16. Sixteen
Sixteen
Vic
I wake up the following morning, wrapped around Rosie. Even in the realm of sleep, I can’t stay away from her.
My feelings for her are teetering on the edge of obsession, or perhaps they have already crossed that line and moved into a territory I can’t even comprehend.
We could have gone home last night, but I wanted an excuse to lie next to her again.
I was in utter shock when I felt her rubbing her hand against my neck and then lower yesterday. She was trying to console me, rub away my demons, and it seemed to partially work. I felt like a complete ass for snapping at her for asking questions, but I couldn’t help it.
It makes me feel weak, and that’s the last word I want Rosie to associate with me.
I want her to feel like she can come to me.
I want her to feel protected.
How can she feel that way if I’m the broken one ?
I gaze down at her. She’s so innocent and was so unbelievably adorable last night while toilet papering the house. I felt her pulse as I kissed her, and it was going one hundred miles a minute.
I tried to imagine the way she was feeling. The absolute excitement and rush she must have felt. It’s hard for me to imagine since nothing excites me anymore, well, besides her.
I watch her for another ten minutes, her long dark eyelashes fan against her high cheeks, her hair a chaotic mess, and her chest rising and falling deeply.
I place my hand over her heart, feeling the steady beat. I remove my hand as she stirs.
“Wake up, sleepyhead. We need to get downstairs and eat before work.”
Her eyes lazily open, and a smile graces her thick, pouty lips that I want nothing more than to devour, suck on, and bite.
Last night’s kiss was an appetizer, and I want more.
Much more.
Trey comes into the kitchen, flanked by Marcus and Julian.
“Morning boys,” Rosie singsongs as she looks up from her yogurt and granola.
“Hey there, pretty girl, you done with him and ready to come to the dark side?” Trey says, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Never gonna happen,” I say .
“Never say never,” he says with a smile.
“What are you even doing here so early?”
“Had to get my other fucking boots,” Trey says, sounding irritated.
Showtime.
“Some little fuckers decided to TP our fucking house with a shit ton of toilet paper.”
I look over at Rosie. The second she puts two and two together, she practically chokes on her coffee.
“Easy, princess,” I say, smirking while rubbing her back that’s ramrod straight.
“It took for-fucking-ever to pick it up. When I find them, they’re going to pay.”
“That sucks, man,” I say, feigning sympathy I don’t feel.
“It gets worse,” Trey says.
“Oh?”
“They lit a bunch of bags of shit on fire and stole my weed.”
Rosie’s head snaps to me with wide eyes. She didn’t know that part of the plan. It was all me. She would have backed out, and I wasn’t having that. The three fuckers had it coming with how they’ve been flirting with her. They deserved it. My only regret is not taping his reaction as he ran out the door to put it all out.
“Who the fuck does that these days? I had to throw away my favorite fucking boots.”
“Sounds pretty shitty, man,” I say with no emotion. But inside, I can’t help but laugh my ass off.
“Not even the worst part. I was fucking the shit out of this b—” I give him a look. He doesn’t have a fucking filter. “I was busy doing stuff, and I had to run out with my pants around my fucking ankles. Dick flying everywhere as I stomped that shit out. ”
“Back up. You didn’t tell us you had someone coming over,” Julian says.
“You guys were busy on a run. I couldn’t wait,” Trey says with a sneaky smile.
“Looks like karma bit you straight in the dick since you didn’t share, and I told ya we should get cameras. Your ass never listens,” Marcus says.
“You know I don’t like those. Evidence and all. Besides, I’ll be ready the next time,” he says with a glint of violence in his eyes.
Rosie mouths, “No,” to me, and I just smile.
“You almost ready to go?”
“Yeah,” she says quickly like her ass is on fire, and she can’t wait to get away.
“Wait, you have time to fit me in today?” Trey asks.
“I have some.” I peer over at Rosie. “What are you trying to get?”
“A piece on my upper thigh. You’ll be there to hold my hand, right, Rosie? It might hurt, and I need the support.”
“She’s not your emotional support companion, and also fuck no. We’re leaving.” I pull her out of the kitchen.
“Bye, guys.” She waves, and they say bye in unison.
I’m going to kill them.
I look up to see Trey wince as I rub the paper towel on his inner thigh. I swear the fucker is almost out of skin from how frequently he’s been coming in lately.
When I first got out, he helped me get my tattoo shop and fix it up. I tried to pay him, but he didn’t want money as payment for his help, only ink. I know it’s a form of therapy for him; it numbs his mind, as he likes to say, so I don’t mind. He’s had anger issues since we were kids. We all do, but I know his run deep. He usually does underground fighting to feed his demons, but they got busted, so this is the next best thing. No one wants a bloodbath on their hands after all, so I’m happy to help.
