Chapter Thirty-Seven
Jessica
Alan was polite as we waited in the drive-thru line at Abner’s Dairy Freeze, asking questions about me and Ruthie like he was actually interested.
I guess if he wanted to put on a good front, he needed to know those things.
My feelings were too hurt to reciprocate. What did it matter what I knew about him? We’d be divorced in three years anyway.
Suddenly I didn’t really care about the stupid milkshake and almost suggested we just go back to the farmhouse. Then he looked over at me with a soft smile, and I realized I wasn’t being fair.
He’d saved me from having to marry Kevin.
I was going to be able to go back to school.
And he wasn’t expecting anything in return other than for me and Ruthie to occasionally visit Lancastle and play our parts as his wife and daughter.
Then when I graduated, he’d let me go without a fight.
That was the part that stung the most. What happened to me being worth fighting for?
Then it hit me—that was before he’d kissed me.
Had it really been that bad of a kiss?
I was almost embarrassed for thinking it was the best kiss of my life. Clearly, the feeling wasn’t mutual.
We got our shakes, and four minutes later we pulled into the driveway of a beautiful moss-green one-and-a-half story Craftsman with a second-story balcony. The red brick pavers and stairs led up to a wrap-around porch lined with rose bushes in full bloom.
“Oh my gosh; this place is beautiful.”
“I know. I’m hoping we can find something similar to rent or buy.”
I shook my head. “That’d be way too much money. I think if we could get a small apartme—”
He cut me off. “We’re not living in an apartment, Jess. Let me worry about the money.”
I wanted to argue, but what choice did I have? Besides, it wasn’t like living in a place like this would be a hardship. I just worried about getting too used to it.
I undid my seatbelt once the truck stopped in the garage. “I feel like we have a lot of things we need to figure out before we do this.”
“You’re probably right. Let’s go inside so we can talk.”
Talk, right. Definitely not kiss again.
He’d made that abundantly clear.
I should’ve brushed my teeth after dinner.
So, when we walked inside from the garage, and he reached for my milkshake and set it on the kitchen counter next to his, then guided me through the kitchen, I was confused.
But not as confused as when we walked into the living room and found it bathed in candlelight and flower petals.
I turned to look up at him, only to find him down on one knee holding a black jeweler’s box with the biggest diamond I’d ever seen. It was so big it actually sparkled in the candlelight.
“Lainey said I needed to up my proposal game…” he sheepishly replied to the unspoken question I’m sure was written all over my face. “Jessica Bradbury, will you marry me?”
****
Alan
Jessica was quiet so long, my stomach felt queasy. Had she changed her mind?
“We can exchange the ring if you don’t like it…”
Finally, she touched my shoulder and smiled. “No, I love it. And, yes, Alan Callahan. I will marry you.” She leaned closer and first I thought she was going to kiss me before she whispered, “You didn’t need to go to all this trouble, though.”
I stood up and pulled the ring from the box. “Sure I did. You deserve for this to be done right.”
“Why? This is all just pretend.” She giggled. “Now you’ve set the bar high for my real husband.”
I was going to be her real husband. She just needed to let me prove my worth.
“Good,” I said as I slipped the diamond on her left ring finger. “You deserve someone who’s going to cherish you.”
She gave me a sad smile as she admired the ring. “Maybe someday.”
No, baby—starting now.
I regretted promising her I wouldn’t kiss her again.
The cheek didn’t count though, right?
“Can I hug you?” I asked with outstretched arms.
I took it as a good sign that she didn’t even hesitate to walk into my embrace.
“Always.”
I held her close and briefly shut my eyes as my cheek rested against her hair. The smell of her floral shampoo filled my senses, and I let out a contented, “Mmm.”
Before letting her go, I leaned down to kiss her cheek. I felt her smile before she whispered, “I think I’m going to like being married to you.”
Then she looked up at me with those trusting brown eyes, and I couldn’t help myself.
I kissed her again, and it was as good as our first kiss. Maybe better when she pressed closer and whimpered against my lips.
Wait.
Was that a good whimper or a bad one?
Fuck.
I’d promised I wouldn’t kiss her if she came inside, and we hadn’t even been in the house ten minutes before I went back on my word.
How was she ever supposed to trust me?
I pulled back with ragged breath, then touched her face when I noticed the red on her cheek from where my five o’clock shadow had scraped her delicate skin.
“I’m sorry!”
Her breathing was also uneven when she replied, “For what?”
“I assured you that you’d be safe, and I wouldn’t kiss you again.”
“Can’t I be safe and kissed?”
****
Jessica
Alan seemed thrown by my question.
“Well… sure. You’ll always be safe. I would never hurt you.”
I didn’t doubt that for a second.
“But,” he continued, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to kiss me. You didn’t exactly choose this.”
“Neither did you.”
“Yes, I did. I asked you to marry me. I didn’t have to do that.”
“And I said yes. I didn’t have to do that either.”
“Yeah, but you’re under duress.” His eyes got wide, like he’d just had an idea. “That’s what you can say when you file for divorce. I mean, not that I’ll contest it, but you’ll have to list a reason why you want to dissolve the marriage.”
Good grief, we hadn’t even gotten married yet, and he was already planning on how we could end it.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I bit out as I switched on the light. It felt like the candles were mocking me now. “Why don’t we figure out the logistics of how this is going to work.”