Chapter 16
MATEO
“Rise and shine, sleepyhead. Let’s go get those waves.”
“Ugh. No,” I grunted, burying my head under a pillow.
“I made coffee,” Rob singsonged. “I even put some in a thermos.”
More grunting and grumbling. Rob chuckled softly and began rummaging around the room. I could hear water running, drawers opening and closing, and feel the dip in the mattress as he sat beside me to tie his shoes.
I peeked over the covers and sighed. “What time is it?”
“Six a.m.”
“Sss early.”
“I hate to remind you, but this was your idea.” Rob tugged at the duvet and swatted my ass. “Let’s do this.”
The sun was just beginning to make an appearance as we traversed the stairway leading to the beach, armed with our boards, wet suits, towels, and two thermoses.
The sky was gunmetal gray, the sand was cold, and the November breeze wasn’t for the faint of heart.
Nonetheless, a handful of surfers had beat us there.
I dropped our gear and motioned for Rob to turn so I could zip his suit. “Do you need a refresher lesson or any pointers…like stay away from the jetty and try not to drown?”
“Helpful. Thanks.” Rob furrowed his brow as he peered out to sea. “I went out one morning last week and wasn’t too terrible. Only fell off my board ten times.”
I chuckled. “Not bad. To be honest, I may not do much better. I haven’t been out here in a while.”
“Ah, maybe we should have a contest to see who falls off the least. Loser buys breakfast.”
“So…you’re basically inviting me to breakfast. Did I get that right?”
Rob rolled his eyes. “No, you’re buying.”
“We’ll see about that.”
Surfing was one of those quirky sports that involved intense core and leg strength yet could still be incredibly relaxing…if you weren’t toppling into the ocean every time you attempted to stand on your board.
I gave Rob credit for resilience. He wasn’t a quitter. No matter how many times he ate it, he jumped back on.
Take now, for example.
The dude wrestling his board into submission sported a big-ass grin after being tossed into the ocean…
again. If I hadn’t known better, I’d think he’d just won a surfing competition, but I’d witnessed him lose his balance and plunge into the ocean over and over this morning.
He was either a glutton for punishment, or he truly enjoyed falling.
“Did you see that last run?” Rob shook his head, spraying me with ocean water.
I fixed him with a death glare I had no hope of maintaining when he smiled like a kid in a candy store. I huffed instead and motioned for him to turn so I could help unzip his wetsuit. “I saw everything. You’ve already improved.”
“Thanks. I stayed on for a whole twenty seconds.” Rob peeled his suit off his arms and chest before flopping onto the towel I’d spread out.
“Not bad.” I handed him a thermos. “I forgot how much I like being out here first thing in the morning.”
Rob leaned into my side. “It’s nice, huh?”
“What’s even nicer is knowing that you’re buying breakfast.”
He tried to glare but chuckled instead.
We headed north on Highway 1 toward Santa Cruz in search of pancakes at a diner Rob had been to recently. The sun had broken through wispy white clouds, painting the hillsides a golden hue and sprinkling the Pacific with a shimmery sheen. Damn, it was a beautiful day.
Rob sweet-talked the hostess into a prime window seat with a glorious ocean view. We ordered immediately and thanked our waiter for the speedy arrival of our coffee. I sipped mine, unable to keep the grin from spreading across my face.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing, just…I feel like I’m playing hooky,” I admitted.
He waggled his brows. “Did you do that often?”
“Yeah, right,” I scoffed. “I couldn’t get away with anything like that. My teachers were Dad’s customers. The idea that one of them might come by for a slice of pizza after school and asked how I was feeling would have killed the fun.”
“You make it sound like your dad was a hard-ass. I remember him being very chill, super friendly.”
“Oh, he was. My dad was…a little bit of everything. He was funny and smart, but he was intense too, and like I’ve said before, he was old-fashioned. It was his way or the highway. That’s not a knock on him. That’s just…how things were in our family.”
“Do you ever think you’d want to be a parent?”
I wrinkled my nose. “Yeah, maybe. I think I’d be good at it.”
“I do too.”
“You do?” I cocked my chin. “What makes you say that?”
“You’re patient and—”
“I am not patient.” I snorted.
“You are. I’ve seen you deal with kids on sugar highs and cranky octogenarians like Mr. Smith.
You know people. As far as I can remember, your dad was like that too.
” He sipped his coffee and continued. “I used to get a slice every Tuesday for lunch at eleven thirty. I’d go early to avoid running into a crowd, and he’d save me a seat. ”
“Really?”
Rob inclined his head. “My favorite spot was the corner table by the window. I’d leave a book or a hat or a jacket there to claim it while I ordered, but obviously that didn’t always work out.
I wasn’t great at Plan Bs, so if I lost out, I’d get my pizza to go.
Your dad noticed. He started leaving a ball cap on the table for me.
The first time he did it, I figured it was a to-go day till your dad told me to sit down.
He said, ‘I saved your seat.’ He didn’t make a big deal out of it.
In fact, I don’t even think he made eye contact.
He just pointed to the corner table and motioned for the guy behind me to step up to the counter. ”
I grinned. “That sounds like Dad.”
