Chapter Twenty-Four
Jessica
I hadn’t summoned the courage last night to ask Mama why we were feeding Mr. Roberts three times this week.
It turned out, I didn’t have to.
On the way to work the next morning, Mama quietly said, “Elder Roberts is a nice man, don’t you think?”
Is she serious? He’d been rude and inappropriate all through dinner.
I wanted to remind her she’d hidden out in the kitchen, cleaning the coffee pot, to avoid being in the same room as him. I knew I wasn’t being very Christian with my judgment, but I didn’t want to lie either, so I simply replied, “I’m sure losing Mrs. Roberts was hard on their whole family.”
“Yeah, they’ve had a rough time. But now the girls are getting ready to go away to college in a few months, and he’s going to be alone.”
“Oh, is that why you’ve been inviting him to dinner?”
Mama hesitated before replying, “Kind of.”
“Kind of?”
“He approached your dad and I last week. He’s—” She paused, took a deep breath, and started again. “He’s willing to marry you and raise Ruthie as his own child.”
I’m sorry—what the heck did you just say?
I blinked my eyes as I tried to make sense of her words. It felt like all my blood rushed to my feet and there was a humming in my ears that hadn’t been there ten seconds ago.
Did she just say something about marrying Mr. Roberts?
I was glad I hadn’t eaten breakfast yet, or I might have lost it right there in the front seat of the Cadillac.
Finally, my brain could form a sentence. “Mama, no. I couldn’t—”
She quickly interrupted, and it was clear she and Papa had talked a lot about this. “No one else is going to marry you, Jess. Kevin is willing to look past your sins. He said he’d even have more children with you.”
The thought of making those children with Mr. Roberts made my skin crawl, so I remained mute.
“And I think he would be kind enough to you and Ruth.”
Kind enough?
Just what I was looking for in a husband and father to my children—“kind enough.”
“Mama—no. He’s your age. I don’t want to marry an old man—no offense.”
“Offense taken. I’m not that old, Jessica Rose. And I don’t know if you have a choice. Your father thinks it’s a good solution to your problem. No man your age is going to marry you.”
The fact that my dad considered Ruthie my problem infuriated me. And now he wanted to marry me off to some old man from the church because of it.
“Why do I need to be married anyway? I’ve got a job now. I can support myself.”
We’d be living lean, but I’d take that alternative over marrying Mr. Roberts any day.
Mama’s voice got softer when she replied, “Because your father says so. And I don’t want to lose another daughter. Or my granddaughter.”
~~~~
I’d gotten the impression yesterday that maybe Alan was interested in me.
Possibly.
I thought he’d been flirty when I’d texted him last night to tell him I didn’t need a ride in the morning, although I’d decided to wait until today to tell him about Kevin coming to pick me up after work.
Me: Hi! It’s Jessica. I hope you’re having a nice night with your family! I just wanted to let you know that I don’t need a ride in the morning. My mom has to come into town anyway.
Alan: I am having a nice night, but it’d be better if you and Ruthie were here, too. And thank you for letting me know—if things should change in the morning, don’t hesitate to text me for a ride.
I wasn’t sure what to say next, and as I contemplated how to reply, another text came in.
Alan: How was your night? Did you have to make dinner?
Me: No, Mama made it. I just had to look pretty and try not to roll my eyes.
Alan: Well, the first part (looking pretty) shouldn’t be too hard. Not sure about the eyerolling, though. I suspect that might have been more difficult, given the company.
Me: You have no idea.
Alan: I want to hear all about it tomorrow.
Me: Okay. I’ll see you then.
Alan: Sweet dreams, Jess.
That was flirting, right?
I wasn’t entirely sure. I didn’t have a lot of experience to draw from.
But while lying in bed last night, I’d allowed myself to daydream about what going out with him would be like.
He wasn’t a college boy who laughed at other college boys’ stupid jokes.
He’d been kind; helpful even. Plus, he’d seemed interested in Ruthie—it hadn’t felt like he viewed her as a problem.
Or judged me because I was a single mom.
And I doubted he’d mind that I wasn’t a virgin and no longer pure.
I knew it’d been just a fantasy, but I’d fallen asleep with a smile at the possibilities, and I woke up excited to see him again today, even if he wasn’t going to drive me home.
Now it just seemed like another cruel joke the Universe was playing on me.
As depressing as the idea of marrying Mr. Roberts—I guess I needed to start thinking of him as “Kevin”—was, the thought of not seeing my parents, especially my mom, was more than I could bear.
Ruthie only had one set of grandparents as it was.
Defying my father would mean I’d be on my own. I know Mary had done it and seemed happy, but she also had a college degree that had resulted in a good job. And she didn’t have a newborn baby.
I’d still try to get my father to reconsider, but in my heart, I knew I was going to be the next Mrs. Kevin Roberts.
I could either curl up in a ball or make the best of it.
And sadly, that meant no more daydreaming about going out with Alan.
He probably didn’t like me anyhow.
I wasn’t sure if that thought made me relieved or sadder.
The answer was obvious when he walked through the swinging door into the kitchen, and I quickly excused myself to the bathroom so I could have a good cry.