Chapter 19
19
TYLER
The lecture hall is buzzing on the day of our group presentations. Students are packed in tightly, and every now and then, I inhale a whiff of B.O. from someone nearby. I barely notice, too eager to see Echo.
This will be our first time face-to-face since she came to my apartment, and I hardly slept last nightbecause I was twisting myself in knots about how she might react to me.
I’ve been on my best behavior. I haven’t called or texted, even though the anticipation is driving me crazy.
I need to know how she is.
Ryan tells me she’s fine, but he can’t read her the way I can. What if she’s upset and is hiding it from him?
I’m staring at the door so intently that I don’t notice someone approaching from the other side until they’re sliding onto the chair.
I spin around. “That seat is—oh, Echo.”
She smiles and tucks an invisible piece of hair behind her ear. The force of that smile whacks me in the gut, driving the air from my lungs.
Damn, she’s beautiful. The light that shines inside her never stops glowing—not even when people have done their best to extinguish it.
“I came in the other entrance today,” she explains, opening her backpack and pulling out a notebook.
My pulse leaps. She came in when I wasn’t looking and willingly sat beside me. That’s significant. She could have easily taken a seat somewhere else, and I might not have noticed until the presentations had begun.
I grin at her like the smitten idiot I am.
“You ready?” she asks, setting her phone on the pull-out desk and scrolling through to find what look to be notes for her portion of our presentation.
“I think so.” Usually, public speaking wouldn’t bother me, but the fact that it’s in front of Echo—and that my performance will contribute to her grade—has ramped up my nerves. I want to impress her, and I don’t want to let her down. We may have handed in our essay, but the presentation is worth a significant percentage of the grade.
“You will be.” Her smile is softer than I’ve seen it in more than three years, and my tummy flips over in response. This is good, right?
The professor calls the class to order, and we focus our attention on the first group to present their findings. We know what order we’re going in because we were assigned a random number ahead of time.
The first presentation is so good that I rethink everything, but the second group clearly has only one person who put in much work, with the others hoping to ride on their coattails. Based on the professor’s expression, I can’t see that happening.
Most of the presentations are decent. A couple are snooze-worthy but still thorough. By the time we’re up, some of my nerves have dissipated. At least our entire group put an equal amount of work into our project. Because of that, we’re already head and shoulders above half of the groups we’ve seen so far.
Jin starts, outlining the methods portion of our topic. He’s a good speaker. Relaxed and confident. Elle follows next with the pros. She speaks a little too fast and laughs a bit too often, but all the content is there.
I come next, and my mouth automatically forms the words I’ve practiced so many times. I know the topic well. A lot of what we’ve covered reminds me of my dad. He basically spent years trying to condition us into behaving as he wanted. That’s why I chose to speak about the cons. I’m perfectly positioned to know what they are.
Echo brings the presentation home, and it could just be me, but I think she’s phenomenal. Afterward, we answer a few questions and return to our seats.
I’m buzzing. I’m pretty sure we knocked it out of the park, and the others seem to agree.
We sit through the remainder of the presentations, then walk together to Full of Beans to debrief. For once, Elle doesn’t make a pass at me and, as we order, it becomes clear that Jin is more interested in the tattooed male barista than he is in Echo, so I’m more relaxed than I’ve ever been around them.
We chat for a while, and then Elle says she has a class to get to. Jin leaves shortly after, citing an assignment that’s due later, but his eyes twinkle and he winks as he leaves me alone with Echo.
I like him, I decide. He’s an okay guy.
“So,” I say when Jin is out of earshot. “We did good, right?”
“Yes,” she agrees. “I’d say we’ve got at least an A minus.”
“Awesome.” I get decent grades—I have to, to stay on the team—but an A of any form is still better than my usual.
The tattooed barista delivers a caramel-shot decaf mocha, and Echo accepts it with a smile. After seeing how much she enjoyed her first coffee, I couldn’t resist ordering her another, but she insisted on decaf since she limits how much caffeine she has each day. Apparently, being too wired is bad for her anxiety.
“Thanks again for this,” she says, gesturing at the coffee.
“No problem.” I’ll buy them every day of her life if they make her happy. “Echo, you’ve had some time to think now. Where’s your head at when it comes to me?”
She purses her lips, and her expression grows serious. “You shared a lot with me, and it changed my perspective in someways, but you still really hurt me. I’m having difficulty deciding whether I should trust you.”
My stomach clenches. “I understand.”
But where does that leave us? I can’t just give up on her.
“I’m not saying I’ll never trust you,” she adds gently. “Just that it will take time and effort to get to know each other again, and to build trust between us.”
My heart is somehow heavy and light at the same time. The sorrow of knowing how badly I damaged her weighs on me. But hope bubbles inside me too. Hope that we can get past this. That one day, it will be a blip on our radar. A stumble on our path to happily ever after.
“Take as long as you need,” I tell her. “I’m not going anywhere, and I won’t let you down again.”
I couldn’t bear it if I did.
“Are you keeping any other secrets from me?” she asks.
I open my mouth to tell her no, but then close it again. The truth is, I do have secrets. Many, many secrets. I’m willing to share them with her, but I’m not mentally prepared to do that right now, and honestly, I don’t think she’s ready to hear them either.
“You are,” she says, reading me like a book.
“I’ll tell you. Just…not today.”
