Chapter Forty-Four
Jessica
“Should we go next door, while she’s still awake?” Alan asked when he took Ruthie from me to burp her. “I know my mother is dying to hold her. Probably Lainey and Jade, too.”
It felt weird having all these people clamoring to hold my little girl. Other than my mom, and occasionally my dad, people at church had barely given her a passing glance. Probably because she was the fruit of sin.
Whatever.
But after Lainey pointed out Ruthie hadn’t gotten her vaccinations yet, I was glad they hadn’t wanted anything to do with her. They could keep their germs to themselves.
Hang on, Jess, my conscience chided. Maybe that’s why they were keeping their distance.
I doubted it.
“Yeah, let’s go next door. I’m starving.”
I slung the diaper bag over my shoulder and picked up the car seat, and we made our way across the driveways and entered Lainey and Adam’s house through the open garage.
“It’s not safe to keep your garage door open,” Alan announced when he stepped inside. “Anybody can walk in. Aren’t you supposed to be a cop?”
His brother retorted, “Well, since I have cameras and knew it was friendly riffraff coming through my door, I’m not worried.”
Another man that I’d seen around town stood up from the kitchen table, and with the use of a cane, made his way to us.
“How the hell are you, you salty fuck?” he asked as he side-hugged Alan, careful not to squish Ruthie.
Alan motioned toward the cane. “Better than you, apparently. What’s up with that? You didn’t have that at the Cape.”
“Yeah… it’s only temporary. Physical therapy’s kicking my ass.”
“I guess that’s good for me, otherwise you’d probably want your truck back.”
The man let out a sad sigh. “How is my truck?”
“Running like a champ.”
Jade came in and wrapped her arm around the other man’s waist, but rolled her eyes when she said, “Apparently he thought he was just going to go back to work without any physical therapy.”
Oh, he must be Brian—Jade’s boyfriend.
That was confirmed when he offered me his hand and said, “Hi, I’m Brian.”
I shook his hand while replying, “Jessica.”
“Nice to meet you. I hear you have a wedding coming up.”
I nodded. “August first.”
Brian’s brows went into his hairline. “August first, like in two weeks, or August first, next year?”
“Two weeks.” I quickly added, “I’m lucky I have people willing to help pull it together.”
“And it’s going to be gorgeous,” Jade said confidently.
Just then, Alan’s mom walked into the kitchen and her face lit up like a Christmas tree before she exclaimed, “Oh, my new granddaughter is here!” She turned around and yelled, “Hank! Alan and Jessica are here with Ruthie!”
Seconds later, Hank appeared in the doorway, holding Conor. His grin matched his wife’s, something Alan noted. “You two are loving this grandparenting gig.”
His mom didn’t hesitate. “So much!” She stepped closer and asked, “Can I hold her?”
Alan looked over at me with raised eyebrows, like he was asking my permission.
Yeah, like I was going to tell the woman no.
“Of course.”
Instead of reaching for Ruthie, she went to the sink and squirted some soap onto her palms, saying, “Jade already informed us we were to wash our hands if we wanted to hold the newborn,” as she lathered the soap in her hands.
Jade was unapologetic. “I work in a hospital; I see things.”
“Absolutely. Better safe than sorry,” Mrs. Callahan replied as she dried off with a paper towel.
“When does she get her shots?” Jade asked me.
“She has an appointment next week.”
Tears filled Mrs. Callahan’s eyes when Alan carefully placed Ruthie in her arms.
“Oh, sweet girl,” she cooed as she stared down at Ruthie’s face. “You are going to be so loved. Grandma Denise is going to spoil you and your cousin Conor rotten.”
****
Alan
“Rotten seems a little excessive, Mom.”
My mom didn’t even look at me; she kept her attention laser-focused on the baby in her arms. Her expression was animated when she reiterated to Ruthie, “Spoiled. Rotten.”
Ruthie seemed enraptured with Mom’s wide eyes and smiling face and cooed in response—to my mother’s absolute delight.
“Grandma Denise is going to be available to babysit anytime your mommy and da—” she stopped short and looked over at me.
“Daddy,” I finished for her.
Make no mistake, I was going to be that little girl’s dad. But first things first.
I reached for Jessica’s hand and announced, “You guys seem to have things handled, I’m going to take my future bride on a proper date.”
Jess’s eyes got big. “You are?”
“Yep,” I said as I tugged her toward the door leading to the garage.
“Where are we going?”
“I don’t know; I’m not from around here. Where do you recommend?”
“Somewhere with food—I’m still starving!”
~~~~
It turned out there weren’t a lot of dinner options in Haven Springs. We could either go to the diner, the pizza place, or the Chinese restaurant. Oh, and since it was summer, Abner’s Dairy Freeze.
“What sounds good?” I asked her as I opened the truck door for her.
“That pizza smelled amazing.”
“Pizza it is.”
She paused before hoisting herself up, and I asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I—I’m not sure about going to the pizza place. I don’t want someone to see me and report back to my parents. Then they’ll think I was lying about spending time with your family.”
I understood small towns—Lancastle hadn’t been much bigger than Haven Springs when I was younger. It’d grown some—we even had a few stoplights now, but in a lot of ways it was still just as small.
“Plan B,” I announced as I closed the Chevy’s door, grabbed her hand, and we headed back to Adam and Lainey’s.
