Chapter Twenty
CREW
My fingers slip through Monroe’s silky center like a blade through butter.
She’s so soft and so warm that I’m barely keeping it together.
There’s so much building inside me, that voice in my head telling me to pillage, to control, to dominate, but I’m determined to be different for this girl, take things slower, and that surprises the hell out of me.
I don’t want to fuck Monroe like I’d fuck a plaything.
She’s nothing like them, and I’m realizing I want something completely different with her.
It has to be different because she’s different, special.
Even if I don’t understand any of this, even if I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, and I’m probably going to fuck it up, I have to try. She’s worth it.
My hands tremble as I gently slip my finger down to her pussy, dipping through her wetness and dragging it up to her needy clit.
I can’t explain why I’m nervous as hell, other than fear of fucking it all up.
I just want to make her feel good, I know I’m good at that, but I don’t know how to be anything other than a fucking Heathen. To be anything other than Malice.
She continues to play the piano, her fingers gliding over the keys, in an uncoordinated and distracted fashion.
Fucking hell, she’s so goddamn perfect. I love the feel of her in my arms like this.
Her back against my chest settles my breathing, and I relax slightly, focusing on bringing her right to the edge.
I tease her slowly, delicately slipping my finger through her arousal, painting my finger with her cum, my other arm gently stroking up and down her thigh.
She drops her head backward, lifting her hips slightly as I tease and play with her swollen little clit.
I bury my head in her hair, breathing in her sweet scent, filling my lungs with everything that’s her.
I shift us slightly, spreading her legs wider to give me better access.
Then I’m lining my middle finger up with her hole.
Wetness drips from her center as I gently rim my finger around her silky opening, before sliding it home.
Monroe immediately squeezes around me, her walls fluttering and flexing.
She’s warm velvet, a softness I don’t deserve.
“Fuck, you’re so tight, squeezing around my fingers so good, pixie.” My mouth finds her neck, kissing and nipping lightly as I slowly start to fuck her with my finger. I’ve never felt something so goddamn tight before, my finger barely fitting inside her.
“Is this okay?”
“Crew,” she whines. “I’m—” I nuzzle further into her neck, holding myself back from taking a bite right out of her.
“You’re what? Words, pixie. I need them.” I may not be good with words myself, but I’m even worse at guessing how someone feels, guessing the truth. I need to hear them.
“I’m a virgin. I’ve never done anything like this before.”
My fingers stop in their tracks. She’s a virgin?
That fact does something to me. Something carnal.
Tapping into something deep and forbidden.
I can teach her so many things about pleasure and her body.
Things she has no idea are even possible.
And to be the only person who’s ever had her like this?
But why the hell would she choose to give herself to a monster like me?
That’s sacred, right? Girls like to hold onto that for men who are deserving of it.
I’m not deserving of this privilege. Fuck, is it different with a virgin?
Do I have to do anything different? I’m half-tempted to pull out my phone and ask my biker besties for some tips, but then Monroe snuggles back against me, pulling my attention out of my head and back on her.
I get to fuck her, and no one else has? A smile toys at my lips.
“Fuck.” My heart hammers in my chest, my cock throbbing against my zipper at her words.
“No one’s ever touched you like this before?
” I ask as I resume my strokes, staying shallow, before pulling out completely and sliding back up to her clit.
Her back bows the moment I caress it, and I know she’s close.
“Only you, Crew. Only you,” she moans as her fingers stutter over the keys of the piano.
“I wish you knew what that does to my head. I don’t deserve you. You’re too perfect, and kind, and bright.”
“You-oh, god,” she moans as I press a circle on the tender, needy spot between her legs. “You deserve everything you want.”
“All I want is you, pixie.”
I press down on her clit, giving her just enough pressure as my lips kiss their way up her neck to her ear again.
“Come for me, pretty girl. I want you to let go and see the stars.” Monroe comes as if she were waiting for my request. Her legs shake as her back arches, her ass pressing further onto my aching, hard cock.
