was Manuel’s father. You sure did piss off a lot of scary dudes. You can’t see it, but I’m bowing in your honor. I’m pretty proud of you.
Ah, Manuel must be her future intended husband, who will die a slow, painful death at my hands.
Rosie
You can be proud of me once I’m actually free.
Alexa
I’ll always be proud of you.
I scroll through memes they sent back and forth until my stomach dips at Rosie’s next message.
Rosie
If a guy told you he would tarnish you, what do you think that means?
Shit. I should’ve never said that. I was pissed. I brought someone over to take the edge off, only to not be able to get it up, and then the girl responsible for my little problem–as she liked to call it–poked the bear. Goaded me.
Alexa
Depends on who said it... tarnish you how? I need details.
Rosie
My babysitter said, and I quote: ‘I will tarnish your little crown of rainbows and butterflies and send you back to Gage before you know what to do with yourself.’
Alexa
Damn *flushed-faced emoji
Rosie
What?
Alexa
He wants you bad.
Rosie
I don’t think that’s what he meant. It sounded like a warning... or a threat? He also told me to stay away from him.
Alexa
How was his posture?
Rosie
He was holding my face.
Alexa
Sounds like he wants something he can’t have. You can work with that. Buy yourself some freedom.
Rosie
I don’t think I can.
Alexa
Why?
Yeah, why?
Rosie
It’s hard to explain. I’ll talk to you about it tomorrow. I’m going to get some sleep. *purple heart emoji
Alexa
Okay. Good night, Ro. *black heart emoji.
Alexa
Okay, so I met a guy but haven’t seen his face, and I might have come when he broke into my house and spanked me senseless.
What in the fuck?
I click the button on the side of her phone to shut it off. Now I feel weird going through her messages. I don’t want to see that shit, and if Gage finds out, someone’s going to die.
My phone beeps, and I look down. It’s like he knows I’m somewhere I shouldn’t be.
Gage
How’s everything going ?
Fucking fantastic. I’m just busy invading your sister’s privacy because I can’t get enough of her. I also made her come, but don’t worry. Her clothes stayed on. Oh, and I’m going insane.
Vic
Great
Gage
Good to hear. I have to get out of Chicago for a minute, but once I come back, I’ll come take her off your hands.
My stomach clenches at the thought of her leaving.
Without her here to brighten things up, my life will once again become a dreary, solemn, lonely place. Work, drink, sleep, repeat.
I should be grateful, but I’m not. I’m conflicted. She’s wound her way into my nonexistent heart that I’ve worked so hard not to have. This is why I don’t get close. This is why I’m guarded.
She’s going to leave me just like everyone else.
Vic
Where’s she going next?
Gage
Why?
I shouldn’t have asked because it’s suspicious and uncharacteristic of me to care, but I can’t help it.
Vic
Just wondering if she’ll try to run.
Lies. What’s one more at this point? I’ve always prided myself on being an honest person, but not anymore, and never when it comes to her.
Gage
Nah, I don’t think she will. I’m arranging for her to marry someone safe. Somewhere far away.
My jaw clenches. I don’t want that, but what the fuck am I going to do about that?
Nothing, and I know it.
She’ll never want me.
Vic
Ok. Let me know.