Chapter Seventy-One
Jessica
Monday morning, I dragged my feet packing up, and even whined, “Are you sure you have to go to Vermont on Wednesday? Can’t it wait another week?”
Alan smiled and leaned down to kiss my cheek. “I wish it could, babe. I hate having to cut things short, too.”
If nothing else, I was persistent. “I mean, did you tell them you just got married? Surely they’d understand that and give some more time! What if Ruthie starts crawling while you’re gone?”
He chuckled at my lame attempt to keep him from going.
“If our two-month-old starts crawling while I’m gone, I will be amazed.”
“She’s staying awake longer, so you never know... and the book says she should start recognizing familiar faces now. Not a good time to be leaving us.”
He scowled. “Trust me, I’m not happy about this, either. But it can’t be helped. I promise we’ll come back here as soon as I return.”
I could tell he was as upset as me, if not more, that he had to go, so I decided to quit with the guilt trip.
“On the bright side, Lainey’s happy I’ll be back at the bakery Wednesday afternoon.”
“You decided you’re going to keep working there?”
“Absolutely.”
“What about school?”
“Well, it’s too late to get accepted anywhere for the fall semester, and to be honest, Ruthie’s too little anyway.”
He nodded his head like he agreed but didn’t say anything more before I continued, “I think I could probably start a junior college in January. I only need twelve credits to finish my associate’s degree—if they take my credits from PCO. And maybe I could do most of that online.”
“Let me know if you need me to do anything.”
“I will.” I paused and asked, “Do you care if I run down to the water one last time?”
“No, go ahead. We’ve got plenty of time.”
I ventured out the back door, past our tiny walled-in patio area, and through the gate leading to the beach.
I still couldn’t believe that he—we, as he liked to remind me—had a place on the ocean.
It was like a fairy tale.
Then I saw his house in Lancastle.
****
Alan
“Are you freaking kidding me?” Jess exclaimed as we waited for the gate at the end of my driveway to open.
“I travel a lot, and I like having an extra layer of security.”
We drove through the gate and rounded the curve so the house came into view.
“Shut the front door! This is not your house.”
“No,” I corrected, “it’s our house.”
“This is—” she stammered. “How on earth—” and finally, she sputtered, “You have to got to be joking.”
“Give it a chance. I think you’ll like it. I got the same nursery furniture we have in Haven Springs so Ruthie will feel comfortable. And you can redecorate however you want. You have carte blanche.”
“I’m sure the décor is amazing, Alan. That’s not the point.”
“What’s the point, then?”
“This is a freaking mansion!”
“Well, babe—I am a builder. I think people would be suspicious if I didn’t live in a place like this.”
“Oh.” She chewed her bottom lip while she thought about it. “I hadn’t considered that.”
“It’s got plenty of room for Ruthie and…” I trailed off without finishing my sentence.
“And?” she pressed.
“I don’t know. Ruthie’s siblings? Pets? Whatever we want.”
Her eyes grew wide. “You want Ruthie to have siblings?”
I shrugged. “Well, yeah. Someday. Don’t you?”
“I—I guess.”
“The point is, I built this place intending to raise my family here—however many kids that means. If Ruthie’s our only child, then that’s fine.”
Although as the words came out of my mouth, it didn’t feel fine in my gut. I’d always wanted a big family.
As the garage door came up, she quietly observed, “This is something we probably should have talked about before we got married, huh?”
“We don’t have to talk about it right now.”
Considering her reaction, I’d actually rather not.
I shut the van off and reached for the door handle but stopped when she asked, “How many kids were you thinking?”
“I don’t know. It’s a seven-bedroom house, so however many we want.”
“That doesn’t answer my question. When you envisioned raising your family here, how many kids did you imagine?”
“Four,” I blurted out. Then I elaborated in a quieter voice, “Two boys and two girls.”
Her smile was soft when she touched my arm. “That’s what I’ve always envisioned, too.”
I’m going to have a future with this woman.
It felt real.
Which only made the pit in my stomach feel larger.
My brother was right—I should have fucking told Jess about my “contract work” before we got married. I knew it was too late, now.
The best I could hope for was to slip into wherever the government was sending me, then get the hell out as fast as I could with the enemy and my wife being none the wiser.
The stakes had never been higher, but then again I’d never been in love before, either.
****
Jessica
The house—let’s be real, mansion—in Lancastle was as beautiful inside as it was out. Alan said I could redecorate if I wanted, but there wasn’t a thing I would change.
It was like I belonged there.
Which was scary. I’d always thought I’d raise Ruthie in South Haven, but now I wasn’t so sure. I could see a family with him in that house.
And I knew I’d want us all to have the same last name—including Ruthie.
After he gave me the tour of the house, we sat outside in the loungers by the pool, and I asked, “Are there any colleges near Lancastle?”
“Sure. Both Boston College and UMass have satellite campuses in South Lancastle. And there’s a community college in Merryville, about fifteen miles east of Lancastle.” He tilted his head. “Why?”
“It’s good to keep my options open.”
A slow grin formed on his face. “You always want to have options.”
“Where in Vermont are you going?”
“Um”—he nervously looked away—“just outside of Essex.”
“I’ve never been to Vermont.”
Was that too obvious a hint?
Apparently not, because he answered, “It’s nice. A lot cooler than North Carolina, that’s for sure. I’ll probably have to take a couple of sweatshirts for the evenings.”
“Are you going to be working the whole time you’re there?”
“The whole time. Probably sixteen hour days.”
I made a face. “Really? You’re going to be that busy?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Doing what?”
“You know. Paperwork. Permits. Meeting with officials and investors.”
“Sixteen hours a day, for two weeks?”
“Well, I could work less every day, but then I’d be gone longer.”
I laughed. “No, don’t do that.”
“That’s what I thought, too. And the worst part is the cell service there is spotty, so I’m not sure I’ll even be able to call you while I’m there.”
“What if Ruthie and I went with you? That way we’d at least be able to see you—”
He didn’t let me finish before he declared, “No!”
No?
My surprise must have shown on my face, because his tone was softer when he tried to backpedal. “It wouldn’t be any fun for you.”
“I mean, I’m sure Ruthie and I could find things to keep us busy while you worked.”
“I wouldn’t be able to concentrate because I’d be worried about you guys, and what you were doing. And besides, isn’t Lainey expecting you at the bakery?”
His reasons for not wanting us to go with him sounded sketchy, and I had to wonder if there was something else going on.
But like the good girl that I was, I simply replied, “Okay,” and let it go at that.