Her hands fall from the piano, gripping both my wrists, her nails biting into my flesh.
It’s a sight to behold, and I’ll replay it over and over again.
When she comes down, she sags against me, and I wrap my arms around her stomach, not wanting to let her go.
“You play beautifully, pixie, especially when you’re coming on my fingers.”
“Mmm,” she hums.
“You really are incredible.”
“So are you.”
“I’m glad you think so, that’s all that matters to me.” I turn her around in my lap, letting her legs fall together so she’s sitting sideways. My hand around her back holds her close to me, my free hand pushing the hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. “You’re really a virgin?”
“I know that probably sounds crazy and unbelievable. Time just kind of went on without me, and I became stagnant.”
I know from her file that I took from George’s office that Monroe is twenty-eight. It’s unexpected that she’s never had an intimate experience before, but I’m not mad about it. I love being the only man who’s ever had the privilege of touching her. I only hope I can live up to her expectations.
I pull her close, cradling her head, my fingers gently running through her hair.
Monroe’s eyes flutter closed as I massage her scalp, but they pop open the moment my fingers brush over a raised, tight portion of her head.
Rage bubbles up quickly, and I have to crack my neck from side to side to try to keep it at bay and keep my voice steady.
“Monroe, what is this? Who hurt you?” I practically growl. She bites her bottom lip, her eyes glassy as she looks up at me through her eyelashes.
“You remember that guy who was talking to me at Between the Notes?”
“Did he hurt you? I’ll fucking kill him. When?”
Her hand falls to my bare chest, fingers lightly scratching up and down, slowing my heart rate with just her touch.
“No, no, no, he didn’t hurt me, he’s never touched me.
Well, except for that day you caught him grabbing me.
” I relax some, but not much. This scar is huge, long and deep, and on her fucking skull. This was no little thing.
“Will you talk to me? My brain is doing really fucked-up things right now.”
Monroe shifts in my lap, putting her legs on either side of my thighs so she’s straddling me.
Knowing this can’t be comfortable for her on this small bench, I stand with her in my arms and move us to her bed.
She doesn’t have a couch in her tiny house, so this will have to do.
I lean against the headboard, dropping her little ass in my lap.
My hands stay low on her waist, my eyes on her pretty, freckled face.
“Is this okay?” I ask her, wanting her to be comfortable, trying my damndest to be a better man for this woman.
“It’s perfect, Crew.”
“Tell me what that scar is, pixie? Please.”
Monroe takes a deep breath and then starts opening up to me.
“Right before my senior year of high school, my best friend, Nora, and I snuck out of her house to go meet with her boyfriend and his friend. Her boyfriend’s name was Tyler.
Zach, the guy being an asshole, that’s his identical twin brother.
It’s hard to look at him without seeing Tyler’s face, without wondering what he would look like now.
Tyler had just gotten his license, and his parents got him this shitty-ass Honda Civic he was so proud of, and Nora was excited to have someone to drive us around.
She was so full of life. We’d been best friends since kindergarten, and I was convinced she was going to do huge things with her life.
” Tears start to fall from her eyes, and my chest starts to hurt, a painful stab behind my breastbone.
“Anyway, we snuck out one night and got in Tyler’s car with his friend Javier and headed to Lookout Lake.
I put my seatbelt on, but no one else wore theirs.
I tried to tell Nora a few times to buckle up, but she was so happy to be out that she just wasn’t paying attention, or just didn’t care.
We were teenagers, being stupid and careless.
It wasn’t her fault, and I should have tried harder to make sure she was safe.
Tyler was speeding, and I grabbed Nora’s hand in the middle of the seat.
None of it felt right, from the very beginning.
I just had this feeling in the pit of my stomach like something was wrong, Crew.
I told Tyler to slow down, and the next thing I knew, we hit this massive elk and then started to flip down the side of the mountain. ”