She giggled as I pulled her along but didn’t question me.
“Slight change of plans!” I announced when we walked back inside, marched past everyone in the kitchen, and into the dining room where the open boxes of pizza were.
I let go of her hand to pick up two paper plates and handed her one before selecting three pieces of pepperoni pizza.
She grabbed one slice of cheese, and I asked, “That’s all you’re eating?
” Before she could answer, I shook my head and plopped another slice onto her plate.
“You’re a nursing mother trying to plan a wedding in two weeks and work at the bakery. You’ve got to keep your strength up.”
“And an extra slice of pizza’s going to do that?” she quipped.
“Well… it’s a start. Maybe we can go get milkshakes afterward.”
That made her giggle again and I realized how much I liked the sound.
I lowered my voice and told her, “You grab the napkins, I’ll grab the sodas, and let’s sneak out the sliding glass door.”
“Where are we going?”
“On a picnic.”
****
Jessica
Sitting next to Alan under the stars in Brian’s backyard was probably the most romantic thing I’d ever done.
We laughed and talked about our childhoods—which were vastly different. In addition to him being the oldest and I was the baby, he’d had a lot more freedom as a teenager than I’d had. Heck, more than I had as an adult woman with a child.
“So, it’s just you and Adam?”
“Just us two boys. I think growing up, we were both hellions in our own ways, but fortunately for my mother we weren’t hellions together. There was too big an age difference between us. What about you? How many siblings?”
“Well, I told you about my sister, Mary. She’s four years older than me. And my three older brothers: Andruw is five years older, Dale—seven, and Aaron is nine years older. I think I was an ‘oops’ baby.”
Alan chuckled. “I think Adam might have been one, too. Either that, or I was. I know your sister’s in Savannah, are your brothers in Haven Springs?”
“No. They all went to college, got married, and never came back. I don’t see them very often—just the major holidays where they conveniently don’t have to go to church.”
He smirked. “So not Christmas and Easter.”
“No, they come on Christmas Day, but we usually attend Christmas Eve service. And if they come on Easter, it’s in the afternoons, after we’ve gotten home from church.”
He chewed thoughtfully before swallowing and asking, “I’m just curious… why was your sister excommunicated?”
“I think a couple of reasons. One, she made a point of saying she was leaving the church, whereas my brothers just quietly stepped away. But the gender inequality in the religion really bothered her, so she wanted to take a stand. And, probably proving her point—there seems to be a different standard for what the church will tolerate from women versus men.”
“Yeah, I can’t imagine they’d sign off on a woman over fifty marrying a twenty-two-year-old man.”
I huffed out a laugh, thinking about how they would have no problem if Kevin had married me. “No, they definitely would not.”
“So, what about you?” he asked. “Are you going to keep going to church once we’re married?”
“You probably don’t want to go with me, huh?”
My question seemed to surprise him, because he pulled his neck back and furrowed his brows before replying, “Hell, I don’t even attend mass now. But, I mean, if it’s important to you, I’d go with you, as long as you realize I’m not interested in converting.”
“I’d like it if we went at least once together. So, people know you’re real, and I didn’t slink off in shame with a made-up husband. Plus, it’d be important to my parents so they can save face that their sinner daughter was redeemed through marriage.”
“Can I just say, I hate that you’ve been made to feel like you’re bad for having Ruthie. I mean, look at her—she’s a freaking angel. How can anyone say you’re a sinner for bringing her into this world?”
I shrugged. “Because I fornicated without being married.”
“Of course you did. You’re a vibrant twenty-two-year-old woman who has needs.”
“Yeah, well, it wasn’t exactly like Jon had any interest in meeting those needs…” I felt my eyes go wide and I slapped my hand over my mouth when I realized what I’d just admitted. I pulled my hand away and said, “I’m so sorry. That was crude.”
His mouth hitched, and he leaned closer to murmur against my ear, “That’s not something you’ll ever have to worry about with me. You know, if you decide you want this marriage to be in more than name only.”
I think my gulp was audible before I asked, “Shouldn’t that be a mutual decision?”
“Sure. But you already know how I feel. I don’t care how slow we have to go, but I want to give this marriage a real shot.” He paused before continuing, “And I don’t want to go into it already planning to get divorced.”
I wanted that, too. More than anything. But I couldn’t allow myself to believe someone like him would really want to be with someone like me.
“But we’re so different,” I whispered.
“Only because you haven’t had the chance to experience the world. I want to be by your side when you do—not as your keeper, but as your partner. And I want to be Ruthie’s dad.”
I stared up at this handsome man offering to stand by my side and help me raise my daughter, and my heart felt like it might explode from happiness.
Still, I couldn’t help but try to sabotage it for some reason.
“I thought we were getting to know each other these next couple weeks.”
“What do you think we’re doing right now, darlin’?”
I stared at him for a beat, at war with myself.
One side said he was too good to be true, the other side said shut the hell up and enjoy it.
Finally, I said, “Okay. But I have a condition.” I didn’t wait for him to ask me what it was before forging on.
“I think we should include kissing while we get to know each other.”
The corners of his eyes crinkled as he ran the backs of his fingers along my jawline. “You don’t have to tell me twice, baby.” Then he leaned down and softly kissed my lips.
And I knew in that moment, I was in over my head. He said he wanted to be my partner, but what did I have to offer a man like him? This was not going to end well for me.