Chapter 41
Theodore
She’s not coming. There’s no point in spending the night here with Mr. Davies, who I’m helping inspect all the seats in the audience for gum, still in my Romeo clothes; I promised Aya I would make sure all the costumes would be returned in pristine conditions, since three of the cast left in a rush wearing them, for obvious reasons. My grandparents are waiting for me at the café down the street, as I told them there was something I needed to do before we could go to dinner. I didn’t explain the details, only that there’s a good chance Dafne might not forgive me. Grandpa would probably kick me in the shins if he knew the real magnitude of the mess I made. I might have left out a few details during our last conversation about her.
“You make up for whatever it is, you hear me son? Heaven knows how many times your grandmother forgave me for being a licensed idiot.”
It’s what Grandma said me that really got to me, though .
“I don’t know what happened, darling, but I’m sure you’ll be able to make amends for it. You do know we are proud of the man you are, right? A man that can recognize his failings is worth more than a man who owns millions, never forget that. And look at you!
“My grandson is the most brilliant actor I’ve ever seen, my word.” She patted my cheek and left on Grandpa’s arm.
I don’t know if it’s everything that’s happened in the last few days, but as I watched them go, it finally struck me.
I could be a shite actor and it wouldn’t make any difference to them. They’d still love me to pieces.
I know I’ve come a long way, but there’s still a lot of work I need to do on myself. Learning how to manage the work, and the stress, and the expectations that I ingrained into my own head that I needed to meet doesn’t happen overnight. Still, if in their eyes I kept my promise, then there’s one more thing I need to do.
Unfortunately, it looks like it’s too late.
I get a text from Devon telling me Oliver will be discharged soon and will just need to rest. I’m grateful Oliver will be fine, but still no word comes from Dafne.
She’s not coming back. I have to accept that I blew it.
I look in the sound technician’s direction where he graciously waited for me in the sound booth and make a cut-throat gesture. He raises his arms in exasperation .
I turn to go backstage, but someone emerges from the darkness beyond the burgundy tents, eyes glossy and flushed cheeks, a jacket over her Juliet dress.
“They’re lovely,” Dafne says quietly as she makes her way to the proscenium, twirling a bouquet of roses and white tulips in both hands.
Grandma once told me white tulips symbolise forgiveness. And roses … well. I can’t believe she’s actually here, and I swallow the emotion.
“I’m glad you like them,” I reply, my mouth suddenly dry. I left them in her dressing room a few minutes before the show, when I was sure she wouldn’t go back; I didn’t want them to upset her before she got on stage.
I slowly make my way up the stepladder and ask, “Have you read the note?”
She shakes her head, avoiding my gaze.
“Can I read it to you?”
That makes her raise her eyes to mine, full of weariness and something I could swear is longing, but I don’t let myself hope. As we come to stand a foot apart on stage, she unclips the note from within the flowers and hands it to me, careful to avoid touching me. That’s when I know I won’t get another chance.
“ I am no pilot, yet wert thou as far as that vast shore wash’d with the furthest sea, I should adventure for such wonder ,” I start reading Romeo’s words, to which I’ve made some changes.
“ And were I to take thy hand once more, I shan’t ever relinquish it,” I go on, taking a tentative step towards her. She doesn’t move. “ For I wasn’t able to make it known before, that –Dafne,” I take my eyes off the note and place a finger under her chin so she looks at me.
“I’m in love with you.”
She bats her eyes rapidly, a sheen of tears in her lovely eyes.
“I want you, and they’re not just pretty words.” I cradle her face in my palms, and she lets me.
“How can you be sure?” she asks.
“Because I see you. And I like all of it. All the time.”
She shakes her head.
“I can’t take what I’ve done back. All I can do is tell you how deeply sorry I am for taking your feelings for granted and making that stupid bet–”
“It’s not just the bet, Theodore. Don’t get me wrong, that was despicable and I am so angry about you lying to me, but … there’s a reason you went through with it, isn’t there?”
“It’s different now,” I promise.
“It’s different, until it’s not,” she sighs. “Until I get a role on the West End, or on a tv show, and you begrudge me for it. Because I’m afraid you might love acting more than you could love anything else, and I can’t be with someone I can’t trust with everything I am. Someone who won’t put their pride aside–who won’t wear their love for me on their sleeve. I won’t make myself smaller. Not for you or anyone else. ”
I let out out a shaky breath, refusing to let go of her.
“I’ve made a mistake. I’ve made dozens of mistakes, and I will spend however long it takes to make that right, if you’ll let me. But Dafne, you have to know. I want you to have the success you deserve. I want to be in the audience when you win your first bloody BAFTA ! I want my phone to melt from all the pictures of billboards with your face on it I’m going to take. I want everyone to know that this belongs to you,” I say with a hand over my heart.
“All the time I spent feeling jealous is time I could have spent working on me. The truth is I’m a work in progress, Daf, and I’ve finally realised I can’t promise you perfection, and I can’t promise some days will not be harder than others for me. But I can promise to give you my all. I’m not Noah. I’m just someone who made the wrong call, and all I ask is that you trust me one last time.
I meant what I said. You are a star. And you don’t need anyone’s permission to shine. You certainly don’t need mine.”
She’s looking at me intently now, as if she were deciding whether I’m being truthful. I don’t think I’ve been more honest in my life.
“As for the Ethan situation,” I resume, stroking her cheekbones lightly, hoping she understands how deep my regret is. “It was stupid and immature. I didn’t have it in me, to face the facts. And the facts were that you are amazing in every possible way, and I was afraid, and selfish. I will never be the man that doesn’t step up for you again. Let me prove it to you.”
She wets her lips, and ever so slowly, she raises her hands to cradle my own as they hold her lovely face.
“If we’re going to do this, I have a few conditions,” she says after a while, and my heart gallops in my chest.
“Anything.”
“No more lies. I mean it.”
“You got it.”
“No more following Devon’s idiotic plans.”
“Done.”
“Kiss me.”
She doesn’t have to ask me twice. I close the distance between us and she holds onto my back.
This kiss–it tastes like possibility. And if she always kisses me like this, I know I will be fine.
I faintly remember I was supposed to make some sort of signal upwards when the music starts echoing through the theatre.
Dafne detaches herself from me with a wobbly smile. “ Songbird ,” she breathes, as her favourite song envelops us. I shoot the sound technician a grateful look.
“Care for a dance, my lady?” I bow to the waist.
She rolls her eyes and takes my hand so I can spin her around in a twirl before pulling her close.
“Theo?” she whispers after a little while, her nose brushing mine.
“Hmm? ”
“I think we have company.”
We both turn our heads over to the audience, only to find a besotted Mr. Davies looking at us with eyes shiny with unshed tears. We both break into a laugh, and he goes back to swiping the floor.
“Oh, uh,” I start, not daring to break contact with her, “would you like to meet my grandparents?” I ask, suddenly remembering I left the poor souls without giving them further instructions. Although knowing my grandmother she’s probably ordered her third Coca Cola by now.
The skin around Dafne’s eyes crinkles as she flashes me a big, beautiful smile.
“I’d love to,” she confirms before cupping my face in both hands. “And even though you drive me mad , I love you.”
She shakes her head lightly as if she were surrendering to the fact. And I think that’s what I needed to do all along. Surrender.
“Like never before,” she repeats the words to the song that just finished playing.
I feel so light I could soar.