“It sounds like you too.”
“We’ve got two pancake towers, eggs and bacon on the side! Can I get you some more coffee, gentlemen?”
We thanked the server, both asked for refills, then tucked into our breakfasts.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten pancakes and was about to say so, if just to move on from an uncomfortable topic. Instead, I blurted, “I miss him every day.”
Whoa. What the fuck?
Rob frowned. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“No, it’s okay. I don’t know why I said that. It’s been a couple of years. It still hurts, but…I can talk about it without getting angry.”
“Angry? Why angry?”
I crunched into a piece of bacon and shrugged.
“So many reasons. He was too young, I wasn’t ready to let go, I was pissed at being left to deal with more shit than I was capable of handling, I was worried about Ma, and on top of all that, I had this beef with Dad that he knew nothing about.
And that right there is a boatload of TMI, but you asked for it.
Don’t feel too special, though. I’ve been feeding this shit to my therapist for years. ”
Rob sighed, shaking his head in mild censure. “You’re the prickliest asshole I’ve ever met, and I’ve met quite a few.”
“Thanks.”
“Since I shouldn’t feel special about your candor, do you mind if I ask if your beef was about coming out?”
“It was one of the things I struggled with…yeah. I’m an only child…
only son. That right there is a lot of pressure.
I was expected to be my father’s mini me—uphold the family name and maybe, do something more.
Dad used to talk about expanding the business.
He and Uncle Sal had their eye on the candy store and—”
“So that’s why you hated me!”
“I did not hate you,” I huffed. “I was rightfully pissed about your pizza bagels.”
“Sure.” Rob trailed a forkful of pancakes and eggs through his syrup.
“And maybe I was a little disappointed. It was one more thing I didn’t pull off.”
“What do you mean?”
I glanced briefly out the window. “I wanted what you had. I wanted to play football, make a lot of money, come home and help expand the family business. For my dad. But football…”
“Didn’t work out for you,” he finished.
The sentence hung between us like a bubble I could pop and forget. He knew the answer, but he wouldn’t pester me for details I didn’t want to share. I’d learned that much about Rob. But if he could share bleak episodes, I should be able to do the same.
“Yeah. I lasted five months in Tennessee. Wasn’t good enough. What worked for me in college didn’t translate in the pros. It was a hard pill to swallow,” I admitted.
“That sucks.”
“It did. I felt like I’d let everyone down…my dad, my coach, the whole town. I could’ve stuck it out, but my uncle got sick, and my family needed me here.” I inhaled then slowly released the air from my lungs. “I also met someone in San Francisco and thought I was…”
“In love?” he supplied.
“Something like that. It wasn’t love, though. It was an unhealthy secret that made me feel almost as sad and defeated as losing my shot at the pros.”
“I’ve been there. I had a mutually beneficial arrangement with someone deeper in the closet than I was. I thought that was a good thing at the time, but I wouldn’t do it again.”
“Me either.” I scrubbed my hand over my stubbled jaw. “He was a corporate lawyer, a little older, and bi. I was his low-risk experiment ’cause neither of us was out. But then he met a girl who fit the suburban lifestyle-dream he’d been spoon-fed his whole life, and boom, that was the end of me.”
“Ouch.”
“Meh, he did me a favor. My dad had his first heart attack a month after I’d come home for good.
I try to remember that for all the things that didn’t work out the way I hoped, I was still in the right place when it mattered most. It’s enough to make me believe that I’m where I’m supposed to be now.
” I shoveled a big bite into my mouth to make myself shut up.
“Like fate.”
“Hmph. Who knows?” I was anxious to drop the subject and talk about something easy like the episode of Sherlock Holmes we’d watched a couple of nights ago, but I had one more thing to add. “It might be the same for you. Maybe you were always supposed to come back to Haverton.”
“And open a shop next to yours.”
“So I could kick your ass at a bake-off.”
Rob threw his head back and guffawed. “You know, I was beginning to think you were kind of a softie, but no…you’re still an asshole.”
“Yeah, yeah. Are we watching Sherlock Holmes tonight? You fell asleep in the middle of the last episode.”
“I did not fall asleep.”
“You were snoring.”
“I was snoring? Me?” He gaped incredulously. “Have you heard yourself? You sound like a gorilla with a cold.”
“A gorilla with a cold? That’s your comeback? C’mon, baby. You can do better than that.”
And just like that, I’d singlehandedly sucked the air out of the room.
I opened my mouth, a casual brush-off on the tip of my tongue to erase the renegade “baby,” but something in Rob’s eyes stopped me.
He liked it.
He liked me.
Butterflies fluttered in my chest, and I had a sudden urge to touch him—hold his hand, bump his knee under the table. A small gesture, a leap of faith.
I liked Rob’s dry sense of humor and the way his eyes lit up when he talked about people he cared about. I liked that he wasn’t afraid to discuss past struggles or credit the people and places who’d influenced him. I liked that he could make vulnerability seem like strength…not weakness.
So, for the first time in years, I set my protective armor aside and let myself connect with someone new. And somehow, I knew without asking that I wasn’t alone.