“Done,” I say with a smack on the tattoo I just finished.
He leans over and howls, “Motherfucker!” Then, he winces as he gazes down at the very red area I just smacked.
“Call it even for all the flirting you’ve been doing with Rosie. You’re lucky I don’t tattoo a dick on your body,” I say, narrowing my eyes.
He takes a second to think about it like he’s figuring out a math problem or some shit. Maybe he should lay off the ganja for a minute.
“Fair.” He nods before smiling. His smiles are never a pleasant indication of what’s running through his head, but I pay him no mind.
I rip my gloves off and discard them in the bin.
“What’s on the agenda for tonight?” Axl asks as he leans against the wall.
“Can’t, I have plans.”
“You’ve had a lot of those lately. I’m feeling neglected,” Axl murmurs with a pout.
“You’re with someone new every night,” Trey says .
“Not every night,” he says defensively.
I give Axl a pointed stare, calling out his blatant lie. He’s been as busy with someone as I have been with Rosie. I just hope he’s pulled his head out, and it’s Jess who occupies his time.
“He only has a new hole every night because he can’t have who he really wants,” Trey says from the chair.
“I don’t want anyone, dick,” Axl seethes at Trey.
“Well, I guess you won’t mind me going to the coffee shop and getting a drink. I’m quite parched after the tattoo. I’m starving, too. Maybe I’ll have a little taste,” he says with a devious smirk.
“Stay the fuck away from Jess, or I’ll make a mess of your pretty face you love so much.”
“He’s quite testy for someone who doesn’t want anyone, wouldn’t you say, Vic?” Trey says.
“I’m staying out of your bullshit.” I hold my hands up.
“Go fuck yourself, Trey.”
“Don’t be like that, bro. We can share.”
“I’m not your bro. Our parents dated for five seconds.”
“We share a half brother, brother.” Trey points over at Samuel, who’s trying hard to avoid their shit. You’d think this rivalry would be over by now.
“Still doesn’t count.”
“Okay, it’s been fun. I’m out,” I say with a salute before walking out the door.
“Wait up,” Axl calls to me as I’m getting on my bike.
“Where are you going?”
“Bike ride. It’s supposed to be a clear night.”
“With Rosie?”
“Yeah,” I say with a smile. Just the mention of her name lifts my mood .
“Care for two more to join?”
“You and Trey...? No thanks.”
A look of disgust crosses his face as if he’s caught a whiff of something foul. “Nah, Jess and me, dick.”
“How do you plan on getting her to agree? Last I checked, she still hated you.”
“I’ll take her love, her hate, and everything in between. One day, she’ll wake up and realize I’m the only one for her.”
“The best thing you can do is to settle the fuck down. Jess needs someone stable. You’re all she has left. Don’t fuck it up, Ax,” I say.
He’s going to lose the best thing that ever happened to him if he doesn’t pull his head out of his ass.
He laughs. “When did you become so knowledgeable, oh wise one? Was it before or after you fell for Rosie?”
“I didn’t fall for her.”
Infatuated. Obsessed. Addicted, yes.
I don’t think I’m in love. I don’t have that in me.
“Maybe you aren’t so wise after all.”
I say nothing, but roll my eyes.
“All I’m saying is you deserve some good after all the shit you’ve been through. I owe it to you to see that it happens.”
“You don’t owe me shit. Stop saying that.”
“Don’t let her go. Work it out with Gage, sell your soul, whatever. Just...don’t let her go.”
“Why are you getting all sentimental on me?” I narrow my eyes.
I hope he’s not falling off again. Ax has been doing good. He isn’t drinking as much, and he seems happier, lighter.
The same way I’ve been feeling .
“Because I know what it’s like not to feel like you’re good enough, only to push the goodness away and lose the only light you’ve ever seen,” he says.
“You deserve it just as much as I do. Nothing has come easy for us, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t deserving of happiness,” I say.
“Maybe,” he says, just as unsure as I am about what I just said.
It’s hard to ignore the constant cacophony of self-doubt in your mind, a relentless scream that echoes your worthlessness.
It’s your darkest companion that sticks to you like a shadow, never straying far from your side.
It’s there on your worst days, lingering like a dark cloud, and still has the power to dim the brightness on the best days.
“There are no maybes. I love you, bro, but you have to let all that shit go.” If only I could take my own advice. “Let’s go see the girls.”