She sighs, and it stirs a few strands of her hair. “If you can give me time, then I suppose I can do the same for you.”
Relief settles my gut.
“It won’t be forever though,” she warns. “I need to know everything, so I can make an informed decision. I can’t do that if you hold back.”
“That’s fair.” Probably more so than I deserve. “Thank you.”
She sips her coffee, her brain working overtime, by the looks of it.
“Can I begin to make a new impression now?” I ask. “I’ll tell you everything. I promise. But I want to connect with you as the person I’ve become while we were apart.”
She cocks her head. “What do you have in mind?”
I hesitate, but only briefly. “Will you come to Slice of Heaven with me?”
Her eyes widen. “A dessert place? I’m sure that doesn’t fit within your approved training diet.”
“I can make an exception. I’ll just have to burn it off at training later.” Putting in a bit more time, or pushing harder, is worth it to spend time with her.
To my delight, she grins.
“Okay, then. Let’s go. But you’re buying.”
I laugh. “Done.”
With Dad gone, I have access to more money than I could ever need. Technically, he left it all to Mom, but she split it in three and gave a third each to Soraya and me, as if a bunch of zeros at the end of my bank statement make up for the years she stayed silent as we suffered Dad’s abuse.
While Echo drinks her coffee, I ruminate over the issue of my mother. Soraya has always been more understanding of her than I have. They’re trying to establish a stronger mother-daughter relationship, but I haven’t jumped on board.
Mom has made a couple of overtures toward me, but I’m more hesitant than my sister. I know Mom was a victim as much as we were, but it’s still hard to reconcile that she was willing to let us be hit and emotionally manipulated.
Moms are supposed to be protectors. Echo’s always was for her. I never met the woman, but I saw how staunchly she supported Echo after the rape, and how fiercely she fought for justice. That’s how a mom should be. Not the wispy shadow of a woman who raised me.
When Echo pushes her cup aside, I stand and reach for her hand, but then think better of it. She surprises me, interlacing our fingers together as we leave the coffee shop. Her palm is much smaller than mine, but it’s warm from the heat of the coffee and I wish I could raise it to my lips for a kiss.
We don’t talk much during the walk, but it isn’t an uncomfortable silence. It’s freeing to be with someone and know I don’t have to fill the space between us. I wasn’t sure if I could get to this place with her again, and it makes me optimistic for the future.
Slice of Heaven is located in a small, brightly lit shop fronting onto one of the roads near campus. It’s in a great spot to attract drunk college students on their way home, and it stays open late several days a week for exactly that purpose.
I order a raw vegan Snickers slice, figuring that the dates and nuts are surely better for me than the pure sugar of the other options. Echo, on the other hand, orders a decadent piece of chocolate cake, warmed so that the frosting oozes everywhere, and served with cream and ice cream.
We sit at a small table by a window while we eat. My slice is okay, but nothing to write home about. Hers, on the other hand, must be the stuff of dreams based on the way she moans with every mouthful. My cock is rock hard beneath the table, and I just hope I’ll be able to get it together before we leave.
“So, Soraya is in Newbury too,” Echo notes between mouthfuls. “What about your mom?”
I stiffen. “Mom didn’t leave Charlesville.”
She still lives in that too-big house with my father’s ghost. One of Soraya’s goals is to convince her to move into a smaller, cozier home, but she has her work cut out for her. Mom spent even more years being conditioned by our father than we did.
She nods, her sharp eyes no doubt noticing every micro-expression that flickers across my face, cataloging them to revisit in the future.
“Soraya told me she wants to be an attorney specializing in domestic violence cases,” she says. “That’s pretty impressive.”
My posture loosens. “Yeah, I’m proud of her.”
“She seems like a smart girl.”
I stab my fork into the last piece of Snickers slice. “She’s like you, in a lot of ways.”
Echo looks intrigued. “How so?”
I shrug and raise the bite of cake to my mouth. “You’ve both been through a lot, but, somehow, you’re still strong.”
“Did she…” She trails off, rubbing her lips together as if she’s unsure how to go on.
“What?” I prompt. “You can ask me anything.”
Her teeth sink into her lip, and then she busies herself portioning off another bit of cake. “Your dad abused her too?”
“Physically, she had it worse than me.” I drop my fork, no longer hungry. “He’d threaten her as a way to control me.”
“I’m so sorry. That must have been awful.” She puts her fork down too. At least we finished most of our dessert before we lost our appetites.
“It wasn’t great.” I glance at her plate. “You done?”
She nods.
“Let’s get you home then.”
We both stand, and I leave a tip on the table. As we stroll down the pavement, our arms brush every now and then. I’m tempted to grab her and refuse to let go. Having her so close, it’s like the thing I most want is within reach, but I’m not allowed to touch it.
Realistically, I know she probably wouldn’t mind a little physical affection, but our new bond is weak, and I won’t do anything to jeopardize it.
When we arrive outside her building, I come to a stop.
“Can I see you again?” I ask, knowing my feelings for her are plastered all over my face.
She holds my gaze for a long moment. “Okay, but anywhere we go has to be public.”
A flash of movement to our left catches my attention, and I glance over. It’s Ryan, and he’s coming straight toward us. I try to meet his eyes, and shake my head silently, but I’m not sure if he notices.
Damn, I’m going to have to come clean about at least one of my secrets soon, or there’s every chance that Ryan will do it for me.